Liv POV
I couldn't back out now. It was too late and too much money had already been spent on the trip against my wishes. Fitz hasn't let me pay for a thing, and he had finally convinced me to get over it. The only reasons I agreed is because I knew I could get Huck to wire money into his savings account without him being none the wiser. We had finally decided on a hotel that was in the busiest part of DC and Huck promised to delete any footage of us going in and out of the hotel each day. That made me feel better about everything. However, I was still a ball of nerves.
I watched as Fitz brought the last bag out of the house and moved to place it in the loaded trunk. He closed it shut before moving to the driver's side and leaning down so that he could look at me.
"That's everything. I'm just gonna lock up and make sure everything's off and we'll be all set."
I only nodded and he didn't push for anything more. I was always grateful for that.
I turned around and looked at CJ. She hadn't awakened at all when Fitz lifted her out of bed and walked her out to the car. He strapped her in without waking her up and moved on just as fast. He explained to me that she wouldn't wake up from all the jostling and that I shouldn't be worried. He had left the both of us in the car while he finished loading things.
She had her pillow pet next to her and a blanket Fitz had draped fully around her body. On her feet were fuzzy socks and she had an outfit placed neatly on the seat next to her that she would change into once she was awake and they stopped.
That's what terrified me the most, the stopping. Fitz tried to comfort me as much as possible, saying that we could eat in the car during the trip and that CJ would be fine the entire time but I didn't believe him. Kids hated car rides.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I jumped at the sound of the car door opening. Fitz slid in and put on his seatbelt before starting the car. It was something I always noticed. Seatbelt before starting the car. He began fiddling with the heat and I vaguely heard him give me free reign to adjust it as I needed.
He went to put the car in drive, but stopped and turned to me suddenly.
"You haven't answered any of your texts, so Huck called me. He's nearly to D. C. and I told him we were headed that way now."
I nodded and suddenly his hands were holding mine, squeezing them with enough pressure to calm me down. When Fitz would hug me that way, adding pressure, I always felt safer somehow. This seemed to have the same effect.
"You're okay, Livvie. We are all going to be okay. It's gonna be a great trip together. The first of many if I have any say in the matter."
I could only nod my head and silently agree with him. He removed his left hand from me and slowly eased up from the brake pedal and began a slow venture out of the driveway and down the street. His right hand held tightly to mine as we veered onto the highway and for the next two hours, it was a quiet, peaceful drive.
And then CJ woke up.
Fitz POV
I knew Olivia was getting anxious. Hell, I was getting anxious. CJ had been awake for all of forty-five mins and was driving me insane. Olivia hadn't spoken a word since my little girl began to show her true colors. The evenjing before, all we talked about was our trip and how she got to miss a full day of school and take a road trip to D. C. She had been ecstatic about the trip, but like I'd mentioned before, my daughter was NOT a morning person. She was sweet to Olivia when she had first awakened, reaching her hand forward so Olivia could hold it. I glanced at the two of them every chance I got while trying to focus on the road. Olivia had turned in her seat and held CJ's hand while sweetly telling her good morning. CJ responded by telling Olivia good morning just as sweetly before asking to go to the bathroom.
A five minute potty break turned into fifteen minutes spent in the Race-Trac while she choose a breakfast sandwich and three snacks she wanted for the car. I felt horrible leaving Olivia in the car to wait for us, but I hadn't expected to take that long. Now that we had continued driving and I refused to let her eat all her snacks, she was throwing an uncommon fit.
"Cassandra Jane! If you don't stop, I'm gonna turn this car around and drop you off at school. The trip will be over and we can spend Thanksgiving eating chicken nuggets and going to bed early. Is that what you want?"
The only response I got from her was a set of trembling lips that I spotted from the rear view mirror. Her arms had crossed over her face and she brought her feet up on the booster seat before burying her head against her knees. She didn't cry loudly and I knew it was because Olivia was there. She had only been in serious trouble with Olivia presents a handful of times and the embarrassment was fully there.
I took a deep breath to calm myself down and before I could say anything, I felt Olivia's hand grip my wrist. Her face was calm and she was holding out my phone to me. The gps had been on a while ago, but I knew we had over an hour and thirty minutes left on this one highway, so I'd turned it off a while ago. I took the phone from Olivia and looked at the screen.
Olivia really was amazing.
