Fitz POV
My palms were sweaty. The necktie I wore felt as though it was choking the life out of me and I felt as though I was about to throw up. At least on the inside.
On the outside I was ready. I was confident, firm, and prepared to demand a fair price and sway the judge into granting whatever I asked for. I also was desperate to see Olivia. I needed her back in my arms.
Three days. She'd been there for three days and although I'd gone longer, I at least knew she was with Huck and safe. But right now she was in jail. County jail is where she was being held until the bail hearing, but jail nonetheless. This was such a drastic change from where we were last week.
Fitz POV
"Daddy?... daddy, you have to wake up."
I knew this was what the following morning would be like. I was drained but I knew that CJ would be confused when I didn't wake her up first thing this morning for school. Christmas break was over last Friday and she'd done a pretty good job at getting up without giving me a hard time. It was Olivia's influence and I knew I had her to thank for my daughter's slight change in behavior.
Today was also the first time CJ would witness Olivia and I sleeping in the same bed, or in this type of intimate situation. She'd never seen me like this with someone but there was no way to hide it now. We were usually up and downstairs before CJ could see us in any compromising positions but as I mentioned before, I was drained. We both were.
I removed my arms from around Olivia and turned towards my side of the bed where CJ was standing in her nightgown and a head full of messy hair. It was getting longer and I silently wondered if she would want it cut again or if she wanted to finally let it grow out.
"Good Morning Bug, what's up?"
"You're gonna make me get a tardy and my teacher will be upset. We're late. You should be making my breakfast by now. I didn't get dressed by myself either."
I laughed at her grumpy words, realizing that she was blaming me for her not having on clothes yet. I reached for her and pulled her onto the bed with me, and kissed her cheek several times as she got comfortable in my embrace. She could be so lazy at times and I had no clue who she'd got it from. Thanks to her, I was a habitual early riser during the week but could sleep in perfectly on the weekends if she was gone. I could feel Olivia stirring behind me, but I knew she wouldn't say anything unless I took the first step.
"How would you feel if we changed the schedule for today and played hooky?"
"Why am I not going to school today?"
I knew my daughter. On the inside she was beaming, but she required an explanation because the reasoning would tell her if I was in fact being honest or tricking her.
"I thought we could have a special day at home with Olivia. Just the three of us."
"All day?"
"All day." I agreed.
"Do we have to stay inside or can we go places?"
"Maybe we can. I'm not sure yet but it'll be us three having a special day together."
"Why is Livia in your bed?"
"Because she sleeps in here."
"Oh."
She was quiet for a few seconds and played with the neck of the t-shirt I was wearing.
"Is Livia gonna leave soon? Is that why we're having a special day together?"
Fitz POV
Our case was called and I took my place as the defendant's attorney while an attorney from Georgia stood on the opposite side. I held my breath when the side doors opened and Olivia was ushered out by an officer.
Her walls were already up. A shell and mask present over her entire body. It was Olivia, but not my Livvie.
"All rise..."
The room stood up and when granted permission, we proceeded. All we needed today were numbers. Two numbers to be exact. The price that it would costs to get Olivia out of jail until her trial date. With the immediate evidence and nature of the crime, her skipping town wasn't an atrocious act that a judge wouldn't understand and show mercy for. Especially for a first time offender who was an upstanding citizen. Either way, the price didn't matter. The second he set a price, Huck and myself would bail Olivia out and take her home.
The second number was in days. We knew the judge would give us the amount of time until Olivia had to be back in Georgia. She wouldn't be able to stay in North Carolina for the trial and it was something I was only notified of yesterday. Olivia had no idea and I hated that she would find out right now because I knew I wouldn't be able to comfort her. She would be terrified but I had a plan. One that only required me to wait and do nothing.
Fitz POV
I left the two lazy females in bed while I went into the bathroom to freshen up and throw some clothes on. They were talking and giggling and I only partially wondered if it was about me. As long as they were happy, that's all that mattered. I gave myself a few extra minutes and shaved the subtle hairs growing on my cheeks and chin. I wasn't sure how Olivia would feel about it and knew with what was coming up, I'd need to constantly stay clean faced.
By the time I was done, I noticed how silent the room was and peeked out to find an empty bed. I slipped on my sweatpants and opted out of switching t-shirts. I moved down the hall and was surprised to see Olivia dressed and standing still as CJ held a shirt up to her before tossing it back onto the bed and doing the same with another.
"This one matches better. Right Livia? This blue is kinda green like yours."
