Monachopsis: (noun) the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

Chapter Nineteen - Monachopsis

"Try again," Ceph commanded, gesturing for her to stand up.

Ankaa groaned loudly. She was sprawled out on the ground after he had shot her with a Disarming Spell. Not only had her wand sailed through the air and into his hand, Ceph's spell had been strong enough to knock her back a few feet until she tripped over an uneven tile in the floor.

"Come on," Ceph urged, tapping his foot impatiently. "I don't have all day."

Ankaa grimaced and pulled herself up, rubbing her tailbone. Ceph threw Ankaa's wand at her with an encouraging smile. Ankaa only glowered at him, which made him smile wider. He had brought her to the Room of Requirement, the same place where they usually practiced new spells. This was the first Saturday she had for herself, where Vablatsky wasn't training her to become a Seer. Unfortunately for her, Ceph had decided that he wanted to see for himself how her Spell Resistance was coming along.

"It's Saturday," Ankaa fumed, "I need a break."

"And you'll get one when you've perfected Spell Resistance." Ceph held his wand up once more. "Now, I want you to clearly imagine a shield in front of you. You have to be conscious of the fact that you're trying to resist a spell coming at you." He advised. "We'll try again, alright?"

Ankaa could only nod. He had been incredibly patient with her, calmly pointing out any mistakes she made or ways he thought she could improve. As usual, Ceph had already perfected Spell Resistance, and Moody had become aware of that when he had tried to use the Imperius Curse on Ceph. After that incident, Ceph was sure that Moody would try to test Ankaa as well.

"We haven't got time, Ankaa." He scolded, "You've got class with him tomorrow and if you don't get this, he's going to make a fool out of you in front of all your classmates."

With a roll of her eyes, Ankaa straightened herself. Once again, she steeled herself for what was to come (this was probably going to be her seventieth time being slammed with a Disarming Spell). Just as she saw Ceph raise his wand, she recalled one of the articles she had read about Spell Resistance. It had emphasized the importance of non-verbal magic. If she silently cast a shield around herself, she should theoretically be able to withstand the effect of the spell.

"Expelliarmus!"

Ankaa watched as a jet of bright light soared towards her. This time, however, she did not flinch. She watched with a smile how the light scattered a few feet away from her as if it had been struck by an invisible force. Once it dissipated, she saw her brother on the other side, smiling at her.

"Finally." He laughed, putting his wand away. "Now remember, when Moody uses the Imperius Curse on you, it won't be physical."

Ankaa gave him a smug smile, "If I got this in two days, I'm sure I can master mental Spell Resistance too. No need to worry, big brother."

"So humble," Ceph muttered, shaking his head.

While what she had done wasn't entirely Spell Resistance, Ankaa was just happy she had managed to ward off Ceph's attack. She had only just mastered the first step of Spell Resistance, the non-verbal magic. In cases like the Imperius Curse, it's not so much as a physical attack from their opponent that one needs to worry about. And while she was nervous about Moody's class, and that he would undoubtedly pick on her, she knew that she would be able to survive. That's all that mattered at this point anyway.

"So, how were your lessons?" Ceph asked as he sat down next to her when they had finished.

Ankaa shrugged in dismissal. "Alright, I guess," She mumbled. "Vablatsky said that she had taught me everything she knew. From now on, I'm on my own."

"Well, I'm always here if you need me." Ceph smiled, squeezing her shoulder in comfort.

"Yes, and you're exceptionally useful to me as someone who isn't a Seer."

"I provide moral support," Ceph gasped, pretending to be offended. "It's just as important."

Ankaa snorted and shook her head with a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Did you see anything?"

"Yeah," Ankaa admitted. "You're going to be chosen."

Ceph looked surprised for a moment before his face broke out in an infectious smile and he hugged Ankaa tightly around her shoulders. He laughed and rocked her from side to side, claiming he knew all along that he would be chosen, and how excited he was to be taking part in the Tournament.

"I can't believe this!" He exclaimed, "This is so exciting! I have to go tell Flo!" He jumped up and ran to the door as quickly as he could. Midway, however, he turned around and ran back and squished Ankaa's cheeks and said, "Thanks so much, Ankaa, you're the best sister ever!"

