My dear little broccolisđź’šđź’šđź’š
đź’šSweetie, Let Me Give You The Daddyđź’š
"The best investment I ever made, was when I lost fifty million dollars and met the love of my life as a result of that."
‼️Rated M - {Out Of Characters/All Human/Alternate Universe}‼️
‼️Romance/Angst/Drama/Lemons‼️
‼️AS/CG/The Greys/The Steeles/José Rodriguez/Grace Grey‼️
đź’šNow, in case it wasn't clear, this will be a Christian POV story. and I know you will want Ana's PoV, but it will just be Christian.
đź’š READ & REVIEW, DON'T BE A SILENT READER đź’š
Chapter 23: Purple Hyacinth, Garnet & Midleton (8,1K)
So, this title. Garnet is the Gemstone of January. Purple hyacinths are the flowers to express remorse. And Midleton is a rare Irish whiskey.
"Daddy? Daddy? Are you sleeping?"
Christian woke up with a start, Grace poking at his arm. He blinked at his daughter, the room dark due to the curtains, though it was obvious it was well into the day. He sat up groggily, taking in Grace.
She was dressed to go out in the cold, her hair hidden by a woolly beanie, her dress hidden by her coat, her fingers tucked in gloves. He blinked several times, trying to understand what was happening. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was almost two in the afternoon, and he grimaced, feeling that he had wasted part of his day.
"Nana said I should check if you are sick. Do you have the chickenpox like I did?"
"Chickenpox, sweetie. No, I don't. I just …" He trailed off, not sure why he woke up so late and feeling so shitty about himself.
Grace started telling him that the boys and she would help Pops restore the treehouse, and a fleeting memory emerged of Carrick, Elliott and Christian struggling to build the treehouse until Grace came to help. His mother had always been the more handy parent, just like his father was the better cook.
Little Grace was trying to convince her father to help them with the abandoned treehouse, when Christian felt the blood leave his face, recalling why he was feeling so groggy. After incessant tossing, and waking her up a couple of times, Ana had insisted that he take a pill to sleep. Ana…he remembered what had happened the previous night, uselessly glancing at Ana's empty side of the bed, and he interrupted Grace talking about Jin and his upcoming trip to the US.
"Where is your mother?" He asked with urgency, fear paralysing his insides. Grace shrugged, not appreciating being cut off.
"Out. But I wasn't finished. So, Jin said he never saw the snow. So, it's good we're going back to New York for the New Year because there is no snow here. Pops says sometimes it snows, but not always.
Do you know why the snow doesn't go to some places? Because there was no snow in London either. It's not normal. The sun goes to sleep everywhere, so why doesn't the snow go everywhere?"
She looked at him expectantly, waiting for a rational answer, but he had no idea how to quickly explain the seasons and climate change to his daughter when he had no idea where her mother was.
"I'm not sure, sweetie. How long has your mother been gone?"
"Gone? Mama is not gone. She's out. She's on the swing."
Christian got out of bed, drawing the curtains open, and he saw through the window Ana sitting on the swing, her back to him. She seemed to be on the phone.
Grace walked to Christian and asked for his arms, and he took her in, kissing her cheek with love. Was this the last time he would get to hold his daughter? Was Ana on the phone with a lawyer, to get custody of his kid before he could even react? Was she arranging her return to New York? London?
He fucked up. Real bad. He fucked up to the point of no return. No amount of apologies or flowers would ever make up for what he did. He held Grace tight against him, appreciating what might be his last moments with her. If Ana asked for full custody, he wouldn't even fight her.
"Daddy, are you listening?"
"Sorry, sweetie, what did you say?"
Grace pouted, clearly not impressed by her father's lack of focus. "I said, I think Mama is sad because Uncle Jamie left. I think she wanted him to stay for the whole Christmas."
"Jamie's gone?" Grace nodded, and Christian put her down, taking his phone in his hands. He checked if he missed anything important that would justify Jamie leaving suddenly, but there was just the same few emails he usually got during this period of time.
"Are you going to work today?" Grace demanded, and Christian saw a couple of rapports that needed his attention, so he promised,
"Not much, sweetie. I'll still spend some time with you."
"Well, not now. Julian said he's going to teach me how to ride a bike. Maybe I should ask him about the snow. He is very clever, you know. He said he knows where babies come from!"
Christian nodded absentmindedly, before registering what she had said. She was already halfway through the door when he called out, "Tell Julian I said to not talk about babies!"
"Yes, daddy!" She giggled, and he could hear that she was already on the stairs, looking for her cousin. He frowned, wondering why in the hell would anyone mention anything about reproduction around Grace. He would need to have a word with his nephew.
