Dallas, Texas

Listening to her eldest son as he responded to Doctor Williams' question and very clearly relayed his feelings about John Ross and the life he wanted for him, Miss Ellie had mixed emotions. On one hand she was thrilled that her once selfish, immature son had finally matured and was able to communicate how strongly he loved another person, but on the other hand, it hurt a lot to hear his constant reminders of how her own actions, or inactions, had shaped him and how that was shaping his treatment of John Ross. She had acknowledged her role in JR's life though and she was ready to make a change, that's why they were seeing Doctor Williams now, for guidance as to how to actually make changes rather than just keep talking about the same things repeatedly without moving forward. She was well past the point in her life where she could ignore problems in hope that they would disappear if she didn't acknowledge them, it hadn't worked in the 1930s and it wouldn't work now; back then she had had to make serious decisions about Southfork, and now she had to do the same for her relationship with JR.

"…he doesn't know what he's missing out on, or I suppose maybe he does now, he seemed to take an interest in him while we were in Colorado, not that that made a lasting impression, he's off showing Jack everything that's mine, everything I already had to fight Bobby for, and won might I add. The way he distributes love doesn't really work in scenarios like this and he's going to have to make a choice, I just hope he makes the right one…" Hearing JR change topic slightly, her emotions changed again, this time she almost completely agreed with him, and knowing JR, he would appreciate her telling him that, so when he finished, she cleared her throat to respond. "I agree. I love your father, but I'm not blind to his actions and attitudes. He's not solely responsible for the situation with John Ross and I believe that he didn't really understand what to do before Lucy nudged him and showed him, but that doesn't excuse everything before and after. He has to make his own effort with John Ross, but in his own way I think that's what those dinner invitations are, so please, if you're still undecided about those, just say yes, even if it might not be something you personally want to do at the moment". Pausing for a second to differentiate between her response to his comments about Jock's role as a grandfather and his role as a father and uncle, she waited for JR to quietly nod to tell her he was listening before frowning and waiting for her to continue. He might not completely agree with what she was saying, even if she did generally agree with his opinion, but he was still listening to her and hadn't closed himself off yet, that was progress, especially in comparison to their previous conversation where he had told her how he felt but then shut down when it came to further discussion.

"I agree too with what you said about your daddy's interests being in the wrong place at times. I've tried to explain to him what you've been trying to tell us about how you feel about your childhood, but he doesn't understand. I'm sorry about that, I really wish he did understand, I know how much it would mean to you to have him acknowledge your feelings…" Pausing briefly again, she made sure to make eye contact with him to confirm he had heard her and was still listening, and when he did, she continued. "You're right, he is making a choice at the moment, and it's not the one that's the most beneficial to his already established relationships. I think you might be a little biased toward Jack though, you say his name with a sneer without any real reason to, but I think understand some of why that is, and I want you to know I support you. Ewing Oil is yours, the ranch is Bobby's, that's how it is, and Jack being here doesn't change that; our family has spent far too long arguing over commercial entities and I don't want to start that conflict again".

"I also don't wish to see you treating your brother, father, and cousin with malevolence, but in the present circumstances, I do understand why you would feel like that was appropriate. Your daddy and I didn't treat you, or Bobby, or Gary fairly when you were boys and we're paying for it now, I feel foolish not having realised it sooner, but now that I do I see the cracks in our family and I want to change things. Your daddy isn't at that point yet, he doesn't see an issue, with you, Bobby, or Jack, and I'm sure you already understand him well enough to know this, but I'll remind you anyway; Jock doesn't react well to aggressive behaviour toward those he's close with. If you want to make a point about what you wish to retain as yours and the relationship you wish to build with your daddy, then you have to be tactful; you can't barrel through the situation, knocking things down left and right. I know it's not fair, I heard the anger and hurt in your voice when you spoke about how it felt to be you growing up, and I see now just how stubborn and biased Jock can be, but you know your daddy, he'll fight back twice as hard if you instigate a situation. For your sake and the sake of your family's happiness, I beg you not to do that; I know how vicious you can be and I don't doubt if you wanted to, you could stop Jack from getting any closer with your daddy, but we both know that wouldn't benefit you and your relationship with him. He has enough love, attention, and energy to spread around to the whole family, but as you pointed out, the way distributes his attention isn't always equal and that is heart-breaking. I want to help you, and him, and I want us to build our relationship too, but I also want you to listen to me and respect my wishes. Do you think we can tackle our problems together, by talking about them and trying to change things, without turning to aggression and sneaky tactics?" Well aware of how JR had treated Bobby when he had perceived him as a threat at Ewing Oil, she worried for Jack and how JR's actions would affect his relationship with Jock, but she worried too that JR would get too caught up in anger to focus on more constructive things like rebuilding their relationship and finding inner happiness. She was dealing with an incredible amount of guilt herself too and she knew that worrying about JR's single-minded revenge plan would not help her own mental state. It was simplistic and a bit naïve to want, but she did wish he would just accept things with Jock as they were for now and instead spend his time and energy focusing on more positive things; he had a wife, a son, and he now had her understanding and Doctor Williams' assistance. Unfortunately, in situations like this, nothing was ever quite that simple.

"Mama, do you know me or trust me at all? I'm not stupid, if I were going to ruin Jack, I wouldn't make it so obvious that it was me… I'm not going to ruin him though, so you don't have to worry, about me or him. Jack is a phony, he's nothing and nobody special, not here in Dallas and likely not in Alaska either, he's going to ruin himself simply by being who he is. Daddy will tire of telling the story of Ewing Oil soon enough, and when Jack has nothing of any value to offer him or Ewing Oil, he'll lose interest. I'm not hurt or upset by Jack's presence, I'm irritated, I can see the situation unfolding a mile away, daddy doesn't though, and neither do you. A smooth talker so easily influences everyone, it's nauseating and it does bother me, but only because I can't believe how much everyone else gets away with without consequence, compared to how much I have had to work for. First Bobby and his entire run at Ewing Oil, now Jack; it's so obvious if you just look at things from any perspective but your own…" Hearing everything his mother had said, but focusing mostly on what she had somehow twisted his words about Jack into, JR felt frustrated as he responded. He didn't know if he was focusing too much on something insignificant but when he considered the rest of their conversation it just felt so typical that his mother wouldn't understand his perspective, she hadn't much in the past and she was only just starting to train herself to think about him now. Glancing over at Doctor Williams, his frustration grew, the man could be so helpful at times, mostly when he actually had something to say, but then there were times like this where he was clearly completely observant, but he remained silent. "Say it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it", glaring at the doctor, he spoke again and then waited. He was probably being a bit rude, he knew that, but he had so many thoughts and emotions running through his mind that he didn't care, he was paying for professional help and it was his right to control the flow of some of that help, so he was.

To be continued…

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