Dallas, Texas

Considering JR's question, Sue Ellen answered as honestly as she could. "Well yes and no. You know how I feel about my social life at the moment, or I suppose lack of social life, so I don't think it's too surprising that I have some of these feelings, but I can agree that it might sound shockingly serious, because personally I didn't even realise I felt so strongly until we lay down to sleep. When I started thinking about another evening alone it really began to sink in; I can handle the days, you have to work, I understand that and I am working hard to create something meaningful and enjoyable for myself during that time too, but the nights, they're different. I remember the way I felt when you used to go away on business, I would sit and wonder what you were doing and I'd count down the time until you returned home, I was lonely and I never felt completely at home even at Southfork. Things changed when we started to change, when you stopped going away so much and we really started to work on our relationship; I got used to spending time with you, to dating you again".

"Maybe it sounds selfish, but I like the lifestyle I've grown used to, I like knowing to expect you home at the same time every day, I like having dinner with you every night, I like our nights here together and our weekends away, alone and with John Ross. I like being the person you speak to and rely on for support and I like having you there to listen to me and support me. I like the way things are when we're together and I'm afraid that things are going to change and never feel the same again. I don't want to be left behind, struggling to find a balance in my life while you glide forward with your own life, but I also don't want to seem like I'm holding you back, stopping you from having fun just because I'm not. The answer to the problem is probably for me to make a few friends, or even just one friend, of my own, so that I have someone equal to you having someone, but I also feel that even then there are problems".

"As I said, I understand that you have to work, but working takes up so much time in our lives that I would hope we'd still have time for each other even if we did make other friends. I know that sounds odd seeing as I just listed most if not all of our free time as being spent together anyway, but I worry and I need reassurance that some change does not mean a complete overhaul of our schedule. I want to know that we'll still have time for each other, we'll still do as we have been doing, dinners, weekends away, family days, those kinds of things. That probably sounds unfair considering how flexible you have just proven you can be, reassuring me that you can do both, spend time with me and John Ross and have friends; it's just, you know how I get".

"I would love for us to eventually be the kind of couple who can do things together and apart, without it being a big deal, you know double dates or group events. Remember how much fun it was when we had dinner with Paula and Roger? I know that was months ago and we all live busy lives so it's not practical to do that often, but I would love for things like that to be normal for us. I want to be able to socialise with my friends and my husband at the same time and I want you to be able to do the same thing. I feel like you're ahead of me now though, you have friends and social plans and I don't, not really. As I said earlier, I'd like to be included in those plans, but I want it to be because you want me there too, not simply because I asked. I also don't want to appear so insecure that I can't let you be alone for any period of time, that's not fair, you're allowed to have friends".

"I'm going in circles here, I can feel it, I want you to understand though, this isn't something I've been hiding from you, it just never occurred to me to concern myself with such thoughts. For so long it's been me and you and I love that, but I also like the idea of more, I want us to move at the same pace though. I want us to agree on what seems fair and reasonable for both of us. With work, you have less time than I do during the week, so I can understand why you would want to do something at the weekend; all I ask is that you don't forget everything we have together".

Watching JR as she spoke, she hoped that his thoughtful, concerned facial expressions indicated that he understood what she was saying, even if she was confusing herself with her emotional ramble. He was a good actor though, he had mastered looking thoughtful and engaged in business conversations even when he had no idea what was happening or no interest in what was happening, so she wasn't entirely certain about his present thoughts. She knew that he was interested, he had said that much, but whether he was actually following everything she was saying was debatable; she knew she tended to say things and not give him much time to respond before moving on to something else, so she couldn't blame him if he was overwhelmed by her thoughts.

"Sue Ellen", sighing her name and then pausing, her stomach dropped at the thought of him dismissing her as overly emotional and irrational, though when he leaned forward and moved his pillow toward her, patting the mattress as if to tell her to move closer, she sensed that that was not what he was doing. Following his direction, she slid a few inches closer to him, getting comfortable against the side of the pillow he had freed for her as she waited for him to continue.

"Firstly, I agree with what you said about our talking, I think we work best when everything is clearly defined and communicated, so I'm glad we're having this conversation now before miscommunication is responsible for some avoidable issue coming between us. I'm afraid communicating isn't always the most fun thing to do though, but I need you to remember that you just told me everything on your mind and I listened, and now it's my turn to do the same. Now, please don't hate me, but although I think you make some very valid points, I also think you might be taking this just a bit too seriously too soon. You're formalising plans and relationships that are casual in nature and that's causing more stress than it's really worth. You're worried about me becoming so chummy with Jack and Bobby that I forget about you, but you're forgetting that this is all so new to me that that's highly unlikely to happen. I'm not one to jump into things without scoping out the full scene first and I really don't believe that even when I do get a good grasp on what this could be that I would decide that I'd rather spend all of my free time with them than you, or vice versa".

