Plagiarist 9
"You two relax, watch some in house pay-per view, we'll be back shortly," Xander told Jo and Pat.
"Bye, boss!" Pat said, waving her good arm, her cheer coming from a bottle of pills.
"Have fun!" Jo said, grabbing the remote and flipping to the listings.
"You should probably let me do the talking," Julie said. "Alfred knows me and likes me."
As the pair got into the elevator and Xander gave the button for the ground floor a push, Xander agreed, "Works for me."
"I still think the idea is crazy, but crazy seems to be the norm around you," Julie said, a feline smirk on her lips and an exaggerated swing to her hips as she exited the elevator in front of him.
Xander nodded absently, finding it a bit hard to concentrate when Julie turned up her sex appeal like that. "You're getting in character!" he realized, as she waved and two taxi's almost crashed into one another trying to reach the curb first.
"I didn't notice," she said, her voice tinged with surprise, as they climbed into the first cab. "Wayne Manor," she told the cabbie, before turning to Xander. "I suppose it's just force of habit when dealing with Bruce."
"Alfred is probably easier to deal with without it," Xander pointed out.
"You've got that right, plus he always gives me the look that makes me feel guilty," Julie admitted with a shudder.
"Brits are good at that," Xander agreed, glad Giles didn't have nearly as effective a look.
"For once complete honesty probably really is the best policy," she admitted.
"Agreed," Xander said, and then proceeded to distract her by questioning her about her knowledge of magic and the supernatural until they arrived at Wayne Manor. Xander paid the driver as they exited the cab and approached the front gate to the Wayne Estates.
Julie rang the buzzer on the front gate and waited patiently.
"Wayne Residence, Alfred Pennyworth speaking," the speaker next to the gate relayed with remarkable clarity. "Is that you, Miss Kyle?"
"Yes and no," Julie replied, "it's a bit of a story. I'm going by Julie now."
"And who is the young gentleman beside you?" he asked.
"I'm Xander Harris," Xander introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you, Sir. I'll be down momentarily to see you in," Alfred promised.
"Normally he'd simply buzz me in and I'd meet him at the front door," Julie said.
"I'm a complete unknown and you've admitted to not being exactly yourself," Xander pointed out, "meeting us outside, limits the damage we could cause, until he has a chance to look us over."
"Do you think he'll hold me not being the Selina he knows against me?" Julie asked.
"I'm not sure," Xander admitted. "If he has any religious or personal objections against clones, he may, but then that means he wouldn't help us anyway, so it wouldn't affect our goal."
"I was asking for personal reasons," Julie replied. "His opinion... means a lot to me for some reason."
"From what I understand of his character, there is very little chance he'll hold your origins against you. The most likely response is that he'll accept you as a relative of Selina and base his opinion of you on your own actions," Xander assured her.
"Thanks," Julie said, looking relieved.
They waited patiently until the gate opened a few minutes later revealing an aged Alfred Pennyworth, leaning on his cane.
"Good Morning Sir and Madame," Alfred greeted them politely. "This sounded like a story that was best discussed in person. I have some tea ready on the veranda, if you'd like to have a cup while we chat."
"Thank you Alfred, that would be lovely," Julie said, smiling a bit brighter.
Alfred walked easily, rarely putting any weight on his cane as he led them around the side of the manor and through the garden.
"I'm not normally one for tea, but this smells great," Xander said as they approached the black iron table on which sat a sterling silver tea set and a plate of cookies.
"You have a very keen nose, Sir," Alfred noted.
"It's a recent development," Xander replied.
"Part of Miss Kyles's tale?" Alfred asked curiously, as Xander pulled out Julie's chair and they sat down and he poured the tea.
"Part of my story, which connects to her story," Xander replied. "I should probably start out at the beginning. It all started when I fell for a girl... "
Half an hour later...
"... and here we are," Julie concluded.
"That's quite the tale," Alfred said, sipping at his tea. "If not for some of the things I've seen in Master Wayne's employ, I would write it all off as a fever dream."
"I'd have said a realistic series of nightmares mixed with teenage dreams myself," Xander offered.
"So you came here to seek Master Bruce's help?" Alfred asked.
"Not at all, I come here to seek yours," Xander replied. "Have you ever wondered how mass murderers like the Joker manage to survive accidents that should see them dead a thousand times over? Or why not once has one of his victim's family members arranged a little accident with a corrupt warden?"
"He does seem unusually resistant to a variety of toxins and calibers," Alfred noted quietly.
"Is Barbara Gordon still Batgirl or did she become Oracle already?" Xander asked.
"She suffered an accident last year," Alfred allowed, admitting nothing.
"Bruce caught the Joker and snapped his neck, but the next day the Joker was in Arkham and Bruce probably had no memory of having killed him," Xander said.
"Just nightmares of events that did not occur," Alfred said grimly.