"Yep it's turquoise just like my shirt, just a bit of a different shade. I think it's perfect."
"Me too."
I watched as she immediately stripped her nightgown off and pulled the shirt over her head.
"Do you need to use the bathroom or did you already go?"
I smiled from the doorway, watching Olivia question CJ. She'd freak out if I even mentioned her being a maternal figure in CJ's life, but she was. My little girl had a woman to look up to, a woman that I was completely in love with and wanted to make a permanent part of our family.
"I'll go pee first!"
She scurried out of the room and I took it upon myself to pull the bathroom door closed once she was inside.
"Were you spying on us Mr.?"
I pulled Olivia into my arms and kissed her nose.
"Proudly. I love watching you with her."
"Well I love being around her. She makes me feel like I can be my old self... the person I want the world to see and not the criminal I'll soon be known as."
"That's not how anyone is going to know you. We're handling this. It'll all be over before you know it and we'll all be together again."
"I don't want to just pretend that today isn't what it really is. So much is about to change. We have to tell her soon Fitz."
"Tell me what, Livia?"
We both turned to see CJ standing behind us, her hands still a bit soapy and dripping wet onto the hardwood floor.
"Bug, we tell the truth in this house don't we? We're honest?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, let's be honest. We need to talk."
Fitz POV
I wrapped my arm around Olivia's shoulder, doing my best to shield her from any possible bystanders as we made our way out of the precinct. It's what most lawyers did when there were cameras everywhere so I knew it looked harmless. Huck led us to his SUV that was parked underground and the second we were in the backseat, I took a hold of her.
"Three days"
Her voice was barely a whisper when she spoke and her breaking down was almost simultaneous.
"I have to go back there, Fitz."
"I know Livvie... I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I expected it. You're not doing this alone."
"I have to. You can't come with me."
I refused to respond to her words. There was no way in hell I was letting her return to Georgia alone. Huck would stay with her and although I knew he would be more than capable of keeping her safe, that's not all she needed. There were things she needed that only I could give to her. Olivia needed someone to hold her at night to keep her from screaming out. She needed someone that could take her mind from wondering what would happen the next day, and make her focus on the moment she was in. Olivia needed someone to center her just by loving her and I knew I was that person for her. I knew it because she was that person for me.
The car ride to the house was silent and when the garage doors closed, we allowed Huck to go in before us and do his habitual sweep of the house. It only took seconds. He'd shown us the only way Chris, Russell, Jake or any hired hand would try to get in and as long as there'd been no attempts, we were in the clear. There were also multiple traps set up around my home that would have a clear indication of someone trying to get close.
Huck eyed us for just a few moments before he nodded once at me and made his way upstairs and into the office. The space was basically a small headquarters for him and is also where he had been sleeping for the past few days since Olivia turned herself in.
When we were alone, I moved closer to Olivia. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and hold her. I wanted to feel her, to kiss her and comfort her. It had been three days and that was an eternity as far as I was concerned.
The second I tried to kiss her, she made it clear that wasn't happening.
Liv POV
I backed away from him slowly. It took every ounce of strength I could gather to continue moving away from him when all I wanted to do was fall into his arms. When I finally was able to look at him, he didn't look shocked. He was worried and he understood. He was always so patient with me. Even when I didn't deserve it or want him to be.
I continued moving away from him until I hit a wall. He made sure he wasn't towering over me and bent at the knees before lifting my chin and connecting our eyes.
"Don't hide from me."
He wiped at the few tears that escaped my eyes and I had to push his hands away.
I was so angry with him.
"You can't come with me."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're not coming to Georgia with me, Fitz. You can't. I won't let you. I'll do this on my own."
Fitz POV
I saw red. How dare she try to run now? After everything we'd gone through and prepared for? It wasn't fair of her to try and shut me out and it sure as hell wasn't fair for her to do this now. Not when we were preparing to fight this.
"We aren't doing this Livvie. You can't push me away. How can you try to pull something like this? Don't you want me there with..."
"Of course I do Fitz! This isn't about not wanting you there with me because of course I do!"
"Then what? What is it about?"
"It's about you leaving her!"
"What?"
Then it registered. She wasn't thinking about herself at all. She was thinking of CJ.
Liv POV
CJ's eyes were serious. She asked me a question and my mind immediately flashed back to the day she asked me my name. I couldn't lie to her then and I couldn't lie to her now.
"I might have to leave in a couple of days, CJ. It's not because I want to, but I think I might have to."
We were sitting on her bed together. Fitz and I sat side by side and CJ was sideways on his lap.
