Dallas, Texas

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with, especially on such short notice; I hope I'm not keeping you from something else". Taking a seat across the table from Pamela at her table at a small, quaint restaurant, Sue Ellen felt shy and uneasy, but also relieved; she didn't really know what to expect, but if Pamela's facial expression told her anything, her worst case scenario was unlikely to play out. After a very short phone conversation, Pamela had agreed to meet her to talk, either because she had made a convincing argument for wanting to explain, or because she sounded pathetically vulnerable on the phone and despite being a Ewing-hater, Pamela was a kind person; from the few words they'd exchanged, she wasn't sure which it was. From the way Pamela was looking at her now, she felt it was safe to assume they wouldn't be drawing any unwanted attention to themselves due to unladylike behaviour, deeper than that though, she just couldn't tell; people could be polite while still being distant, she knew that from personal experience.

"You sounded like you needed someone to talk to, it would be rude not to at least give you that, after all, every time we've spoken in the past you've always been receptive to listening to me. About your other question, no, you're not keeping me; I do have plans later, but they're not set in stone, so please, if you really need to talk, don't feel like you have to rush on my account. If you've come to plead the case of the Ewings though, please don't, Bobby already tried that and I'm sorry, but I can't accept the excuses he made and I can't forget the way his lack of empathy toward my family made me feel". With a similar sense of uneasiness to Sue Ellen, Pamela responded, wavering somewhere between wanting to defend her family before the inevitable attack came, and wanting to sound like a nice, supportive person, because Sue Ellen had always been kind and pleasant to her. It wouldn't do to be too open and welcoming, such actions would likely only deepen the pain they would both feel once the Barnes/Ewing history surfaced again, which it eventually would, even if they tried to consciously avoid the topic.

"I won't lie, your argument with Bobby has come up in conversation and I would like to explain things from a different perspective, but if you really don't want to hear it, I won't. You're right in your assumption that I need someone to talk to though, not about Jock and your daddy, about me, and you, and… life I suppose". Deciding to respect Pamela's wishes, because she could tell from her tone of voice that she wasn't joking about her feelings regarding the situation with her family and the Ewing family, Sue Ellen was still somewhat vague about what exactly she did want to speak about, because although they were talking, they still weren't actually close. Sometimes she didn't notice it, but then at other times it hit her hard, she had barely any friends and the act of making friends wasn't easy or simple now that she was an adult rather than a teenager or a college student. It was hard to find someone that she liked, mutually liked her, and was actually looking to add another friend to their life; pushing that person too hard would likely scare her off, sending her right back to step one again.

"I'm listening", setting aside the menu she had leafed through but had barely read, Pam held eye contact with Sue Ellen and waited for her to elaborate on what she meant, because for a woman who had asked her to meet to talk, she sure wasn't all that proactive with her talking. "Ok, well, I don't quite know how to phrase it, but I feel like something is missing in my life and I keep looking to try to find something to complete me, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, I really am happy, but there are moments where I can't help but question why I still feel less than happy sometimes…" Listening to more of Sue Ellen's vague comments, she sat silently for a moment, studying her appearance for clues as to what exactly she was referring to, because right now, she didn't have a clue. Sue Ellen had never struck her as unhappy, so she believed her when she said she was happy, but even with that belief, she couldn't shake the memory of her quiet voice on the phone earlier, and the distant way she was speaking now was equally as puzzling to her.

"Forgive me Sue Ellen, but what does all of this have to do with me? I don't know how to make you happy, I don't even really know you…" Focusing on Pamela's face rather than looking beyond her, not really seeing her, Sue Ellen was hit harder by her companion's words than she expected; it wasn't incorrect to say they didn't really know each other, because they didn't, but it felt like a rejection nonetheless. Taking a sip of her water, she mentally went through Pamela's comment again though, this time trying not to allow her emotions to cloud what it was that Pamela was actually saying, and as she did, things actually did become a bit clearer to her. "I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. My problems don't really have anything to do with you personally, you just fit the specifications of what I sometimes think I need to help me and I'm getting ahead of myself, but I really would like to try to see if we could make it work. What I mean is, I meet a lot of women through my various activities, sadly most of them are acquaintances, in fact, you and I are probably just acquaintances at the moment, but I'd like to change that. I'm probably being optimistic, because you probably already have enough, but I suppose there's no harm in asking; I need and want a friend, and I know it's complicated, but I'd like you to be that friend".

It was unconventional to say the least, she'd never personally asked anyone to be friends or heard of anyone else doing such a thing, in her previous experience and from what she observed of the society around her, most friendships just evolved naturally, but in her previous experience too, just waiting for things to develop didn't always work. Being an adult was different to being a child, a teenager, or a young, unmarried woman, and where other people seemed to adapt just fine to the changes in social behaviours, she appeared to have difficulty. Subtlety and slow progression didn't seem to work for her, or perhaps it was just that they didn't work in her social situation, she wasn't sure, either way, something had to change, and with the skills she had gained from her sessions with Doctor Williams, she felt like she had enough agency to steer her life toward what she wanted. The decision wasn't hers to make alone though, much like a good marriage, a friendship wasn't one-sided. Watching Pamela closely as she considered what she had just said, Sue Ellen found herself comparing friendship to marriage in another regard too; if it was this difficult to wait for an answer to a question regarding potential friendship, she imagined it was even more difficult to make the first move in potential romantic situations. In some respects, she now had more respect and appreciation for JR, and on a lesser scale, all of the other men who had asked her out on dates, it wasn't easy to show your emotional cards without any guarantee of reciprocation.

Seeing Pamela opening her mouth to speak, her previous thoughts drifted to the back of her mind and were replaced by more anxious thoughts regarding the present, real situation. Pamela had an answer for her and although she had stated that there was no harm in asking, she wasn't sure that was true if the answer Pamela gave was different to the one she was hoping for.

To be continued…