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Chapter 15

She couldn't sleep and she hadn't slept since she had seen Alex Green over a week ago. Anna laid on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Had he lied to her? Did he not live in London? Had he been here, at Downton, all this time?

Going to work now frightened her. She feared she would run into him out in the open. Foolishly, she had believed that he wouldn't be back. She had felt a false sense of security that she and the baby would be safe from him.

The panic attacks were coming more often. She found it harder and harder to keep her composure. Just the day before at work, she had one in the middle of a meeting. Keeping up the smokescreen that she was okay wasn't working anymore. Her boss told her to take a few days off of work, perhaps the entire next week. He told her she couldn't do her job if she was struggling with something in her personal life. While he was kind about it, he also appeared to be disappointed in her. She was letting their company down, and that only made her feel worse.

She hadn't told John about her panic attacks yet or what had happened at her work. But, that was mainly because she still wasn't talking to him. She would only talk to him if it was necessary, because she was still upset with him.

Her life was falling apart all around her. The shell she had built around herself was cracking away. Soon, she was sure it would just crumble into nothingness.

She had felt safe with John, happy even. But he hadn't been able to control himself in a moment that Anna needed him to.

Tears filled her eyes. The baby kicked, reminding her it was there. More tears fell. How was she going to do this?

Anna curled to her side and tried to fall asleep. Praying that things would look better in the morning.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The sun shone into his bedroom and forced John to wake up with a loud sigh. He had ruined things with Anna and he knew it. To use such violence in front of her after what she had been through, how could he?

Another sigh passed through his lips.

The guy was scum and he hadn't been able to control his temper, despite how hard he tried. And to be honest, he had held it together. He wanted to do much worse damage to that bastard. His hands curled into tight fists just thinking about Alex Green.

John took in a deep breath and unclenched his fists. Right now he had to figure out how to make things right with Anna. She was struggling and it was getting worse. He wanted to help her and be able to be there for her, but he couldn't until she had forgiven him for his actions.

Sitting up, John ran his hand over his face. He then got up and got himself dressed for the day.

When he walked into the main living area, he didn't see a sign of Anna. He hoped she was getting some sleep. Anytime he had seen her in the last week and a half, she had appeared exhausted. He was sure seeing Green had heightened her fears.

It was a Saturday, so neither had to work. Last weekend, Anna had stayed holed up in her bedroom, only stepping out when she needed something to eat or drink. John decided to make them both breakfast this morning. Perhaps, she would feel up to talking to him some today.

As he flipped his first set of pancakes, Anna's door opened. She looked absolutely exhausted. She was still in her pajamas with a robe wrapped around her and her hair pulled up into a low, messy bun.

"Good morning," John said, offering her a bright smile. Anna's eyes glanced away, momentarily, but thankfully, they came back up to meet his.

"Morning," she mumbled.

"I'm making pancakes," John told her. Anna nodded and walked forward, taking a seat on the barstool at the small kitchen island. John tried not to get too excited, but this was the longest Anna had been near him since the incident.

Pulling down a plate from the cabinet, John placed a few pancakes onto the plate. Then he slid it over to Anna, putting the syrup next to it.

"Thanks," Anna muttered. John watched out of the corner of his eye, while Anna cut up her pancakes and began to eat them.

"Um…." Anna began. "Did you get the cheese?"

"Cheese?" John asked, clearly confused. Anna hadn't spoken to him in over a week, so he was quite unsure what she meant by getting the cheese.

"For the charcuterie board," Anna replied, as though they had been talking about it all week.

"Char….Anna, what are you talking about?" John wasn't sure if he had lost his mind or if she had.

"My parents are coming by this afternoon for appetizers and to see the place," Anna continued. John paused what he was doing and turned to face Anna completely. He had known Anna's parents had wanted to come by and see the changes to the place. They were supposed to come a few days after the incident, but Anna canceled it. There had not been any other mentions of them coming since.

"No," John finally answered. "I didn't get cheese. You never told me they were coming by today." He used his words carefully, not wanting to spur her into anger. Thankfully, she didn't argue or yell. Instead, she hid her face in her hands and just sighed.

"I…I must have dreamed it. I…I'm sorry. Mum's been bugging me to come over so I told her today would work, since we would both be home," Anna explained. John could not believe that Anna was apologizing to him. He didn't want to make a big deal of it, so he just nodded his head.

"It's fine. I can run out to the store after breakfast and pick up whatever we need."

"Great. I'll make a list."

John wasn't foolish enough to believe that everything was okay now. In fact, he was slightly worried about how today would go. In some ways, he wondered if Anna would throw back on her mask and pretend everything was fine. Or if instead, she would begin to crack in front of her parents. He was sure that by tomorrow, everything would be back to as it was the day before, unless he could figure out how to make her day go well.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"You look utterly exhausted dear," Elsie said, as she and Charles walked into the flat. Anna pursed her lips, not happy to have that pointed out. She had showered and attempted to cover her dark circles with make-up. Apparently, it hadn't worked.

"Thanks, Mum," Anna replied, discouraged.

"Are you alright?" Charles asked her quietly. "Has something happened between you and John?"

"Everything is fine," Anna pushed out a smile. "I'm just tired."

"Still?" Elsie asked. "I think you should talk to Sybil about that. Second trimester should be the easiest one. You should have a ton of energy."

Anna wanted to respond rudely, but bit her tongue. It wasn't her parents' fault of what was going on in her life. So instead, she just nodded.

"Yes, I'll call her first thing on Monday."

That seemed to please her parents enough and the two walked further into the small flat. Not too much had changed, but there were some pictures up on the walls and blankets over the couch. It looked more lived in and not like a sterile environment.

"You've definitely spruced up the place," Charles told Anna. "Looks livelier."