With a shake of his head, he went to his bathroom, splashing his face with cold water as the guilt and shame of the previous night came back to him with the force of a wrecking ball, now that Grace was no longer with him.
He had monumentally fucked up. Ana did nothing but try to make him happy, giving him the thing he wanted most in the world, and he …
He sat at the windowpane, looking at Ana, who was still on the phone, talking to God knew who. Was she telling that person of his sin? Was she confiding in someone else how she had made the biggest mistake of her life going back to him? Did she tell Jose already? Or Karl? Christian doubted that neither man would have let him sleep if she had. They loved her too much to let this go unpunished. His own family would disown him if they knew. His father, his brother…his mother. What was he going to tell them?
His eyes were fixed on her chestnut hair, a few strands loose in the wind, and he noticed that unlike Grace, Ana didn't wear anything to protect herself from the cold. And she wasn't moving. She could get sick, but who was he to actually tell her anything anymore.
"You okay, son?" Carrick asked, knocking on the door slightly.
Christian wanted to lie and pretend that everything was okay, but the words caught in his throat, so he refocused his attention to Ana's back. She was no longer on the phone, slightly swinging herself as a child would do.
Carrick walked in the room, and watched through the window as well, trying to see what was bothering his son, before his eyes saw Ana, and he smiled benevolently. "Ha. Did you get in a fight?"
"Why? What did she say?" Christian panicked. Carrick laughed, tapping Christian's back as he leaned against the wall adChristiannt to the window.
"Ana? Saying something? Do you know your girlfriend? She's been the gracious guest she's always been when she comes here.
She made us pancakes, which are only getting better and better if I must say. And she promised hot cocoa and cookies for those who would help with the restoration of the treehouse. I'm sorry to tell you, we are already six on this task, you should have gotten up early if you wanted cookies."
Christian forced a smile, his eyes still on Ana who was apparently enjoying her time on the swing. He wondered why she didn't come back inside, where it was warm. Was she not comfortable being in the same house as he was? Because he would leave if it made her feel better.
"Christian…you have this face you've always had when you did something wrong," Carrick commented, and Christian admitted,
"I did."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Christian glanced at the door, not eager to talk about the atrocity he committed, and even less to have his little girl hear about it. Carrick seemed to understand and went to close the door as Christian looked back at Ana.
She was no longer on the swing but laughing with Jason as Elliott was giving her a glass of wine. He told her something that made her laugh out loud, and Christian's eyes were briefly distracted by Julian and Grace. They were holding Grace's bike, though he noticed the absence of training wheels.
He frowned, sure that Grace shouldn't try cycling without the security of the extra wheels, and Carrick commented, his hands in his pockets, "Your daughter is quite stubborn, you know. We - and by that, I mean your mother - had to remove the training wheels because apparently, and I'm sorry to break the news, Grace is not a baby."
Christian smiled slightly, not surprised that Grace would obviously try to do everything like a grownup straight away. He didn't remember being so mature at her age. Or in his youth. He watched his daughter climb on her bike, all geared up as Julian held the bike steady, standing in front of her.
For a while, father and son just watched Grace's attempts to put her feet on the pedals whilst Jose took pictures, and Christian felt a rush of guilt, shame, and pain. He should have been the one teaching Grace how to ride a bike, taking pictures, laughing with Ana whilst drinking wine.
"Christian? What happened? I can't help you if you don't tell me," Carrick called out, moving behind him, and Christian shook his head, his eyes going back to the woman he loved so much. Could he still call it love after what he did?
"She's going to leave me."
"Ana?" Carrick questioned, his voice a bit further, and Christian nodded, feeling his heart constrict at the thought. It was his fault. His own and terrible fault. "And that's why she gave you the papers that make Grace yours in every sense of the law?"
Christian blinked and turned to see his father standing by the side of his bed, holding the papers that made Grace a Grey now. He glanced around, noting that all their Christmas presents were neatly put in a wicker basket, and he wasn't even surprised. He always felt that Ana had OCD, and this was just confirming it.
"I…Dad…I did something…awful…" Christian said, not sure how to say the words.
Carrick smiled and sat on the edge of Ana's side of the bed, and he said in a conciliatory manner, "Ah, son. Don't fret. Women have this amazing and incredible capacity to forgive our words of anger. Otherwise, God knows your Mom would have left me long ago. Or killed me."
He knew his father was trying to diffuse the tension, but it did not make him feel any better. It didn't even tear a smile out of him. So, he just kept looking at the window, admitting,
"It's not something I said, though I'm pretty sure that what I said yesterday can be added to the list of grievances."