It was another ten minutes of driving and CJ pouting before we veered off the highway and down the streets of what seemed to be a small town. I took a left turn down a street called "Live Oak" and seconds later we pulled into a large park with three different sized play areas, swings, see-saws, and merry-go-rounds. I pulled into the parking spot before leaning over to kiss Olivia gently on the lips, whispering an almost silent 'thank you.'
"Bug, how about we take a break and go play for a while?"
Her head popped up immediately and she looked outside her window and lit up.
"How long can I play for, Daddy?"
I looked at my watch, happy that she was no longer upset with me. "We can stay for twenty minutes."
"Yes!" She brought both fist into towards her body and cheered before unbuckling herself. Knowing the child safety lock was on, she turned towards me bouncing before her eyes moved to Olivia.
"Can you come too?"
Liv POV
I knew CJ would ask me to come. She always did. Anytime I was at the house with them and she wanted to play outside, she'd ask me to come with her, but Fitz would jump in and save me. He knew I hated to always reject her. It was the worst part about being with them and loving them so much.
"Ceej, how about me and you go on the swings together?"
"No! I wanna go with.."
"Hey, it's ok. I'm gonna come too."
Fitz jerked his head towards me and looked at me with surprised eyes at my words. I had to admit I shocked myself, but the second I'd went searching on his phone for a nearby park, I knew there was no way I could deny CJ today. If this vacation was going to go as well as we planned, I had to start actually being with them. And the first step was to get out of the car.
I felt completely out of shape. It's not as though I was just eating all day and gaining weight, but then again if I was, so what. But it had been the longest time since I ran around after a child, especially outside. We'd have chair races through the hospital hallways often with our inpatient kiddos, and the summer camp we had kept me constantly active, but it has been a while since I was on an actual playground. CJ had the most energy and she seemed so happy that I was out there with her. She all but ignored Fitz and I had been feeling bad for him until I saw him watching us. He looked happy and in return, I was happier with my decision to say yes.
"Ceej, you've got five minutes left to play then we need to get back on the road."
I watched her stop in her tracks and turn to me.
"Can you swing with me, Livia?"
I smiled and started walking towards the swing to let her know that I agreed. I moved to stand behind the swing, but I could tell almost instantly that it wasn't what she meant.
"No, sit down and swing with me."
I sat down and as soon as I was settled she was not subtle at all about climbing on my lap and straddling my waist.
"Now you gotta pump for us!"
She told me how to move my legs and although I knew, I listened to her every word. She was completely in my personal space, our noses almost touching. She was so smiley as she held tightly to the chains just under my hands. She was so happy and when I began to take us higher into the sky, I felt her hands hold onto my wrists instead.
"Daddy! Look how high we are!"
Her laughter was contagious and I couldn't stop myself from laughing just as loudly as she was. I had become so focused on her smiling face that i'd no longer been pumping my legs, yet our speed never wavered. I glanced behind us at the feel of large hands on my back and finally noticed Fitz was pushing us. He was smiling and laughing right along with us and I closed my eyes for a moment, only opening them when I felt CJ lean forward against me and bury her face into my neck. Her arms wound around my neck and in an instant I felt like we were our own little family. Something I hadn't known in a long time.
When we pulled into the hotel's parking lot, Fitz went in and got everything taken care of while CJ and I stayed in the car to gather things up. She was pretty relaxed after the park and watched a movie for the rest of the drive, eating an early Chick-Fila lunch in the backseat without a word. Fitz had opted for the largest amount of nuggets they offered so that he could easily eat while he drove. He was still hungry and the plan was once they got settled in, they would catch the subway to head towards the World War Two Memorial.
Fitz POV
"Alright you guys ready to go in?"
Olivia was standing at the trunk while CJ was hunched over walking around in the trunk and making some sort of animal noise. Olivia was laughing at her and CJ seemed to be very pleased with being able to entertain Olivia.
"Yes!" She cheered before moving towards me and reaching out for me to hold her.
I grabbed her from out of the trunk and hoisted her up on my shoulders before grabbing our suitcase and then Olivia's.
"Fitz I can roll mine."
"Are you sure? Cause I can."