"Who's making you leave?" She sent a glare in Fitz's direction and I felt bad for him.
"No one is really making me do this, but it's what's right. Before I came here, I was with some bad people and they did bad things, and sometimes they hurt people. And since I was with them, I'm in trouble too."
"Daddy can help you. He helps people that make mistakes at his job."
CJ looked up at Fitz with hopeful eyes this time and I knew he felt as defeated as I did. Even with all the help Fitz was going to be representing me, it wouldn't change me having to leave.
"I'm gonna help as much as I can Ceej, but Olivia is still gonna have to leave for a while."
"How long is a while? Like when you go to work all day or a longer while like when I stay at Grandma's house?"
"It could be longer than that sweetie."
She gasped. And pouted. Then she cried.
And I suddenly regretted ever stepping foot in this house.
Liv POV
"It's exactly what he did."
"What who did Olivia?"
"My father."
Fitz had given me the space I so desperately wanted and he was patient with me as I tried to explain myself.
"I told you before he was amazing and I was the cliched daddy's little girl. It wasn't until he got wrapped up in his work that things changed. He wasn't my dad anymore and it started with him working overtime and something with work always coming up. He even moved us to Atlanta knowing we would be leaving everything I'd ever known. Before I knew it, he wasn't tucking me in anymore or having tea parties with me, he was barely making it home before I went to bed and casually saying goodnight as he passed my room. I became an after thought and it crushed me Fitz. It still does till this day and I can't be the reason that you're not with CJ. It's not worth it."
"Please stop telling me who is and isn't important to me. I wish you would stop doubting me when I tell you that you're a part of this family and you are loved."
He moved from his spot on the couch and took a hold of my hands, squeezing them in between his own before he continued showering me with certainties.
"You are not in this alone Olivia. CJ will be ok, and in fact , she'll be better than okay." He kissed my knuckles before walking us backwards until we were forced to sit on the couch, me on top of his lap." One day when she's old enough to know what really went on, I want her to be able to look at me and know that her father did everything in his power to love and protect you. So yes she'll be a little upset and it might be scary at first but I'm going to make it work. My mother already knows this was a possibility and she's ready to keep staying with CJ for however long it takes."
I forced myself to be content with his answer and allowed my body to mold itself into his. We sat like that for a long period of time as my brain tried to compartmentalize the past few days
Three days in a county jail had nearly caused me to have a breakdown.
There was no telling how long it would take to get an actual trial date but I knew Fitz would do everything in his power to make sure it happened as soon as possible. It was a high profile case so it should take precedence over others but we still wouldn't know until we were in Georgia.
That's what I was dreading the most.
Fitz POV
I had to go to CJ first.
It took all of two seconds for my daughter to run from her room and into mine crying. Her silent cry that broke my heart.
Olivia too was crying. Hating how much this, she, was already hurting CJ.
I kissed Olivia's forehead before following my daughter's footsteps into my bedroom.
"Bug?" I called out to her and when I didn't see her face first on my bed, I knew there was only one other place she'd run to.
I took my time sitting criss-cross on the floor of the walk in closet and made myself comfortable leaning back against the wall. I could probably count on two hands the amount of heart to hearts I'd had with my little girl here. She'd ran in here the first time I told her about staying the entire weekend with my mom and again when I told her she wouldn't be homeschooled anymore. The last time we had one of our closet chats, was on her birthday when she woke up and instead of finding me, she was greeted by my mother instead.
The closet is where she went when she was afraid and angry. There was a part of her that wanted to feel safe, another part that wanted to disappear and the closet allowed her to hide while being surrounded by my clothes. I could only assume it was because of my scent. It had comforted her since she was a newborn and I knew it still had the same calming effect for my daughter at times.
"Bug, come sit with me."
She didn't budge and I could see her small legs move under her as she too sat criss cross.
"I don't wanna talk to you, Daddy. I'm mad and sad at you and Livia."
"Come sit with me. We need to talk about some things, Ceej. Some important things and I'm not taking no for an answer."
I didn't give her the chance to take the bait. She was six and couldn't make too many rational decisions on her own yet and she was just as stubborn as I could be. I reached forward and grabbed a hold of her small foot before pulling her towards me. She protested immediately and I heard when her head hit the wall behind her, earning me the pleasure of CJ forcing herself to cry as though she was in actual pain. Her head barely touched the wall but she was putting every emotion she was feeling into the cry and letting me have it.
