May 1- week 12/43

Liv POV

My Sweet, Sweet Livvie,

How are you? Things are ok here but I'll be honest and say it's killing me not being able to see you. I don't like it and I know you didn't want me to cause any waves but I'm going to speak to the warden this week as soon as he gives me a date and time. It's been a month Livvie. A month I haven't been able to visit and see you for myself. I know I've said it a thousand times, but if there's anything you need to write me that you cannot say on the phone please do.

….

I stopped reading the letter. His words broke my heart and I hated that he was once again bringing this up. I hated not being able to see him for the past month, but it had to be this way. Seeing him each week had been great but also painful. He was being dangled in my face each week for sixty minutes after he'd driven for nearly an hour and made the same hour drive home. The first few weeks were fine but this past month just didn't work.

Several ladies in my cell block had food poisoning for the past two weeks, and a few of them had the flu. My temperature has spiked more than once and we were all practically quarantined. Visitations were canceled for two weeks in a row, and Fitz hadn't been too happy about it. He hated that I was sick and he couldn't do anything about it, but most of all he was pretty upset with me and my actions. In my last letter I revealed to him that I was happy he couldn't see me because I had gotten into a fight and had been reprimanded. Just as everything was getting back to normal, me and another inmate had gotten into it after pushing each other's buttons that entire week. She was a bitch to everyone, but the words she'd spoken to me were beyond out of line, and I snapped.

Fitz raised hell, contacting the warden for a meeting immediately. It was declined, which only angered him more. When I was able to speak to him yesterday, I could tell he was frustrated, and I know my reassuring did nothing to appease him.

What I'd told him wasn't completely true and I hated lying to him. It was something I hadn't done to him since lying about my name when I first met him. Yes, I had gotten into a disagreement with someone that turned physical but I hadn't told him the full story. Regardless I couldn't let him see me right now. Not like this. I needed more time to heal.

I picked up the letter and focused on the final paragraph he'd written.

I've been thinking about the last appeal I put in and if it doesn't get accepted I will have to wait sixty days before another can be submitted. I need you to be honest with me Livvie. If this doesn't go through I refuse to not see you for that long. The warden cannot deny four consecutive weeks of visitation unless you're in solitary confinement and you used the phone last week, so I know you're not. Please tell me what happened? Who's doing something to you? I trust you with everything that's in me, but I know something isn't right. The last thing I want is to make you feel guilty or bad, but this isn't just about me, Livvie. You made a promise to CJ. We both did. Not being able to talk to you the past few days is killing her, and I honestly don't know what to say to her. I can't keep making excuses for you when I don't understand it myself. She's been so defiant and acting out because she doesn't know how to process disappointment, fear and sadness all at the same time.

You know I hate to even think of putting pressure on you, but please Livvie, tell me what's going on.

I re-read the last few sentences several times before I dropped the letter onto the mattress next to me and sighed. I hesitantly brought my index finger up to touch the cut on my right cheek. It was only a little swollen still, and the nurse was supposed to check it out as well as the one on my hairline .

I hugged myself as I turned onto my side while pulling the thin sheet over my body. It was only when I went to bed that I was able to have peace.

Fitz POV

"Daddy find her!"

"CJ, get downstairs please."

"No! I'm not going anywhere!"

"Cassandra Jane you've got five seconds to-"

"Daddy! I can't leave her lost!"

Dammit. Now she was crying.

I rubbed my temples knowing that we had only about six minutes to leave out of the house. There were only a few weeks of school left, and I wasn't going to slack off so close to the end.

"Four minutes, CJ. You look in your room and I'll look downstairs."

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and nodded before running into her bedroom. I could hear her tearing the room apart, and knew I'd be the one putting the majority of it back together. I went downstairs searching for the annoying kitten that seemed to have doubled its size since we brought it home. The damn thing was always hiding somewhere and I usually didn't care; but today was a school day and CJ freaked out if she couldn't find Freckles before she left for school. If it were the weekend and she went missing, CJ could spend all day looking for her and be fine, but going to school for the entire day without knowing where she was had her near hysterical most mornings. I had already figured out that this entire issue was connected to Olivia being gone. CJ hated not knowing where Olivia was and her emotions always tended to bleed over into her feelings about Freckles.

I began meowing as I took deliberate steps around the living room, and after a few seconds I heard a meow from the middle of the living room. I continued speaking in cat until I saw the tiny furball's head poking out of the large tissue box on the coffee table. I grabbed the kitten out, ignoring her whines as I gently gripped her and shook my head.