Before she could even think of picking up her wand and shooting a spell his way, he had raced to the door and disappeared. Ankaa sat on the ground for a few minutes longer. It was rare, even for her, to see the happy side of Ceph. Though he wasn't as shrewd as she was, Ceph was still reserved in his own way. To see him openly laughing (almost giggling) over something so seemingly lacklustre was a treat for sore eyes.

True to Ceph's word, when Ankaa walked into DADA class on Thursday once more, Moody had cleared away the desks with one swoop of his wand. Reluctantly, Ankaa placed her bag on one of the tables closest to the door (in case she needed to make a hasty escape, obviously). She stood beside Draco, watching as Moody hobbled around the classroom. On Draco's other side, Blaise stood with his arms crossed. He had gone out of his way to keep his distance from Ankaa, something that amused her greatly. Finally, Ankaa turned back to Moody who explained that he would be putting each student under the Imperius Curse.

"But—you said it's illegal, Professor," began Hermione uncertainly. "You said, to use it on another human was—"

"Dumbledore wants you to be taught what it feels like." Ankaa watched as his magical eye swivelled around and pinned Hermione under its unblinking stare. "If you want to learn the hard way—when someone's putting it on you so they can control you completely—fine by me. You're excused. Off you go."

Ankaa knew Hermione would never leave class, it was asking her to go against the very nature of her being. And so, she stayed. All of them watched as Moody summoned students forward one by one and made them perform outrageous tasks. Ankaa frowned. It wasn't so much as being put under the Imperius Curse that made her nervous. It was having to do stupid things in front of her classmates that was irksome. Unfortunately for her, Moody had just been waiting for an opportunity like this test her.

"Rhyther," Moody growled. "You're next."

"Fantastic," Ankaa muttered as she walked forward. She was right after Potter, who had been able to beat it. If she failed now, she would be subject to Potter's smugness no doubt.

"Your brother seemed quite talented at fending this off," Moody told her. "Let's see if you are too, shall we?"

Ankaa only inclined her head slightly. If you asked her what was happening around her, she certainly could not be able to tell you. When she saw Moody's hand come up, and his wand point right at her, her brain went into overdrive. She recalled every practice she had held with Ceph, every thought she had had when he had tried to get her.

"You have to be conscious of the fact that you're trying to resist a spell coming at you," He had advised.

Moody, when his wand was levelled with her face, muttered, "Imperio."

Ankaa was filled with a most wonderful feeling. She was aware of the tension leaving her body, as she felt an untraceable happiness settle in. All worries had left her. She was no longer concerned with Ceph entering the Triwizard Tournament, nor was she worried about her lack of development as a Seer. She wasn't even concerned about Fred's ever-growing friendship with Angelina Johnson. She was carefree and happy.

And that was wrong.

Twirl around... She heard Moody's voice in her head. Twirl around the classroom...

Ankaa was vaguely aware of herself looking at Moody with a frown. Why? Of all things to do when you're happy and carefree, twirling around?

Twirl around...

No, she told herself. You're under the Imperius Curse.

TWIRL!

NO!

And suddenly, it was as if a veil had been lifted from her brain. She felt Moody's presence leave her mind, and she blinked quickly, taking a step back. In front of her, Moody lowered his wand and watched her acutely. Ankaa was finally aware of her surroundings once more, and her classmates were all gawking at her, waiting for her to do something ridiculous.

"Well done," Moody growled, "A talented lot, aren't you?" He looked from Potter to Ankaa. He pointed his wand at her once again, and she readied herself for another bout of the Curse, but Moody only growled, "Not only did you resist, you pushed me out of your head. You and your brother have been working on Spell Resistance, haven't you?"

Ankaa nodded meekly, not wanting the class to know about it.

Moody nodded slowly as well as if he was calculating something. "Strong ones, you two are," he muttered. "Taught yourself a lot of advanced spells, haven't you?"

Ankaa did not answer. Instead, she turned back and walked back to her spot next to Draco. Draco was nodding in approval at her.

"Spell resistance, eh?"