"What did you say?" Carrick inquired, clearly going with the easiest route. Christian took a deep breath, feeling awkward talking about this topic with his father, but knowing that of all people, Carrick would be the most qualified to answer, and maybe, make Ana see reason. If she miraculously decided to stay.
"I…well…we're still using condoms because she keeps refusing to make our lives easy and take the pill. And…well, I told her how it makes me feel, so she agreed to take the drug. But…the way she agreed…it felt wrong. It felt…I don't know."
"Why are you making this about you?"
"Because we are a couple, so her decision affects us both."
"Did you even bother asking her why she doesn't want to take the pill, or did you make it about how you feel?" Carrick admonished, and Christian gritted his teeth.
"It's obvious why she doesn't want to take the pill, she doesn't want to commit. The condoms, holding back saying I love you, refusing to let me spend a single penny on her. She uses anything she can think of to keep me at bay as if she's just waiting for me to fuck up so she can prove me wrong!"
Christian closed his eyes, realising that he had already fucked up and that he had given her the perfect excuse to go. He heard his father sigh from the bed, and he glanced at him, seeing him shake his head slightly before Carrick said,
"You know, it's a good thing you're moving back to Seattle. Because you clearly need advice on this whole relationship thing. First…this is all wrong, you're interpreting things all wrong, and your mother would have an ulcer if she heard your theories.
I'm not a psychiatrist, but it seems quite obvious that Ana's childhood was…different, not to say lacking. It does things to people. Can't you sympathise why it's hard for her to say certain words, or for her to depend on people?"
Christian couldn't help but roll his eyes. He did not need a shrink session…or at least, not for that. He knew that, at the end of the day, "Saying I love you has nothing to do with her past, Dad. She's just using it as a weapon against me."
Carrick shook his head again. "Your Mom pointed out something to me yesterday afternoon whilst we were singing karaoke. She has never heard Ana say I love you to anyone. Not even Grace. Is she right?"
Christian concentrated, trying to recall if he ever heard Ana say the words to anyone, but he came up empty. Still, there was one thing he knew for sure: "Ana loves Grace."
"Of course, she does. And Grace knows that, despite the lack of words. Your mother says that children that have been deprived of love grow up to go one way or the other. It's all or nothing, but I think you're getting the meaning reversed. Ana loves you, Christian. She's just subtle in the way she says it.
You're expecting words when she shows it in much more powerful ways. Like giving up the only family she has to come live in Seattle so you can be close to your own family, and your business. Like spending weeks going from shop to shop to find the perfect replicas of your many cars so you can have a collection in your office. Like struggling to find the exact same cufflinks that your grandfather had because you mentioned once upon a time that you admired how he dressed."
"When did I ever say that?" Christian mused, an eyebrow up.
"The first time you brought her here, on your birthday. I was talking to her about my father, and you lightly said you always liked how he dressed so elegantly, "epitome of gentleman fashion" you said. And she remembered that all those years to give you this little thing that would make you feel like your grandpa.
Ana loves you, Christian, she's just not used to saying the words. I guess she is one of those people for whom actions matter so much more than words."
Christian nodded, looking back at the window. Grace was wobbling on her bike, but going forward, and everyone was applauding her. Until she bumped the tree, apparently having forgotten that brakes existed. Everyone laughed around her when she got back up and tried to get on her bike again.
"Now…about the pill. You can't impose that on her, Christian. It's not about you. It's not even about you as a couple. It's about her. She's the one who's affected by this decision. Physically, chemically, hormonally. You don't have to suffer through the secondary effects, she does. She should be the only person deciding whether or not she should take the pill. You have no say in the matter."
Christian hmphed, not convinced. He had never met a woman who was so-called affected by the pill, starting with his mother. The only secondary effect he knew of, was the lack of babies. Carrick sighed heavily, before saying,
"Let me ask you a question. Let's say she takes the pill. You know it's not an exact science. So, let's say she gets pregnant. What then?"
"She doesn't want any more kids." Carrick seemed surprised by that statement, but went on,
"Okay. But if there is another surprise baby. Who will be pissed, and who will welcome the baby with open arms? Be honest."
Christian remained silent, because he knew the truth, just like his father did: he would be the one throwing a fit. He couldn't deal with another kid. "I never understood why you never got a vasectomy, Christian. You've always known about not wanting kids, and it would be much easier for you."
Once again, he didn't say a word. Somehow, it felt wrong to admit to his ob-gyn father that he would feel less of a man if he got that operation. Somehow, knowing that he could reproduce, even if he didn't want to, made him feel…more manly. Maybe it was some primal instinct, or maybe he was just being a caveman as Ana would say, but he knew that he wouldn't get the vasectomy.