"Well hello!" John happily exclaimed, walking around the corner with a bright smile. He stuck out his hand for Charles to shake. Charles shook his hand and then walked further into the apartment. John then gave Elsie a hug.

"So how are you holding up with the baby keeping Anna up all night?" Elsie questioned him. John turned his head to the side and quickly tried to come up with a lie. He hadn't known that was what Anna was using for her excuse for not sleeping well.

"I….I just try to help as much as I can," he answered.

"Good man," Elsie said with a wink. She followed Anna and John into the kitchen. There they had set up an array of appetizers. There was the charcuterie board, pigs in a blanket, a vegetable tray, and other treats.

"You can grab whatever you want and then we can go sit on the back deck," Anna said to them all.

They all picked up a small plate and filled them up. Then Anna opened the back door to the small deck. The flat was on the second level. There wasn't much of a view, but it was nice to go out on to get fresh air.

"When the baby is here, you'll need to have a good lock on that door. You don't want him or her getting out here," Charles began.

"Yes. I know, dad," Anna replied. She sat next to John on the big, outside love seat while her parents each sat in the other chairs. However, she sat nearly on the edge, as far away from John as she could get. It was not a detail that Charles missed. His brow raised and lips curled up to the side. If Elsie noticed, she didn't make any mention of it with her features.

A knock came at the door and both Anna and John jumped up. They never had visitors in the middle of the day. Out of curiosity, Anna followed John to the front door. He opened it and there was a mail carrier at the door.

"This is for John Bates. I need you to sign this saying you got the paperwork," he explained. John shrugged his shoulders, but did as he was asked. Then the man handed over the folder to John.

Out of curiosity, John went ahead and opened the small package.

"Who is it from? What is it?" Anna curiously asked.

As John pulled the papers out of the top, his jaw clinched. He had been served papers from Alex Green's lawyer, suing him for assault.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Elsie and Charles continued to enjoy their appetizers on the back porch, until they heard both Anna and John speaking quietly to one another. Anna's voice sounded angry.

"I told you John," they heard her say. "You punched him and now he's suing you. I hope it was worth it. I just…I…."

Charles sat back in his chair and his cheeks reddened.

"Elsie, see, I was right. John isn't a good man. We have to get Anna to move in with us. He punched some guy."

"Charlie don't get ahead of yourself. We don't know the situation. We'll ask for the full story. Maybe it has to do with what Anna's been hiding from us," Elsie said.

"Yeah, that her boyfriend is violent. I don't like this, Elsie, not one bit."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. She didn't want her parents to know what was going on right now. Taking several deep breaths, she could feel her heart returning to its normal speed.

John was still standing in front of her, but she didn't want him there. She wanted to be far away from them. He had poked the bear.

At least, she thought, he was just suing John.

Anna's eyes reopened and she turned to head back to the porch. However, there came a second knock on the door. Anna's heart stopped.

John opened the door and the mail carrier was back, holding a second package.

"Sorry, I missed this package. It's for Anna Smith. Is that you?"

Anna's head slowly nodded. He gave her the form to sign and then handed the folder to her. As she took it into her hands, they shook. Slowly, she tore open the top and brought the papers out. Her eyes sprung with tears and her heart started beating a million times per minute.

"What does it say, Anna?" John carefully asked.

"He…he wants a paternity test and….and if it says he's the father….he…..he wants visitation rights. He….he…..he…." She couldn't breathe. The world was collapsing right on top of her. Everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong.

"Anna…." John worriedly asked, as the papers fell from her hands and her entire body began to tremble.

"This is your fault," she told him. "This is all your fault!" she now yelled. Her hands shook harshly and she backed herself against the wall.

It was then that Elsie and Charles rushed back into the house. One look at Anna and Charles turned angrily to John.

"What did you do to her?" He harshly asked.

"I didn't do anything," John replied.

Anna slowly slid down the wall and sat, her breaths becoming shallower with every breath. She couldn't remember any of the things she was supposed to do when this was happening to her. All she could think about was seeing Green multiple times a month and having to hand her baby over to him. A sob escaped her lips, but it only made it harder to breathe.

"You had to do something!" Charles yelled back at John. "I knew you were bad news!"

"You don't understand," John started.

"I do understand! You are a violent man! I could…."

"Stop it!" Elsie yelled at them. "Both of you stop it! Anna is having a panic attack and all you are doing is making it worse." Both of them immediately quieted. "Now John, go and get Anna a glass of water. Charlie, go sit down."

As they walked away, Elsie brought herself down to Anna's level. She sat back, as not to crowd her, and took one of Anna's hands within her own.

"It's alright, sweetheart. I'm here. We're all here. Take a good deep breath. Remember to breathe," she began. Anna slowly met Elsie's eyes and followed her breaths. Calming down, she could feel her heart returning to normal. "That's a good girl. Do you think you can stand? Go sit on the couch with your father?" Anna nodded. "Good."

Anna gingerly got up off the floor and went to sit next to Charles. She still couldn't speak and she didn't know what she was going to say to them. John handed her a glass of water, before taking a seat as far away from Charles as he could get.

Elsie went to pick up the papers on the floor and as she did, her eyes caught the words paternity test and Alex Green. Her eyes moved to Anna. She walked back over to the living room and sat across from her husband and Anna.

"I'm assuming this is what the yelling and panic attack are about?" Elsie questioned, holding up the paperwork. Anna bit down on her lower lip and nodded. "Is this true, Anna? Is this the big secret you've been keeping?"

Anna's body shuddered from the force of a sob threatening to escape and she nodded again.

"Yes," she weakly got out. "John is not the baby's father. Alex Green is."

To be continued...

The secret is out. More soon! Thank you again! And thanks in advance for any comments! :)