She rolled her eyes playfully at me but I wouldn't have minded rolling both bags inside even with CJ on my shoulders. When everything was being held by each of us, I locked the door and we started for the door. I noticed Olivia keeping her head down and reached out to grab her free hand and brought it to my lips. I knew she was nervous and wanted to relax her as much as possible. When we stepped onto the elevator, I stood the bags upright and pulled CJ down from my shoulders and instructed her to only press our floor number.
While my daughter was busy contemplating whether or not she should disobey me, I took the opportunity to pull Olivia into my arms and leaned in to have a quiet conversation only she could hear.
"I noticed Huck in the lobby when I was at the counter."
"You did?"
She seemed shocked as though she didn't know Huck would be exactly where he said he would.
"Yea. I don't want you to be afraid. These next few days are for us to be whoever we want. To be open and free and not hiding from anyone or anything."
"I know and I want that too."
I leaned in to kiss her lips softly, mindful of CJ now watching us from the corner of her eye.
"If you feel it's too much, at anytime, just talk to me."
"Okay."
"Promise me Livvie."
"I promise."
"Daddy! We're on floor 10!"
We moved away from each other's embrace and I grabbed her hand before the doors opened and we stepped out.
"Which door?" CJ asked excitedly.
"1016. To your left."
She looked up at sign and took off down the hall as fast as she could before stopping in front of the door.
"I found it!"
It wasn't too far down the hall and we soon were standing behind her and I took the key card and handed it to her. It took two times for the red light to flash before CJ got it right and the door was pushed open.
"It's so big! We never stayed in a hotel room this big before, Daddy! The bed is humongous."
Olivia went into the bathroom to change and I stood still, watching CJ bounce around the room in awe of every little detail. It was one of the smaller suites and had a separate living room, tv and pull-out sofa bed. Inside the bedroom was a large king sized bed with a larger tv and in-suite bathroom.
"Daddy there's no bed for Livia to sleep in"
I hoped she wouldn't mention the sleeping arrangements at all and that i could avoid this conversation altogether. We were only supposed to be here for a minute to drop our things off and leave right out. By the time we planned to get back, I knew CJ would be knocked out and none the wiser about being placed on the pull out sofa. But of course she immediately noticed that there was only one bed in the room which usually meant that she would share a bed with me.
Olivia walked out of the bathroom and moved to place her traveling clothes in her bag before putting a different pair of shoes on.
"Bug, you don't need to worry about that okay? We will all have someplace to sleep tonight. Do you need to use the bathroom before we get going?"
"No but I'll try anyway so that you won't tell me to try!"
Such a smartass.
She ran off to the bathroom without bothering to close the door. My daughter was only big on privacy when she was upset or embarrassed, otherwise personal space meant nothing to her. I knew I wouldn't have much time alone with Olivia on this trip until it was bedtime and I planned on taking full advantage of that.
"Do you have everything you need?"
Olivia nodded and pulled her purse over one shoulder and across her chest. She was now wearing an adorable khaki hat that looked nice against her dark blue large sweater and jeans. She had such style and I could tell it was a new sweater I had never seen before.
"Are we just going to the warf still tonight or did you wanna try to catch the horse and buggy tour near the White House?"
"Definitely want to do the warf and get some crabs and depending on the time I'd love to do the horse ride tonight. I think it'd be the perfect thing to tire her out, but we actually should just drive tonight. We can do the subway tomorrow when we make our way to the monuments and such."
"That works. I have to admit I'm excited to see all the states at the memorial."
"Oh yea?" She hadn't mentioned that before and I hoped that I would be learning a lot about her on this trip. She was free to be herself.
"Yea. It's kinda cheesy, but I want to take a picture in front of each state I'd like to visit one day."
"Have you traveled much before?"
"No. It's always been on my bucket list to travel for a full year or longer if I could. And not just overseas. There are tons of states that I really want to visit."
"I traveled a lot after my undergrad and haven't traveled much since, but I want to. It's hard to do with CJ in school most of the year, but I think she'd like to travel as well."
"I'm ready!" She came barreling out of the bathroom and placed her wet hands in mine and began pulling me towards the door.
"Gross Ceej, you know how to dry your hands. Go do it."
She huffed and rolled her eyes and turned to walk away, but sent me a snarling look when I innocently kicked her bottom.
I moved to grab her coat from where she'd dropped it on the floor and put mine on before making sure I had my wallet with me. When she finally emerged from the bathroom, her hands raised in the air to show me that they were indeed dry.
