Dallas, Texas

"JR?" speaking aloud to the darkness that engulfed their bedroom, Sue Ellen waited a few moments before rolling over to shake her husband awake. He wouldn't appreciate her rousing him, not after a long week at work, unless perhaps she desperately needed him to satisfy her, that always gave him enough of an ego boost to forget how much he wanted to sleep when he was in bed. Tonight, sexual need or want was not what drove her to wake him though and it was unlikely he would be thrilled to hear what she had to say. After lying in bed awake for more than an hour though, unable to shake her thoughts and worries, she had decided it was worth the grumbling that would inevitably follow, because she needed an answer and she needed to feel remembered and loved.

"Mm", listening to his sleepy murmurs, she smiled to herself, her husband always seemed younger and more relaxed when he was asleep and she enjoyed the calm, close moments they had together in that state. "Mm, I know it's late, but I need to ask you something, it's driving me crazy", softly running her hand along his arm, down to his hand as she spoke, she was pleased when he slowly turned over to look at her, groaning, probably half asleep as he did, but still doing it.

"I've been laying here for an hour wondering and worrying, hoping to figure it out on my own, but all that's done is fuelled more questions that I don't have answers to". Speaking to him as they both lay in the dark, she studied the grainy outline in front of her to try to make out his facial expression, though she couldn't, not really, despite her eyes having adjusted slightly to the lack of light in the room. Feeling the bed moving and then blinking rapidly as the lamp on JR's nightstand was turned on, it took her only a split second to receive confirmation of her earlier thoughts, he didn't seem thrilled to be woken up in the middle of the night just to talk, though to his credit, he didn't say that.

"Questions about what darlin'? What's got you so worried you can't sleep?" sitting up in bed a few seconds later, he seemed to be more awake, and although he was tired, she sensed he did genuinely want to hear exactly why she wasn't enjoying sleep the way he had been. Sitting up herself, she turned to face him before speaking, allowing everything she had been thinking about to spill out. "About tomorrow, about you and Jack and your ambiguous plans and where I fit in. You know I'm happy that you're making an effort and actually finding it fun and freeing, I understand your life more than most people and I have similar wants and needs for myself. It's just, I don't know, I suppose I'm jealous that you've all of a sudden got plans for tomorrow and I don't. I could call Anna, or Pamela, or even Paula and see if any of them are free to do something while you're with Jack, but I'm afraid I already know the answers they'll give; somehow we dropped off the social ladder completely and everyone made friends and plans without us and they'll already have plans for tomorrow. I want you to have friends, but I want to have friends of my own too, friends I can call on to do something with when you're out doing something. I love John Ross, but he goes to sleep so early that I'm essentially all alone when you're not around, besides that though, he's a baby, he doesn't talk and I can hardly expect him to replace a friend. I already did a Saturday night alone last week and it was depressing; I didn't enjoy it, everyone else out doing something while I was here, by myself, making call after call to people who were either out or about to go out".

Listening to everything she had to say, JR couldn't exactly say he was surprised, he knew she had insecurities that popped up occasionally and he should have been more considerate of her feelings when making plans for himself, he wished she would remember her forwardness when they started discussions to begin with though. "Sue Ellen, darlin', you should have said all of this earlier when we were discussing it. When I said we'd play it by ear and decide our plans after a few drinks, I was essentially just repeating what Jack said when we made the arrangement. It sounds like Bobby has dinner plans, so he'll be leaving at some point, it's not out of the realm of possibility that we too could have dinner plans, I suppose we just didn't because I didn't think that far ahead yet. Jack's not a little boy though, he doesn't need me or Bobby to tell him what to do with his night, I'm sure he can figure it out on his own". Speaking compassionately because it was probably extremely clear to him now that she was genuinely anxious about the future, there was also a certain amount of amusement in his tone; he was listening to her concerns and acknowledging them, but rising to her level of emotion was not something he saw as necessary. He hadn't been thinking ahead and that had been a mistake, not listening now would be a bigger mistake though and it was one he wasn't going to make, it was also one that would be hard to make considering they were doing nothing more than talking, in the middle of the night.

"You'd do that? You wouldn't feel like I was pulling you away from your plans?" responding with surprise to his comments, he was surprised at how her comments made him feel; surely he wasn't such a grumpy, negative person that she would really think he'd be upset by her wish to be considered in his life. "No, and I don't want you to think like that either. You're my wife, more than that though, you're the constant in my life; it's true that Bobby's my brother and Jack's my cousin, but I don't know either of them that well and even if I did, I don't come home to them at night and the nature of our relationships is more casual. I'd still like to go out with them, I'll admit I'm curious about where it might lead, but I don't want to do that at the expense of our relationship, which it might just be if you're truly laying here unable to sleep because you can't stop thinking about what all of this means".

