Plagiarist 3
"A hundred and twenty grand and they only have two guards?" Xander asked, as he saw the two men, one tossing bread to the ducks and pretending not to be paying attention to the man running a hot dog cart twenty feet away. The fact that it was eleven at night and they were the only two in the park making it obvious something was up seemed to have escaped them.
"They don't expect anyone outside of a cape to have the balls to mess with them," Pat explained. "Plus it's kinda hard to take out one without the other noticing and shooting at you, but I've got a plan."
Five minutes later...
The two mobsters found their eyes drawn to the naked girl running just ahead of a guy in a tracksuit.
"Too slow, looks like I'll be sleeping alone tonight," she called back as the man stumbled and fell to his knees.
"Let me just get something to eat and I'll catch you," the man panted out breathlessly, before climbing shakily to his feet and stumbling towards the hot dog cart.
"What kinda game is this?" the man feeding the ducks asked suspiciously, as she wandered over near him.
"I'm getting paid three hundred a night to motivate him to work out," she said with an exaggerated shrug that drew his attention to her chest.
Smelling a rat he went for his gun, but she was close enough to body check him, sending the gun flying. She lashed out with a kick to the side that doubled him over putting him in line for an elbow to the temple that put him down. Xander, who'd been arguing with the guy manning the hot dog cart, who claimed he was out of everything, nailed him with a quick right when he went to grab something for the cart, putting him down with a few less teeth than he started with. It was the work of seconds to grab the cash and vanish into the bushes, making a beeline for the car parked in a nearby alley.
Semi-dressed again she started the car while Xander counted the cash.
"We are looking at maybe ninety grand," Xander said happily, never having had this kind of money before.
"Must have gotten there early," she grumbled. "Sorry, Boss."
"Five minutes netted us ninety grand," Xander said. "I'm in no way unhappy with how things turned out."
"Does that mean you won't spank me?" she teased.
"Later," Xander promised, knowing she was just screwing with him. "For now let's move on to phase two."
"From one park to another," she agreed. "Any idea how you plan to approach the pair?"
"Openly and honestly with a fist full of cash," Xander replied.
"That oughta confuse them long enough to copy her," Pat agreed.
Xander considered that for a minute. "It probably would confuse them. Oh well, it's not my fault most of Gotham is crooked. All I'm looking for is an honest five second transaction."
"And if she does get pissed we'll have our own Ivy to fight her off," Pat pointed out. "It's a good plan."
"Ivy has a good solid skill-set and power level that would be a lot more useful in someone who was a little more sane," Xander said. "Since the clones I make seem to gain a bit of my mindset I'm hoping it'll help raise her sanity level a tad."
Pat grinned, but didn't comment. Xander carefully counted out twenty thousand dollars and tied it up with rubber bands, finishing just as they arrived at Robinson Park. Climbing out of the car and looking about, it was blindingly obvious that Poison Ivy lived there as the entire place was insanely lush despite the smog and pollution that filled the Gotham city air.
"Stay on the path and don't walk on the grass," Xander said as they followed the jogging path through the park, keeping an eye out for dangers.
"You'd have to be an idiot to walk on the grass here without permission," Pat agreed.
Rounding the corner of the lake they spotted Ivy's greenhouse, which had been expanded recently from the looks of it. They could practically feel the trees looking at them as they approached the front door. The multistory glass construction loomed over them as Xander pushed the doorbell. It was nearly five minutes before Ivy answered the door, but the sign under the doorbell warning what would happen to those that played with it kept them from pushing it a second time.
"What do you want?" Ivy demanded as she saw Xander. "And why aren't you wearing pants?" she demanded on seeing Pat.
Xander turned to Pat. "Why aren't you wearing pants? I did buy you those sweatpants you wanted."
"I like the air on my bits," Pat said honestly.
"She likes the air on her bits," Xander told Ivy with a shrug. "Anyway I'm here to offer you twenty thousand dollars for the honor of shaking your hand."
"Is he crazy?" Ivy asked Pat, before sighing and shaking her head. "You're not wearing pants for the hell of it, why am I asking you? Too much time around Harley."