Carrick moved from the bed to tap on his shoulder before he leaned against the wall so he could be facing his son, reading him like in an open book. "So, because of your ego, you're ready to impose something on the woman you love, even though you know she doesn't want to …
If it helps you make the right decision, it's always safer to unload a gun, rather than wear a bullet-proof vest. Especially if the vest makes the wearer ill. Just cover-up, and stop thinking just about you in this situation, son."
Christian nodded, never having thought of it that way. He hated that his father was making so much sense and making him feel even worse than he already did. He felt that everything beautiful Ana had given him was ruined forever. She gave him Grace and he…ruined everything being an egotistical bastard.
"Okay, so now that we've talked about the easy thing. What did you do that is so awful you think Ana, of all people, will leave you?"
Christian stayed silent for a moment, his eyes still on the window. Jose was now standing beside Ana, talking to her with an arm wrapped around her shoulders as she smiled brightly at him. Christian swallowed with difficulty and whispered, "I…I'm ashamed, Dad."
Carrick waited for Christian to go on, though Christian did not look at him, despite the intensity of his father's gaze on him. "I'm your father, Christian. There is nothing you can say that I haven't heard before."
Christian looked down on the floor, and finally confessed, "I…last night…after I saw the papers for Grace…I got carried away…and…she didn't…"
There was a deafening silence during which Christian kept his eyes on the floor as Carrick slightly moved away from the wall. Christian saw how his father tightly clenched his fist before angrily letting go of the self-imposed pressure as he asked in an accusatory whisper,
"Are you telling me that you raped Ana? The woman you claim to love. The mother of your child?!"
Christian winced at the word that he had so carefully avoided thinking about. There it was, in the open and he couldn't deny it anymore. He belonged to the odd species of creeps, the ones he had always looked down upon. He had always known about his many flaws, but he had also always known that there were some things he wouldn't stoop to. Hitting a woman or a child, mass murder, adultery, rape…
But now...now he was one of them. One of those people who had no excuses and who plagued the Earth with their very presence.
"Your mother was right. We clearly missed something in your education," Carrick coldly accused and Christian winced once again, pleading,
"Don't tell Mom."
"I don't care how you feel, Christian! Do you realise that you just admitted that you raped someone!?"
Christian nodded. That was the reason he had stopped. That was the reason Ana had to force him to take a pill to sleep. Because he knew what he did was wrong on every level. Humanly, instinctively, romantically. And yet, despite knowing that there was no absolution, he still tried to defend himself.
"I was drunk. I was not thinking clearly."
"Being drunk is not an excuse!" Carrick bellowed, disappointment and disgust echoing in his voice. But it was nothing compared to what Christian was feeling.
Carrick glanced at the window, no doubt looking for Ana, and asked, "Why is she still here?"
"Because I don't deserve her."
"Well, that's an understatement! I can't believe you…"
Carrick's voice died and shame took over Christian once more. How could he have gone so far? Still, he tried to justify himself, to prove to himself and his father that he wasn't that bad of a monster and that he was aware of what he did, even then.
"I…I stopped, you know. I thought she was in the mood at first, and…I stopped as soon as I realised she wasn't."
"You stopped?" Carrick asked, his tone changing, and Christian nodded, his eyes still cast downward.
"What did she say?"
"What does it matter? As soon as we're back home, she'll pack up and take Grace back to New York, or London." He paled. He didn't want to lose either of them.
"It matters because she knows better than anyone if she's been assaulted."
"She has. I did that. And it's not the first time."
"What?! Please don't tell me that Grace is a child of —" Carrick shouted, making Christian snap his gaze up and meet his father's murderous eyes.
"No! Of course not! Not me! She…" He hesitated a second, not comfortable going into so much detail with his father. "It's just that we were into it at first, and when she brought up the condom issue, I said I would pull out. And…she froze and turned her head when I tried to kiss her. And…it just felt like she was too fucking familiar with this whole situation. I know for sure she's been used as…as an inflatable doll before."
And he was sure it was Henry. How many times had Ana assured him that Henry never hit her, when in fact, he did much worse?
There was a small silence, Carrick looked back through the window and Christian followed his gaze, seeing Ana talking with Jose and Elliott whilst Grace was learning to cycle with Julian and Jason. Carrick sat on the windowpane next to Christian and put his hand on his shoulder.
"Christian…you do know that Ana would never see a therapist, right?"