Ankaa only snorted. "Interested?" She asked, "I'm sure I could teach you. You know, in case Moody comes after you again to turn you into a ferret."

There was only a week left before the delegates from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were scheduled to arrive. Ankaa wished she still had her Time Turner. It was uncanny how quickly time passed when one was dreading something. And though Ankaa was looking forward to the commencement of the Triwizard Tournament, she was also nervous. With all the extra homework the teachers had been piling on the students, Ankaa had found no supplementary time to practice her foresight.

Even Divination was no help. Usually, Trelawney's classroom would give her enough of a headache for her intuition to signal for one thing or another. But these days, Ankaa only got some splitting headaches.

Ankaa had started staying up late so that she could practice. Instead of walking all the way over to the Room of Requirement, she decided to just visit Mopsus' portrait in the dungeons. Almost every night, after everyone had fallen asleep, Ankaa would venture out and sneak into the Portrait Room, as she had dubbed it. Mopsus would usually be awake and would give her some tips on how to practice. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to be working so far.

"It is alright," Mopsus gave her a warm smile, "I did not expect you to grasp this concept so quickly. It takes years for witches and wizards to become fully accomplished Seers."

"I don't have years!" Ankaa retorted in frustration, "The other students will be arriving in three days! And Ceph's name will be picked out right after that!"

"Yes, but the first task is not for some time." Mopsus soothed, "You still have time. For now, you should find solace in the fact that you know your brother will be chosen. After that, we can begin training once more so you can see the first task."

Ankaa put her face in her hands, losing hope. "I can't do this," she muttered sullenly, "This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I'm not even having dreams anymore."

Mopsus was silent for a moment, and Ankaa did not dare to look up at him. Mopsus and Vablatsky had been so incredibly supportive of her, reassuring her that she was showing remarkable potential. Both of them had said, at one point, that she would be able to master the art of foresight in a few months time. Well, those months had gone by, and she was still in the same position where she had started.

"Trust yourself, Ankaa," Mopsus said softly. "You know more than you think you do." Mopsus leaned on his golden staff, looking at her, "I know you are worried, my dear, I understand that. You feel responsible for your brother, but you must also understand that your brother would not have entered the Tournament if he had not known that he was capable of winning by himself."

"So he doesn't need me?"

"Not entirely," Mopsus amended. "He needs you, but not as much as you think he does. You need not burden yourself with knowing everything that is coming."

"Can't you tell me what you see?" Ankaa asked, wringing her hands together.

Mopsus gave her a sad smile. "I am but a memory, Ankaa." He told her, "In this form, I cannot see. Only a small portion of my true self has been captured, and while I can offer you guidance, I cannot do the work for you."

Ankaa nodded. So she was still stuck in the same rut she had been in.

"Blessed is he who does not expect anything," Mopsus said sagely, "For he is never disappointed. Your brother does not expect you to tell him everything about the Tournament, Ankaa. He only expects you to stand by him as he marches forward. You will not disappoint him, you cannot disappoint him."

Ankaa knew Mopsus had meant to comfort her. In a way, it did. Ankaa knew Ceph wouldn't have entered the Tournament if he couldn't have handled some dangerous tasks. At the same time, she was a little offended by the fact that he did not have high expectations of her. Regardless, there was little Mopsus could do for her now. She bid him farewell and left the room.

Ankaa felt like there was too much happening for her to be able to sleep, so she did not return to her dorm. Instead, she wandered the halls. Finally, when her stomach growled, she decided to head for the kitchens. It took her longer than usual to get there, seeing as she didn't have the Marauder's Map anymore and she had to stop and check every hallway before advancing. But the fact that she had missed dinner was a strong motivator in keeping her moving.

"... want to enter." Someone was saying when she entered the kitchens.

"I suppose," A feminine voice answered softly, "I'll be lucky. I'm turning seventeen right before the Tournament starts."

It was Angelina, Fred and George. Ankaa paused by the entrance ground her teeth. Of all the places to run into Fred and Angelina, it had to be the kitchens when she was absolutely starving. Ankaa had intended to just sit there and stuff her face. She obviously couldn't do that now with perfect Angelina Johnson looking at her. A small part of her wanted to leave, to not face Angelina and Fred. But then she realized how completely irrational that was. The kitchens were a public place, and she would be damned if she was hiding from her crush's crush.

