Morgana wished she knew how long she had to wait. It was becoming torture to spend so much time with Merlin and to act detached from him, as she had in the months since she'd nearly confessed her feelings to him.

She had decided not to tell him about the dream that they were lovers. She didn't want him to be with her simply because it was foretold. She wanted him to be with her because it was his choice. She often felt that loss of agency in her life, and she knew he did too. She wanted this one thing, at least, to be his choice.

That's when Freya showed up in a cage.

Merlin came to her for help. A dress, he'd asked of her. Some extra food. He wouldn't say why; didn't want to put her in danger, he'd said. He'd made it seem like he was saying good-bye, as though he thought he'd die, whatever it was he was up to.

That night a monster was slain.

The next day, Merlin looked terrible. His eyes were puffy, and he just looked so forlorn.

Gaius had sent word that her lessons would be canceled for the evening, as Merlin had fallen ill. She picked wildflowers and sent Gwen to deliver them to Merlin's chambers.

In the days following, Merlin continued to look out of sorts, more distracted than usual, and withdrawn. Even once they resumed her lessons, she could tell something was off, but all he said was that everything was fine.

Arthur of course knew nothing of the source of Merlin's obvious pain, and even asked Morgana's advice.

"Perhaps a distraction would help change his mood. Obviously, it's very personal, or else he would tell you. You're his closest friend," she said.

"Am I, though? I know he's very devoted to me, despite being a horrible servant, and he's always been there when I've really needed him. But he never confides in me as a friend would. The friendship doesn't seem to go both ways," Arthur frowned.

"In that case, perhaps you should make more of an effort with him. Go do something that would encourage your friendship," Morgana suggested. "Take a day off from training and have some bonding time."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully. He had planned to give the knights a day of rest anyway, and decided as much as Merlin likes a tavern, he'd take him there.

Morgana decided to take her own advice and be a better friend to Gwen. She organized a picnic for them to go on, and had Sir Leon escort them to the lakeside, since Arthur had canceled their training.

Morgana spread the food out along the blanket, and made a plate for the knight, his squire and Gwen before serving herself. After lunch, she sent the men to go enjoy some time fishing while she and Gwen sat and talked.

"This was a lovely idea, Morgana," Gwen said, sipping her wine.

"I wanted to show my appreciation for your friendship. I don't ever want you to think I don't value you for the person you are, or only value you for the services you provide for me. I like to think I'm your friend as much as you are mine," Morgana said.

"Of course," Gwen said, smiling. "I couldn't ask for a better friend. You've done so much for me."

Morgana looked down into her wine cup thoughtfully. "I also don't want you to think that just because you're in service to me that I consider you lesser than me. I don't. I know your worth, Guinevere. I hope you do, as well."

"That's very kind of you, but I do know my place, and it isn't as your equal," she smiled sadly.

Morgana smiled knowingly. "No, perhaps your place won't be as my equal. Should you wed my brother, you wouldn't be my equal at all," she said, smiling into her wine.

Gwen laughed. "Are we on that again? Well, if I'm ever Queen, I won't treat you as lesser, either."

"I mean it though; you have my full blessing and support to be with Arthur. Someday, when he's King, you'll be his Queen, I'm certain of it."

Gwen looked at her strangely. "Because you've dreamed it."

Morgana raised her eyebrows in slight surprise, as Gwen continued. "And your dreams are prophetic."

Morgana thought for a moment before she responded. "What if they were?"

"That would mean that, not only would I be the future Queen of Camelot, but that my future sister is…" she smiled, and grasped her hand before continuing, "a seer. A sorceress."

"And if your future sister were indeed a sorceress, how would you feel about that?" she asked, the vulnerability in her voice apparent.

"I would love her just the same," Gwen smiled, reassuringly.

Morgana's eyes filled with tears.

"But also afraid for her, with Uther upon the throne," Gwen frowned. "The fire in your chambers last year…"

Morgana nodded. "It was me; I couldn't control it yet."

"But you can control it now?"

"Yes."

"Gaius has helped you suppress your powers?" Gwen asked, not quite accurately.

