Dallas, Texas

"We don't have children yet so I haven't had to cut down my service hours like I imagine you have to be at home with your little boy. I like to keep busy and be active in the community, as privileged women we have a responsibility to serve those less fortunate; I'm involved in an organisation dedicated to making real changes, not just token gestures like some groups". Listening to Anna speaking, Sue Ellen smiled and nodded, she could understand where she was coming from, they were of the same opinion in a way, however, she couldn't deny that she didn't really feel as if they were truly connecting, like friends. She had been involved in enough DOA events and meetings too to know that although Anna's words sounded nice, things may not actually be as sweet and wonderful as she was describing them, nor was she necessarily as selfless as she made herself out to be. The DOA was as much a socially exclusive clique as it was charitable organisation and she had a bad feeling that whatever group Anna was involved in was similar, she couldn't say one way or the other just yet, but her intuition told her that not everything was as it seemed.

"…our outreach programs have helped so many. We feed, clothe, and house the needy, and we educate our brothers and sisters. Marv's company has done wonders for the community, not just financially, but materially and socially too; where there's a need, he's always shown an interest in assisting, haven't you dear?" Continuing to listen to Anna, Sue Ellen felt bad for her judgement about the situation, whatever Anna was involved in clearly meant a lot to her and was beginning to sound less and less like the socially focused DOA and more like an actual charitable organisation. Considering it, she wondered whether she had ever sounded like Anna did when she was speaking, it wasn't as if she was any stranger to charitable work herself, however, she somehow suspected that she sounded less like she was describing her calling and more like she was describing her occupation when she spoke about her charitable pursuits.

"Darlin', I'm very sorry but I have to go, I have a meeting I need to be back at the office for in half an hour", turning her attention to JR as he spoke, Sue Ellen almost sighed with relief, but instead smiled apologetically at their lunch companions before responding, "I understand", and making moves to get up herself. Much to her disappointment though, JR seemed to misinterpret her actions completely, because instead of going along with her moves to make a quick exit herself, he instead commented, "no darlin', no need for you to leave just because I have to get back to work. You stay and have fun". Giving him a look, she made a promise to herself to talk to him when they were alone, because he seemed to either be ignoring her discomfort or he was completely oblivious to it. She had asked him to help her find friends that were like her and she had assumed he had understood what she meant, but if Anna was his idea of a similar girl to her, she wasn't entirely sure how JR saw her or what he wanted her to be anymore. She thought they had passed the point in their relationship where she acted like a DOA, perfect homemaker, former pageant queen clone, even if some of those things were who she was. JR had wanted her to be more open to just living life and she had wanted that too and they were enjoying life just living without expectation, but this, this confused her.

Saying their goodbyes to JR, it wasn't long before Anna's husband Marv went through the same process, making a comment about a business meeting and exiting, leaving just her and Anna alone again. If she had any hope of their lunch turning into a friendly, fun event rather than an interview or descriptive list of both of their charitable commitments, those hopes were dashed when Anna spoke again, apparently content to continue their previous dull conversation, taking things up a notch though. "I'm sorry, I've been so rude talking only about my life. What about you? Are you in touch with your spiritual side?" Hearing the question, Sue Ellen suddenly knew her initial feeling had been correct, but not in the way she had originally assumed; Anna wasn't exactly as she seemed, she was much more heavily involved, and that threw her a bit. It seemed incredibly wrong to not want to get involved with someone with a truly good, pure heart, however, that's exactly how she felt, and that made her feel guilty. She was a good, charitable person herself, but when she compared herself to the way Anna was describing her life's mission, she felt as if she was living a frivolous, selfish existence, or she was being judged as if she lived that way, even if she wasn't.

"Oh no, you weren't rude at all, I think it's lovely that you're so involved. I try to be as involved as I can too. I was a member of the DOA, I still am in a way, I participate in their giving programs and service projects, and I volunteer twice a week at a charity for women seeking clothing for the working world. When I was in college I was Miss Texas and a sorority sister, so I have always been involved in various philanthropic pursuits too; I like to give back and help people, much like you describe. To answer your question though, JR and I aren't exactly churchgoers, but we did have a pastor marry us…" explaining herself, she trailed off as she realised Anna's earlier joyful expression seemed to be disappearing as she got further into her reply. Was she judgemental? Uninterested? To be honest, she wasn't so sure, but whatever it was she didn't seem nearly as happy as she had just a moment ago.

"I think I understand now why our husbands wanted us to meet. You're lost and you need help, I can be that help", fishing around in her purse as she spoke, Anna seemed to recover from whatever thoughts she'd just been having, though the way she did puzzled Sue Ellen. At what point had she described herself as lost? She didn't think she had. "This can help you a lot and I'll be with you every step of the way. Your husband strikes me as a man who has made a few mistakes but acknowledges those and doesn't want his wife to have to deal with that same burden. Marv is the same, connecting to my inner spirituality has helped our marriage tenfold and I'll be glad to assist you along that path". Handing her a small book, Sue Ellen closed her eyes and took a deep breath; she had no problem with being in touch with her spiritual side, but she hadn't come to lunch to discuss further conversion and the fact that Anna seemed to think she had both puzzled and worried her.

"I'm sorry, I think you misunderstood. I'm not lost in that sense. I asked JR to introduce me to the wives of men he knew, wives who may be in a similar socioeconomic situation to me, because to be completely honest, I've found it difficult to make friends with women like myself since I've been married and especially since becoming a mother. I joined the DOA as it was a natural step when I married JR, and for a time I truly did enjoy it, but I never had any real friendships develop from that network and I felt myself becoming a less likeable person because of my social connections there. I then tried to make friends with the mothers of babies in my son's playgroup but I find it difficult to relate to them outside of being mothers".