I finished pulling her through the assortment of jeans she was trapped behind and finally was able to scoop her into my lap. She didn't fight me at all as I held her tight, cradling her like I did when she was a baby. I kissed her head several times and waited until I knew she was relaxed before I started speaking to her.
"It's always just been us around here huh? Just me and my Bug. Do you miss it just being us, Bug?"
"I liked it when it was just us and no one else but then Livia came and I liked it being us and her. We never have any friends come over."
"Who do you think Olivia is to us, Ceej?"
"I don't know."
"For me Olivia is someone that I love very much and I want her to be a part of our family one day."
"Would she be family that lives with us or family like grandma that has her own house?"
"Which would you want?"
"I want her to live with us."
"I want that too Bug."
"Then why is she leaving?"
"Before Olivia can really be with us she has some things she has to take care of. Some really important things that are kinda scary but it's something she has to do. Kinda like when we wanna do something fun on the weekend but we have to make sure your homework is done, and I have to make sure all of my work is done first too before we can have any fun."
"So Livia has some homework to do first? Then she can stay?"
This was harder than I thought.
"No Ceej she just has some things she has to take care of first. And even though she wishes she didn't have to leave us at all, sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. But while she takes care of what she has to take care of and she's gone, we are gonna support her. Do you know how we're gonna do that?"
When she shook her head, I turned her in my arms so that she was sitting facing me.
"We support her by respecting her decision and not giving her a hard time and making her feel bad about leaving. Because guess what? She already feels really bad about leaving you."
"Me?"
"Yea Ceej. The same way I hate leaving you, that's pretty much how Olivia is feeling."
"I don't want to make her feel bad I'm just really sad. What if she doesn't come back?"
"Well I'll tell you this, I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure she can come back to us and I know she's gonna do everything she can to come back as well."
"How do you know?"
"I know because I love Olivia very much and she loves me and she loves you very much."
"How do you know that?"
She was smiling when I mentioned loving Olivia and her loving us back. I leaned my forehead against her and kissed her nose quickly before pulling back.
"Because she told me so."
Fitz POV
I wasn't sure if she wanted to be alone or not. From the moment I was able to hold her as we drove home, I got the feeling that she didn't want to be left alone. Huck had only gone upstairs minutes ago and Olivia had rejected every request of food I offered to her saying she would eat later. As much as she seemed to not want to let go of my hand, there was a strong pull I could feel encouraging her to walk away.
I watched as she went upstairs and could barely count to one hundred before I found myself running after her. I could hear the shower on and prepared to give her the privacy she clearly wanted when I heard her.
She was crying.
Maybe she needed to let it out alone and if so she could tell me that herself. There was no way I was going to leave her alone.
I went into the bathroom and closed the door before I lifted her from the edge of the tub and gathered her in my arms.
"Shhhh, Livvie. I got you. You're okay. You're safe."
She clung to me. I could feel her nails digging into my back and I hated knowing that things would possibly get worse.
"I… I need …"
I caressed her cheeks, over exaggerating my breathing so she would follow suit and start to relax.
"Tell me what you need Livvie. I'm right here."
"I … "
I could tell she was frustrated with herself and I brought her closer into my arms before rubbing soothing circles on her back until her breathing was back to normal.
"I need to shower."
"Okay."
"And wash my hair….."
"All your stuff is here Livvie. Right where you left it."
"I feel so dirty."
And another damn broke.
I knew nothing I said would stop her tears nor change the way she was feeling and I knew I couldn't understand the emotions she felt. She assured me that nothing violent or forceful happened to her while she was held for three days, I knew she felt violated in other ways. Her freedom was taken. She was stripped. Searched. Touched by guards doing their jobs. She felt unkept and it was clear to tell she hadn't showered while she was there and I couldn't blame her.
I kissed her head before slowly, carefully moving my hands to the front of her shirt and began unclasping the buttons. She tried to tell me that I didn't have to, but I brushed her off and continued my movements. When I was done, I slid the shirt from her frame and kissed the space just below her throat. Her eyes met mine and even as I read the timidity in them, I moved to unbuttoning her jeans.
It was only seconds later until she was standing in her bra and panties and instead of removing them, I removed my own clothes until I was completely bare in front of her.
Liv POV
He waited for me to finish undressing myself, giving me the opportunity to tell him that I didn't want this. I felt weak and vulnerable. Open and dirty. Not myself.
And to think it had only been three days.
I watched as he changed the temperature of the water and stepped in before holding his hand out to me. The moment I stepped in, he pulled me into his embrace once again, loving me. I felt his arms moving behind me and seconds later, he was caressing my back. His hands were soft and filled with my favorite body wash as they moved over every inch of my back. They were gentle yet firm, sliding from my waist to my hips, creating a lather that felt exquisite on my skin.