"I know." This was one thing he knew for sure. Ana didn't like talking about herself, even less when it came to her feelings. There was no need for her to go to a shrink if she was just going to make small talk and avoid all the issues she should talk about.
"So, whatever happened in her past, it falls on her to deal with it. You can't do anything about it. Well, you can avoid being a dick and triggering past memories, but you can't heal her past for her.
Now about last night…the fact that you stopped changes everything. You should speak to her and ask her about it. She'll tell you how she felt."
"I damn well know how it felt."
"Or maybe your ego is playing against you. Trust me, I know how unpleasant it is to be turned down in the middle of sex. I know it makes you question yourself as a man, as a person, as a lover. And maybe you're reading too much into this.
You're on a thin line, here. And you can either torture yourself and never actually know, or you can talk to Ana. Either way, she's the only one who can absolve you. For better or for worse."
"So…you don't think I've…you don't think I've screwed everything up?"
"I think only Ana can answer your question. What did she say?"
"I'm not sure…She did ask to sleep in my arms, but…Ana has a good poker face."
"Then talk to her. But just so you know, if she says that you did sexually assault and emotionally bully her into accepting the contraception you wanted, I want you out of this house," Carrick said before getting up and leaving.
Christian stayed motionless on the windowpane, and he saw his father come out with some tools, greeted by his three grandchildren. They all rushed to the treehouse, Elliott short on their heels, and Christian witnessed his father take Ana aside for a moment.
They talked together, but Ana's back was facing him, so he couldn't read much of her. All he knew was that she kept frantically shaking her head until Carrick gave her a bear hug. This was not a good sign.
Ana left his father's arms and disappeared from the backyard, and Christian knew he would have to face her now. She came into the room, her cheeks red due to the cold, her fingers pink because she didn't wear anything warm, and her eyes full of worry.
Without a word, she walked to him, and what he had always promised himself not to do in front of Ana happened when she took him in her arms: he cried. How many times had he given himself a pep talk, saying that he was a man and he shouldn't cry? Even less in front of the woman he loved and had sworn to provide for.
He had always seen tears as a sign of weakness in men, but at this particular moment, he didn't care. He cried his heart out like he had wanted to cry since the night before.
"Christian…I told you yesterday. Nothing happened." She said in his ear, holding him against her chest, but all he found to say as he held her close to him was,
"I'm so sorry babe."
"It wasn't like that. I told you. You stopped. You've always stopped. You've always been aware of how I feel, even when we weren't actually together. Christian…" She waited for him to look at her, and when he didn't, she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her beautiful face. "You didn't rape me. That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard."
He felt relieved, burying his face back in her chest and ignoring the cold emanating from her body. Those were the words he had been waiting to hear since the night before.
And now that she was saying them, he felt relieved. Now that he thought of it, she was right, he always stopped before she even had to say so, all the way back in Vegas when they shared their first passionate kiss. He had wanted nothing more than to take her then, but he had felt that small hesitation that made him stop.
"Christian, you have to believe me. I've always felt safe with you. No matter what, I've always known you would stop. Drunk or sober, horny or angry, you respect human values too much to go down that road. Look at you now, sick over the very thought of it. Please believe me."
She cupped his face again, caressing his cheek and erasing his tears as she held his gaze so he could see the sincerity in her eyes. She gave him a small reassuring smile and waited for him to give it back to her.
When his lips slightly went up, she straddled him and lovingly kissed him, relieving him from any sort of anguish. This was the absolution his father had been talking about, this simple kiss that showed that Ana still loved him, still had faith in him, still felt safe with him.
He hugged her, whispering once again how sorry he was, and Ana shook her head, letting him know, "You do owe me big time, though. I just had the most awkward conversation ever with your father. I don't think I can ever look him in the eye again. Actually, I want to die."
Christian chuckled, holding Ana closer to him and he kissed her, promising, "Anything you want, it's yours."
"No, no, no. Big time. I've never wanted to talk about our sex life to your parents, even less reassure your father that you're a good man that would never do something like that. I'm thinking…lifetime of servitude. At the very least. And flowers…I'll never say no to flowers."
She gave him her brightest, most earnest smile and he kissed her again, relishing in her presence and the fact that he didn't fuck up after all. She was still here, in his arms, trusting him and reassuring him.
"I hope your father didn't give you a lecture," she worried, and he simply shook his head. He deserved any harsh word his father had for him. In fact, he felt that his father had been soft on him. Ana smiled with empathy and wove her hands into his hair.
"I'm sorry. I should have woken you up this morning and made sure that sleep had indeed cleared your mind."
