Dallas, Texas

Watching as their waitress walked away from their the table, Pam sipped her drink, buying herself some time before speaking; she had a few things she wanted to say to Sue Ellen but she knew she had to be delicate in her approach because things were still new between them and she didn't yet know Sue Ellen's boundaries and vulnerabilities. In their past interactions, Sue Ellen had been the one trying persuade her to look at things differently, which she hadn't exactly appreciated at the time; now the roles were reversed and she knew she potentially faced the same reaction she had given Sue Ellen.

With the table cleared, the waitress gone and the silence between them nearing the limit for which it could be described as comfortable, she placed her glass back down on the table and spoke again, trying hard not to sound like she was trying to be mean in her assessment of Sue Ellen's lack of active choices or self-confidence. "Sue Ellen? Forgive me if this sounds pushy or rude, I certainly don't mean it that way, but I've been thinking about what you told me on Saturday and what we've just discussed, about wanting friends and having little luck finding them where you've looked so far. I think you're limiting yourself too much, choosing things that are too comfortable or too specific. From everything you've just told me and everything I already knew about you, I know that you definitely have more people skills than you give yourself credit for. On a superficial level too, you're pretty and have a good sense of style. I barely know you, but there's nothing about you personally that makes me think there's anything stopping you from making friends with other girls, I think it's really just the people you're targeting, and where you're targeting them that's the problem. Look at us here, now, we've discussed fashion, dancing, dating, cheer, and entertainment, and not once have you had to fall back onto facts about your son's recent developments, or had to feign interest in how many words I can type per minute. I think you're more interesting and more complete than you give yourself credit for and I think your safe, conservative choices are only adding weight to that opinion".

"Now, please, before you get angry, just hear me out; I think you need to take a step further out of your comfort zone if you want more friends and a fuller social life, I know you can, you did it with me and I was someone who had hesitations about this whole thing. I think instead of volunteering a couple of days a week in a well-meaning, but limiting role, if you're looking for friends, you'd be better off working in a store like I used to. In my own experience, some of my closest friends are girls I worked with and I think that closeness comes not only from spending time together, but actually getting to know each other well and really working together, bonding over things we shared rather than our life circumstance similarities. There's something to be said for having someone you enjoy being around when unpacking boxes of pantyhose or refolding clothes customers have left out. I don't work in retail anymore but I still see a lot of those girls, because they are my friends, not just former co-workers. I know you don't need to work for the money, but I think if you're doing something with your love of fashion and it's not working for you like you want it to, there's no harm in trying something new".

"I think the same could be said for all of the other activities you mentioned being a part of too, activities you didn't specify just now that you joined specifically for the social interaction, but from what you said during our talk on Saturday I get the impression that's what you did. There's nothing wrong with quitting something because it's not working; I should take my own advice more often in that regard, but I think the point still stands; it's ok to seek friends who can relate to your situation, but if that's all you have in common I don't see the harm in moving on. Friendship is just like dating in that respect; you don't keep seeing men that you don't see any future with, that's just a waste of time and energy, instead, you move on to the next man that's interested and keep trying until you find one you like and who likes you. Does any of that make sense? Or am I completely missing the mark here?"

Seeing the flash of emotions on Sue Ellen's face as she spoke, Pam was surprised and confused when Sue Ellen eventually settled on a glassy-eyed smile, giving no real indication of her genuine feelings. The silence that followed made Sue Ellen's feelings a little clearer though, because where their silence before had been a relatively comfortable natural breather in the conversation, the atmosphere between them now was markedly different, it was more tense. Confusingly though, things changed again a few moments later, "no, you're not, what you're saying makes sense. I did tell you that I meet a lot of women through my various activities but sadly most of them are acquaintances and I suppose it's true that perhaps it's worked out that way because I do choose do pursue things that are more comfortable or convenient than they are full of opportunity. I think you make a good point about trying something different, I'd like to think that's what I'm doing here with you though. I know I could do more, I could get a job, or put myself out there completely, trying things without wondering whether it's the right fit for me first, I don't know if I could do all of that and still maintain the amount of attention I give to the things I consider most important in my life though. My marriage and our family are extremely important to me, I've spent years carefully working on creating the familial life I always wanted and JR and I always talked about, and I don't know if making drastic changes so quickly would be a good idea".

"I appreciate your comments regarding my personality though, you have no idea how nice it is to realise I haven't completely changed, that I do still possess some of traits I knew I did a few years ago. Considering that, I think what you're saying is worth really looking into. I'm not interested in working in a paid job, it's nothing to do with the money, it's simply the lifestyle just doesn't work with the values JR and I hold. What I'm interested in and what I feel silly for not having considered is simply changing the commitments I have; you're right, I don't have to continue doing the same things and seeing the same people if I don't feel I'm getting as much as I could out of them. I don't know whether I would go as far as to say I volunteer because I'm looking for social interaction, I think that makes me sound selfish, I really do like helping people; John Ross' playgroup though I concede to that point. I don't see wanting to make friends in the same situation as me as a bad thing though; we've already established that I don't have a large group of existing friends, let alone friends who can relate when I talk about motherhood, I need someone to talk to and I'd really like John Ross to have friends of his own".

"I probably I sound like I'm making excuses, which in a way I suppose I am, it's just, I want things to change, but not too much too soon. I love being with my son, so I don't have any interest in filling my calendar during the daytime with more hours away from him than I currently spend; nights are different, he sleeps through the night and I feel more comfortable going out when he's asleep. I wish I could use some of the time we spend together during the day with others more productively though; he benefits from the social interaction we get, this is really more about me and the dissatisfaction I feel. Like I said though, I'm not upset with you, I think you made some good points, it's just how I go about making those changes that I'm not so sure about".

Listening to Sue Ellen's response, Pam was relieved when she appeared to react calmly, despite her earlier mixed emotions and then emotional closure. What surprised her about Sue Ellen's response was how much thought she put into parenting and her family; she had thought before that Sue Ellen overanalysed things because she didn't have much else going on in her life, but now she had to wonder if it was more than that. Sue Ellen seemed to use her son and her marriage as a shield against things she was uncomfortable with and that was really something she would have to work on if she wanted to create her own happiness. It wasn't unbelievable that JR wouldn't support his wife going out to work, however, she did think it was a bit much that Sue Ellen used him and their shared values as an excuse not to even try to think about something in the same vein. There were plenty of things that offered a wider range of relevant social interaction and she could do for the same amount of time as she currently volunteered and played social, outgoing mommy each week. She didn't personally have children, but surely it wasn't that uncommon for mothers to gather in groups; Sue Ellen was not limited to the group she was a part of and seeking another group was not a drastic action or unfathomable idea. Sue Ellen's biggest barrier was herself, she had low self-confidence despite the fact that she was actually a reasonable person once she let herself relax and get involved. She could foresee things changing if Sue Ellen really wanted them to like she said she did, however, if she kept making excuses, she foresaw things staying the same, right down to Sue Ellen's unhappiness. It was really up to Sue Ellen to make changes in her life though, she had told her her thoughts, there wasn't much else she could do now.

To be continued…

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