The funeral was a solemn affair, the kingdom of Camelot in mourning. Arthur led the funeral procession, with Morgana following behind him shrouded in a black veil, soaked by a cold rain that felt like a manifestation of their collective grief. All eyes were upon the young prince who was soon to be King of Camelot and his "adopted" sister, both stoic and strong. Although grim in demeanor, they did not have the luxury of public grief, particularly Arthur.
Arthur had been highly agitated the day before, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep and his face an unhealthy pallor. After an uncharacteristic outburst at Gwen, Morgana had prepared an elixir that would both dull the pain of his grief, but still keep him alert. She took a small amount of it herself before the funeral.
Morgana, for her part, was ready to move forward, ready to stop being afraid and ready to live her true self. It made her feelings complicated. She knew Arthur felt the grief of their father's death far deeper than she did, and she ached for his pain as well. She also harbored guilt for the grief she did not feel – the relief she felt now being free of her fear, for herself, for Arthur and for Camelot.
She knew the people well enough to know that, despite the good Uther had done for the kingdom, they too lived their lives in constant fear of experiencing sorcery, or that they might be accused of sorcery or aiding a sorcerer. After Gwen's father was killed, that fear had grown exponentially. If the father of his ward's maid could be killed so callously, what of those without connections to the royal family?
But Uther's death had not brought them release from their gripping fear as she had expected. He could be cruel and unmovable; they ought to rejoice. Instead, they seemed even more afraid. She tried to understand why. Perhaps it was fear that Arthur would continue as his father had?
"No, Milady," Gwen told her later when they had returned to her chambers. "They fear that war is coming, because of the way Uther died."
"Oh," she said, feeling foolish. She hadn't considered the townspeople when she pushed Arthur for war with Odin. Of course they would be afraid. War brought sieged cities and burned crops. It brought shortages, hunger and disease. "Do you agree with Arthur? To just let Odin get away with it?"
"I wish to see Odin face justice for what he did, but not at the expense of the people of Camelot," she replied. "There isn't always justice in the world, especially not for the common folk. War will always find its way here, we don't need to go looking for it."
"Odin will invade at some point," Morgana said, sinking into her chair in exhaustion in her nightgown.
"And we'll be ready. We have great leadership," Gwen smiled, as she collected the laundry basket and left. "Good-night, Morgana."
"Good-night, Gwen." She sat pondering the matter. She supposed Gwen was right. War will never serve the people of Camelot, and they deserved better leadership than that. But how could they avoid it, at least with Odin? Instead of a preventative war, perhaps a preventative alliance would better serve Camelot, she thought, as an idea suddenly sprung to mind.
Arthur won't like it, but she decided to try it anyway. She took out parchment and ink and wrote a letter, sealing it once it was dry.
She heard a knock only moments after sealing the letter. "Enter," she said.
"It's only me again," Gwen said, coming back in holding a bouquet of flowers. "Merlin asked me to give you these."
Morgana smiled, taking them and breathing in their aroma. "How lovely, thank you for bringing them. Go on now, you should go to Arthur, he could use your company. I'll find a vase for them myself."
Gwen frowned. "I'm not sure I should intrude."
"Gwen, he's not himself, I know. But only you can really be there for him. He needs you right now, even if he's being monstrous. Here, I have more of the elixir, this one has sedation properties; it will help him sleep." Morgana opened her desk drawer and pulled out the tiny bottle. "Two drops will do, it's quite potent."
Gwen nodded, taking the vial. "I'll take it to him." She closed the door behind her as she left.
"You'll be his wife someday, you'll have to learn to deal with his emotions," Morgana said to the closed door.
You could have delivered them in person, you know, Morgana told Merlin, as she filled a vase with water and arranged the flowers inside it. She would have liked to see him.
I wouldn't want Arthur to get jealous, I never bring him flowers.
She laughed. You should, he could use his spirits lifted. Have you finished tending to him tonight?
I just tucked him into bed. The funeral was draining for him.
