Dallas, Texas

"Thank you all for joining us here tonight", standing from his seat at the dining table, JR held his glass up and addressed the family. He felt comfortable with his toast so far, he was in his own home and he was toasting something everyone else had thought positive for a while, so he didn't expect much negative feedback, and while he thrived on negative feedback at times, today the expected positive response was what drove him. "This isn't the first time Sue Ellen and I have hosted a dinner party for the family, but it is the first where Jack has been present. I think I speak for everyone when I say, it's nice to have you here". Pausing for a second, he looked around the room to gauge the general reaction to his comments, and unsurprisingly, everyone but Sue Ellen looked surprised. He couldn't deny that it hurt a bit to know that no one but his wife was quick to believe him when he was trying to be genuinely pleasant, however, he also couldn't deny understanding exactly why that was. He had the ability to be friendly and charming, but he also had the ability to be rude, nasty, and underhanded, and his family knew that, from both personal experience and observation of the way things were at any given time. He wasn't proud of it, but even Sue Ellen, his biggest supporter, had first-hand experience with his hostile and vicious nature. In all honesty, nobody was immune to becoming a target for his attacks, so it wasn't exactly unexpected or unbelievable to him that everybody seemed a bit cautious about celebrating what he was saying before they heard everything and before they had time to query whether there was more to the situation than he was letting on.

Glancing at Sue Ellen, he remembered what she had said earlier about playing it straight and explaining himself instead of letting people wonder what he meant when he said certain things, whether he was being honest or sneaky. "I'm sure this is all a bit shocking coming from me; I'm no stranger to speaking my mind on certain topics, lately that's been Jack's addition to our family. As I'm sure you're all aware now though, daddy and I have decided to employ Jack at Ewing Oil, and with that has come my decision to try harder to get to know Jack and make more of an effort with family events. I'm not going to pretend it's been an easy road to this decision, because it hasn't, but I think everyone can agree that family, and the company which supports this family, are truly important and to make everything work now and in the future we need to all start working together. Jack is now an employee at Ewing Oil and it does nobody any good to make life more difficult than it needs to be".

"This isn't a board meeting, but from your confused faces I think perhaps we need to open the floor to questions now. I'm trying here, and I'd like everyone to try with me". Making eye contact with both of his parents, his brother, Jack, and then settling on his wife, he felt his heart begin to pound, this was new, before he had just followed Sue Ellen and Doctor Williams' advice and saying what he meant, but now he was opening himself up for criticism, something he didn't like and didn't often do.

Seeing a continued surprised but silent response from the adult members of his family, he internally groaned when his little niece raise her hand, as if they were in a classroom; he could just imagine the comments she would have and he wasn't thrilled to hear them. His mother and even Sue Ellen seemed to think Lucy was a fragile little girl, but he thought differently, she was outspoken and more resilient than they gave her credit for; her confidence made her seem a tad bratty at times though and he didn't doubt she had an opinion on his announcement, one she would share with everybody. "Yes Lucy", nodding at her, he sat back down in his seat at the dining table and waited for Lucy to say exactly what she thought.

"I have a question. I guess I just don't understand, you say you've decided to be nice to everyone, but if you have to make the decision instead of just being nice, isn't that faking it? How are we supposed to trust that this new JR is here to stay? Am I supposed to see you as the new fun uncle like Bobby? Because I don't know if I can do that. Jack makes it easy, he's already fun, but you're you; you're more fun now than you were before you met Sue Ellen, and you're certainly nicer to me now that John Ross is here, but do you really have the ability to stop being the stuffy, boring uncle and become the fun uncle? You don't even like horses, so how am I supposed to believe you now like people?"

Staring impassively at his young niece, he wondered why he had decided to announce his change of heart at a dinner party rather than have a one-on-one conversation with each of his family members, the way things were now he was going to be left arguing against some totally biased and frankly unimportant points. "Well Lucy, I see how you could think that, but no, it's not faking it, it's a conscious decision to see and react to things differently; it's adult thinking I wouldn't expect you to understand. I can't answer your questions about your perception of me either, because I am not you and I am not Bobby or Jack, so I don't know what makes them, them and me, me. What I can tell you is that the change you saw in me when Sue Ellen entered my life and when John Ross was born came from a change in perspective and circumstances, again, adult stuff, but I'll simplify if for you. Jack came to Dallas looking for a lot of things, family being one, but money and power being two others. Money and power are what make us special, and being the eldest son in this family and vice president of Ewing Oil, it is my responsibility to protect those things. Before we checked Jack out and decided he may be fit for the job, I had to be on alert, it pays to be suspicious, even now, it's still important to protect our family assets".