"You're a pain in my ass, cat. You're lucky she loves you."

I cradled the pet against my chest before walking to the bottom of the steps and calling out for my daughter. She was sobbing happily as she took Freckles into her arms and hugged and kissed her.

"Thank you Daddy."

"You're welcome, Ceej. We gotta go Bug. Crate now."

She nodded and jogged up the stairs before locking her up and running down the steps. She nearly tumbled down the last two but I caught her and gave her a look making sure she knew I was displeased with her running down the stairs.

We were extremely late now. I didn't exactly have time to talk to CJ about her behavior, but would later. Freckles going missing had more to do with Olivia being gone and seemingly missing, than anything else and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

I was forced to walk her in after getting the first official tardy of the year. She waited until we were right outside of her classroom door before she attacked me with tears.

The second she looked up at me, I knew she had won. It's not that she was playing me, but she was showing me how she really felt l, letting her guard down and I couldn't leave her here. I touched the back of her head and she immediately leaned in and gripped my leg. I felt her little body shake with tears and sent her teacher an apologetic smile before silently declining her invitation for help. I gripped her under her arms before lifting her up and heading towards the front office.

"I'm gonna keep her today. She's not feeling the best, and I'd hate for her to be this upset today. We will see you guys Monday."

I didn't wait for a response and signed CJ back out of school and carried my little girl out to the car. I continued to hold her when I climbed in the front seat. Her cries didn't let up, yet they grew stronger. There were no longer whimpers to comfort her through, rather loud sobs wracked her body, making me hold her tighter to my chest.

"Bug calm down. Take some deep breaths ok? Daddy's got you. I'm not going anywhere okay? I'm here. I promise."

When I finally was able to get her to calm down, I still held her tightly to me, kissing her head repeatedly until she looked up at me.

"Talk to me Bug. What's making you so sad?"

"Livia won't talk to me anymore…. She promised Daddy."

Her bottom lip trembled, and I did my best to find the right words that would make her believe me.

"The one thing I can tell you is that Olivia loves you and would only miss your phone calls if she absolutely had to. Do you understand? Do you believe me Bug?"

She nodded her head and I let out the breath I was holding. I used my thumbs to wipe the tears from her eyes and cheeks.

"Let's go for a drive okay? Go buckle up."

I helped lift her to the middle console before watching her climb into her booster seat and buckle the seat belt across her chest. I started the car up, and kept my foot on the break as I sifted through the sleeve of cds then found what I was looking for.

I began to drive off the school's property just as the first song began. I glanced in the rear view mirror noticing the small smile that appeared on CJ's face. If I had to listen to Mary-Kate and Ashley party songs for the hour-long trip, so be it.

My little girl was smiling again and that's all I wanted.

CJ's mood had been lifted by the time we arrived at my moms, but she still wasn't herself and I could tell.

"Come on Bug."

She unbuckled herself and climbed over the armrest, before jumping off of my seat. She ran ahead of me pulling on my mother's door before informing me what I had figured out myself.

"Grandma's not home daddy. Her truck's gone!"

"She's probably just out doing something."

I found the correct key and let myself into my mom's home. It smelled the same every time I was here, like a near-old lady lived there and roses. I hated it.

Before she could run off, I grabbed her up and held her to me, knowing that as her father it was my job to help her process her emotions.

"Bug why'd you cry so much this morning when we couldn't find Freckles? She's been lost before in the house, Ceej."

Eyes cast down. Pout in full display. Wiggles.

I held onto her tighter, hoisting her up more so that we were eye to eye.

"Talk to me Bug. What was going on in your heart that made you so sad about it?"

"I wanted to talk to her."

"Who?"

She shrugged her shoulder and I could tell she felt a bit self-conscious about what she was going to say.

"Bug does Freckles help you not miss Olivia too much?"

She looked up at me with wide eyes before nodding her head. She seemed surprised that I understood how she was feeling.

"When I miss Livia, I talk to Freckles and I hug her too."

"So when we couldn't find Freckles how did it make you feel?"

"Like I can't see her again, and that I can't see Livia anymore."

"Yea?"

Without thinking, I began swaying, wanting to provide any type of comfort to my little girl. I knew how hard it was for her to try and comprehend what she was feeling, let alone share it with me.