I understand. I too am quite exhausted. She yawned at the realization.
I figured as much, which is why I didn't want to intrude. Do you need something to help you sleep?
"Yes, I need you," she said aloud. But stopped herself from telling him. Her emotions were far too raw. Instead, she responded, No, thank you, Merlin. You should get some rest yourself. Thank you for the flowers, they're lovely.
You're welcome. Good-night, Morgana.
. . .
"I received word that Princess Mithian of Nemeth will be attending your coronation, along with their condolences for Uther's death," Morgana said as they lunched a few weeks later.
"King Rodor's daughter? That's surprising, since we're in a land dispute. I wasn't even aware we were inviting them. Are they willing to give up their claim?" Arthur asked, as Merlin gave him a second helping of the beef stew.
"Depends. Are you willing to marry Mithian?" she asked innocently.
Arthur choked on his stew. Merlin slapped him unnecessarily hard on the back, looking at her with slight alarm. Arthur glared at Merlin while Morgana fought back a smile.
"Have you been negotiating my marriage?" he asked, aghast.
She smiled at him with amusement. "Well, Mithian's beauty and intellect are well-known. She would make a good queen and that will be their price. And it's not as though you're otherwise spoken for. Are you spoken for, Brother?"
He flushed red and stammered, "That's not… I'm not… I'm not marrying someone I've never even met!"
"Fair enough, I can understand the reluctance. I too wish to marry someone I love," she said, looking at Merlin as he refilled her cup. "Give them the disputed land if you don't wish to wed their princess. Nemeth is an important ally, and it's a small price to pay for unity. We'll gain more in strategic positioning by having access to their kingdom than we will the parcels of disputed territory. It will help deter Odin from attacking Camelot."
"I'll take it under consideration," he frowned.
She took a sip of wine and looked at him innocently. "Oh, by the way, since we aren't holding court any further today, would you care to accompany me for a picnic later? Gwen and I would like to enjoy the weather while we can, and I could certainly use a break from duties since there is nothing that must be done today."
"Uh, of course, that would be fine," Arthur said.
"Merlin, you'll come with us as well, won't you?" Morgana asked.
"That would be lovely, thank you, Milady," he said, pouring Arthur more wine.
Later that afternoon, the four of them rode their horses down to the riverbank and set up a picnic. It was a warm summer day, one of the last they would have for the season. Morgana and Gwen unpacked the food and made plates.
"We had a lovely picnic like this last summer, Gwen, do you remember?" Morgana commented. "But with Sir Leon and his squire."
"Yes, that was a lovely day indeed. It was the day you told me about your magic," Gwen said.
"Well, I believe it was more you guessed at my magic," she smiled.
Arthur frowned. "Wait, Gwen knew all this time, and I didn't?"
Gwen exchanged an amused look with Morgana and smiled, "Oh, but I immediately forgot."
Arthur looked confused.
"A memory spell. I didn't want Gwen to be at risk for the knowledge she had, so I cast a spell that would make her forget, until the point that you knew of my magic, then the spell was broken," Morgana explained.
"Well, at least only one of the people here was intentionally keeping secrets then," Arthur said, shoving grapes into his mouth.
Morgana glanced at Merlin who looked uncomfortable.
"With good reason, Arthur. You hadn't known any good sorcerers, and we'd only ever seen magic bring death and misery before in Camelot," Gwen said. "It's understandable Morgana wouldn't feel comfortable revealing her magic to any of us."
Arthur frowned. "I've still never seen magic bring anything but death."
Morgana looked crestfallen.
"I mean… I didn't mean it like…" Arthur stammered.
"He's not seen your magic do good, Morgana," Merlin said, gently. "Why don't you show him, er, us?"
Morgana nodded. She repeated the trick she had shown Gwen a year ago, raising lilies from the ground, and Gwen clapped in delight as they turned into butterflies.
"Oh, that's lovely. Isn't it Arthur?" Gwen said. Arthur looked more nervous than impressed.