"In a way. It isn't suppression, exactly, but more like acceptance. Being afraid of my powers meant I couldn't control them. But learning to control them had to mean I understood them."

"So, you've had to learn to use them," Gwen guessed.

Morgana raised her hand over the nearby patch of grass. From the grass grew a white lily. Gwen stared in awe. "Go on, take the flower."

Gwen picked the flower and then before her eyes, it dissolved into a cluster of white butterflies and flew away.

"Beautiful," she marveled.

"You don't think me terrifying?" Morgana asked.

"Never, Morgana. I know your heart; you could never be anything but good and pure."

She frowned. "That's not true. There's darkness in my heart. But I've seen what that can grow into, and I've made it my mission to never let it consume me. That's why I had to forgive Uther for his transgressions, not for him, but for myself."

Gwen nodded. "It would be so easy to hate him, after what he did to my father. What he's done to me in the past, and especially for what he's done to you. But he's not worth the hatred."

"Instead I try to focus on what Arthur will bring instead. Arthur is a better man than his father and will make a far better king."

"And you've really dreamt that I'll be his Queen?" she asked.

"I've dreamt it. That doesn't mean for certain it will come true. Futures can be altered. So, if it's not what you want, it's not a destiny you're trapped within. You can make another choice."

Gwen nodded thoughtfully.

"But he loves you. I can see it. And someday he'll be able to choose you. You'll just have to wait for him."

"What about you? What does your future hold?"

"I have an idea, but I don't know for certain. It changes. Sometimes it's dark, sometimes it's light. I teeter upon the edge. There's a darkness in me that I can't deny, I just have to control it, and not succumb to it. Gwen, if ever I go dark, I want you to remember…"

"Morgana, you could never…"

"I want you to remember who I am now. Because this is real, this is who I am. And if I can't deny my destiny, if I'm to become a threat to Camelot, to Arthur, to you, and if the greatest sorcerer to ever live, the one the Druids call Emrys, must kill me, I want this to be the memory you have of me. Your friend," she said, as tears streamed down her face.

"Oh Morgana," Gwen said, pulling her close and wiping her tears. "If that happens, I'll bring you back from the darkness. You'd do the same for me, you'd never give up on me, or Arthur. How could we ever give up on you? But I believe in you, I know how strong you are, and I know that whatever battle is waged inside of you, you will stay true to yourself. You are and always will be the Lady of Camelot."

Morgana nodded and sniffed. She hadn't been emotional in a long time about her powers and her destiny, but dark feelings had been swirling lately, and she sensed her sister would not leave Camelot alone for much longer.

"I'm glad you finally told me. Have you told Arthur?"

Morgana shook her head. "I need to tell him in my own time. I don't want to put him in the position of needing to cover for me to Uther. Uther can't ever question his loyalty or suspect that he won't uphold bans of magic when he becomes king. It could jeopardize the succession all together."

Morgana smiled sadly. "Besides, I haven't much opportunity to even use magic, and Gaius has taught me to be very cautious and secretive. I wouldn't have told you if you hadn't already figured it out."

"I'll never say a word, Morgana. Not even to Arthur," Gwen promised. "What about Merlin?"

"What about him?"

"Does he know? He spends a lot of time with Gaius…"

"It's best if no one discusses my powers, honestly. Safer for you, for Gaius, and for me. From here on out, we mustn't speak of it. Until I reveal my magic to Arthur, you must forget we ever had this conversation, and that I have magic," Morgan smiled.

Gwen nodded. "Absolutely, I'll never say a word more about it."

Morgana pulled out a small container of powder and muttered an incantation as she blew the dust in Gwen's direction.

Gwen blinked a few times and smiled brightly. "This was a lovely idea, Morgana."

Morgana smiled sadly, knowing her secret was still safe, and someday Gwen would remember, but her confidant relationship with Gwen would have to wait a little bit longer.