"And Livia won't talk to me on the phone anymore."

"I know that's not what we promised Bug and I'm sorry. Olivia loves you and I know she wants to talk to you. Ok?"

She nodded and laid her head down on my shoulder. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore and as much as I didn't want her to internalize it, I figured she'd spoke about it enough for right now.

When it was clear she wanted to get down, she slid from my arms and immediately made her way to the pantry to begin sifting around for snacks. I didn't deny the pack of muffins she'd chosen and set up Netflix on the TV before passing her the remote and plopping down next to her.

"Something we haven't seen yet, Ceej. Please."

As she flipped through the movie section, I sent my mom a text letting her know we were here to see her. She wasn't a fast text-er by any means but her response was immediate, ensuring me that she was only at a friend's house down the street and would be here within minutes.

CJ turned on The Good Dinosaur and I about rolled my eyes. Leave it to my daughter to pick the movie about a parent dying and the kid being left alone. As soon as the door opened, CJ paused the movie before running to her grandmother with open arms and it made me extremely happy. I loved how much my mother adored CJ, and I knew that my little girl hung on every word her grandmother said.

"Grandma I'm watching Good Dinosaur. Daddy didn't make me go to school cause I was really sad."

I expected a stern look from her but received an understanding one instead.

"Well I hate that you were sad but I'm glad you're here baby girl. Why don't you keep watching your movie, and I'm gonna talk to your Daddy in the kitchen okay?"

She nodded before skipping over to the couch, doing exactly what she was told.

Lillian POV

Seeing the look in my son's eyes had me worried. He was second-guessing himself, beating himself up about something and stressed; no worried. I tilted my head towards the island, making him sit down while I put in a pod to make him a cup of coffee.

I didn't say anything until it was ready, focusing on grabbing a few slices of bread and toasting them before taking out butter and blackberry jam. I sat each item in front of Fitz forcing him to put something on his stomach, but making it clear that I wasn't going to wait on him hand and foot.

"Thanks Ma."

"Tells me what's happened Fitzgerald? How's Olivia doing?"

"That's what's wrong. I don't know."

I sat the steaming mug in front of him along w the creamer I had before sitting down myself.

"What does that mean?"

He stalled as long as he could before answering the question. He stirred in a few teaspoons worth of creamer before obnoxiously slurping the hot liquid.

"Spit it out son, and cut that slurping out."

He looked up at me with glossy eyes and my heart began to break instantly. I didn't play around when it came to my baby boy. I couldn't see him hurting this way and not feel it myself.

"She won't talk to me. I haven't seen her in a month because of everything that happened with the flu and how sick nearly everyone was but…I'm feeling like she's pushing us way. She didn't talk to CJ at all this week!"

"Oh Fitz…"

"No, I'm pissed and hurt. And CJ… she's having near meltdown after meltdown constantly and wondering why she won't talk to her."

"What do you think is going on? Is she just hurting you or is this making you mad too? It's ok to be mad at her Fitz."

"I want to be so angry with her but…'

He stopped and took a deep breath willing himself not to cry because he was stronger than this.

"But what?"

"I think she's hiding something. She said she was in a fight and as much as she downplayed it, I think it's more serious than she's leading on. I think Russell has someone in there that's threatening her somehow, but I have no proof."

"Has she given you any signs or clues that she's in trouble?"

"None. I don't know if she's being constantly watched or what, but she's acting like nothing is going on and I'm worried."

"Son, what are you going to do?"

"There's nothing I can do. The warden won't accept my calls. I can't visit her because she's not allowed for some reason, so I don't know what to do. Plus Ceej has school so I can't just up and leave to…."

"Oh stop it Fitzgerald. There is nothing holding you back from going down and demanding to see..."

"Mom I can't just go demand to see my girlfriend whenever I want! Prison doesn't work that way."

"But you can demand to see your client that you are legally obligated to visit with and share vital information about the case with. Doesn't Olivia need to know that the other guy is dead?"

Fitz POV

Client

The second she said that word, it was as though a lightbulb flicked on. A big ass obvious lightbulb. I was Olivia's lawyer and had legal rights to see her no matter what. Whether she denied me or not, I could demand to see her and say she was being coerced into denying me access to her.

"Say Thank you. Ma."

I chuckled at how proud she looked.

"I have no clue why I didn't think of doing that in the first place. It never even crossed my mind."