"Coat Ceej."
I helped her zip up tightly and the three of us made our way back down to the lobby and outside to the car.
Liv POV
The car ride to the warf wasn't horrible at all even in the metropolitan traffic. Both CJ and I kept our eyes glued to the window, taking in all the sites. It was a busy city that you could easily get lost in and the thought excited me. Seeing how big it actually was, combined with the information that Russell was practically working alone, left me with a new confidence that I could actually let my guard down a little and enjoy myself. I didn't want to have to look over my shoulder constantly and not be able to soak everything in with CJ and Fitz. I wanted to be fully there and knew I could be.
"Bug, you need to hold my hand. You see the water? You could fall in."
"But I .."
"CJ we talked about this. You're not walking around without holding.."
"I know I just wanna hold Livia's hand."
I looked at Fitz and smiled sheepishly at his shocked expression. I didn't wait for him to respond to CJ and instead held my hand out and waited as she skipped over and grabbed a hold of it. She smiled up at me and I winked at her before beginning to walk towards the seafood.
"Livia, can they bite me?"
"Well they can pinch you, but we won't get close enough for that to happen."
"But how are we gonna eat them if they're alive?"
"Well they have to cook them first. We are gonna tell them which kind we want, then they'll hand them over to that guy over there and get them cooked for us."
"Will that kill them?"
I looked up at Fitz unsure of what to say to the little girl. Of course the answer was yes, but I didn't want to be the one to answer her.
"Yea Bug, it will kill them."
"Then I don't want any!"
She let go of my hand and her arms were across her chest with a pronounced pout on her lips.
When I looked at Fitz, he was rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He paid her no mind and moved to lift her onto his hip before he grabbed a hold of my free hand.
"Just ignore her. You should've seen the meltdown when she learned that chicken comes from actual chickens."
I covered my mouth with my hand to hold in my laugh. CJ seemed to be ignoring us and continued to look over Fitz's shoulder as we walked stood in line to order.
"How long did it take before she ate it again?" I knew she ate chicken so she obviously moved on.
"Hmmmm, she had about a ten minute rebound. Took her to Chick-Fila and she was eating chicken nuggets like her life depended on it."
I laughed and we finally stepped forward and ordered a dozen of large female crabs and two pounds of jumbo shrimp.
"You want old bay?"
"Definitely!" I spoke up at the question before Fitz could even answer. I loved the seasoning and knew it was the best on seafood.
We waited for a few minutes and people watched while the food was being steamed and cooked. CJ was now wrapped in my arms and I had to admit that I hadn't felt so free in a long time. There were many other trios that looked like us- mixed race but with kids clearly being a product of different race parents.
It was beautiful to see the culture here and I let my mind wander for just a second. Imagining what it would be like to be able to call Fitz and CJ mine. What it would be like to tell him that I loved him without feeling as though the world was going to end. What it would be like to know that he was coming home to me every night. To know I could get as close to CJ as I wanted because I wouldn't leave her. What it would be like to make love to him every night and every morning. To know that it was me that he was in love with and wanted to spend the rest of his life with...
"Olivia? ... Livvie?"
I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Fitz and CJ staring at me with worry etched across their similar faces. I wanted them to be mine. So bad.
"I'm ok. Let's go eat."
Fitz POV
It only took all of five minutes of us eating crabs for CJ to feel left out and join in. Olivia and I alternated between cracking open the shells for her on the hard parts while we dug in ourselves. We were back at the seating area of the warf and had spread tons of newspaper out on the tables while we ate. It was too cold to eat outside so we moved to the gazebo where there were heating lamps placed all over and it was the perfect temperature.
"I really have no clue where you put it all."
"What do you mean?" She was licking her fingers dry of the spices and dipping butter, looking so carefree.
"You've eaten five crabs so far and so many shrimp. I've never seen you eat this much."
"Well you've never fed my seafood either. I can kinda pack it in for some reason more than anything else. Oh and wings too."
"Wings? Like chicken wings?"
She nodded reaching for another crab and cracking it open without hesitation. It looked like she had grown up eating crabs and it was a second nature to her.
"Yep. Seafood and wings are my weakness."
"What's the most you've ever eaten in wings?"
"Well just separate pieces, not a full wing, I believe it was twenty-one."