Then he circled my ass, each hand tending to its respective side, moving until each curve was felt before he hands smoothed over my thighs. Fitz moved back half a step before he dropped to his knees. My hands instantly found his shoulder when he lifted my leg up and began to kneed at the bottom of my foot. I hadn't realized how much they hurt until I could feel the relief from the pressure he was creating. The way he stroked the heel of my foot before gliding up to wash my legs made me want to cry. He was so gentle and took care of me in the most perfect way.
It wasn't long at all before my other leg was washed and both of my hands gripped his shoulders when his hand washed my most sensitive parts. Even though I knew he wasn't expecting that type of reaction, my body responded to his touch in the most natural way. He was on a mission and slowly stood up as he washed his way up my stomach, circling my breast before finally rinsing his hands of the rich suds.
I kept watch of his movements and smiled when he reached for the plain white bar of Dove soap and once the suds were covering his hands, he brought them to my face. His touch was soft and careful, revealing to me that he'd memorized the stroke pattern I used on my face when I washed it. His strokes became feather-like and I closed my eyes and held my lips together, fighting against the smile that fought to escape my lips. I felt him squeeze my hip gently before he turned me towards the spray of water and I allowed the water to cascade down my face, feeling extremely refreshed.
Seconds later, Fitz turned me around so that the water was soaking my hair and I watched him pump three handfuls of my shampoo in his hands before beckoning me to turn around.
His hands felt like magic. I never thought I would allow anyone to be a part of something that was so personal. Someone that I would trust enough to tend to me in such a manner yet somehow Fitz just did. The way his fingers moved in my hair was as if he'd been watching me habitually. His hands were even more gentle when he conditioned my hair. The way he ran his fingers through my curls, detangling each coil in the most gentle way and constantly checking to make sure I was okay.
When my hair was completely rinsed, he kissed me chastely before letting me know that I could have a few minutes alone. I was grateful for the space, knowing that I was ready to explode. I needed to feel him still. In a different way. He'd worshipped my entire body as we showered and it still wasn't enough. I grabbed the wide tooth comb and ran it through my dripping hair a few times before wringing out as much water as I could. When I shut the water off and opened the curtain, Fitz was waiting for me. A yellow, fluffy towel was unfolded in his hands and he encouraged me to bring my leg towards him.
He dried me off limb by limb, softly patting my skin. When he was finished, I lifted my arms as he wrapped the towel around me. I brought my hands up to keep the towel from falling and looked up at Fitz and smiled in appreciation. His care and attention was overwhelming. I went to take a step back and stopped when I noticed the way that he was staring at my hands. I looked down and hadn't realized that I was unconsciously rubbing my wrists.
Fitz POV
I noticed her flinch the second she tucked the towel against her chest.
"What is it?"
She shook her head and sent me a half smile brushing me off, but I wouldn't let her pull away from me. As much as we fought to be open and honest with one another, I could feel her closing herself off.
I removed her hands and looked down at the semi-bruised wrists before rubbing them gently.
"I'm so sorry Livvie."
I lifted her hands to my lips and kissed at the tender skin several times, her shuddering breath breaking my heart.
She broke my hold on her and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me even as tears flooded her cheeks. I kissed her back just as passionately, feeling the desire and fear in the kiss. Even with the severity of the situation, I could feel that we both wanted this. Needed this.
We somehow made it to my bed and the rest was almost poetic. It felt like the first time we'd made love. I wasn't embarrassed to say we were both brought to tears. I could only assume that hers were out of a mixture of satisfaction and fear because that's what I was feeling. I wanted to be as tender as possible, making every part of her being, feel the way I loved her. I wanted her to know that she completed me and that I would never stop loving her. It only took four months for me to be irrevocably and irreversibly in love with her and I couldn't imagine how the next few months would play out. Olivia Pope not being in my life everyday was not something I was ready for.
I pulled away from her andcould feel her heavy breaths against my neck. She was staring at me and I could feel her fingers begin to comb through my hair. I tried to move off of her so that I wasn't crushing her, but she stopped me, letting me know she wanted to feel my weight on her. It wouldn't be the first time she requested that I stay put after we'd made love. It somehow comforted her. Still, I leaned up on my arms, not willing to keep all my weight on her. Her curls were wet against the pillow and I moved a few that had fallen against her face, clearing her face so that I was able to see her fully.