Xander pulled out twenty grand in used bills and handed it to the green skinned woman. "Payment in advance."
Ivy counted it and saw that it was twenty grand in unmarked bills, well circulated, non-sequential. "Just a handshake," she said firmly, "I'm not a prostitute."
"Understood and I in no way mean to imply you are," Xander said honestly, Ivy's natural pheromones having a slowly growing effect on the pair, even though she wasn't intentionally dosing them. As they grasped hands Xander felt a familiar tingle while he was trying his best to hold down his libido, and as the clone formed he felt a presence surge through the three of them, knocking him on his ass.
"Boss?! Boss!?" Pat shook him awake and helped him stand.
Ivy recovered much quicker but just stood there staring at the broad shouldered green skinned man dressed in leaves.
"Now that's a rush," Xander said shaking his head and feeling like he'd stuck his head in a light socket.
"Boss, you got green eyes now," Pat said. "I mean really green, like emeralds. They look good."
"Who? How?" Ivy asked confused.
"He has the power to make clones of people at a touch," the red haired man with the green skin explained. "He was of the opinion that the Earth could use more than one Poison Ivy."
"Homina, homina," Harley said as she made her presence known. "Ivy, you look good as a guy."
"I can feel your connection to the Green, but why are you male?" Ivy asked.
"Because I was concentrating on resisting your pheromones," Xander said, his faint connection to the new clone helping him gain a firmer grasp on his abilities.
"I think I'll take the name... Professor Oak," he decided with a grin, ignoring the groans of everyone but Harley who laughed, genuinely amused. Turning to Xander he said, "I'm afraid I can't help you on your quest; I have a higher calling than to save a single species of hominid."
"Yeah, I'm getting that," Xander admitted. "So, what's your plans?"
"I plan... to have you shake Harley's hand, bum thirty grand off you and do a little traveling. There are reforestation projects where I would be welcomed and illegal lumber operations where I would be hated, and I plan to visit both," he said with a smirk.
"It'll be nice to know we aren't alone," Ivy said slowly still feeling out the connection they both had.
"I'll visit when I can," Oak promised.
"I think I'd like that," Ivy admitted, surprised.
"Is my clone going to be male?" Harley asked eagerly, as she approached Xander.
"I'd prefer female, but it's not a deal breaker," Professor Oak said.
"Make two!" Harley ordered Xander taking off a white glove and offering her hand.
"Why two?" Xander asked taking her hand and easily making a clone of her, who stood there unselfconsciously naked, examining herself for the sole purpose of making the two green skinned people blush.
"Couple of reasons," Harley said. "One, occasionally Mr. J needs me and I can't find it in myself to resist him, but with two of me I won't have to leave Ivy alone just cause I was weak for a moment, and B, we can get more done with two of me, and finally there are some things I wanna try that require three girls and Batgirl ain't bitin'."
"Fair enough," Xander agreed making another clone.
"Harley, that was both perverted and touching," Ivy admitted.
"Perverted touching is what I do best," Harley said proudly as her naked clones began examining each other.
"Maybe we ought to take this inside," Professor Oak suggested, watching the two naked blondes begin to finger one another.
Xander grabbed Pat's hand and pinched his nose shut as he realized what was happening, while pulling her back down the path.
They were half way back to the car before Pat managed to shake off the effects of the pheromones. "Damn, that was something!"
"Yeah, I suspect they began to instinctively respond to one another, from the amount of pollen in the air and the way nearby flowers started blooming," Xander said. "I need a cold shower or twelve."
"Can't we just have sex?" Pat asked.
"Work first, play later," Xander said. "We'll have plenty of time to have sex in an actual bed tonight. In the meantime let's get out of here before Oak asks to borrow money."
"Gotcha, Boss," Pat said cheerfully as they sped up, even though it'd probably be hours before Oak even came up for air.
Sunnydale Doublemeat Palace
"Are you OK?" Buffy asked Willow. "I mean that's your third burger, you're eating like me when I'm upset."