"There are also differences now too though. It might not make sense to you, but I've seen a different side of the situation, it's perhaps the side you have all seen already and have been trying to convince me existed, but I didn't see it before now. What I mean is, where I only saw a threat, I now see a cousin, and a potential friend". Breaking his stare with Lucy, he looked over at Jack and wondered again why he'd chosen to have this conversation in front of the entire family, because Jack looked pleased by his explanation, but being another man, there was something somewhat strange about talking in such detail about feelings. Before Sue Ellen, he had spoken to almost no one about his emotions, and even now, with Doctor Williams' help, it was still a bit of a challenge and definitely not an ordinary thing for everyone else in his life to do, so there was an element of embarrassment related to his present emotional openness. No one was actually making fun of him though and as Doctor Williams often said, there was little to lose by being honest, and he didn't control anyone but himself, so to do what he was doing was enough.

"Mm, that didn't really answer my question. You're still just saying you've changed and hiding the reasons why behind that stupid 'you're just a kid, you wouldn't understand' excuse. Guess what, I understand more than you think; Doctor Lacey uses the same kind of language you do and I understand her perfectly, plus, I've had to deal with a lot of changes in circumstances in my life, so it's not that farfetched that I can empathise with you, or I could if you'd answer my questions properly". Turning his attention back to Lucy as she took his pause as an opportunity to respond, he frowned at her comments about him not answering her questions, he had thought he had and he didn't appreciate her lack of appreciation of how hard the entire evening was for him.

"Look Lucy, I don't have all the answers and I clearly don't have the ones you're looking for, but I'm not trying to make you feel unimportant or however it is you feel. What I can tell you is what I've said before, the situation with Jack has changed now and so has my attitude, it's that simple, or complicated, depends on how you look at it". Speaking through almost gritted teeth as he tried to suppress his urge to shout at the little girl and remind her that this was his evening, not hers, he wondered whether perhaps she actually had a point though, because if he was beginning to get irritated by her questions, had he really changed at all? In his mind, the answer was yes, he was no longer actively trying to eradicate Jack from their lives, in fact he was being rather friendly, and he was trying to be more of a family minded man, but if his natural inclination toward family interaction was to get annoyed, then perhaps he wasn't really a changed man. He'd rather think he was though and progress was just slow and certain things took some time to get used to; he hated uncertainty though and this was definitely an uncertain situation.

Hearing someone clearing their throat, his attention was drawn away from his little niece, much to his relief, when that someone, Jack, began to speak, "Lucy, I think what JR is trying to say is he's turned over a new leaf and he's going to try to treat me like a friend rather than a foe. What that actually means isn't clear to anyone yet, not even him, because this is new, but he's trying and he's asking everyone here to support him, which I for one, do". Watching Jack stand and walk over to where he was seated, he was actually a little taken aback when he offered him a hand to shake. He had made it so clear in the past that he didn't like Jack, but his cousin was being friendly in return, and although that was what he wanted, he still didn't really know how to react.

"If you mean what you're saying, then I'm willing to try to be friends, I never came here intending to make enemies", hearing his cousin's words as he offered his hand, he crinkled his forehead; Jack wasn't stupid, he knew there was a possibility he was just acting friendly rather than actually being friendly, however, he was also genuinely companionable. Jack had come to Dallas looking for money, power, and a slice of the life his father had walked away from, all of which were fairly selfish things, however, he'd also come looking for his family, the family that he had heard so much about and that possibly wanted him more than his own immediate family at present. Selfishness wasn't a crime, but it was less welcomed in family life than friendliness and willingness to try to make relationships work, and while Jack had some selfishness in him, he had also made it clear that he wanted a family. For JR, it was his time now to make it clear that he could also extend a hand to the family; he had tried in the past, but he generally kept his distance because he wasn't anybody's favourite and that had hurt him. With Jack being new though, he had a chance to start positively with someone and he really needed to take advantage of that opportunity, he knew that and he wanted to make sure everyone else understood that he knew that.

Trying to do anything more than he was used to was hard though, damn hard, and he needed all the support he could get. Jack's proffered hand was a sign that someone did get what he was saying and was giving him a chance, the least he could do was accept that, so he did, extending his own hand and shaking. "I mean it. You work for your salary at Ewing Oil and respect your position in this branch of the family and I think I can live with you being here in Dallas". Nodding at his cousin as they exchanged comments, he regretted again not discussing the situation privately with individual family members, however, he couldn't deny he was secretly pleased by the way things were turning out. Even if he wasn't thrilled everyone was seeing him in more vulnerable moments, he was pleased they were witnessing him compromising and being friendly, just like they were always willing him to be, that had to be worth something in their eyes.

To be continued…