"That's because you're not thinking with your head. You're thinking with your heart and probably something else too. Put on your lawyer hat and then figure out what needs to happen. Visitation check in is over at noon, correct? You've got time to make it there if you leave now. Run past your house and get into something presentable and show up. Show them that bulldog you once were and go fix this."

I glanced at my watch, calculating the times in my head and knew I could make it there with a good thirty-minute window for error. A laugh from the living room brought me back to reality and I stopped.

"What will I do with CJ? She was so upset today about Olivia being gone, I can't just leave her without warning, Ma."

"Thomas, I am more than capable of taking care of my grandchild, number one. Number two, you need to do this so that she can have the both of you back eventually. Let's go."

"But Ma, she's.."

"Why are you acting so afraid of her Thomas? She's six!"

"Well have you seen that six year old attitude mixed with tears? I don't think you have. She gets her crazy from you."

She didn't wait for me to respond and instead began walking into the living room and sitting next to CJ on the couch. I cautiously moved closer and sat on the coffee table in front of my little girl.

"CJ your dad and I talked and you're going to stay with me for the day and he's going to go check on Olivia. Ok? We aren't sure why she hasn't called, but he needs to go make sure she's ok and the phones are still working for her. Does that sound ok?"

"Really? You're gonna ask her, Daddy?"

I was shocked that she seemed so okay with our plan. It's not that my mother lied but she put it in a way that hadn't even crossed my mind. Her explanation was simple and it made CJ realize that her feelings mattered and we would try to figure it out.

"Yes Bug. I know Liv wants to talk to you anytime she can, so something must be wrong and I want to find out for us, but I have to go there and see her. Are you okay with staying with Grandma while I do that? I'll be back to pick you up tonight."

"Yes I'll be good for her. Can you give Livia a hug for me and ask her if she got the picture I drew for her?"

She was standing up and using my thighs to lift herself up and down as her excitement of one of us seeing Olivia built. I could tell she would be fine with me leaving and that's honestly all I wanted.

"I promise I will give her lots of hugs from both of us and will ask her if she got the picture. I love you Bug. Be good for Grandma ok?"

"Okay Daddy!"

She hugged and kissed me before jumping back on the couch and starting her movie. Her mood was clearly lifted and I felt more than comfortable taking my mother's advice.

I was going to see Olivia.

Olivia POV

"I think there's been a mistake. I'm supposed to go to the infirmary before lunch. They scheduled me."

The guard eyed me, wondering why I felt the need to question what she was telling me. I hadn't seen Guard Curtis all morning and wished I knew her schedule by now. She sometimes switched shifts with others so it was hard to keep up, not to mention the days just seemed to blend together lately.

"Go Pope. Now. Officer Russ is waiting and he won't wait for long."

I nodded before putting on my shoes and walking to the male officer I'd only seen a few times. He was older and not as scary as some of the other ones that roamed the halls. I noticed that two other woman followed suit and got in line behind me.

I smoothed my shirt down, shuddering slightly and doing my best to keep up with the quick feet of the guard. He was taking us someplace I'd never been and if it wasn't for the two women following me, I'd be even more anxious than I was. There were offices and meetings rooms that had darkened windows and people in business suits going in.

"Pope, room one."

I glanced back at the women before obeying and going into the door he pointed to. He closed the door behind me and I surveyed the cold room. There was a table and two chairs occupying the room and I began to feel the walls close in. I wasn't exactly sure what was happening but I had a few guesses and they all terrified me.

I eased myself down in one of the chairs, knowing that it was for my own benefit. My breathing increased and my hands began to tremble at the same time my sight began to blur.

Fitz POV

"Mr. Grant, your client is in room one."

"Thank you."

I shook the woman's hand who'd introduced herself as the assistant to the Warden, and moved towards the door knowing that I couldn't wait another moment.

The second I opened the door she turned around and my heart stopped. My mouth fell open and I was stunned silent when I finally saw her. Bruised. Broken. Terrified. Frozen.

Nothing hurt more than her response when I took a step towards her, needing to hold her and touch her.

"Fitz…please, don't."

Don't kill me! I promise the next update is already in the works!

I was so blessed to be able to see the cast this past Thursday at Kimmel and the Table Read and was blown away! I can't believe our show is over! But so excited about the one shots that will come alive out of that finale! Be back soon with the next chapter. This one should flow out of me because it's one I've been ready to write and you guys have been ready as well. This was definitely a filler chapter.