Dallas, Texas

"…Sue Ellen, I don't want to raise my voice, but I have to warn you, this conversation is getting to that point. I thought we moved on from this a long time ago, especially when we spent a long session discussing with Doctor Williams Julie's presence at the office. I remember clearly that we discussed that you trust me and you've forgiven me and we agreed to move on, and up until now I believed that was true, but this conversation has me reconsidering. I don't want to have to explain myself every time I do something without you, which by the way, is rare, because if you haven't realised yet, I love you, I love John Ross, and I'm not interested in jeopardising what we've built here for some meaningless encounter. I made mistakes in the past and it took me a long time to realise that life wasn't meant to be lived that way, but I really thought we'd moved on from me being the bad guy; I really thought our relationship was stronger than this".

"I am going to go out with Bobby and Jack tonight, and if things go as everyone seems to want them to go, I might even have fun, but I know the limits, I know I'm married and that's more than just a word. When I leave at the end of the night, it will be to come home to you and only you, I promise… I don't know how good that promise is to you if you continue to distrust me though…" Trying hard not to raise his voice, JR was sure his frustration was still very clear from the tone he used when speaking. He understood part of his wife's perspective, he had hurt her in the past and those scars remained, even though the wounds weren't fresh, at the same time though, he had a hard time finding new ways to explain exactly how sorry he was and how things were different now. If he stated his feelings too matter-of-factly they sounded disingenuous, but emotional discussions were new territory for him and there were only so many ways he knew how to express himself. He had done what he had done in the past and he had justified it in a way that he now understood was completely wrong, factually and emotionally. The present wasn't the past though, things really were different now, he had come so far since they'd first started their relationship, and their relationship itself had developed beyond what it had originally been. To continue reverting back to old insecurities confused and frustrated him, he was different, they were different, everything was different now, at some point that 'different' needed to become the new normal, they couldn't keep living with his past lingering in the back of her mind, ready to use against him in an argument, that wasn't fair or healthy. He had honestly believed their progress had built a new normal, but their discussion now made him believe it hadn't.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep coming back to the same old problems. I do trust you and I do think our relationship is stronger now than it was back then, so rationally I know it should be different, but this is all very reminiscent of the past and you know what thinking about the past does to me. I understand that you rarely do anything social without me anymore, and believe me, I understand more than anything how much John Ross and our family means to you, as well as how much you have truly grown since the beginning of our relationship, like I just said though, thinking about the past gets me going. The fact that this is the first time in a long time that you're going out socially without me does heighten my anxiety and insecurity, whether it should or not. I trust you and I want you to go and have fun, because I really do think it would be nice for you, Bobby, and Jack to get to know each other. It sounds crazy, but I really just needed to hear you tell me again how you feel and think about things now, and now that you have, I do feel better".

Suppressing a smile as he listened to Sue Ellen speaking, JR couldn't help but wonder whether all marriages were like theirs or whether they were unique? It now appeared that they were arguing about nothing and instead of feeling more infuriated by the pointlessness of their conversation now that he knew it was exactly that, pointless, he was instead amused and his mood was beginning to lighten. If Sue Ellen was anybody else, he would find her indecisiveness, insecurity, and repetition unbearable, but luckily for her, she wasn't just anybody, she was the woman he loved, despite all of her confusing behaviour. Love was a strange thing, as was marriage; love somehow dulled the impact of certain behaviours and heightened the impact of others, and marriage was like nothing else he'd ever experienced, not that he had many serious relationships with women to compare Sue Ellen to, but still, his relationship with Sue Ellen was incomparable to his relationship with anyone else.

"That's it? Darlin', I'll tell you that every day if it will keep you happy, believe me, it'll probably save my health in the long run", allowing his amused smile to finally break through and replace his straight, serious facial expression, he took a step closer to her and took hold of her hand. "I'll make you a promise here and now, tonight, and any other occasion where there will be temptation, I will always be your husband and I will always remember what that means. I can't guarantee I'll never be in the vicinity of another woman again, that's unrealistic considering some aspects of my job, and the rare occasions I do things like I'll be doing with Bobby and Jack tonight. I can tell you now though that I do not intend to do anything to jeopardise our marriage, and I don't intend to put myself in a situation where my judgement lapses and things get out of control".

"I like the way our marriage is now, believe me, I probably like it too much sometimes. I like working hard for our family, I like coming home to you and John Ross, and I like when we spend weekends together just the three of us, or any time it's just the two of us. Some days I feel like I could happily live without concerning myself with everything that goes on at Southfork, in fact, it sounds terrible, because I do want to try to make things work with mama and daddy, but as much as I can find enjoyable moments with the family at Southfork, I always look forward to leaving. I know it sounds incredibly dull when I say it aloud, especially since I'm JR Ewing and I've worked hard to cultivate a certain image and this goes against that reputation, but it's true. I work hard at Ewing Oil, I always have, and in the past, before we were together, the reward I sought for that hard work was money, power, and women, now it's different, I still want money and power, and I have it, but the women I've swapped for one woman and our little boy upstairs. It's nice to have someone to share my success with, before we met I didn't have that, and I didn't know I wanted it, but now that I have it, I definitely want it".

Staying still as he spoke, he waited for Sue Ellen to listen to what he had just told her and react to it herself before he made any further moves. "I want that too. I love you JR, and I trust you", immediately relaxing as she confirmed that their 'argument' was over, he met her halfway as she leaned up to kiss him. Briefly contemplating the fact that if their relationship was simpler they could've done exactly as they were doing without all of the talking they had just done, he soon stopped thinking, instead focusing on doing, though their actions were so natural together he didn't really have to focus too much. He and Sue Ellen fit together nicely, even if she was an emotional mess sometimes and he didn't always know exactly how he was supposed to act; overall, they had a good relationship, and even when they didn't, they always managed to work things out, that was part of who they were now, they communicated, for better, or for worse.

To be continued…