"You're going to get through this, Livvie. We're going to take this one day at a time. I promise."
Her eyes left mine and I knew that her guard was going up. As much as I could tell she wanted to fight it, she had to protect herself in some kind of way and this was it.
Liv POV
When they came back into the room, Fitz purposely went downstairs to start on breakfast. Him allowing me this freedom to speak to CJ alone was great but also terrifying.
"Daddy said that you have to take care of stuff that's kinda like homework and then you can come back here. So it's okay if you have to leave."
I chuckled at her words, knowing they were hard for her to say and that it was by no means really okay. I opened my arms, hoping she would accept my invitation and smiled when she immediately did.
I would take cuddles from her all day if I could.
I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her waist, our fingers intertwined and resting on her stomach.
"Your Daddy's kinda right."
I didn't believe that was how Fitz explained things to her because he was so great with words but I figured that was the gist of what she understood.
"There are some things that I have to take care of back home and it's important stuff that your Dad is gonna help me."
"That's what he said."
"Are you okay with that?
She turned to look at mefor a second before nodding her head.
"Yea. Daddy always comes back. I'm going to miss him but he said I'll get a big surprise when he comes home."
"Well that's something to look forward to."
She nodded her head a few times, wearing a large smile on her face. It made me wonder what he might have promised her.
"Do you like being here with us? Do you live here now since you sleep in Daddy's bed?"
"I don't really know CJ. How would you feel about that? Do you want me to live here? It wouldn't just be you and your Dad anymore."
"I want you to live here with us! Daddy says you can live here I think."
I laughed at her words, loving the open invitation she gave me. Her face dropped after a second and she looked at me with curious eyes.
"Will you come back when he comes back?"
"I really don't know but can I make you one promise?"
"Yes. Daddy only makes promises that he can keep and when he's really serious."
"Well those are the promises that I make too. Hey, look at me okay?"
I turned her face towards me and kept my hand against her cheek. I needed for her to see how serious I was.
"I promise that I will come back to you and your Daddy as soon as I can. When I'm done fixing everything back home and I can come back, I will. No matter what."
"No matter what?"
"No matter what, CJ. I promise you."
"Okay good."
She looked pleased with my words but I wanted to tell her one other thing.
"When I leave I know I'm gonna miss you a lot and if you miss me at all then I want you to hold onto this," I lifted the bumblebee charm and placed it in her palm with my hand cupping hers. "Know that anytime you hold onto it, I'm thinking of you and missing you too."
"Even if it's dark outside and everyone else is sleeping?"
"Even then. I'm always going to be thinking of you because I love you. You're the best little girl I know."
"I love you too Livia. Daddy told me you did."
Her arms were around my neck squeezing me tightly and it took everything in me not to break down.
I really did love her.
Liv POV
We walked down the long hallway until we reached the second to last door. Fitz easily slipped the key into the slot and once the green light blinked, he pushed the door open and allowed me inside ahead of him.
"Room service."
I looked back and smiled at his greeting before I heard the charging footsteps and braced myself for impact.
"Livia! You're back! You were gone for so many days, I didn't even see you!"
She was in my arms and squeezing my neck. I could feel her lips moving against my ear as she tightened her legs around my waist. Her fingers were felt against my curls, and I smiled knowing how much she was also so eager to touch them. I held her just as tightly, missing the feel of her small frame against mine. We'd had the best time together before everything went crazy.
"Hi CJ! I think you grew while I was away. How was school this week?"
"Daddy said you had to go for an appointment but he won't tell me what for."
She'd completely ignored my question and wanted answers but I couldn't give them to her. I wouldn't.
"I'm fine sweetie and that's all that matters. Now tell me about school and your fancy digs here."
"I guess I'm chopped liver? I haven't seen you since early this morning."
"But I didn't see Livia for almost five days, Dad!"
I immediately turned to see Fitz's face and the second his eyebrows arched at the small child, she let out a huff of air and rephrased her statement using 'Daddy' instead.
"Did you miss me while you were gone, Livia?"
I smiled at CJ. Her voice was soft and gone was the inquisitive look she usually wore, replaced by a fearful one. Fearful that I wouldn't miss her like I promised.
"I really did miss you CJ. Everyday I was gone I thought about you and what you were doing. I wondered if you had a good day at school and if your grandma was picking you up on time the way you like. I wondered if you remembered how to make our special hot chocolate. I thought about you all the time."
"Me too."