How sad, she mused.

She cleared her throat to announce her presence. Upon spotting her, Fred and George gave her identical smiles. Angelina seemed a bit hesitant, but she gave Ankaa a cordial smile nonetheless. When George waved her over, she took a seat beside him (seeing as Angelina was warming up Fred's side).

"What brings you here?" George asked.

"Food?" Ankaa piped back sarcastically. "That's usually what people do in a kitchen."

George frowned. "Right, my fault."

There was a short, awkward silence that passed over the group. Jovially, Fred piped up, "This is Angelina Johnson, our Quidditch team captain extraordinaire, and Angelina this is Ankaa."

Wow.

The only way her introduction could have been more simple and insulting were if Fred had just pointed at her and said, 'Angelina, meet this random girl'. Either way, Ankaa gave Angelina a tight smile. She wasn't about to get on Fred's bad side (once again) by acting snobby. Angelina smiled back.

"It's nice to meet you," she said, holding out her hand. She almost squished Ankaa's hand when she shook it. Ankaa wasn't sure if that was just the way she shook hands with everyone or if she was just being territorial. Either way, when Ankaa pulled her hand away and under the table, she massaged it gently. Crazy woman.

"So you're planning on entering the Tournament, then?" Ankaa asked.

Angelina smiled widely, "Yes. It'll be exciting, I think. And the prize is a great incentive too."

"I bet," Fred muttered, sad. "Wish we could have entered."

"So close and yet so far." The twins muttered together.

Angelina snorted, "So close and yet so far would have been the stunt you pulled in your first year, remember that?" The three of the laughed at the memory. Ankaa just smiled awkwardly. Angelina, having noticed, offered a short explanation, "Sorry, it's an inside joke. That was rude of us. Anyway, so what about you?"

"... What about me?"

"Is your brother going to enter?" Angelina clarified. How was that about her?

"Oh yeah," Fred answered her enthusiastically before Ankaa could even open her mouth. "Ceph was pretty excited." Ankaa raised a brow. She had never seen Fred this desperate to talk to someone.

"Cepheus Rhyther, right?" Angelina asked, "That's your brother?" She blushed slightly, something only Ankaa seemed to have caught on to. "He's pretty good at magic. I'm sure if he'll be chosen, he'll do great!" Ankaa snorted mentally. How ironic that the girl Fred liked was into her brother. Well, not entirely into him but she was interested nonetheless.

"Hmm," Ankaa hummed, "He'll be glad to know he has fans."

Angelina smiled embarrassingly.

Fred, who seemed way too eager to change the subject, said, "Well you've got fans too. Zabini—"

George snorted, "If that's your definition of a fan, Fred—"

Fred shook his head, "No, no. But you have to admit, Ankaa has a talent for making people nervous."

"I wish I could make boys nervous," Angelina sighed wishfully, resting her elbow on the table and resting her chin upon her hand. Ankaa noticed Fred glanced at Angelina quickly.

"I find that threatening them usually does the trick," Ankaa answered, flipping her hair back. Beside her, George laughed, clapping her on the back. Angelina cracked a smile, and so did Fred. Fred wasn't smiling at Ankaa's response though, he was smiling at Angelina's smile. Ankaa frowned slightly when her stomach lurched.

She was probably just hungry.

"Anyway," Fred announced as he got up. "We should probably be getting back." He helped Angelina up and walked to the door with her.

"You coming?" George asked once he stood up as well.

Ankaa shook her head. "No," she said softly, "I wanted to get some food first."

"Oh," George nodded. "We can wait for you."

"She's a big girl, George!" Fred called from the door, "She can take care of herself." Fred waved at Ankaa excitedly before leaving the kitchens. Angelina gave her a small wave and followed Fred. George turned back to Ankaa with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry," He apologized, "Fred gets a bit excited when Angelina's involved."

Ankaa nodded sarcastically, "Really? I hadn't noticed."