"Ana…" He started, clearing his throat as he felt once again bile rising. She gently smiled, and he asked, "You've never…I mean…no one…you seemed a bit too familiar with the idea of just laying there."
"What does it matter? Does it change the way you see me if I say yes?"
"No, of course not. Nothing can ever change the way I see you. You're the love of my life, nothing will change that. I just…I just want to know."
Her brows furrowed, and he traced her lips with his thumb, pleading, "Please babe, tell me. Trust me to bear this cross with you."
For a brief second, she was lost in a memory, and Christian could tell it was not a pleasant one. But then, she blinked and shrugged, looking down as she admitted in a small voice,
"I don't really want to talk about it, Christian. I was young and…I didn't know better."
Christian's jaw locked, as he held her closer to him. Fucking Henry! That bastard had damaged her in more ways than she would ever admit. He was going to find him, wherever that asshole was, and he was going to make him pay. He felt a bulb of anger threatening to explode and he hissed between his teeth,
"I'm going to kill that fucker. I swear to God I— "
"You'll do nothing. No one cares about him anymore. Especially not me. I just care about you, me and Grace Grey now," she said strongly, moving so she could cup his face one more.
They both stood their ground, but Christian had to give it to her, she had said the right words. He shouldn't care about Henry, just about their little family. So, he sighed, and she smiled, kissing his lips and resting her head in the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry you had to feel like that, Christian. I really thought that once you would have sobered up, you would have realised that you were wrong. It seemed useless to talk last night. I was knackered, and you were wallowing in self-pity."
Christian traced her spine with his thumb, part of his conversation with his father coming back to him. "What about the pill? I didn't mean to force that on you either. Why don't you want to take it though?"
Ana sat up, looking at him in the eyes, before her face showed anguish and mortification as she whined, "I am never going to be in the same room as your father ever again! Why did you have to tell him about that?"
"Well, apparently I made the right call. I didn't realise I was forcing this on you. I thought you were just being difficult."
Ana shook her head, still mortified. "We're never seeing your parents again."
"Yeah, you can be mortified later on. But answer me? Did you say you'll take the pill just because of me?"
She shrugged. "Sort of. It's just…it doesn't sit well with my body, no matter the dosage. And it makes me moody and gives me migraines. And it makes me bloat. But…I don't want you to feel insecure about my feelings for you, or how committed I am to you. I'll just watch what I eat and try to find some good natural pain— "
"No. That's not how it works. I'm not emotionally bullying you into taking the pill. I didn't realise it affected you so much. I'm sorry. I won't be a jerk about condoms anymore."
He waited for her to smile, and when she did, he kissed her. For a moment, they said nothing, simply appreciating each other's presence until Ana sighed heavily and got out of his lap. He reached back for her, but she chuckled, opening the window wide.
"You know, I promised some cookies to the busy bees over there, and if I don't produce them, I think we might have a riot. And you need a shower. You'll feel better afterwards."
He kissed her cheek and took the quickest shower in history. When he got back to his room, his towel draped over him, Ana was still inside, fluffing the pillows, the bed made. Christian rolled his eyes; no matter where she was, Ana couldn't help but clean.
"Are you delaying going downstairs because you don't want to see my Dad?"
She blushed and he pulled his boxers up before taking her in his arms and kissing her neck. "You shouldn't be embarrassed. He cares about you like a daughter. "
"I'm pretty sure it's embarrassing no matter how you see it. So, you have to be with me, so I can hide behind you, and he can't look at me."
Christian chuckled, as he finished dressing up, and Ana sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the papers that made Grace a Grey.
"You were right, nothing can top that."
"You know…if Grace asks questions about her name change…I don't want you to feel obligated into anything. Okay?"
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged, getting up with a smile and took his hand as she opened the door, "I mean, it's not because she'll start asking questions that I expect you to do the same. If it comes, it shouldn't be because she's asking questions."
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
They went back to New York with Jose and Karl, so they could celebrate the New Year there with the Chos. Grace was over the moon to spend five whole days with Jin; from sunrise to sunset they were joined at the hip, speaking a strange mix of English and Cantonese.
Ana had treated the Chos with the same courtesy they had shown her when she came to Hong Kong. She showed them around to the most famous and touristy places, and most importantly, she took them to Time Square for the iconic ball drop.
Christian didn't spend much time with them and actually missed the ball drop, though he made it up to Grace by spending the next day with her and her friend. But he did work a lot with Jamie and Roxanne. Not that either complained.
Still, he noticed, once they were back in Seattle, that Jamie was no longer running with Ana in the morning. Sawyer let him know that Ana was running on her own now. And Jamie stopped dropping by every now and then. And he was certainly not going to complain about that.