I noticed Lillian come into the room and Fitz took it upon himself to grab CJ into a hug, allowing me the chance to accept Lillian's hug. Her embrace was as warm as I expected it to be and when I noticed Fitz move CJ further into the room and ask her about her day, I let out a breath I had been holding and allowed a few tears to escape my eyes.
"Breathe honey. I'm glad to see you in one piece."
I could feel her squeezing me tighter against her as I held in my sobs as best I could.
"I've been praying for you everyday. You're not alone in there Dear. And whether you know God yourself or not, call out to Him and he will keep you. I ordered some pizza for us so I want you to sit down and eat something when it arrives. I was going to get room service, but my grandbaby insisted."
I smiled at her southern accent and felt a calmness surround me when she released me and wiped at my tears.
"Yes ma'am I'm starving actually."
I followed her through the suite and marveled at how luxurious it was. I knew the type of place they were staying at, but I hadn't seen the inside of it. Fitz made it clear that he wanted CJ to have enough space to run around and I agreed that she and his mother shouldn't be confined to a simple hotel room. The suite had two bedrooms, a mini kitchen and mini living room. There was one shared bathroom with a full bath and separate shower. CJ had never been in such a hotel suite and was still as excited about staying there with her grandmother as she was when they checked in Sunday evening. He made it clear that it wouldn't hurt him one bit to tap into some of his savings, but Huck had already hacked into the hotel's system and changed the account the room was under. There was no way this was coming out of his pocket. Every ounce of clean money my father left me would be spent repaying Fitz in any way that I could.
CJ was ecstatic when the food was finally delivered. Her mouth salivated at the extra cheesy pizza and the smell alone seemed to provide the same response from us all. The food was consumed quickly. I indulged in nearly four slices, hoping it wouldn't make me sick after barely having a decent meal the past few days. Bath time was always Fitz's jurisdiction, but he invited me to help and CJ was overjoyed. She splashed and played to her hearts content, not giving a second thought to the amount of water she was constantly spilling on the floor.
She was in heaven and Fitz and I both hated how much her world would be turned upside down.
When she was dressed in her pajamas, we all sat on the couch together. CJ knew that it was Friday and she didn't have to abide by her normal bedtime.
"Daddy are we gonna watch a movie since it's the weekend and Livia is back?"
I looked at Fitz knowing that he would allow me to be the one to tell CJ that I had to leave, but he would be able to get her to focus on the talk we were about to have. He'd purposely pulled over two of the small dining room seats so that we could sit across from CJ and Lillian. The older woman had pulled her granddaughter onto her lap and CJ indulged her and hadn't left her arms yet.
"No Bug not tonight. Me, Livia and Grandma need to talk to you about something okay?"
"Am I in trouble?"
"No sweetie, I promise you're not in trouble." I hated that she immediately thought that because the last thing I wanted to do was add more pressure and stress for the little girl.
"Then what? You guys all look not happy. You have on serious faces. Even you Grandma."
She turned to glance at Lillian's face before pushing her hands against her cheeks to make her smile.
Lillian kissed at her knuckles before she wrapped her arms around her middle and spoke into her ear.
"Cassandra I want you to listen to your Dad and Olivia okay? We have something serious to talk about right now baby doll."
CJ POV
Uh oh. This wasn't good. If my grandma called me Cassandra and baby doll then something bad or sad was about to happen. I hadn't been bad and Livia said I wasn't in trouble but my stomach still started hurting like I was. Daddy sat beside Livia and she looked really scared. Daddy didn't look scared but he looked like he always looked when he had to tell me something important.
"CJ, I had to talk to a judge today and he told me that I have to go back to my home…"
"In the new town over?" I think that's what Daddy always calls Livia's house.
"No Bug, the next town over is where Olivia lives when she's visiting our state. What state do we live in Bug?"
"Carolina."
"North Carolina. We live in North Carolina but Olivia lives in Georgia."
"Is that close by the next town?"
Livia looked down and Daddy shook his head and looked sad.
"I wish it was CJ, but it's not. It takes kind of a long time to get there and it's not close by."
"You have to go back there? Do you have a choice? Can you say that you don't want to?"
"If I don't go I could be in a lot of trouble but I am going to talk to the judge and see if I can come back soon."
"Will he say yes? Sometimes if you ask for something really nicely, people say yes."
"I don't know. But if he says no then I won't be able to see you for a while. I can talk to you on the phone and we can video chat maybe but I wouldn't be able to see you everyday."
I didn't like that. I didn't want Livia to leave.
"When will you come back?"
"Bug, if the judge says that Olivia can come back soon then she will but he might make her stay there for a long time."