Morgana was sitting in her room reading a book on rare herbs when she heard a commotion in the courtyard. She looked out her window to watch as a drunken Arthur and drunken Merlin, singing songs and running into things, returned from the tavern. She smiled to herself, hoping the time together lifted their spirits. She was sad she needed to cast a memory spell on Gwen, but she didn't want Gwen to be in danger with her knowledge, nor be on the path to discovering Merlin's magic as well. She knew Gwen wouldn't purposely betray her, but she couldn't take the chance for any of their sakes that a conversation might be overheard or a slip of the tongue might occur. Or worse, an interrogation someday if she were to be suspected of having knowledge of sorcery. Better to keep her in the dark, and her memory of their special day would return once it was safe to do so.

She had assumed her magic studies had been canceled that evening since Merlin was well into his cups, so she prepared for bed and sent Gwen home. She was just about to put out her candle when she heard a soft knock at her door.

"Merlin," she greeted him with surprise. "Come in." She quickly closed and latched the door behind him.

"What's the matter?" she asked, spying the anguish upon his face in the candlelight. When he didn't answer, she drew him into her embrace. He shook with silent sobs.

She led them to her bed, where she directed him to lay down and laid down beside him.

"Milady, it's not…"

"Proper, I know. The door is latched, we'll hide you if anyone comes. Please, tell me what's troubling you. It pains me to see you hurting."

He wiped his face and sighed. "I lost someone I love."

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry," she said, placing a kiss on his brow and holding him close. "Please tell me your mother is well, that it isn't her."

"No, not my mother. Her name was Freya," he said with a shaking voice. "I loved her."

Morgana hadn't been expecting his story. He'd been in love. The realization hurt considerably. He was going to run away with the girl, leave Camelot behind, leave her behind. Now the girl's dead, the only reason he's still here.

She continued to offer him comfort, soothing words and touches, but something in her grew cold. He would have left her, and for some woman he had just met.

He would have left you. He poisoned you. He stabbed you. He stabbed you, he stabbed you. He killed you. He never loved you. It was just a foolish dream, not your future, it was never real.

The thoughts repeated in her head and she tried without success to push them out, as he continued his story of how he took the girl's body and burned her, wearing Morgana's dress.

"Merlin, I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry," Morgana offered.

"I know. It just helps to be able to talk about it with a friend. Arthur was being very kind, wanted to cheer me up, took me to drink, wants me to confide in him, but obviously I can't."

A friend. A friend. He's not your friend. He doesn't love you. He will never love you. He stabbed you. He killed you.

"No, certainly not," she frowned. "You should make more of an effort in other ways though. Arthur realizes your friendship doesn't go both ways, and that you don't confide in him. That's why he wanted to spend time with you today, to nurture your friendship. He cares a great deal for you, Merlin. He wants to be a good friend."

"I will make more of an effort," he said, with a sigh.

At that, Morgana withdrew from the bed, unable to keep up pretenses for very much longer. She poured herself a cup of wine and drank deeply.

"You should go now, Merlin, before the guards change shift," she said, trying to keep her voice even.

"Oh, yes, of course," he said, realizing how late it was. "I've kept you from your studies tonight and now I've kept you from your rest."

He turned to face her and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Morgana. I know you think you owe me some debt for helping you develop your magic, but the truth is, you've helped me far more."

Her heart warmed slightly at the gesture, but she still heard the words in her head. He was going to leave you. He killed you.

"Get some rest, Merlin," she said, closing the door behind him as he left.

She would get no rest that night as she dreamt again of him plunging a sword into her stomach. After all she's done to change her fate, she would still meet her end at his hands.

Gwen entered Gaius's chambers with a knock.

"Gwen dear, good morning," he greeted, as he restocked his cabinet.

"Gaius, I was wondering if I can speak with you," she looked around, wringing her hands nervously.

"Of course, my dear."

"I'm worried about Morgana. She's not sleeping again."

Gaius looked up in surprise. "I had noticed she's been looking tired this week, I just assumed she was staying up late to study, she's been working very hard. She hasn't said anything to me. Is she having nightmares again?"

"Yes. And Gaius, this is just between us, but her nightmares are about Merlin," she said with a whisper.

"Oh?" he replied.

"She won't give me details when I ask her, but she screams in her sleep like someone's being murdered, and has screamed 'Merlin, no!' repeatedly, like he's hurting her. I'm worried, Gaius."

