Dallas, Texas

"Sue Ellen!" stopping in her tracks as she heard her name being called from somewhere in the distance, Sue Ellen turned and smiled as she put a face to the voice and noted why it sounded so far off; Bobby was on his horse a few hundred yards from her, and Southfork, though he was getting closer every second. Watching him, she moved closer to the fence and waited, thinking about the way things were at present as she did. After a morning of charity work, she felt good about herself, she enjoyed helping people and feeling useful; being back at Southfork now though, she was glad to hold the position she did in life and she felt grateful for the life she led. She loved being able to choose how she spent her time, more specifically, being able to spend as much time as she did with John Ross, without the stress and responsibility of balancing domestic responsibilities on top of that.

JR had made his opinion clear regarding her socialising with people in a different social position to her and while she didn't completely agree with him, she did see his point. She was lucky, her weekdays consisted of breakfast with her family, she and John Ross would then see JR off for work, then the next nine or so hours were hers to do with what she wished; at first that had been daunting, but now that she was involved in a few activities outside the home, it was nice. She wanted friends to spend some of her extra time with, but she wasn't unhappy with how things were at present; it was nice to spend a few hours doing voluntary work, riding her horse, taking John Ross out to the park, shopping, attending playgroups, spending time with Lucy and Miss Ellie, and generally not having to worry about life. Things weren't perfect, she and JR still attended sessions with Doctor Williams twice a week, and there were times when it felt like all she did was repeat the same activities in a loop because they were just things she did to pass the time, but considering the freedom of choice she had, things were pretty good.

JR was right when he pointed out that she didn't have to worry about things other people did and that was nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes she felt like she did get too deep into her thoughts for her own good and that perspective was actually necessary to hear to things that brought her back to reality. There was a balance that had to be reached in her life; she couldn't do nothing with her time, if the past indicated anything it was that doing nothing literally began the process of a mental breakdown; she didn't want to do everything though, even if sometimes she thought she did and it would be nice to feel more needed. It was times like this, today, when she had an activity for herself to occupy her morning, but she was then able to return to Southfork for lunch with Miss Ellie and John Ross, and she still had a whole afternoon free, that she realised how lucky and happy she was to not be an ordinary housewife or working woman.

Her mother had ensured she was more than capable of performing domestic duties to a high standard, however, she had never intended for her to have to use her skills for anything more than impressing a man, to show that she was marriage material. Her mother's lessons had worked; JR loved her housewifely days, though he had never expressed a desire for her to play the role full time, nor did their social or financial situation require her to. Instead, she could do as she wished with her time, and as it was, she wished to participate in some activities for herself, some for her family, and some for others. She was nearing complete contentment, but she wasn't quite there yet, she wanted a friend, a proper friend, and she didn't quite have one yet, so while life was good and she was grateful for what she had, there were still things she was working on.

Sometimes, she wondered how JR put up with her, clearly he loved her, because there were times when she even confused herself with the way her moods and thoughts changed by the day. Even now, she felt that the opinions she had expressed just the previous day were changing, she had made a point to remind JR of her efforts to make friends, without success, and he had responded with a remark about her looking in the wrong places, something she hadn't wanted to acknowledge as possibly true. She still thought it was worth it to at least try to explore friendship with Pamela, but she was also more understanding now of what he had meant when he'd willed her to look for a friend who was similar to her. The DOA ladies were about the extent of her social interaction with other wealthy women, however, there had to be other women out there that were like her, young, wealthy, and looking for more than superficial, competitive relationships.

She had explored the opportunities for friendship that currently existed in her life and so far none of them had really amounted to more than acquaintanceship, but that was ok, she wasn't limited; she could continue with the activities she was involved in while also looking for other things and people to involve herself with. She was free if she wanted to be, it really was up to her to change things for herself if she wasn't happy with how they were. If she didn't want her life to 'just' be a continuous loop of charity work, horse riding, and motherhood related activities, then it didn't have to be, she had to make a move to change things though, no one else would do it for her. The confusing thing was, sometimes she did want more, other times she was perfectly happy with exactly what she had; right now, she was very happy, she had done something for herself and for others earlier and she was ready again to give her son her complete attention. While she knew she had to make a bigger life for herself if that was what she wanted, at present she didn't even think it was what she wanted; that truth alone was enough to confuse her.

"Afternoon", coming to a stop by the fence separating the ranch paddocks from the house, Bobby's presence startled Sue Ellen, because even though she had been watching him riding toward her, she had been completely lost in her muddled and conflicting thoughts. "Hi", looking up at him as he tipped his hat and nodded at her, she made a mental note to speak to Doctor Williams about how she was feeling and whether it was normal to want one thing one minute only to see a completely different side the next. "Are you working or just riding?" making general conversation, because she didn't want to turn her relationship with Bobby into something that revolved only around their mutual interest in Pamela, she was pleased when he laughed and responded with more than just one word. "I'm working, taking a little break for lunch though, thought I'd come visit my nephew", feeling her smile grow as he mentioned John Ross, she was reminded of exactly why she was content with the way things were at present. She had to have things in her life that weren't completely related to being a mother, they gave her time to breathe and reminded her she did have other interests and talents, when she was in her motherly role and frame of mind though, she loved it, perhaps not when John Ross was inconsolable, but the rest of the time.

"You're just in time then, that's what I'm here for too", speaking casually to Bobby as she watched him dismount and tend to Ace, she considered the other part of what she had come to Southfork for, Miss Ellie. Her mother-in-law was an important person in her life and she was grateful to have her around; she was trying hard to distance herself from relying too heavily on her for support though, because it wasn't healthy for her to have only one friend and that friend be someone who had to fulfil another role in her life. She was trying to separate herself a bit from the situation with Miss Ellie and JR too, they needed space to figure out their relationship and she didn't want to crowd them. Not wanting to appear to be interfering in their relationship didn't mean she couldn't still be close with Miss Ellie though, she was still the closest thing she had to a real mother figure, and she was a wonderful grandmother to John Ross, so she wanted to keep their closeness, she just wanted to make sure she maintained some boundaries.

"Good. Shall we then?" jumping the fence and waving his hand toward the house, Bobby's smile made his good mood very clear and Sue Ellen had to wonder whether that was because he'd had a good weekend with his brother and cousin, whether he was happy out on the ranch, or whether, like her, he'd moved things along with Pamela. She hoped it was a combination of all three, because it seemed like he'd been having a bit of a hard time lately and she did really want him to be happy, selfishly, she hoped his happiness wasn't based solely on one thing though, because the other two benefited her too. She wanted him to be happy not only romantically because he'd been single for so long, but fraternally too, with JR, because she wanted JR to make friends, perhaps with Bobby and Jack; finally, she wanted him to be happy ranching, because it was where he belonged, and because it meant he was out of Ewing Oil for good. Like with Miss Ellie, she liked feeling her opinions were valued, though she didn't want to appear to be interfering in his life, so instead of telling him exactly how she felt about each part of his life, she instead nodded, smiled and followed his lead toward the house.

To be continued…