"Bullshit."
"Daddy, you said a swear word!" CJ admonished mid bite.
"Sorry Bug. I meant to say you're lying, Livvie. There's no way you ate twenty-one wings by yourself."
"Why would I lie though? I promise you I did. Now I wanted to throw up right away, but I did it on a bet. Without feeling sick I can probably eat about fifteen wings. They've always been my guilty pleasure."
"Mine is green olives."
"Eww! Livia, Daddy always eats those nasty green things." Her face showed her disgust and both Olivia and I laughed out loud"
"They're not gross Ceej, you just don't like the color."
"But they smell funny."
"They do smell funny," Olivia agreed, picking up a shrimp and dipping it in butter then cocktail sauce. "But I love green olives too."
"Ewwwww!"
She laughed and her face lit up beautifully.
"You know my mom ate olives the entire time she was pregnant with me."
"Is that why you're name is Olivia?"
"It is. She named me after her favorite snack."
"Where's your mommy now?"
"I don't really know."
"Is she dead?"
"CJ" I interrupted wanting her to know that was inappropriate to ask Olivia.
"No, it's okay Fitz. CJ, I really don't know."
"My mommy is dead. She died when I was a baby."
I looked at Olivia to see her response to CJ's near emotionless statement. She was always nonchalant when she spoke of her mother and I hoped a day that would change. What I really wanted was to know what she really thought about the concept of a mother. It was something we never really talked about and the advice from her pediatrician was that CJ would talk to me when she wanted to, if she had anything to say at all.
"I'm sorry that happened, CJ.
"Daddy, is it time for our horse ride?"
"Almost. Let's clean this up, then we can get going."
I hadn't seen CJ this eager for anything except Olivia in such a long time. Until tonight. It was only seven-thirty and inching upon her bedtime, but I knew she would be too excited to be dozing off. It was a long day, but I didn't expect her to pass out until we drove back to the hotel. We made great timing for our scheduled ride and the three of us climbed into the carriage while the older man gave us some safety rules and told us a little about the horse.
"This is Buckles. He is sixteen years old and has been helping me give tours for almost three years now. He's very friendly and loves apples and carrots the best."
"Where is his Family?" CJ pipped up.
"Well, he doesn't really have a family. I like to think that I'm his family."
"But you're not a horse. Every animal has a family. Where does Buckles sleep at night?"
"Well he sleeps in a barn with the other horses."
"Is the other horses, his brother and sister and mommy and daddy?"
I could see the man getting antsy and wanting to begin the ride.
"Bug, how about we just start the ride and maybe tomorrow we can look it up on the iPad?"
"I just wanted to know that he had a family. They probably took him from his family like they do the whales at stupid Sea World. I never want to go there, Daddy."
"I know Bug and we won't." She was so damn adamant about the whales not being in the wild but it never occurred to me that she would put two and two together for horses.
She huffed and sat back against the seat in between Olivia and I as the man climbed up front and begin to slap the ropes against Buckles' back.
I suddenly felt a tiny elbow in my side and CJ leaned up to "whisper" to me.
"Daddy, he's hitting him! I don't wanna ride this if he's gonna hit him with the ropes. I wanna get off."
"CJ let's just finish the ride and we can leave right away."
"But he's hitting him and I don't wanna ride, it's mean!"
CJ was near tears and I knew she was seconds away from a full meltdown. I saw Olivia grab her under the arms and pull my daughter into her lap. Her arms went around CJ and she burrowed her body deeper into Olivia's lap, fully accepting the comfort she was giving her.
It took a minute to get the man's attention but once I did, I explained to him that we wanted to stop the ride. I didn't fight over a refund or anything and simply wanted to get my daughter away and distracted with someone else. When she found out about the whales only being able to swim in the large tanks, she insisted on writing a letter to "The sea world people" that I had to actually mail in for her. We received a letter from some level one worker thanking her for her concern but assuring her that they were happy and healthy. I'm sure if my daughter could say the word 'bullshit' she would have used it.
"Let's go, Ceej"
I held my arms around and she happily scooted from Olivia's lap and allowed me to lift her up. I held a hand up to Olivia and helped her out before I intertwined our fingers and began walking back to the car.
"Daddy, can we just walk?"
"You still wanna see some things, Bug?"
