Dallas, Texas

"Oh Sue Ellen…" feeling her mood deflate as her daughter-in-law spoke, Ellie Ewing stayed silent for a moment while she considered the enormity of Sue Ellen's accusations. Was she right? Had her and Jock's actions truly shaped JR into the man he was today? More importantly, had she neglected to take notice and then take action when she did notice that her eldest son's emotional needs weren't being met? She wasn't so sure that that had happened, but she had to say something, Sue Ellen was trying to engage her in an honest conversation and after everything they had just discussed about Jock and John Ross, it would be rude to brush off her questions and emotions as if they didn't exist or weren't important.

Taking a deep breath, she began to speak, "it's hard to explain and even harder to justify, but please, you have to understand that neither Jock nor I set out to be aloof or emotionally distant, it just happened, and I think by the time I personally realised it, it was too late". Pausing for a moment again, she thought back to when her eldest son was an only child, and then later when Gary arrived; even in her own mind she couldn't pretend that something hadn't happened at that point in time, but it sounded awful to admit that whatever had happened had continued and grown until it was out of control. "JR was my baby, he was my life for a few short years; he was so quiet and so charming, but also so very shy. When I took him shopping, he held tightly on to my skirts and unlike John Ross, he almost always shied away when people complimented him. He didn't like strangers attention, he didn't like being left alone, and he didn't even really like other children. I don't know what he'd think now, but he was a mama's boy when he was young. I think Jock scared him at first, he's gruff, I'm sure you understand that, so I realise now that I made a mistake in handing him over to Jock so soon, but at the time it didn't seem like such a bad idea. I married Jock when I was young, we had JR when I was young, and soon enough, JR wasn't our only son. When Gary came along, Jock just took over raising JR and regretfully, I allowed him to. It didn't ring alarm bells with me when he said he would make our son a 'man's man'; I was a blissfully happy and exhausted new mother again and you have to remember, it was a different time. My daddy, my brother, and Jock, they were all strong men. Digger, well, he was strong in his own way, but not the way that mattered economically or socially. Being a man's man was expected, especially with Jock, and especially since JR was our first son and his namesake. JR was just a small child when I stopped interfering in his life, I gave him up too soon, I should have held onto him a little longer".

"Hindsight is a strange thing though, by definition it doesn't occur until after an event, and by that time, what's the point? You can't change the past and it's tough to change the future, especially when the future is so set in stone. Jock had certain ideas and hopes for his sons and it'd be a cold day in hell before he gave up on those ideas without a fight; in this case though, there was no fight, I allowed it to happen and I need you to know that I do regret it now. JR was still young when I saw it happening, but I never realised just how damaging it was for him that I all but handed over parental responsibility for him until much later on and by that time it was too late to bring our relationship back to where it had been before. I suppose subconsciously my treatment of Gary and later Bobby was a reaction and early defence to how Jock liked to parent, but even now I can't be sure. I do know that by the time Bobby was born JR was too old to be mama's little boy again, and he was too distant to want to; at the same time too though, I think it took Jock that amount of time to realise how enjoyable children were just as children and not as empty vessels".

"You asked about Jock's knowledge of children and their needs and that's it, when JR was a baby he was still was extremely busy building Ewing Oil and when he was at home he still wasn't an equal caregiver, it was just how men were back then. Later, after Gary was born, JR was old enough to walk, talk and follow directions and that's when his indoctrination really began. I held on to Gary for as long as I could and since Jock was so busy training his firstborn to run the family business, he didn't mind so much. Then Bobby came along and since both JR and Gary were old enough to be a little bit independent, it was a freer and more relaxed time for me and for Jock too. He spent all day at work and a great deal of his free time coaching JR, but he had also faced the years Bobby was approaching more than once and he was more relaxed about what he needed and wanted Bobby's future to look like. By the time Bobby was able to walk and talk too, JR and Gary were already seasoned hunters, fishers and campers and while Bobby wasn't nearly as mature or probably ready to face the things they did out in the woods, he was taken along for the ride anyway. Then later Gary began to assert some of his opinions and he stopped spending so much time with Jock, so that left JR and Bobby to bond with Jock, and bond they did. You weren't here in the old days; JR and Bobby had very different childhoods, but I believe they do share an equal bond with their father in relation to personal relationships; Jock took them out on trips together, he never just brought one or the other. They are different though, Bobby is more interested in hunting, fishing and camping than JR is, and JR is more interested in business, economics and politics than Bobby is, so naturally the way they interact with Jock is different. Different doesn't mean better or worse though, it's just different. I imagine Bobby could only dream of being allowed in on some of the secret conversations and understandings Jock and JR have with each other, so JR isn't the only one who missed out on a little piece of Jock and he's not the only one that finds Jock distant sometimes".

Although she had considered her response before she began to speak, Ellie Ewing was still surprised by her words as they came out of her mouth and as they did, she stopped herself suddenly. In acknowledging that Bobby missed out on something with Jock, she was also acknowledging that her past thoughts regarding her and Jock finally getting things 'right' with Bobby may not actually be true. In her mind it had made sense that if Jock had taken an approach that was too extreme with JR, and if his statements about her coddling of Gary were true, then the middle ground they'd found when raising Bobby, their third son, was just right, but now she wasn't so sure. Sue Ellen wanted answers and she had thought she had them, but thinking about them before speaking them, she was now having to reconsider more than just what she would say to answer Sue Ellen, now she was reconsidering her entire approach to parenting. It was confusing, she didn't understand where she had gone so far wrong that she had one son whose wife seemed to believe had been greatly damaged by her and Jock's parenting. She had one son she adored but who couldn't stand to live in the same city as his family, and she had one son that she had previously worried little about but she was now not so sure was actually so well-adjusted in reality. Taking a long pause, she let out a small inaudible sigh as she collected her thoughts and considered where to go to from here.

To be continued…