Dallas, Texas

"You know what doc, I tried it your way and it didn't work. I told my daddy how I felt and it got me nowhere, and I told my mama how I felt and I received an apology, but it's not enough. Now I don't know what to do, and I hate that, I hate not being in control and I hate this feeling that I can't shake. You've damaged me. I used to be able to shut up and just get on with my life, without making a fuss, I accepted things as they were, Bobby was daddy's favourite, Gary was mama's favourite, and I was nobody's favourite; I was nobody's favourite son, and I was nobody's favourite brother. I knew it and I accepted it. Now though, you have me analysing and asking questions I don't even know I want the answers to anymore. You've also caused a lot of problems for me at work; daddy tries to keep our personal and professional lives separate, but it's obvious he's angry with me when he either growls about nothing, or he's completely silent, even when we need to talk. Then there's mama, she apologised and tried to explain, but damn it, I don't know whether I can just accept that and move on, it all feels so sudden and like I'm not really, truly getting what I deserve. I can't stand it, you're driving me insane; I hate that I am constantly questioning and second-guessing my thoughts and I hate that this is all affecting other parts of my life. I find myself wondering if I even want to forgive my parents and move on with my life with them; our relationship has been so distant for so long that I've gotten used to having my own space and dammit, I don't know if I'm selfless enough to actually want to spend more time with them. Maybe it's easier to go on holding a grudge, at least then I can maintain a comfortable distance when I want to. I don't know though, I don't know if I'm overthinking it, but if I am, it's your fault. You and your damn questions and challenges, they seem to make more of a mess than they fix".

Listening to JR's rant, Doctor Williams nodded, scribbled a few notes down, and murmured a couple of syllables to indicate he was listening. JR's mood was to be expected, he was frustrated with himself and the lack of obvious progress in the situation; what he wasn't giving himself enough credit for though was the progress he had made with his family. "Mhm, I hear you JR, and I'll accept that I prompted you to think about certain things in your life rather than just letting them be, however, I think your anger is misplaced. It's ok for you to feel angry, in fact, it's expected, but please, consider where your anger is being directed. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I really think it will help you if you take a moment to breathe and sort through your feelings as they occur. You've made huge progress recently; a couple of months ago it seemed unthinkable to you when I suggested being completely honest about your feelings with your father like you were with Sue Ellen's mother, and until recently you and your mother had barely had any relationship at all, but you're talking openly and honestly now. Nothing happens overnight, I'm sure you understand that from your work at the office, things don't just fall into place, especially not big, complicated things; you have to put in a lot of effort, and very often, so does another party. You're making progress, I'm very proud of you, and you should be very proud of yourself too. As for what you were saying about holding grudges, I don't think you're being fair to yourself; you're making a lot of assumptions about what a future as a happy family looks like. Boundaries for adults is a whole separate topic and we can come to that when it's truly an issue for you, but for now, I think you're better off just dealing with your emotions and your past with your parents. Regarding how you actually deal with your parents now that you feel you have done what you can, again, I want you to just breathe and think about things for a moment. Your father sounds like he needs some time to just be, your mother on the other hand, she sounds like she's ready to talk, and I think you two could benefit from talking some more. I'm not saying you have to forgive or become best friends, now, or ever, but I do think you should talk. If you're up to it, I think you should call her, arrange a time and place for you to be alone together, without distractions, and I want you to make an effort and try to respond to her effort. Remember, it's ok to be angry and it's ok if you don't immediately change sides, your feelings are completely valid, whatever they are, but there is no harm in listening and taking the opportunity to discuss the past".

Watching JR as he silently considered his words again, he also observed Sue Ellen; she was looking at her husband lovingly, and she was touching him very gently and supportively; she truly was the best person JR could have around right now. "Hm", hearing JR murmur a small sound, and watching him as he pouted slightly, he knew what he had said had gotten through to him. JR Ewing liked to grumble and move his feelings on to other people to deal with, but underneath his diversion tactics he was human, he felt emotion, and he ultimately he wanted to feel calm, happy, and free, but also in control. By talking to his parents openly and honestly, he had no doubt that eventually he could feel that way. It wouldn't be easy, but it was possible.

Seattle, Washington

Staring out the window at the planes taking off and coming in to land, the handsome, curly haired young man felt more like a little boy than the adult he supposedly was. Until earlier in the day, he had never even been to an airport, let alone actually flown anywhere, so now, after having flown from Anchorage to Seattle, and with another flight ahead of him, he was in an excitable mood. Giddiness over having one of his childhood wishes fulfilled wasn't the image he wanted to portray when he arrived in Dallas, but for now, surrounded by people he didn't know and who were taking no notice of him, he wasn't too concerned about feigning indifference about planes and the whole aviation experience.

An hour later, after wandering around the gift shops and eateries, the novelty of the enclosed airport began to wear off, and as he began to come down a little from the high of his first experience out of the Alaska, the feeling of anxiety related to the unknown began to set in. He was nervous about finally meeting the family he had heard about throughout his life, though his nervousness wasn't because he was afraid of them or afraid of how he would come across, it was simply because there was a lot riding on the Dallas Ewings accepting him as part of their family. He had left Alaska in a bit of a hurry after a strong disagreement with his father, and without giving his sister much of an explanation, so he had a feeling that if he were to return too soon, they wouldn't exactly welcome him back with open arms. Dallas was his destination for now and he planned to stay there for the foreseeable future if everything went smoothly, but if that didn't happen, he didn't really know where he would go next. He needed a job and he wanted a family, and in theory, Dallas seemed to offer both, in a different way than Alaska did. He didn't enjoy and wasn't particularly good at manual labour, but he did like to think he knew a thing or two about oil and the oil industry. In his mind, it all made sense; Jock Ewing may have started out in the fields, but his real fortune had been made in an office somewhere in downtown Dallas. Similarly, his father, Jason Ewing, had made a decent living from a hard day's manual labour, but at the end of the day, he wasn't the one with an empire to his name or anything remotely resembling an empire to show off to the world. He loved his father, but he had decided a long time ago that following in his footsteps to pursue a life of long, physically exhausting days and nights was not what he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing. Then, recently, after researching the other half of the Ewing family, he thought he finally had an idea about where he saw his life heading, and now, it was time to take a chance and see whether there was any chance of making his desire a reality. "Flight ASA658 to Dallas is now boarding at gate three; passengers in rows fifteen through twenty-three please make your way to the boarding gate", hearing the announcement over the loudspeaker, he took a deep breath, stood, and walked over to where the line to board was forming. It was time, and he was ready.

To be continued…