"I know," Willow complained, "I just can't seem to get full. Any luck on finding Xander?"
"Not at the bowling alley or the skating rink," Buffy said with a sigh.
"That's all the places I can think of him hiding out in," Willow said. "We may just have to wait and catch him at school."
"Or in his bedroom," Buffy suggested, recalling Willow telling her how easy it was for Xander to sneak out thanks to the trellis outside his bedroom window.
Willow got a far off look in her eye and blushed bright red.
"I meant he'll return home to sleep and we could catch him then," Buffy said, as she tried not to think of a pile of naked Willows and Cordelias surrounding a naked Xander.
Sunnydale Salvage
Cordelia had made a deal with Rory Harris, Xander's uncle, thirty tons of scrapped cars for five hundred dollars and the three Cordelias were sipping sodas and watching the pair of Willows walk from block to block, tapping them with hammers causing them to break down into showers of sparks that they then absorbed. It had taken nearly half an hour so far to absorb half the material, but that was probably because the two kept wandering off and 'acquiring blueprints' by scanning various broken down vehicles, which they said would allow them to build complete copies from memory.
"Too bad they couldn't make designer dresses from memory," one of the Cordelias said with a sigh.
"Why couldn't we?" the Willow nearest them asked curiously.
The three Cordelias suddenly focused on the redhead, all boredom forgotten.
"Are you telling me you can copy designer dresses using your abilities?" Cordelia asked.
"Easily," the Builder assured her. "I can scan and duplicate clothing in seconds."
"I don't suppose you can teach us to do that?" one of the Cordelias asked.
"You have to be a Builder to learn what we do," she replied, "but duplicating and altering clothes is one of the first things an apprentice learns."
"And now I'm wishing I'd dressed as a Builder so you two would be Builders," Cordelia told her clones.
"Do you want to be a Builder?" the Journeyman Builder asked curiously.
"Don't you have to be born one?" one of the Cordelias asked.
"No, you have to ask to be an apprentice and then the Builder you're apprenticed to gets together with two other Journeymen and makes you a Builder," she explained.
The other Builder came over and tapped her on the head with her hammer turning her hair blue. "I dub thee, Amy Rosenberg, Journeyman builder."
Amy grinned and tapped the other on the head with her own hammer, turning her hair dark green. "I dub thee, Susan Rosenberg, Journeyman builder."
"Inside joke?" Cordelia asked.
"Anime joke," the pair chorused.
"Plus now we cover the color spectrum blue, green, and red," Susan explained.
"A change of hair color would allow us to claim to be our own cousins," one of Cordelia's clones said thoughtfully, as they watched the two Builders get back to work.
"A natural color," the other clone said.
"Tired of being me?" Cordelia asked, a bit hurt.
"No, but there can only be one Cordelia Chase or our parents would freak and God knows what would happen," one of the clones said.
"We originally picked on Willow because we were jealous of her hair," the other clone said.
"So red hair then," they chorused.
"Can they change people's eye colors?" Cordelia asked.
The two clones turned to her and grinned.
"Green eyes and red haired twins, our cousins Jane and Janet Possible," Cordelia said. "Close enough relation to explain the resemblance and far enough away that our parents won't ask questions."
"Perfect," the 'twins' agreed.
"Nah perfect would be if Xander had made three Builders so we could become apprentices and learn to make designer clothes, though I'm sure we can bribe Amy and Susan to do it," Cordelia said.
"We'll grab him Monday and see if he has any gas left in the tank," Janet said. "Think I should use the nickname Tea to show we're different people?"
"Nah, let's just both use Jay and drive everyone nuts," Jane said. "Think Xander has to be having sex to make clones? I mean, it might make it easier."
"You just want an excuse to have sex with Xander and Willow," Cordelia pointed out.
"And?" Jane asked.
"And nothing," Cordelia said, "It's a good excuse, I'm in."
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
TN: (I groaned and put my face in my hands when I read the Professor Oak joke. If he starts spreading Pokemon in the DC universe, I may just have to bang my head against a wall.)