"Yea. We don't have to have a horse to pull us around, we have legs too so we can walk ourselves. We can let mean people ride in the carriage."
Olivia smiled and I could only look on with pride at my daughter's decision and look on life.
"Alright, let's go for a walk."
Liv POV
Our walk was nice. CJ talked animatedly between the both of us, swinging her arms back and forth out of habit. Every once in a while we'd swing her high in the air and she'd giggle so loud that her stomach had to have begin aching. The streets were well lit and there were tons of other people out walking; at least more than I would've expected to see back home. Seeing Fitz with CJ was something I'd never get tired of. There were moments when she would let go of my hand and climb on top of his shoes before holding tightly to his waist. Anything she did was preempted with a "watch Livia" making sure my full attention was on her.
The Memorial was completely lit up and stunning at night. We knew we'd be back here tomorrow, so decided to just walk around the lit up fountain. CJ held tightly to Fitz's hand as she walked on the edge of the fountain.
"Alright Bug, I think we're gonna head back to the room so we can get some rest for tomorrow."
"Not yet, I gotta make a wish! Night wishes are the best ones to make!"
I smiled at her innocence and watched Fitz feel around in his pockets for change, but came up empty handed. He looked up at me with pleading eyes, but I had already began looking through my wallet and pulled out a few coins. I opened my palm to reveal three coins and held them out to CJ.
"Alright kiddo, looks like you've got three wishes!" I spoke bending down to her level.
"Thanks Livia! Okay, I gotta make them count and you guys can't know my wishes!"
She plucked the coins from my palm and stood up on the edge of the fountain again. I watched Fitz grab hold of the back of her shirt which eased my anxiety of her falling in.
"Turn your head away, Daddy!"
Fitz POV
I did as she said and turned away. Olivia was staring at me smiling, looking like a queen. Her smile was radiant and her posture so graceful and poised and welcoming. She was everything I've ever hoped to have. I reached out my free hand and when she grabbed it, I wasted no time in pulling her closer to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I was happy with the fact that she willingly went up on her toes and kissed me. I could vaguely hear CJ behind me whispering her wishes, but with Olivia's lips pressed firmly into mine, I knew my wish had already come true.
When we got back to the hotel room, Olivia held the door open and kept hold of the handle so it silently closed behind her. I moved to the large bed and laid CJ down before grabbing her small suitcase and placing it on the bed next to her. I grabbed her pajamas out and removed her jeans and long sleeve shirt, making sure to leave her socks on. I had insisted on packing her fleece pajamas she refused to wear at home, and slipped the pants and shirt on her before tossing the dirty clothes into a pile by the bathroom door.
I walked out to the living room area and noticed that Olivia had changed into her blue pajamas that I loved. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was standing in front of the floor length mirror cleaning her face with a white cloth. I was slowly learning her nightly routine and it made me smile. She would be brushing her teeth afterwards. Olivia slightly jumped when she noticed me out of the corner of her eye.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay. Is she still out cold?"
"Yep. I knew the drive and excitement of the day would eventually catch up to her."
She smiled and nodded her head before casting her eyes downward. She seemed a little sad, but I wasn't exactly sure why.
"Goodnight Fitz."
I looked at her confused; unsure of why she would say that to me.
"Well I was gonna see if you could help me pull the sofa sleeper out." I spoke unsure of myself because I still wasn't sure where her head was.
"I can do it, you don't have to. I'm sure you just wanna rest too. It was a lot of driving today."
I scratched the top of my head before I moved towards the couch. It was clear that she didn't understand what sleeping arrangements I had planned, but I was going to make it clear to her. I removed the large cushions and unfolded the bed while she watched from the reflection in the mirror. I pulled back the blanket and comforter before tossing the extra pillows on the bed and moving back into the bedroom.
Liv POV
He didn't have to do that. I was more than capable of pulling out a twin sofa bed. The fact that he did it himself just made me think that he was ready to retreat to the room with CJ and it hurt. I hoped we could spend some time together when she had gone to bed. I always enjoyed talking with him and having alone time together, but it didn't look like he planned to do much talking tonight.
I wiped the remaining eyeliner off and tossed the cloth into the trash.
"This bathroom's all yours if you need to use it or anything."