"Ouch!" Merlin said, squeezing his fist tight. Blood was dripping down his wrist and off of the knife he held in his right hand.
"Merlin, you idiot, what have you done to yourself?" Arthur frowned, grabbing a rag to hold onto the wound.
"I was slicing the bread and the knife slipped," he explained weakly, shuddering at the sight of his own blood.
"We need to get you back to Gaius, that's look really bad, Merlin," Gwen said, worried.
"Here, Merlin, let me see," Morgana said, taking his hand. "May I?" she asked.
He nodded, and opened his hand to her. She muttered a few words as her eyes glowed golden. She held her hand over his, and Gwen and Arthur watched in amazement as the wound closed, as though it had never been there in the first place. She then cleaned the blood from his hand and wrist.
"Morgana, that was incredible," Arthur said, breathlessly.
"I want my magic to do good," she explained, softly. "I know what darkness I could succumb to, and what my magic could become, but I want to be better."
He kissed the top of her head. "You're the best person I know."
He glanced down at Morgana's hand still touching Merlin's. "You can stop holding my sister's hand now, Merlin."
Merlin flushed and pulled his hand away, as Morgana and Gwen exchanged an amused look.
They finished eating the fruit and cheese they had packed and Arthur decided he would try his hand at fishing. Gwen offered to lend him her expertise. Morgana said she would stay and read her book.
"Merlin, would you like to come as well?" Gwen asked.
"Merlin gets squeamish at the sight of fish," Arthur said, before Merlin could respond. Merlin shrugged. Gwen and Arthur walked down together to the shore.
"Thanks for that," Morgana said, once they were out of sight.
"For what?" Merlin asked, innocently.
"You know what. You're not actually that clumsy. You cut yourself on purpose so I could heal you," Morgana said.
Merlin shrugged. "I saw the look on your face when Arthur said he'd never seen magic do good. I know how you feel. I want him to understand too."
"I know how much it must hurt to continue to keep your magic a secret from him, especially now that he knows about mine," Morgana said.
"I've been patient this long. He'll see that your magic is a force for good, and that the magic of others can be as well. There's no hurry, I can be patient."
She frowned. "But it can't wait forever. Merlin… there's something I haven't told you."
She told him of her meetings with Morgause, of how Arthur is to be judged by the Triple Goddess.
Merlin looked shocked, and a little hurt. "Why haven't you told me?"
"Because it may come to pass that our interests are no longer aligned," she admitted. "Merlin, I love my brother, but ultimately, if we can't sway him…"
Merlin closed his eyes. "You'll seek his throne instead."
"I don't want to. But if you're wrong, if Arthur isn't going to bring magic back and unite Albion…"
"I'm not wrong. You'll see," he said, firmly.
"You're angry with me," she frowned.
"Yeah, well, I thought you didn't want to be the monster of your dreams," he said, bluntly.
"Is that what you think I'm becoming?" she asked, the hurt in her voice obvious.
"I don't know what to think," Merlin said. "You're meeting with your sister in secret and conspiring against Arthur…"
"That's not what I've been doing!" she said, defensively.
"Then what is it, then? You said this is what happened before. In the visions you had of me poisoning you, you'd conspired with your sister for Uther's downfall, and you were the vessel for dark magic. You said I killed you to save Camelot!"
"That wasn't what I'd intended!" she exclaimed.
"But it's what happened! And if you aren't careful, that's what could happen now," Merlin said, agitated.
"I'm not being careless! I know what I'm doing. You just don't trust me," she accused.
He sighed. "That's… not true. I trust you. I don't trust her."
"She wants what we want. She wants magic restored," she said, still exasperated.
"She wants power to inflict her brand of justice. And she wants to use you to get it. I'm just worried about you."
"I know. I'm worried too! Worried that Morgause will grow tired of waiting for Arthur to fully accept magic, and will attack Camelot."
"We can handle Morgause," Merlin said.