"How about this? We spend all day Saturday in our preferred way, together, you, John Ross, and me, no saying yes to other commitments unless we both agree; we'll do whatever you want to do, go to the park, the zoo, even the children's aquarium if you think John Ross would like that, whatever you want to do. My plans with Bobby and Jack are at the condo sometime in the late afternoon, we didn't really peg a time exactly but I was thinking perhaps around four or five. If we make dinner reservations for say, seven thirty, eight, then I think that should be fine, what do you think?" Making a genuine offer, he hoped she understood that he really just hadn't thought so far ahead when he'd made plans with Bobby and Jack, and that he wasn't actually purposely ignoring her or trying to make her feel like she was all alone in the world. In considering her comments and responding too, he also understood her feelings regarding friends a little more now. He liked the idea of not considering Bobby and Jack his enemies now that he was fairly sure they weren't threats to him, and while he didn't exactly understand the appeal of socialising with a Barnes, he could see why Sue Ellen might want a friend in general.

"I think that sounds like a great plan", listening to her husband's reassurances and elaborations, Sue Ellen smiled shyly, at times where she felt insecure, her feelings always seemed like the biggest thing in the world, but as soon as he reaffirmed his feelings for her, it suddenly seemed less heavy and worrisome and she felt self-conscious about possibly overreacting. Worrying for nothing or not though, she still loved that he didn't make her feel as if she was in the wrong for having feelings at all, and it pleased her that he was so understanding about her need to have things dissected and explained to her, for her own peace of mind.

"I love you JR, have I told you that lately? I do, I truly do, and I love this, us, talking. I think we're actually quite good at this once we start, it's just that I think too much and don't say enough, and you, I don't know, I suppose you do the same, think, or don't think, but don't say much aloud either. This is nice though, you have no idea how the small things you say affect me; I just needed to know that I hadn't been forgotten, that you weren't choosing a night out with Bobby and Jack over a night out with me. Like I said, it's not that I don't want you to have fun, it's just I don't want to feel left behind, and now I don't. I do think we need to do this more often, talk, communicate, not silently misunderstand each other; I should say what I think when we're originally discussing plans like this, though in this case I didn't even realise it until just now, after our conversation. I would really like if you did the same, you know, thought of my plans when you think of your plans. I want to be on your mind when you consider things like going out for drinks or dancing, and if you don't consider them until someone else mentions them, then I'd really like if you then considered me. I don't mind if you tell me you want to spend time with Bobby and Jack for some kind of men's time, I'd just like to have time to make my own plans too".

"For the record too, I like both Bobby and Jack, and unless your little get-togethers really are men only, I wouldn't say no to an invitation every once in a while either. I know that might sound a bit premature considering the circumstances, but I just think it seems natural for such things to occur sometimes, we're married, we're each other's dates to events, why should dancing or drinks, or whatever it is you want to do, be any different? I just think it seems a bit odd that Pamela can serendipitously meet Bobby on the dancefloor and end up at your table like a date would, while I was sitting at home, doing nothing. Now I know that doesn't make much logical sense, her and Bobby didn't plan to see each other again, it's just that had I said yes to her invitation earlier that night, you and I would have also met fortuitously and I would have been more than ok with that. Does that make sense? I don't want to sound like the jealous wife who's incapable of giving her husband space, because I know you need space and friends, just like I do, I'm just saying, this is all new to us and I'd like to find a balance now before it becomes a problem".

Explaining her concerns in further detail, Sue Ellen watched her husband closely, trying to determine whether she was coming across sounding like the jealous, nagging wife she didn't want to be, or whether she sounded like the concerned, lonely wife that she actually was. She was thrilled that he had been so understanding about her earlier worries about being left behind, and he'd changed his plans and clarified his position as soon as she'd voiced her thoughts, however, she didn't know how far his understanding of her social needs actually stretched. It didn't seem to her like too much to ask for him to consider her his equal in social situations that weren't exclusively men only, but whether or not he thought the same way was still up in the air.

"Sue Ellen, this didn't all come to your mind tonight, did it? It seems to me that we have a lot to talk about, a lot that I had no idea about, and that you said nothing about. How much more are you not telling me? I want to know, because as you just said, we need to find a balance before this becomes a real problem, but we can't do that unless I actually know how you feel when you feel it. You know this, we've discussed this, but I think we need to talk about it again". Getting comfortable against his upright pillow, JR spoke gently but firmly as he posed a few questions to his wife. He wanted and needed to know why they were still having trouble communicating, not just about specific events, but about their feelings in general, and he knew to get the answers he was looking for would not be a quick conversation. They were awake now though and it seemed as good a time as any to get to the heart of the issue, again.

To be continued…