I turned at his voice and watched as he walked towards the small bed with CJ in his arms. He knelt on the bed with one knee and carefully lowered her small body onto the mattress. He stood up slowly and tucked the covered around her waist, before he kissed her cheek several times and stood up. He walked over to the small closet near the front door and slid the glass door open. He flicked the light on before turning back around and gesturing for me to follow him. I headed straight into the bathroom, wanting to be done as quickly as possible.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Fitz was sitting against the tufted headboard and staring directly at me.
"You thought I was going to have you sleep out there."
It wasn't even a question. It was a statement. An observation he'd made just by listening to my words, watching my actions and knowing my mannerisms. He knew me and I loved it. I climbed into the bed next to him and lifted his arm before sliding into his side. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in even closer before he kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him knowing he really did want to talk about his intentions.
"I wasn't one hundred percent sure and I didn't want to make any assumptions so I was just going to sleep on the couch."
"Is that what you wanted to do? Did you want to sleep out there?"
"No." I didn't hesitate to answer. I wanted him to know that I was serious about us and that I wanted to continue to take steps forward and not backwards.
"I wanted to be in here with you, but I didn't want to just assume you'd put CJ on the couch. It felt like I was making you kick her out or put me before her, and that's not right."
"That wouldn't be right but that'll never happen and I know you understand that. You've told me and proven to me that even in your eyes, she comes first."
I nodded and looked away, almost feeling the pressure of being so vulnerable with him. I still got that way at times.
"Livvie..." His fingers were under my chin, lifting it and turning my face back towards his. "You are a priority of mine. She might come first but you're right there behind her, almost beside her. When I'm making my decisions about anything, I'm thinking ahead of how it will affect the both of you. It's not just me and CJ anymore, Livvie. You're our family now and we're yours."
I felt my nose flaring, my eyes watering and the lump filling my throat. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest at his words and I turned out of his sidewards embrace so that I could face him fully. My mouth had gone dry, but I knew exactly what I was feeling and he deserved to know. I know my sudden movements shocked him, but I moved off of the bed quickly and quietly went to the mini fridge that was next to the front door, and grabbed a bottle of water. I moved quietly so that CJ wouldn't wake up, and slipped into the room before closing the door behind me. Fitz hadn't moved an inch from his spot on the bed. I opened the water bottle and took a generous swallow before sitting it on the nightstand.
"Were you thirsty?"
I smiled at his question knowing he just wanted to get a laugh out of me. He could see and sense my nervousness but I didn't want him to try and distract me or stop me from doing something I was already struggling with.
"I don't want you to try and make a joke to calm me down or anything. I... I need you to let me just be honest with you."
"Ok."
He sat up straighter and held his hands out, letting me choose whether I wanted him to comfort me or not and I did. I welcomed his touch and calmed at feeling his fingers intertwine with mine.
"A few weeks ago... Well, the first time I stayed over... I opened up about my father and you held me.
"I remember. You were very upset when I was singing a song to CJ and you broke down.
"But afterwards it felt good to let that out and I ended up passing out and you just held me."
"It was one of the best nights of my life. I love every single moment I get to hold you while you're awake or sleeping.
"You said you loved me."
Fitz POV
I froze. There was no way she heard that. I was certain that she was asleep but it seems like she wasn't. She heard me. It was so early, almost too early for declarations of such but I didn't care. My heart knew what it felt, my soul knew what it felt and it was love.
"I didn't know you were still awake."
"Did you mean it?"
Her eyes had welled up with tears again and it was a fact that she could get anything she wanted from me if those doe eyes had a spec of water in them. I would always be honest with her and this was no exception.
"I did. I meant it then and I'll say it now and mean it. I love you so very much, Olivia. So much and I want to be with you for as long as you'll allow me.
"Fitz, I love you too."
I could've cried in that moment. I could tell that she wanted to cry and I feared that she would hide her feelings from me. The second that I was going to urge her to continue, she took a deep breath and tears begin to spill from her eyes.
"It's so scary... Fitz I've never felt this before, I.. I'm not sure if I'll be any good at it or if I'll mess everything up and ruin you, but I love you so much and I can't just turn it off. I've tried but I can't."
"You really love me?"
Now my eyes were filling with tears. Her raw honesty is exactly what I needed and I knew in that moment that I needed to touch her. I pulled her closer and helped her so that she was now straddling my thighs. I simply stared at her. There were wet streaks on her face, her bottom lip was trembling and she looked absolutely beautiful.