"I don't want to handle her!" Morgana said, fighting back tears. "She's my sister!"
"That's not what I meant," he sighed, running a hand over his face in frustration.
"But it will be the outcome. She'll die. Or Arthur will. And if I have to take the crown off his stupid head in order to keep his stupid head on his shoulders, I will. But I'm trying not to let it get to that point. I just… I need Arthur to open his eyes and see what he needs to do to fulfill his destiny."
"He will, I know he will."
"Merlin, can you please trust me?"
He sighed. "Of course, I trust you."
She nodded, looking down at her hands.
He pulled her hands into his. "I do. Completely."
Tears stung her eyes. "Merlin, I…"
He dropped her hands as he heard rustling in the bushes. Arthur emerged, returning for a bag to carry the fish. He eyed them suspiciously before leaving again.
Morgana reached for him again, but Merlin moved away from her to the opposite end of the blanket. She gave a frustrated huff and opened her book of poetry, laying down on the blanket. Merlin watched as Arthur disappeared again towards the shoreline and glanced over at Morgana.
Merlin sighed, and, bored and frustrated, began to make bubbles, pulling the condensation from the air with his magic. Morgana continued to ignore him, so he blew them towards her. She crinkled her nose at him in annoyance as one popped when reaching her book. She hadn't seemed angry with him just before Arthur interrupted, so he couldn't figure out why she still seemed so agitated with him now. He closed his eyes, laying down on the other side of the blanket to enjoy the warm sun while he pondered the mystery of women.
Unable to concentrate on the text, Morgana allowed herself to look over at him, his eyes closed. She felt such longing at the sight of him, his dark hair, chiseled face, her frustration simmering just below the surface. Would she ever have the courage to tell him of her love for him? And would he ever really trust her?
She closed her eyes as well, tears stinging them again. There he was, just across the picnic blanket from her, yet so far from her reach.
She and Merlin were both fast asleep by the time Arthur and Gwen returned from the shore, holding hands and laughing. They continued to hold hands and sat on another blanket some distance away from them, letting their companions rest.
"He fancies her, you know," Arthur murmured accusingly, gesturing at Merlin.
"Surely you can see it's quite mutual. Would that be so bad? Merlin and Morgana?" Gwen smiled.
He groaned. "Merlin as my brother-in-law? I can think of nothing worse."
"Oh, you don't mean that. They'd be good for one another."
Arthur shook his head. "I don't want to talk about Merlin being with my sister. It's disgusting."
She laughed softly. "What would you rather speak of?"
Arthur smiled. "I'd rather not speak at all."
Gwen smiled as he kissed her, and continued to kiss her, until not too long later, their companions finally woke up to find them staring at them.
"What are you two grinning about?" Morgana grumbled sleepily, smoothing down her hair.
"Well, while you two were napping, we caught a bounty for supper. Why don't we go to my house and I'll cook the fish?" Gwen said.
"That sounds delightful," Arthur said.
Morgana glanced at Merlin. "I'll have to pass on supper, there are some things that I need to see Gaius about this evening. You three enjoy it, though."
"I, uh, need to do some work for Gaius, but save me some leftovers, Gwen," Merlin said, beginning to pack up. "I'll pack up here and take everything back."
"Okay, that's fine, more for me then. Shall we?" Arthur said, helping Gwen onto her horse.
Merlin watched them ride over the hill before using his magic to quickly pack everything up.
"Was that about giving them more privacy, or did you just not want to spend any more time in my presence, Milady?" Merlin asked.
Morgana huffed. "I'm here right now, aren't I?" She grabbed the picnic blanket and folded it, placing it on the back of her mare and mounting it.
"I'm sorry about what I said before, I truly am," Merlin said, tying down the basket and getting onto his horse as well.
She sighed. "Can you ever really trust me?"
"Of course. I do trust you. I'm sorry I gave you reason to doubt that," Merlin said.
The ride back to the castle was silent and they parted ways.