"I'm sure it's nothing we can't cure but thank you for telling me. I won't betray your confidence to your lady."

Gwen nodded and left.

"Merlin, wake up you foolish boy, we need to talk," he called, kicking Merlin's door. When he was finally able to rouse him, he told him what Gwen had described.

"But why wouldn't she tell me?" Merlin frowned.

"What's changed recently to restart her visions?" Gaius asked.

"I'm not sure," Merlin said, worry lines developing across his forehead.

"Have you spoken with Morgana much over the past few weeks? She hasn't been here when you've been here."

"Honestly, the last meaningful conversation I had with her was several weeks ago in her chambers, I…" he stopped and flushed.

Gaius looked at him. "And what was the conversation about?"

"Freya," he said, and told him what he told Morgana.

"And how did she react?"

"She was comforting, sympathetic."

"And since then you've not spoken to her?"

"Only in passing."

"I suspect something about your encounter has restarted her nightmares, the ones where you kill her. What exactly could you have said that made that shift in your relationship?"

"I don't know. I mean, I told her about my plans to leave Camelot and…"

Gaius rolled his eyes and sighed. "You told her you were leaving her for another woman? You idiot."

"What? No. It's not like that," Merlin stammered, shocked.

"You're the only person she has, who is like her, who understands her plight, and you were going to leave her. Not to mention, I've seen the way the girl looks at you. She admires you greatly, and not just as a sorcerer, but as a man."

Merlin shook his head in disbelief. "She has never said…"

"She wouldn't, of course not," Gaius said. "But that girl admires you nonetheless."

"We're friends," Merlin shrugged. "We aren't even supposed to be that if you ask Uther. And please don't ask Uther."

"Which is why she isn't going to just tell you how she feels. She knows it puts you in more danger."

"And now that I've told her I loved another and was going to leave Camelot to be with her, I've driven a wedge between us, that leaves her vulnerable to dark magic? That's absurd," he shook his head.

"I think that might be exactly it," Gaius said. "You've shaken her trust. Whatever events will eventually unfold, to prevent her darkness rising, she needs to trust you completely."

Merlin sighed. "I'll talk to her."

Gaius frowned. "Are you sure you know how to make this better, not worse?"

Merlin pouted. "Probably."

Gaius sighed.

She could hear her sister's voice in her head, continuously telling her she couldn't trust them, as she sat in Court at Uther's side. She looked over at Arthur who seemed positively bored at the matter at hand, a conflict between two fruit vendors. Finally, Uther assigned damages to one of the vendors and dismissed them.

She excused herself then went to change her gown into something more practical to work in Gaius's lab.

When she arrived, however, Gaius was not there, but only Merlin.

"Gaius has to travel today to see a patient, and said he needed for us to pick up this list of supplies and administer medicine to this list of patients. Gwen will be attending to Arthur today," Merlin said.

"Very well. Shall we divide the tasks then?" she asked.

"I… thought we might just work through them together. I don't need to be back to assist Arthur until nightfall," Merlin offered.

Morgana frowned and took the list from him. "I suppose, if you wish. We can pick up the supplies as we work our way through the patient list, get this done as quickly as possible. The only one we'll need to leave on horseback to find is the elderflower, so let's begin with the Bakers."

Merlin sighed. "Okay, what's going on you're not telling me?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you mean," she replied. He noticed she looked exhausted.

"You aren't sleeping. I can tell. Please. Tell me what's going on?"

"It's nothing, let's just get through the day," Morgana said, walking past him and out of the door.

He didn't press her further the rest of the day. They brought Gaius's medicine to his patients, looked in on a few follow-ups, and gathered the ingredients he needed in town.

They wordlessly got on their horses to take a ride out to pick some elderflower in the nearby fields.

Once they dismounted, Merlin tried again.

"Morgana, have I hurt you in some way?" he asked gently.

"No, not yet," she answered curtly.

"So, you are still having those dreams? Where I kill you?" He asked, looking pained.

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, Morgana," he sighed, running a hand over his face. "No wonder you can barely stand the sight of me as of late."

Her tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm just… so alone."