"How long?"
"We don't know Bug."
"Will your family be there with you at your home?"
Fitz POV
Those were the words I was waiting for. That was my in.
"She doesn't have any friends or family there Ceej."
"Will you be by yourself?"
"Well I don't want her to be all alone, so I'm gonna go to Georgia with Olivia and talk to the judge with her."
"Can I come and talk to the judge too? I can be nice and use my manners."
Her face was so hopeful and her wanting to help made this even more unbearable.
"I'm sorry sweetie but you can't. I need you to stay here with Grandma while I go."
"But I don't want you and Livia to go Daddy."
She was not shy about removing my mother's arms from her waist and climbing into my lap.
"You never go to different places and leave me."
"I know Bug."
I held her tightly against me for a few seconds before I pulled back so that she was able to see my eyes.
"CJ, I wish so badly that you could be there with us, but you have school and it's so far away Bug. I need you to stay with Grandma and I promise you that I will be able to talk with you every single day and we can facetime too. I know this is hard and it's going to be sad some days. I love you and I love Olivia very much and I don't want her to be alone right now with no one to help her. Olivia is our family now right?"
She glanced at Olivia and nodded her head slowly.
"Since she's our family, how come this can't be her home now?"
"CJ," Olivia seemed to have found her voice and began, "as soon as all of this is over, I will come back and this will be my home. As soon as I can get all this grown up stuff over with, I promise I'm coming back here with you and your Daddy. You're my family too and I love you guys so much."
I wasn't sure if she needed to ask any questions but I knew she would take her time processing everything before she did. She leaned over to give Olivia a hug, but was immediately back in my lap. It hurt her, but CJ could be respectful of Olivia having to be gone for a while, although I don't think she fully understood what "a while" might consist of this time.
But me leaving and not being here every day wasn't normal. It was something that we would both have to get used to.
Fitz POV
The following night
It was a difficult decision to leave Saturday evening instead of tomorrow but we had no choice. We needed to be back in court Tuesday morning but had to check in with the county clerk and prove that Olivia was indeed back in Georgia first thing Monday morning. We loaded the truck that Huck had ready for us and when he called to let us know he was downstairs in his separate car, we knew we had to say our goodbyes.
CJ hugged Olivia for a few minutes. Olivia whispered words into her ear that made her smile and nod her head. When she pulled away, CJ leaned back in and kissed her cheek, earning one back from Olivia. The second she was done, Olivia reached for the charm around her neck and kissed the small bumblebee before opening CJ's small hand and placing it inside.
I assumed it was something between the two of them and that alone made me happy.
Olivia moved to get into the truck but stopped when CJ's arms were all of a sudden around her waist.
"I love you Livia."
Liv POV
Hearing those words made me more determined than ever. I had to fight this with everything that I had.
"I love you too CJ. So much."
"Alright Bug, get over here."
Fitz bent at the knees and CJ was off of me and in his arms in the blink of an eye.
Fitz POV
"You have everything you need for me to talk to you everyday okay? Your iPad is on the charger and we're gonna call you on it as soon as we wake up okay?"
She was fidgeting in my arms and I hated it because it meant she was growing anxious. Standing at the side door of the hotel actually saying goodbye made things real. It was as though I was realizing how much I'd miss my little girl. She had been the only constant in my life for so long and I'd never been away from her like I knew I would be soon.
"Hey look at me."
I waited until she pulled back and I could see her eyes. I vaguely made out the gloss in them, but overall she seemed to be doing a great job at holding her tears in. It was selfish of me but I was grateful. Her tears would break me.
"What do I always keep?"
"Promises."
"That's right. So I promise that you are the most important person in my life and that you mean so much to me."
"Me too, Daddy."
"I promise I'm gonna call you every day okay?
She nodded.
"And I promise that I will come home to you as soon as I can."
"Okay Daddy."
"Kiss"
My request was answered immediately and she leaned forward and kissed my lips twice before I pulled her in one last time and savored her hug.
"I'm the luckiest because you're my little girl Bug. I love you baby."
I handed her off to my mother and kissed her cheek, silently thanking her for all that she was doing for me. For my family.
I waved goodbye until they were safely inside and only when I felt I had my emotions under control did I climb into the driver's seat of the truck.
Olivia grasped my hand and brought it to her lips before she whispered that she loved me. Not trusting myself to speak, I mimicked her affection and kissed her knuckles before plugging my phone up and clipping it into the holder on the dashboard.
"Starting route to Atlanta, head east on Lloyd Circle, then turn right….."