Jamie had the same perfect work ethic he always had, taking it on himself to mentor the intern as much as Christian. And Roxanne was good. In fact, Christian could easily see himself giving her a position with high responsibilities in the future. Ros had found herself someone to shadow her in New York, and after a couple of visits there over the first two weeks of January, Christian was confident in the man Ros had found.
Overall, this new year coming, Christian was feeling the happiest he had ever been. Work was going well, home was going well, life was good. Grace had told him that she made a friend on the first day at her new school, and he saw the aftermath of that friendship when one morning he had the surprise of Grace sporting bangs at the breakfast table. Just like her friend.
"Oh? You cut your hair?" Christian asked, looking with surprise at this new 'do as he drank his coffee.
Grace smiled brightly as she stuck a spoonful of oatmeal and berries in her mouth and she told him,
"Mama took me to the salon yesterday. Just like in the movies."
"Don't speak with your mouth full," Ana admonished, and Christian glanced in her direction, wondering why Ana didn't tell him about their daughter getting her hair cut. She smiled, shrugging, and his eyes went to Ana's hair, trying to see if she had cut her hair as well. Grace was speaking about her friend, and how they had the same haircut now, but Christian was barely tying attention, his eyes lost in space. He liked Ana with her long hair, and he liked it even more than not many people got to see that. He wished she would never cut it or let it down in public.
Ana and he had come to a compromise when it came to Grace's education: she kept going to a normal school, but she also had a private tutor in the afternoon, teaching her all the things she wanted to learn about. Christian also had a Cantonese tutor come to their place, and he learned that Ana had found a piano instructor for their daughter.
As for Ana, despite the fact that Christian told her repeatedly that she could just stay home, she had found a small and unknown association to work with. He knew Raymond tried a couple of times to get her to work with more high-end people, but Ana, being stubborn as she was, insisted on doing this on her own. And since Raymond always propositioned politicians, Christian was perfectly happy with her decision.
She also spent some time with Thomas, and Christian couldn't help but think that it would be the cherry on top to have Ana replace Thomas. In fact, he was pretty sure that Thomas knew that Christian would like nothing more than to replace him with Ana, but it wasn't an option.
It was now the middle of January and Christian had been working around the clock. It was nothing new, January and February had always been very busy months. And the thing that kept him going this time, wasn't the satisfaction of knowing he did better than anyone else but the sweet thought of spending two whole days with Ana at the end of the month.
It was a Saturday morning, and he groaned as he woke up, knowing that he had a couple of calls to make throughout the day. Saturdays were always odd to him because they were his quietest days. After all, it was the only day that was actually a weekend day wherever on the globe.
As he rolled on the side, trying to cash in a few more minutes of sleep, he had the good surprise of finding Ana still in bed, and without thinking, he moved closer to her, cuddling against her and forgetting all about work. This was the first time since Washington that he got to wake up with Ana by his side, and he wasn't going to pass the occasion to appreciate the feel of her.
Christian watched Ana with amusement, feeling a bit jealous that she fell asleep so easily. He always needed to be knackered to fall into Morpheus's arms so quickly. She was laying, facing him, having given him the most beautiful of birthdays. Presents had stopped having a meaning to him because he could buy anything he wanted. And yet, she gave him this wonderful experience he would never forget.
His hand was still on her face as he thought back on the evening, and how strangely satisfying it was to see his family include Ana as if she was already one of theirs. He had no doubts that Elliott had probably given his own analysis of their relationship to their parents, and that Grace and Carrick just wanted Christian to feel comfortable enough to bring his girlfriend home again.
He felt bad that she was so self-conscious about lying to his parents, but he wasn't. In fact, he wished he wasn't lying, he wished she was really his girlfriend, not just for the show. He wanted to make her feel like he did, and…to take away the shadows of her past.
He was about to remove his hand to let her sleep in peace, when she mumbled in her slumber, "You're warm."
He smiled to himself, scooching closer to her and taking her in his arms. He smelled the faint smell of coconut in her hair and simply appreciated having her in his arms for the sake of it, not because of the media, not because she was playing a role, but because he was just a man in love with a woman.
He kissed her forehead, and she snuggled against his chest as he thought of ways he could get out of the contract, without losing her. He didn't think she shared his feelings, which meant that if he came clean, she would break the contract and disappear from his life. And this was an option he wanted to avoid at all costs.