"You aren't. I promise you aren't. We'll figure this out," he said, holding her wrist.

Of course, you aren't alone, Sister, a voice said in her head. You always have me.

"No," she said, wide-eyed, looking around frantically.

"Morgana, I promise, I won't give up…" Merlin said, looking at her with concern.

The boy is a liar, and he'll see you dead, for Arthur to take what is yours, the voice said again.

"No! Stop it!" she said, clutching her head and collapsing on the ground. "Get out of my head! Leave me alone!"

"Morgana?" Merlin asked. He was beginning to think she didn't mean him. "Morgana, what's the matter?"

Morgana didn't answer but merely clutched her head and sobbed. He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms as she cried.

"I'm sorry," he said into her hair, shushing her. "I didn't know you were hurting. I never wanted to hurt you. Never."

Her crying subsided but she was still shaking.

"I hear Morgause in my head. Telling me terrible things. About you, Arthur, Uther. Things I don't want to act on. But I feel the strength of her pull. I'm afraid, Merlin. I don't want the future I dreamt."

"You don't have to be afraid," he said, cupping the side of her face with his hand. "I won't let her hurt you, and I won't let her control you."

"I don't know that you'll have a choice. Nor will I," she said. "Maybe I should leave, run far from Camelot. Ask Uther to find me a match in some far away land, where I'll never hurt anyone, and you can never hurt me again."

"Again?" he asked.

She just shook her head. "Never mind."

"I did hurt you, didn't I? When I told you I planned to leave Camelot with Freya?"

"Yes," she admitted. "You're all I have, and you were going to leave without even a word. And that hurts more than you can imagine."

He looked ashamed. "I'm sorry. It was impulsive and thoughtless. I didn't think of you, or Gaius, or even the fate of Camelot, only of my own desires."

"You loved her. I understand," she said softly. "And you trusted me enough to share that with me, for which I am grateful."

"But that's when the dreams started back again, isn't it?" he said.

"Soon after, yes," she said. "And my sister's voice in my head."

"Then the solution is I need to earn your forgiveness, and your trust that I will never leave you behind."

She nodded and wiped the tears from her face. Even with her face splotchy from crying, she was still beautiful. "I'm sorry for all of this. You're grieving, you don't need this additional burden."

"You aren't a burden, Morgana. You're my friend," he said, holding her hands in his. "I'm not going to let those dreams come to be, and I won't let your sister do you harm."

She nodded, looking down at their intertwined hands.

"We need to find a way to keep Morgause from invading your mind," Merlin said, brow crinkled in thought. "But we'll need Gaius's help."

"Speaking of Gaius, he needs us to complete his list," she said, reluctantly withdrawing her hands from his. "We should return before we are missed."

"We're okay though? You're okay?" Merlin asked.

He'll kill you, the voice said.

She took a breath and smiled weakly. "I'll be okay."

"It takes a very powerful sorceress to project thoughts from such a distance," Gaius frowned.

"Or maybe she's closer than we realize," Merlin suggested.

"Morgana, have you tried to communicate back with her?" Gaius asked.

"No, I… don't know how," she said. "How does it work?"

"It's not difficult, but for an adult, it's an art of disciplining your mind. Children with magic are able to do it from a very young age, before they can even speak words, to communicate their needs to their mothers. But because you're learning the skill later, it will take some practice. I need to go see the king. But Merlin will help you practice while he's cleaning the leach tank."

Merlin groaned.

"I'm not cleaning the leaches," he grumbled, as Gaius closed the door.

Why… magic… she tried.

"Close, keep trying," Merlin nodded.

Why… not… magic…

"Why not use magic on the leaches, you mean?"

She nodded.

"I wasn't quite as in control of my magic the last time and may have accidentally blown them up. Gaius gets quite grumpy about it, won't let me use magic on it again."

May… I… try…

"Well, he never banned you from cleaning the leach tank with magic," Merlin grinned.

She smiled back, then closed her eyes. She opened her eyes, now golden, and gently raised her hand over the tank. The mucky tank was suddenly perfectly clear.

Great job, he said.

Thank… you…

She smiled, relieved. Maybe they could still change her future after all.