George laughed. "We'll see you around?" When she nodded, George flicked her temple once before leaving as well.

With a sigh, Ankaa took a muffin from one of the house elves before leaving as well. She wasn't even hungry anymore. She felt a little sick, but the thought of her eating something made her even more nauseous.

Ankaa wished she could hate Angelina, but the girl had been nothing but cordial towards her. She could understand why Fred liked her. Angelina was tall, sporty, funny (a little missing in the head, but Fred hardly seemed concerned about that), and most of all she was a Gryffindor. Angelina was nice, appallingly nice at that. Fred most likely thought of Ankaa as a tomboy who went around abusing her friends and giving them all Ton-Tongue Toffees in an effort to threaten them. Angelina, on the other hand, was all about rainbows and unicorns.

She hated this feeling. She hated watched Fred so closely that she probably knew his feelings for Angelina better than she did. With a frown, Ankaa turned over in bed. She tried to sleep, but she just couldn't.

Ugh, stupid feelings.

In the blink of an eye, it seemed, October thirtieth had arrived. Hogwarts was buzzing in excitement, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the other schools. Ankaa, on the other hand, was dreading it. For now, Ceph hadn't asked her a lot about her visions. He seemed perfectly content in knowing that he would be chosen. But Ankaa knew that the moment he had been chosen, he would begin to ask her about that First Task so he could begin his preparations well in advance.

She could see how excited Ceph was on the morning of the thirtieth of October when she walked into the Great Hall for breakfast. Ceph, Higgs, and Pucey were some of the only Slytherins she recognized on the table. The rest of her friends had yet to come to the Hall.

"Oi, Ankaa!"

Ankaa turned to the Gryffindor table, where Fred and George were sitting with Ronald, Harry, and Hermione. Fred was waving her over frantically. Cocking a brow in wonder, Ankaa walked over to the group.

When she got closer, George gave her a smile. "We were wondering if you knew anything about the Triwizard Tournament?"

Ankaa narrowed her eyes at him. "I know... enough, I suppose," she admitted hesitantly.

"Perfect," Fred exclaimed and pulled her down so she was sitting with them at their table. Ankaa would have retaliated, of course, she would have, but she was a little more preoccupied with the fact that Fred's hand was holding hers. Well, he wasn't holding it exactly—he was just gripping her wrist. But it felt warm nonetheless. Merlin, even she felt warm.

"Can you tell us about it then?"

Ankaa blinked up at him in confusion, "About... what?"

Fred looked from George to Ankaa. "The Tournament!" He said, in a 'duh' tone.

"Oh," Ankaa bit her lip. "I don't want to ruin the surprise for you."

"But you know," Ronald grimaced. "How is it that she knows and we don't?"

Ankaa stood with a huff, "Well if you're going to be like that—"

Fred only gripped her wrist and pulled her down once more. This time, Ankaa glared at him. She was growing tired of being manhandled. Fred and George looked to their younger brother.

"She probably read about it," George guessed.

"Yeah," Fred continued, "You'd know it too if you'd open a book."

Ronald turned away from them, offended. Ankaa glanced at her watch. The rest of the Slytherins would be making their way down soon, and she didn't want to have to explain to them why she was sitting with the Gryffindor students. She could have come up with an excuse, no doubt, but that kind of energy was just too much for a morning.

"Look, all I've seen is that there's a Goblet of some sort," Ankaa explained quietly. "People put their names in it, and I'm guessing the Goblet's whats been charmed to choose someone. Other than that, I can't tell you much."

"Why do we need the dress robes then?" Ronald asked, excitedly. At the thought of his own dress robes, his shoulders slumped, "The ones Mum packed for me are hideous."

Ankaa only smirked, "Oh that I won't be telling you, you'll just have to wait and find out yourselves."

"So you—"

"Of course I know, Ronald." Ankaa rolled her eyes. At that point, Ronald decided he had had enough of Ankaa's retorts, and he turned back and started stuffing his face with scrambled eggs. Ankaa stood up, "Besides, you'll find out today anyway. I'm sure even you can control yourself for a few hours. I have a feeling you'll quite enjoy the arrival of the Durmstrang students."

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