He was lost in his thoughts, trying to find a viable solution, when she spoke again, "My carrot can beat your…and anyway…that's what I said!…I know…broccoli is fair…"
He stifled a laugh, completely lost in the lack of sense she was making, and she moved against him, making him suddenly all too aware of her womanly presence next to him and making him realise, no matter what, he would have to make sure she loved him before he ever tried to be intimate with her, or she would use the contract against him.
He hummed in pleasure, holding her close against him as he hid his nose in her hair, and that's when it hit him. It was almost nine, and Ana was still in bed. It didn't make sense, especially knowing that for the first time since they moved in together, he had come home to find Ana already sleeping in bed, cuddling the teddy bear his father had given her.
He lifted himself abruptly, supporting his weight on his hand so he could look at her, as he called out to her with panic, "Ana?"
He saw her frown, her eyes still closed, the bear still in her hands as she was laying in the foetal position, and she shimmied, whining with a sleepy voice, "Come back. It's cold."
He took her back in his arms, making sure to touch her skin to check if she was feverish. "Are you okay, babe?"
She shrugged, still not opening her eyes, and he insisted, "Are you sick? Do you want me to call a doctor?"
She shook her head, saying in barely a whisper, "I already went to see the doctor yesterday afternoon."
"What? Why? Why didn't you tell me?!" He exclaimed, sitting back up so he could see her face, but all she did was grimace, reaching for the cover to replace it properly over her.
"I'm telling you now. I only went to see Dr Meyer, stop panicking."
Christian frowned, feeling that this name was familiar, but he couldn't place it and finally, Ana opened her eyes and looked at him, enlightening him.
"He works with your Dad."
Christian blinked, his whole world crumbling. This couldn't be happening. They always had been very careful to use condoms, and there had never been a leak. And the only time they were unprotected, he never finished. Two drops of precum couldn't get her pregnant, could they?
Ana was still looking at him as his face hardened, but she reassured him before he could ask the question, "It's not what you think. I thought I was, but Dr Meyer assured me that it was just a false alarm. I guess I was a bit stressed."
"Thank fuck," Christian let out with relief, falling back on the bed. He couldn't deal with another kid. He rolled to kiss her before getting out of bed and using the loo, thinking of what would have happened if she had been pregnant.
He knew that whatever choice Ana would make, he would have to go with it. So…what if she had been pregnant and wanted to keep the baby? Would it be so bad? He would get to experience all the things he had missed with Grace. She would get to experience a normal pregnancy. He'd get to do all the things Jose did for his daughter: holding Ana's hand, cutting the cord, giving the first bath…
But then again, he barely had time for Grace who was already grown and who was more mature than kids her age. He would certainly not have time for an actual baby. And anyway, Ana didn't want kids. It was a moot point thinking of what-ifs. Unless…
Unless this pregnancy scare had Ana rethink her stance about children. Maybe she was disappointed that she wasn't pregnant. Maybe this little scare made her realise that she did want more children after all. And if she told him she wanted kids, what was he going to do?
He was warming up the shower when Ana came in to wash her face, her sullen mood suddenly gone. She briefly kissed his lips and stood in front of the sink when Christian hugged her from behind, looking at the reflection in the mirror.
"Babe…"
"It was just a false alarm, Christian. And for once, I wanted to be lazy. I think I'm allowed to be lazy once in a while."
"You can be lazy every single day," he assured her, hiding his nose in her neck, but keeping his eyes on their reflection as he put his hands on her empty stomach. "I just wanted to make sure that we were still on the same page."
She locked her eyes with his before undoing his human cage and turning to actually look at him. "Yes. It's still the best course of action for the three of us."
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đź’šYour thoughts and opinions are always welcomedđź’š
đź’š So, the situation has been cleared up, and to make it crystal clear, Ana never felt that Christian forced himself on her. She said a couple of times in the previous story that she knew that drunk or sober, Christian would always stop, even if she didn't say an explicit no. And as Carrick said, she's the only one who can actually tell what it was.
💚 And there is this hint (which I don't think is subtle) that she dropped… Hope you caught it.
đź’šNow question time,
1. Okay, so now we know a bit more about Ana's presents to Christian, and as Carrick said, it was something that really came from her heart.
2. What did you think of Carrick in this chapter?
3. And well Christian is happy, the happiest he's ever been? What do you think about it?
4. And how do you feel about Jamie's sudden absence in Ana's life?
5. And what do you think about that last scene and Christian's feelings concerning it?
6. As per usual, what was your favourite part? Mine was Christian's breakdown in Ana's arms. I'm a sucker for angst. Haha
7. And what do you think will happen next?
đź’š E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, Everything else is mine (including the mistakes and grammar errors).
Love, Mina đź’šđź’šđź’š