Xander had little doubt that Alfred was the one who Bruce talked about his nightmare with. "The Joker was trying to break Gordon, but failed. However it was Bruce who found himself laughing with the Joker before he snapped his neck."
"Yes," Alfred said quietly. "And your solution?"
"A tiger ripped out Two-Face's throat last night, and I replaced him with a clone. The clone is marginally saner, and I managed to give him one order that he agreed to obey. He'll concentrate on making money not committing murders now."
"That would be an improvement," Alfred agreed. "How may I help?"
"We don't have the skills to take down people like the Joker, leaving them alive enough to clone and then vanishing the body," Xander admitted.
"It would do me good to stretch my legs a bit," Alfred agreed with a small smile.
"I was planning on cloning you," Xander explained.
"Even better," Alfred said, "having my grandson take over my duties here would allow me to take the time off to make sure the job was done properly."
Xander and Julie exchanged glances but didn't say anything.
"I'm going to retrieve a change of clothes before you clone me, as it would be unseemly to have him parade around the Manor naked," Alfred said climbing to his feet. "I would suggest you both eat a slice of fruit cake while I am gone."
"Not a big fan of fruitcake," Xander said with a shrug.
"For health reasons, I really must insist," Alfred said.
The pair quickly followed his orders and ate the cake.
"You put the antidote in the fruit cake?" Julie guessed.
"No, the antidote was on the handle of your tea cup and the back of your chair," he replied. "The poison was in the fruit cake."
"I think you got the order of things backwards," Xander said, wondering why Alfred would give them the antidote before poisoning them.
"Well, I am getting on in years," Alfred said with a trace of amusement. "I'll be right back."
"That was-" Xander said as he turned to Julie and saw that she was as white as a ghost. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"He didn't get the order wrong at all," she whispered. "People train to detect poisons or make themselves immune to them, and they develop technology or spells to make sure of it."
"And?" Xander asked, not seeing the problem.
"No one does that with antidotes!" she hissed. "And if you ask any doctor, they'll tell you that the antidotes can be every bit as deadly and no one in the world carries around deadly poisons to save themselves from the antidote to it!"
"That's mildly terrifying," Xander admitted, "but it's in line with what I told you about him."
"I thought you were exaggerating!" she growled. "I mean, none of my memories show him as dangerous at all!"
"Of course not, he isn't that clumsy," Xander replied. "Why did you think I wanted him if he wasn't as dangerous as I thought?"
"He has access to Wayne Tech gear and all of Batman's files," she replied. "Those would help if you were wrong about the rest."
Xander grinned for a moment and then frowned. "How did he know I was enough of a gentleman to pull out your chair?"
"Do you want to ask him?" Julie replied.
"Nah ... I'm scared enough, thanks." Xander shook his head.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Buffy looked around 'her' room. Amy and Susan said her Builder-self had designed it and she believed it. The only things that seemed off were all things that related to Building.
Walking over to the crafting table she saw it was filled with not just blueprints for buildings, but clothing designs as well, and all hand written. She wasn't sure why there were hand written notes and blueprints when Builder powers handled everything, but this recreation even had her handwriting on them.
"Wow," Buffy said in wonder as she ran her fingers over a blueprint for a dress that was not only more regal than the one she'd worn for Halloween, but also came with hidden weapons that almost made her drool.
Turning away she spotted her enormous bed with its obsidian headboard that had shelves to put things on and a couple of lights built-in, in case she wanted to read in bed. Giving into a childish impulse she ran over to the bed and leapt into the air... and painfully belly flopped onto a surprisingly hard surface. "Ow," Buffy groaned, glad no one else was there to see that as the bed undulated under her and she realized it was a waterbed.
Rolling onto her back, she waited for the stinging to stop. Spying a TV remote on the headboard she pulled it down and looked around for the TV it connected to. Not finding one, she hit the power and saw a screen flicker on directly over her head. What she'd thought was a mirror over her bed was actually a TV, a huge TV. She saw listings for various things, some of which she doubted were being broadcast or at least knowingly broadcast.
"Vacation videos," she read out loud, causing the TV to show a listing of videos available even though she hadn't pushed a button on the remote. "Journeyman graduation celebration," she read around curiously and was gratified to see the video she'd chosen come on. That gratification turned to surprise as she saw herself on screen in a tailored jumpsuit with a tool belt filled with tools, stylishly designed tools.
She continued watching, enraptured by the joyous smile her doppelganger wore, a joy she hadn't felt since becoming the slayer. As Builder versions of Xander and Willow joined her on the screen she reconsidered that thought, as there were a few times when they had stood by her, despite the danger, that had touched her deeply.
On the screen, Xander and Willow started touching her Builder-self and clothes started vanishing in explosions of sparks that caused her jaw to drop.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"You are officially a Builder now, right?" Cordelia asked Willow.
"Got my tools and everything," Willow said proudly, reaching down to stroke her tool belt.
"Good, because although I have a decent sized wardrobe for one, it's a bit small for three. Would you mind scanning and copying some clothes for me?"
