Dallas, Texas

Walking into his home after yet another disappointing date with a girl one of his old college friends thought he would pair perfectly with, Bobby Ewing's mood worsened considerably as he heard the raised voices and specific words coming from the living room. His parents weren't just talking, they were arguing, and it sounded like they were arguing about him and his brothers, and that was never a good thing. Standing outside the living room, caught between nosiness and not wanting to be involved, which he probably would be if he made his presence known, he briefly contemplated going outside and hoping the balcony door was open, or even leaving the house entirely, but he knew his mother would worry if it seemed that he never came home. Frozen, he stood silently listening for an opening where he could just stroll past the doorway without being noticed, or casually greet his parents pretending as if nothing had happened before running upstairs to avoid the obviously tense atmosphere.

"…fine, you want straight talk, I'll give you straight talk, but I want you to actually listen to me before shouting at me and dismissing my concerns as women's talk which is apparently ridiculous and pointless. You're the man of this family and as your wife and the matriarch of this family I expect you to have more involvement in leading than just shouting orders and expecting everyone to fall into line with your plan. I want you to listen to me and to understand my concerns and I'm asking you for your opinion on how we raised our sons. Do you ever have any regrets or wish you did things differently? You clearly agree with me that by the time we had our third son we'd worked out that we both needed to be involved and you seem to agree that Bobby is the most well-rounded of our sons, so that clearly worked. You clearly understand that Ewing Oil isn't everybody's number one priority too and you support Bobby's choice to run the ranch, but I'm asking you whether you regret the way that understanding came to be? I think we made a mistake in the way we parented JR and Gary and I think it's obvious when I look at Bobby, and now John Ross. It was wrong for me to hand JR over to you when he was so young; he was still a child, he needed his mother and I wasn't there for him, nor did I prepare him for the transition into your care and I truly believe that that affected him deeply. JR and I aren't close, at all, and I feel like a terrible mother for having not realised why that is before Sue Ellen prompted me to. My conversation with Sue Ellen also made me realise that it was wrong of me to take such a deep interest in Gary when I was a mother to more than one son; JR needed me in the same emotional way Gary needed me. They spent time with you doing all of the things you wanted to do with your sons and that's wonderful, but ideally children do need two parents and it wasn't right for me to act as if just because Gary was the youngest he was the only one who needed me. I detest you saying Gary was weak and squandered his opportunities, because I don't think that's fair; Gary was an individual who made decisions just like Bobby is making now, he loved ranching but he didn't love the pressure you put him under when talking about a future in ranching. Likewise, it's not fair to expect him to react the way an adult should react in situations like the one he got into with Valene; he was a teenager, he made a mistake and only later did he truly realise the consequences of his mistake, but you really didn't help alleviate the pressure and guilt of those consequences".

"I digress though, this isn't about Gary, not really, I asked you about your regrets earlier because I was thinking about my conversation with Sue Ellen about JR and John Ross. With everything positive about these past few days with John Ross, it got me thinking about JR when he was a child. Why is it that I thought you should spend more time being a grandfather to John Ross but when JR was young, I never thought about my relationship with him? Why when we talk about our sons do you always talk about JR as if he's just your business partner, Gary as if he's the biggest disappointment in your life, and Bobby as the one who everyone should aspire to be? I'm struggling to deal with the amount of guilt I feel for letting go of JR so soon, not noticing how much that must have hurt him, and not standing up to you when you were clearly treating him less well than you treated Bobby. I'm struggling too with my own actions; I dislike your use of the word coddle, but I can't deny that I did dote upon Gary in a way that must have been very upsetting for JR. I can't deny either that when I think of my relationship with Bobby, Lucy, and John Ross, I feel nothing but good feelings and I have no reservations about showing them how much I care about them. For some reason though it never occurred to me to continue to treat JR the same way I had already been treating him before Gary was born. I feel guilty, ashamed and very sad about all of the time I've lost with JR, and I'm asking you whether you ever have regrets about the way things were when we were younger and our sons were still ours to shape and teach. I'm looking to you for some kind of support or empathy; I don't want to feel the way I do, I wish I didn't have the memories and experiences I have which make me feel this way, but I do and I want to know that I'm not alone".

Eavesdropping on his mother's confession, Bobby was torn between feeling guilty himself for listening in on something that he wasn't supposed to be and feeling intrigued and uncomfortable about the actual content of his mother's speech. He had always had a reasonably good relationship with both of his parents and for years he had thought nothing of it, not until he began to work with JR and his father at Ewing Oil and see just how bitter JR was about the difference in the way their father treated them. At first he had dismissed JR's concerns as silly and unfounded, because he had been working damn hard at Ewing Oil and it didn't feel like his father was going easy on him at all, but slowly he had begun to realise what JR was so upset about, and eventually he had had to face the reality of his future. JR didn't want him at Ewing Oil, but even if he had wanted him, it wouldn't have worked out in the long run, he just wasn't as talented as JR and his father when it came to oil and business matters, and his heart wasn't in oil the way it was in ranching. For him, life at Ewing Oil was the biggest reminder of the difference in treatment he received from his father, because in his personal life he was ashamed to admit he really didn't notice it all that often. From what he was hearing though, his mother noticed it and blamed herself for a lot of it and for some reason he felt bad, like it was his choice to feel bad about. Unsure whether he could or wanted to face listening to the rest of the conversation and definitely sure now was not the time to make his return home known, he slowly turned and walked back down the hallway, out onto the driveway and over to his car. He had no intention of worrying his mother by not returning home from his date at all, but it didn't feel right to be at Southfork right now, and in some ways, although he was running away from reality, he had a feeling that the time he was about to take for himself might help clear his head.

To be continued…