"I may have changed my mind about Jack regarding his motivations in being here, I don't think he's so pure hearted that it's just about family, but pursuing money isn't so evil and if he's willing to work for that then I guess it's not so bad. As for Bobby, now that he's finally conceded defeat and is going off ranching for the rest of his days, it's ok for me to see him as a brother again rather than a competitor. In saying that about both of them, being friendly and wanting to see what that friendliness develops into doesn't worry me in the same way it does you. I know you're my wife, you're the person I share everything with and I want to continue to live that way, but just like you want friends, I'm beginning to see how friends could benefit me too. I have absolutely no plans to get as close with anyone, whether it be Jack, Bobby, or someone else, as I am with you; you just have to trust me on that. I will do what I can to continue to keep our relationship strong, because I don't want to see you down any more than you want to feel that way".

"I need you to work with me here though, trust me to make choices that are beneficial to both of us, without you needing to prompt me. Now, I can see how that might be difficult, because I did make plans for drinks without considering your plans for Saturday, but we have just discussed that and compromised, easily, without either of us missing doing what we wanted to do. As far as I can see, all I can do is make promises to continue to be the man I'm trying so hard to be, the rest of this issue is for you to learn to trust that that's what I'm doing. I do try hard and I appreciate that you appreciate the life we have built together; if you can let go of your concerns about what might happen if that changes, you might just find you're a lot happier. Don't spend time worrying about whether I'll still be home for dinner or able to make our weekend plans happen, those things won't change; if we've already made plans, then I'm not available to make further plans, and if new invitations arise, I now understand very clearly that you are interested in doing those things with me. I'm sure there will be things that you don't want to do with me or that might just be men only, but I need you to understand that if I choose to do something like that it's not intended to hurt you. We love each other and whatever changes occur in our social calendars doesn't change that".

"I'm not going to forget about you because I don't spend every waking moment with you, so if that's what you really think then please, try to forget it. Regarding eventually being able to do things as a couple with other people, I don't think you need to think about it as eventually, we can do that now if you wish. If you want to have dinner with Roger and Paula again, call and invite them over, even if it's a month in advance. I'm sure Anna and Marv would be interested in seeing us again too. If you want to go dancing as some sort of group, we can do that, Jack's hardly going to object to going out and Bob is no stranger to that kind of thing, so I'm sure it's a fine idea. What I'm trying to say is I'm flexible with what we do; this is all new to me and it's new to you too and I think rather than trying to figure out how to respond to every possible scenario before they occur, we should instead just take it slower, tackling the things that are happening now".

"Let's start with tomorrow, or today? Saturday. We're going to have a wonderful day together with John Ross, then you're going to spend a bit of time doing whatever it is you do to emphasise how stunning you are while I spend some casual time with my brother and cousin, then you and I will have dinner and who knows what we'll do afterwards. If you want to go dancing, we can do that; if you want to go to the theatre or the symphony, we can do that; whatever you want, I want you to be happy. Work with me here, please".

Listening to JR as he explained his position and reassured her yet again that her worries were mostly based on her fears rather than reality, she found herself nodding and subconsciously snuggling closer to him. "Slow is probably a good idea. We can start with today, then tonight, and then take it from there. I'll see about being more proactive in making plans of my own, or plans for the two of us, and you will do the same. We talk a lot anyway, so I think with each of us paying more attention to what happens outside our marriage, we should be just fine inside our marriage too. I trust you, I really do and I'll try hard to remember that before I let my thoughts and worries get the better of me". Sure she was responding to very little of what they had discussed, she found herself unable to focus completely on their conversation, partly because the rhythm of JR's fingers combing through her hair was soothing, and partly because she was reassured enough now to relax, and her mind was beginning to realise what time it was. "Mm, we do talk a lot; I think we've talked enough for now though, so how about we finish this conversation in the morning?" Kissing the top of her head softly as he spoke, she smiled as JR then ran his hand down her side, hooking an arm around her waist to secure her position next to him. There was no confusion this time, sleep and only sleep was what they both wanted now and that was exactly what they would get.

To be continued…