Dallas, Texas

"You know what, you're right, we're going around in circles here and I'm sick of it", pulling away from her husband as she spoke, Sue Ellen found herself frustrated with and upset by JR's attitude toward Pamela and really anyone with less money than them. "I know we're wealthy and I know you want me to completely live the life you provide for me, I've explained to you multiple times why I find that difficult though. I am trying and I am asking you for help, I don't need you to always respond to my requests with reminders of your opinions though. I know you don't understand Pamela's appeal and that's fine, I don't expect you to, I think you fail to understand that I do identify with her at times though. I didn't grow up wealthy, you know that, you know my mama was controlling and always conscious of our budget, you know too that my peers were other 'regular' people. Ignoring my pageant wins, my life was relatively ordinary up until I married you, so while I don't live like Pamela or any of her friends now, I don't find it extremely difficult to find some common ground with her either. Shop girls and middle-income housewives aren't the people that lead lives that most closely resemble mine; however, I do find I have something to talk about with both groups".

"I know I sound like I can't decide what I want, because I did just complain about the playgroup ladies being more like acquaintances than friends, but I want you to understand that things aren't as clear for me as they are for you. Even without having everything in common, I like Pamela and I want to try to be friends with her. I want to have other friends too though because I understand and agree with what you're saying about it being easier for me to relate to other women like me. I thank you for your support, you know I do, what I ask of you too though is to drop your negative attitude; I want you to support me even if you don't like Pamela, let me make my own mistakes and be there to look after me if they do end badly. I know the temptation is there to say 'I told you so' but I'm asking you to see beyond that for the moment". Knowing she was asking a lot of someone like JR, a man who was always right and who rarely understood her emotionally based decisions, she wasn't particularly surprised when he closed his eyes and sighed with frustration at her response.

"I hear you, but I don't understand you, and quite frankly, I don't know if I ever will. We've discussed this multiple times and I thought I'd made my feelings clear and you were ok with that. We're not one person, we don't have to agree on every single thing; I can be supportive of your pursuits without needing to know the small details and without agreeing that I would do the same thing if I were in your position. Stop asking me to feel the same way you do about certain people, especially since it seems to change every time we talk; you have your opinions, I have mine, can we leave it at that? If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to complain to about everything you're doing, then I'm here, I'm not saying I won't be here for that, that's support, and I support you. All I'm saying is I wouldn't make the same choices you are and it's not all that difficult to make different choices to the ones you are making. If you can make an effort with Pamela, her friends, and all of those playgroup women then surely it's no more difficult to introduce yourself to any number of the wives in Dallas with lives similar to yours. If it is though, then I sympathise and I'll be here for you at the end of the day whatever the outcome. That's my position, I really hope it's clear because I honestly don't think I can sit here and discuss this again". Seeing and hearing JR's frustration, she was torn, because she wasn't completely oblivious to the challenges he faced in trying to please her, but still, she didn't appreciate the tone he was using. It was possible to say what he meant without being rude.

Observing the interaction between husband and wife, Doctor Williams held off interrupting until Sue Ellen reacted to her husband's exasperation with a whiny "JR…" and a glare that made no secret of her equally rapidly decreasing patience and tolerance for the conversation they were having. "Sue Ellen", hearing JR using a gruff tone, he knew he had to step in before things descended into a full-blown argument. "Stop", using a firm, but not raised voice and holding his hand up, he had JR and Sue Ellen's attention in seconds, he knew he had to speak quickly or he would soon lose that attention though. There were times where he offered advice and other times where he simply mediated and guided communication, this was a situation where he probably needed to do both, he knew that and he was prepared, first he needed to bring things back to the original point though.

"Let's all just take a deep breath and just relax", moving his hand to indicate breathing in, he made a point to make eye contact with both JR and Sue Ellen before breathing out again. "Good. Now, we're discussing something that's supposed happy and positive, let's remember that", using the even tone of voice he was sure JR disliked, but generally worked at disarming people, he took the lead in the conversation. "Firstly, I'd like to say I'm very pleased that you're both being so honest about your feelings, it's important you feel comfortable doing that and it's beneficial to your marriage to have that openness. Secondly, I'd like to remind you that there are no right or wrong answers in situations like this in life". Looking back and forth between the couple, he was pleased to see he had their complete attention. "What it seems we're talking about here is simply a difference in opinion; that in itself is not a bad thing. Like JR rightly said, you're not one person and you do not have to have the same opinion on everything; you can still live perfectly happily even feeling differently about topics, you just have to make sure you're respectful of your words and respectful of what others are saying. In this situation, Sue Ellen, you might want JR to like your new friend Pamela, but you cannot force him to, and you shouldn't force him to, he's allowed to hold an opinion which differs from yours".

Seeing JR's facial expression change from sullen to smug, he knew not to dwell on addressing Sue Ellen for too long otherwise JR would end up thinking he could do no wrong. "JR, like I said, you are entitled to disagree with Sue Ellen's decisions, as she is with yours, you are two people with two brains and two different life experiences, you're not always going to agree. What is important to remember though is there is a difference between disagreeing and disrespecting. There's nothing wrong with saying that you think your wife may be happier and more able to express her true self with people who share common traits, experiences, and whose situations are similar to yours, however, it's unnecessary to continually make it known that you think anything other than that is pointless. It's rude and insensitive to comment on others as if they are defined solely by their jobs or bank balances, especially when your wife has explained to you that with some people she sees beyond those things, and at the very least, she can identify with some of the things they may have on their minds".

Watching JR's smug smile drop and Sue Ellen's tense shoulders relax a bit, he knew he had made his point when it came to listening to others perspectives and respecting differences, now it was time to get them back on the same page again. "I think you have both made some excellent points though and if we can return to the original centre of the conversation, respecting each other's differences, there may be an agreement to be reached". Pausing, he wasn't surprised when Sue Ellen looked more enthusiastic than JR did, still though, JR didn't exactly look displeased with the prospect of resolving their disagreement.

"Sue Ellen, at the core of this, what you seem to want is JR to support and encourage you in your pursuit to make friends, but you don't want to hear his opinion where it differs from yours. On the other side, JR, what you seem to want is for Sue Ellen to be happy and to make friends, and where your opinion differs to hers on this topic is where those friends come from. Essentially, you're on the same page, right up to the part where Sue Ellen has even asked for help in meeting more women like her, and you have offered your assistance. I don't know the whole backstory for this Pamela girl, however, it seems to me that she makes Sue Ellen happy, and that's not a bad thing. I think you have both already reached a compromise, you simply need to be more aware and respectful in the language you use when discussing that compromise".

"Do you think you can agree to disagree on some of the smaller details of the situation and instead focus on getting to the end goal itself? It sounds to me you are perfectly happy to go along with JR's suggestions, aren't you Sue Ellen? If that's correct and you, JR, are able to assist her in making friends with women in similar situations, I think that should be at the forefront of your discussions on this topic, it's something you are mutually agreed on and shouldn't be a source of conflict. Think about that, you both agree on that and you both want it, support goes without saying… Now consider what Sue Ellen is asking for, support for her overall goal; I personally don't think that's too much to ask if we're simply talking support as JR has defined it. Remember, you do not have to be of the same mind, but there is a lot to be said for respect". Looking back and forth between JR and Sue Ellen, he was pleased with what he saw, they had both relaxed and actually seemed to be listening to what he had to say, he could never be too sure though, so he spoke again, this time passing the conversation back over to them, "how does that sound?"

To be continued…