"I'm so in love with you, Livvie."
I didn't wait for her to respond, instead I crashed my lips onto hers in a warm kiss, seeking her tongue out immediately. Her tongue wasted no time assaulting mine and her taste was intoxicating. My hands left her face and started at the bottom of her shirt and I eased my fingers over her soft flesh. Her skin was hot to the touch and I loved the moan that escaped her lips at the contact.
"You feel so good, Livvie." I moved my lips from hers and proceeded to leave a path of opened mouth kisses from her chin all the way down to her collarbone. When I kissed the area just at the bottom of her throat, I felt both her legs tighten around my waist and her fingers grip my hair. I ran my tongue over the spot and immediately felt her tremble before sucking hard on the area.
That was definitely her spot.
The moan that escaped her made me grateful that she had already closed the door.
"You taste so good baby."
Her grip on my hair loosened and suddenly she was pulling my face towards her and swallowing my lips with hers. We continued to kiss and her right hand guided mine up her nightshirt and to the back of her bra.
Liv POV
He took the hint. I felt him working on unstrapping the fabric, and a second later I felt the free weight of my breasts. I pulled back from his lips and stared at him for a second before lifting my arms in the air, silently praying he would accept the invitation. I felt his cool hands travel up my sides before he was easing my shirt and bra over my head completely. He dropped the clothes next to me on the bed and stared at me while gripping me high around the waist.
Fitz didn't speak a word as his thumbs moved to ghost over my nipples, instantly causing my body to respond. Moisture began to build heavily between my thighs and my legs spread wider to sit further down into his lap. I knew I must've had an effect on him as well because I could feel him hard and even more pronounced beneath me. His thumbs continued to drive me crazy and right when I was ready for more, his wet mouth was attached to my left breast. I threw my head back and instinctively pushed his head further into my chest, feeling my inner walls automatically clench. Fitz sucked as though he was a starved infant. Before I could catch my breath, he moved to my right breast and I began to smell my own arousal.
I felt Fitz hands slide down my back and grip my hips before he began to slowly move me back and forth against his erection. My mouth fell open and I used my hand to cover my mouth to drown out the noise I was making. He felt so damn good and he wasn't technically doing anything but stimulating every part of me. I moved my hips in tune with the rhythm he had begun and felt my undoing approaching.
"Fitz... Baby, don't stop."
That was all the encouragement he needed and a second later I felt a graze of his teeth on my breast and the pressure from his hardened length against my core sent me unraveling in his lap.
"Oh God!"
I felt overheated and could feel the thick fluid escaping my body and soaking both my panties and pants. I tried to catch my breath as I felt Fitz bury his face into my neck, soft kisses being left on my heated skin. I stilled for a few minutes and when my heart rate began to recuperate and slowly sync with Fitz's I pulled back to look at him.
I knew I was blushing deeply but I couldn't look away from him. His eyes were a different shade of blue that I had never seen before and I was entranced.
"I love you." He spoke quietly.
"I love you too."
And there was no denying that.
I exited the bathroom almost thirty minutes later after showering and calming my nerves. It took everything in me to not pleasure myself as our connection replayed over and over in my head, let alone pull him into the shower with me. Fitz had awakened something in me that I never knew existed. I turned the light and fan off before coming out and climbing directly next to him in bed. He had fallen asleep just like I expected, but instinctively reached for me. With his eyes closed, Fitz turned me on my side and moved directly behind me with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and his right hand just under my left breast. His skin against mine was almost burning, but welcomed in every way.
My heart rate slowly began to increase and I had no clue how I was getting any sleep tonight.
"I love you, Livvie."
That did the trick. Those four words were now music to my ears, allowing me to completely relax and slowly fade away.
"I love you too Fitz."
Thank you for reading. I do plan to update at least once a month. Last month was a busy one for me, so I didn't get to, but I'll try my best. Also, my story is rated M because I'd rather know that it'll lead to Mature themes and have that in place, rather than simply go back and change it. These characters are on a journey and there is a lot that I plan to do with their relationship, yet one of them was not to have them sleep together right away. It would not have matched her character at all, and if so, it would have been her using is as an escape and in my story I did not want that. If you wish to keep reading, you will see their relationship blossom into something I hope you will appreciate.