"I need to deconstruct a bunch of clothes first, so I'll have the right material or something close to it, but I could use the experience," Willow said, excited at the thought of using her powers to actually make something that people would use.
"Words cannot convey how grateful I am," Cordelia said solemnly. "We can hit up thrift stores for retro patterns and a cheap source of material for you to destroy. Then we can hit the high end shops to get you the latest patterns."
"Did someone mention clothes?" Harmony asked, taking a seat beside Willow.
"Where did you come from?" Cordelia asked.
"I was asleep behind the wet bar," Harmony replied. "I went to get a drink while we were watching Xander, and ... the carpet is really comfortable."
Cordelia looked at the screen which was showing a couple of figures in a deep fog with no sound. "What are you watching now?"
"Xander," Willow replied. "We get a clean shot every once in a while, but it keeps losing his signal. Probably because the DNA sample isn't fresh anymore."
"So you've been sitting here staring at the screen?" Cordelia asked.
"Being turned into a Builder has made sleep optional," Willow explained. "It'll be a week or so until I learn how to sleep again, so I was doing a magic exercise I read in a book."
"Why are you still up?" Harmony asked Cordelia.
"We just got back from Jo and my sisters have gone to bed, but the fact that we had to buy them pajamas and toiletries made me realize how little they actually have," Cordelia admitted. "I have no problem sharing with them, but it's gotta be a blow to their ego to have so little. Heck, I had dad's accountant move my trust fund out of the long term investments he'd stuck it in and back into the original account Grandpa set up so I'd have more money on hand."
"What happened to the shallow bitch I used to know and hate?" Willow exclaimed in shock, turning bright red as she realized what she'd said, while Harmony fell over laughing and Cordelia looked a bit amused.
"Some people made me face reality and grow up," Cordelia replied. "Besides, since they are me, then looking out for them can still be considered selfish, right?"
"Maybe a little," Willow said. "Sorry for calling you a bitch."
"I'm still a selfish bitch, just not such a shallow one anymore and the list of people I'm selfish for is longer," Cordelia assured her.
"Stop making me like you!" Willow ordered. "You guys are supposed to be mean and evil, not... understandable and likeable!"
"I'll be mean!" Cordelia volunteered.
"I'll be evil!" Harmony added.
"And I'll be lickable!" Susan added as she came into the room with Amy.
"Ditto," Amy added.
"Here to watch Xander with us?" Harmony asked.
"Nope, we're here to use the viewer to pick a place to start construction," Amy said.
"Will I still be able to watch Xander?" Willow asked.
"No, our universes are desynching," Susan explained. "So we'll lose the signal soon."
"Desynching?" Harmony asked.
"It's running at a different time rate," Amy explained. "The most we'll get is a snapshot or two until we synch up again in a week, and we can just have the viewer save those to file so we can look at them later."
"So what are you using the viewer for?" Harmony asked.
"We're going to use it to locate where to build our evil Disneyland," Susan explained.
"It won't be as good as it would have been with Buffy and Xander helping, but it should be fun!" Amy said excitedly.
"Evil Disneyland just sounds redundant," Cordelia said.
"Fire it up and let's see what it can do," Harmony said.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Done something with your hair?" Batman asked as a much younger Alfred came in, carrying his lunch.
"Very droll, Sir," the clone of Alfred replied, quite happy with his thick head of hair.
"Lazarus Pit?" Bruce guessed, as he removed his cowl to eat.
"Mr. Al-Ghul has not visited the manor nor has he been rude enough to send any of his servants to do so in some time, Sir," Clone-Alfred replied.
"Spontaneously developed mutation that reversed your aging? Discovered the Holy Grail in a yard sale? Created a Philosophers' Stone in your spare time?" Bruce joked.
"No, No, and the Philosophers' Stone only speeds healing, it does not make one younger, Sir," Clone-Alfred replied.
"Do I want to know ... No, I'm not going to ask," Bruce decided.
"Very good, Sir," Alfred replied. "You have an appointment this afternoon with a manicurist followed by a shopping spree."
"How much should I spend to make it believable and memorable?" Bruce asked.
"At least a hundred thousand dollars, Sir, and might I suggest spending part of that at the local thrift stores? They could use the business and it would encourage others to frequent such charitable shops," Clone-Alfred explained.
"I'll make it a point to do so," Bruce agreed.
"And sir?" Clone-Alfred asked as he stepped back into the elevator.
"Yes, Alfred?"
"Keep an eye out for any simple wooden cups, because you never know," Clone-Alfred said as the doors closed, preventing Bruce from replying.
Batman shook his head and chuckled, the last bit of doubt about whether or not that was Alfred melting away.
Typed By – Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith
TN: I gotta be honest guys, the delay on this one was all my bad. Exams suck, in general, yes, but when they're also the final semester ones after which you'll get your degree? Much worse. Just glad that's over. Cheers to freedom and finally relaxing. Yey!