"I volunteer because I want to help people, but also because I wanted to meet people, but the women I volunteer with are all more like co-workers than friends. To add to that, I have somehow lost touch with all the girls I was close with in college and so even those who may have done as I did and may lead similar lives to me now, I don't really know them anymore. I have met one girl I think I can be friends with and we're trying to make that work, but I don't see why stopping at just one friend is necessary, I'd love to have a group of friends again. This lunch was for that purpose, or I asked JR to make it for that purpose, I'm sorry if whatever he said to Marv was misinterpreted, but I'm not interested in a spiritual relationship which is void of any real friendship. You seem like a genuinely lovely person, I think you're truly helping those who need it, I don't think that the kind of help you are offering is what I'm looking for though. I don't mean that negatively, I just don't want to hurt you by not giving you my heart, and I can't give you my heart because that's not where my heart is".

Hoping she explained herself in an even, inoffensive sense, because Anna really did seem nice, she watched and waited for a second and was genuinely shocked when Anna blinked blankly a couple of times before beginning to look as if she were trying to stop herself from crying. Whatever she had expected, it wasn't that. "I'm sorry Sue Ellen, I've been told before that I come on too strong and I had no idea I was still acting that way. I promise, I do have a life and friends outside of that part of me, I guess it's hard to see that when all I do is talk about that though". Surprised by her comments, Sue Ellen actually smiled and moved her chair a little closer to Anna's; vulnerability was nice to see from someone she had earlier pegged as so in control and frankly, similar to the type of women she had tried and previously failed to make friends with.

"Oh Anna, it's not that you were too strong, I'd be happy to listen to you speaking about that if we were friends, all I meant is that I'd like to actually be friends first. I suppose I am lost, you're right, I have very few other people in my life and I really do want more friends, but friends who want to be friends with me for me, not just to help me. I don't know if any of that makes any sense, I'm sorry if it doesn't". Explaining herself, she was genuinely thrilled when Anna seemed to listen to what she was saying and actually understand it, because for a second she had been afraid she wouldn't sympathise with her and wouldn't want to continue whatever it was they had going on.

"You know, it's so simple, friendship doesn't just happen, and I don't know how it would with us just listing our achievements as if we're filling out a college application, I never really considered that though. How about we start again? I'd love to know about Sue Ellen, like a friend would. If you'd like that, why don't you start? Tell me about you". Smiling as she listened, Sue Ellen let out a small sigh of relief; it seemed that Anna was actually a lot like some of the women she had met in the past, quite conservative and traditional when it came to her role as a wife when her husband was around, but coming out of her shell when she was alone. "Ok, well, like I said, I don't have a lot of friends, but I would like to, because I am quite a social person. In saying that though, I love spending time with my family, immediate and extended. My husband isn't the type that people would peg as a romantic but he has his moments and we really try to continually work on improving our marriage, we like to date and go away for the weekend or on vacations fairly regularly. We have a son, John Ross, and he's the absolute best thing that's ever happened to us..." Explaining a bit about JR and John Ross, she continued on to explain about the rest of the family, the ranch, their horses, and then skipping back to her college years.

"I'm really sorry Sue Ellen, I think I made a huge error in judgement", listening to the first words that came out of Anna's mouth after she finished explaining her life and circumstances, her stomach dropped, she didn't want to face rejection now. "We're extremely similar and I feel horrible about not even taking the time to learn about you before I made a judgement about what you wanted, we could have avoided so much of the awkwardness that came at the beginning of this meeting. Let me explain, I grew up not so differently to you, my mother wasn't a stage mother, she didn't direct me in pageants like yours did, but she was very traditional and took great pride in shaping me into the daughter she believed I should be. I didn't fight that and honestly, I still don't fight it, I enjoy who I am and the life I lead. I understand your situation though. I think our college experiences were similar too, I adored college, the girls in my sorority were truly my sisters, unlike you though I haven't lost touch with them, we see each other fairly regularly. Our marriages are where I think we differ the most, I enjoy serving my husband and rightly or wrongly I do obey him, he never disrespects that though. I can respect where you and JR have taken things as well though, each couple must figure out what works for them. Where I truly empathise with you is the way you spoke about waiting and wanting your son, between you and me, Marv and I have been trying for years and have had no luck, that's part of the reason why I am so driven to outside influences, I would give anything to have a baby in my arms…"

Almost wanting to cry herself, Sue Ellen once again felt bad about how she had judged the situation. Just as Anna didn't know her before she had explained herself, she didn't really know Anna, and to meet someone who she could relate to in such a painful way was quite an emotional experience. From the moment she and JR first consummated their marriage, a baby had been on her mind, but for more than a year, no pregnancy had arisen from their intimacy, and even now that it had and they had John Ross in their lives, the pain of not conceiving month after month was still fresh in her mind. "I'm sorry, I know there's nothing I can say to make the pain disappear, but I do empathise with you", patting Anna's hand lightly, she wondered whether she was doing enough, but from the small, watery smile Anna gave her, she felt as though she was. She was a bit clueless when it came to proper adult friendships, but in this case, she felt that maybe, just maybe, something could come of what she and Anna had together. She had Pamela for a good time, but Anna was more similar to her in a social, emotional sense. That was ok though, she could have more than one friend, in fact that was what she wanted.

To be continued…