Dallas, Texas

"…I'm so glad you're taking seriously what Doctor Williams said about facilitating relationships. I know he was talking about you, John Ross, and your daddy when he said that, but I think the broader point applies and I'm very proud of you. I know how you feel about Jack, so to see you trying to change your attitude and make an effort with him pleases me greatly…" Eavesdropping on JR and Miss Ellie's conversation from across the room as she observed Lucy, Bobby, and John Ross practice rolling a ball back and forth, Sue Ellen stayed silent as she strained to listen to what was being said between mother and son as well as at the other end of the room between uncle and nephew. "…a night out might be good for JR… You boys go ahead and have fun…" Only able to make out small snippets of both conversations, she had mixed feelings. She was thrilled Miss Ellie was finally making an effort to approach JR with positive comments on his actions, he needed that, and knowing JR and Jack were making an effort with each other was positive too. On the side of the coin though, the positivity and potential closeness between cousins worried her, not because she didn't want JR to have pals, but because Jack, Bobby, and JR were all in different places in their lives and she was all too aware that JR had the ability to ignore those differences if he really wished to.

She trusted JR, mostly, but in moments of insecurity she wondered whether there was any chance that the reason he was faithful to her now was because there were fewer opportunities for him to stray, rather than because he had turned a corner and seen the error of his ways. Jock had failed JR in many ways, but controlling the amount of opportunities he had for infidelity 'for business' was not one of them, he had been disgusted by his eldest son's actions and scared by her reaction to them and he had done what he could to prevent things from worsening. With JR's apologies and commitment to marriage counselling had come what really seemed like real change, at the office and at home, going out with Bobby and Jack, two single men, though, might challenge him and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. She knew for a fact that her husband didn't go without, they had a very satisfying marriage, but she also knew he had next to no friends to influence his behaviour and very few opportunities in business to stray anymore, so it did worry her that he was about to enter a situation where temptation was present and she wasn't.

Luckily for Sue Ellen, what she lacked in confidence she made up for in rationality; JR had cheated before and she could never forget that, but they had come so far in their marriage that it seemed juvenile and unfair to focus on the negative instead of the positive. There were a lot of positive things about their marriage now, one being that they could and did communicate openly and honestly, and with that in mind, she knew that as soon as they left Southfork and were alone again, they would talk. For now, she held her tongue and tried to enjoy what was, especially since aside from her insecurities about JR's upcoming evening plans, things actually seemed to be going well.

She had spoken to Lucy earlier and her suspicions regarding her intentions the previous night had been confirmed; Lucy seemed to have no explanation for her rudeness other than that she hadn't realised she'd pushed too far until JR, Jock, and Miss Ellie had reprimanded her, and beside her brief period of bratty behaviour, she was back to herself again. The rest of the family seemed to be enjoying their day too, Jock had pulled JR aside earlier and she was yet to talk to him alone to find out what had been said, but since JR seemed ok now, she wasn't too concerned. As for Bobby and Jack, she appreciated the fact that things between them and JR seemed to be moving along nicely. Bobby and JR had never been extremely close, in fact, at this point she was probably closer to Bobby than JR was, but she was supportive of them building a relationship, even if Bobby had told her earlier that he thought JR had an attitude problem. Jack was one she still wasn't sure about but she was keen to get to know, not that he was in Dallas to get to know her, but if he was going to be around, which it seemed like he was, despite JR's objections, she'd at least like to know a bit more about him.

"…well, uh, thank you mama. I'm trying; I don't like the situation and I won't pretend that I do, daddy knows that, but I'm trying my best to tolerate it and make an effort, so thank you for recognising that…" Trying not to appear to be listening in on conversations she wasn't involved in, Sue Ellen knew for a fact that her actions were beginning to come at the expense of her responsibilities when she jumped at the feeling of small hands clawing at her leg and looked down to see John Ross pouting at her feet. Following the line of his arm toward what he was pointing at, she knew immediately what he wanted, his mother to play with him, and she felt bad knowing she had disappointed him enough to the point where he demanded her attention. He was little and hadn't really developed many verbal skills beyond repetitive sounds, but most of the time she didn't have trouble understanding what he wanted, now was one of those times. Leaning down to pick him up, she gave him a quick hug as if to apologise before taking his squirming as a hint to put him down and actually play with him.

"Ball, ball, can you say ball John Ross?" Swapping places with Bobby, she took a seat across from Lucy, close to John Ross, and conscious of the fact that she was her son's primary caregiver, she was supposed to be his first teacher and she should be trying to teach him as well as just please him, she attempted to do so. When he responded with the same "baba" sounds as he usually did though, as if it were the correct word, and Lucy just laughed, causing John Ross to laugh too, she wondered if perhaps she was thinking too much. John Ross was clearly happy now, surely that happiness was worth more than some kind of measurable skill, especially when he was so young still.

As with John Ross, she considered that perhaps she was thinking too much about everything; she was a worrier, she spent a lot of time worrying and trying to figure out how to solve potential problems and there was a possibility that in dong that, she was missing out on less serious things that were happening. She had lost a fair amount of time in her early marriage feeling miserable because of the pressures she put on herself, theoretically, she now had the things she had wanted the most back then, so she should be happy, but for some insane reason, her brain was always thinking, not just enjoying the present. She probably had too much time to think sometimes, like JR, she had few close friends, even if she tried to make and maintain connections, and with the financial position she and JR were in, she didn't have to consider many responsibilities when scheduling her day; John Ross, JR, and their lives together was pretty much it. She had hobbies and she didn't think of herself as boring, but maybe she was. Maybe she was just overthinking things though, with her that was a very real possibility.

"Mama. Lala. Baba", hearing John Ross babbling again, she smiled to herself and down at him; he did know what he was talking about, he just didn't yet have the ability to properly articulate himself and that was ok. What mattered most now was what was happening at present, not what would happen months down the line or even what was happening in conversations that she wasn't a participant in; her time to know what was said would come, she didn't need to dedicate so much energy to being nosy. Instead, the best use of her time now was being a mother, her son wanted her and was happy to have her around and it was good for him to have her around, and since she had very few tasks in her life that actually required her attention, motherhood really was a worthy way to spend her time.

To be continued…