Chapter 9

Roll your eyes at the tough bits

Roll your eyes at the tough bits,

Try to change but do nothing.

I won't sleep if it's your bed,

Stay up, talk with me instead.

Roll Ur Eyes, Ceres

James slipped into the hall practically unnoticed. The Sorting Ceremony was already over and the feast had begun, meaning people were talking and James was able to not draw attention to himself. The other three Marauders were sitting near the top of the table, so James had to limp all the way up along the table to reach them. He tried his best to hide it, and for the most part nobody paid attention, but as he passed Lily Evans and her group, he saw her watching him with hawk eyes, paying particular attention to his right leg. He ignored her, and reached his friends, taking a seat next to Peter.

"McGonagall give you hell?" Remus, who was across from James, asked, smirking.

"Took 100 points off me," Sirius began, groaning. "And I'll be getting detentions."

"So Gryffindor are starting off with minus 100 points?" Peter asked, aghast.

"Minus 80," Sirius corrected. "Evans got 20 points for stopping the fight."

"Minus 30," James said. "She gave me 50 points."

Sirius gaped. "What for?"

"For trying to stop the fight, you git," James replied, getting kind of annoyed.

"That's hardly fair! I get docked 100 points, and you're given 50! We were both involved in the fight."

"Yeah, but you punched Avery, while I protected us from a Crucio Curse with my Shield Charm," James pointed out, irritated.

Sensing that James was getting annoyed with him, Sirius asked Remus and Peter about the rest of their journey, leaving James to eat in peace. He chewed slowly on a piece of roast chicken, staring down at his plate, thinking. Sensing eyes on him, he glanced up to find Lily Evans staring at him with a thoughtful expression on her face. James offered her a half smile, too distracted to be bothered by her curiosity. The fact that Avery had used the Crucio Curse with the intent to hurt either him or Sirius had not passed James, and it worried him a lot.

James didn't eat a lot for dinner, finding himself to be not as hungry as usual. After dinner, he walked slowly out of the hall, Peter kindly offering his shoulder as a crutch of sorts. "Sorry Wormy," James apologised quietly.

"It's alright, I don't mind," Peter said cheerfully.

"Any more news from holidays?" James asked. "I'm so jealous you went to Italy."

Peter opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, he was interrupted by Lily Evans. "Sorry Peter, I was wondering if I could talk to Potter for a minute?"

"I'll tell you later," Peter said with a smile, clapping James on the shoulder.

Knowing that Lily would probably notice, but not caring anyway, James transferred most of his weight to his left leg, even though the Healers had told him not to do that too often, as his left leg would become sore with the extra weight. "What's up Evans?" he asked, attempting a smile.

"What the hell was that on the train?" she asked, all politeness out the window.

"Excuse me?"

"I thought that after last year, you'd have a bit more sense, maybe get into less fights. But you've gotten into one before the term has even started!"

"No offence Evans, but you weren't there, you didn't see what went on."

"It doesn't matter what they said or whatever, but you didn't have to retaliate," Lily replied.

James narrowed his eyes. "That's not what I was getting at. I wasn't fighting."

Lily scoffed. "Come off it Potter. I found you on the floor, with your wand out-"

"With a shield up," James interrupted. "I was trying to stop the fight, when Avery threw an Unforgivable Curse my way. So I put up a Shield Charm, but I wasn't fighting."

Lily stared at him, mouth agape. "He did what?" she whispered.

"He attempted to use the Cruciatus Curse on me," James repeated, bolder now, because he was angry too.

Lily's hand covered her mouth as she stared at him for a moment, before snapping back to herself. "If he doesn't get expelled, I swear to Merlin I will kill him myself."

James laughed, but it came out slightly bitter. "McGonagall said she was going to have a stern talk with him about the future at this school."

"Is that why the Slytherins are on minus 200 points?"

James nodded. "100 each. Sirius got the same treatment."

"And you?"

"McGonagall gave me 50 points for trying to stop the fight."

"Right. And I suppose it was you who told that Hufflepuff to get me?" James nodded again. "Okay. Okay. Right. Well, I'm sorry for giving out to you before I knew all the facts," Lily said, staring down at the floor."

"Ah it's alright Evans," James replied, raising a shoulder and dropping it again. "Now I need to get back to the tower so I can toss Sirius out the window."

Lily laughed, and fell into step with James. She glanced over at him as they walked in silence, before speaking up. "You can, er-" she cleared her throat. "You can lean on me if you need to," she offered.

"You sure?" he asked. Lily nodded, so James put his right arm on her left shoulder, trying not to dig in too much.

"What happened to you?" she asked curiously.

"I twisted my knee or something, when I fell," he lied. "It should be grand soon."

Lily nodded, and they walked in silence for another minute. "You can put your full weight on me, if you need to," she said.

"Are you sure? I'm heavier than I look," James warned.

"You may be tall, but you're as skinny as a bean pole," Lily teased, digging her elbow into his side.

"Hey! Watch it Evans," he replied, swatting her hand away.

"Sorry Potter," she said, not sounding very sorry at all. "But seriously, lean on me properly."

"Alright," James said, doing so. Immediately, he sighed in relief, as it took the pressure away from his left leg. "Thanks Evans."

"No problem."

It was in companionable silence that they made their way back to the tower.

When they reached the Common Room, they split off, James once again thanking Lily for letting him use her as a crutch. He limped up the steps to his dorm, opening the door and collapsing onto his bed.

"Where were you?" Remus asked, amused, obviously knowing from Peter where he had been.

"I was with Lily," James replied, determined not to rise to the bait.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Oh? What were you two talking about?"

"Well, she started by giving me a right ear full for fighting with Avery and Snape," James replied, growing angry with Sirius.

Sirius gaped. "The nerve!"

"Yeah," James said, glaring at Sirius. "It was you she should've been giving out to."

"What? I didn't use an Unforgivable Curse on Avery or Snape! It's them she should've been ripping into."

"You punched Avery!" James pointed out on disbelief. "You could've ignored them and not let them get a rise out of you, but instead you punched Avery!" He was standing now.

Sirius scoffed. "Like you haven't wanted to punch Avery!"

"Of course I've wanted to punch Avery!" James was verging on shouting now. "But I haven't!"

"You punched Snape in Third Year!"

"And I regret that," James responded. "Plus it was over two years ago."

"You only regret that because Lily got mad at you for it."

James's jaw tensed. "I regret that because it was the wrong thing to do. I regret a lot of things that I've done. You, of all people, know this."

"Well, what was I supposed to do, let them say that crap about Remus?"

"Yes! I know it was awful and I don't agree with them at all, but if Remus can keep his head about it, then so can you. They only said it to get a reaction from you, and they got what they wanted. They are going to keep saying awful stuff about us, or you, or your family if they think it's going to get you to react. They'll get bored if you just ignore them. If you react, or fight with them, it's you who's going to get into the most trouble."

Neither of them said anything, before Sirius spoke up quietly. "I don't like it."

James sighed, tired. "I don't either. But if you ever need something to remind you not to react, just remember that any letters on your misbehaviour will be sent to Mum and Dad now instead."

Sirius stiffened. "I hadn't thought of that."

James smiled a little sadly. "It'll be fine. Sort it out with McGonagall tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied, smiling back.

James flopped back onto his bed, stretching out his leg. Remus and Peter, who had been awkwardly putting away their clothes, sat down on their own beds. "Is your leg okay James?" Peter asked worriedly.

James shrugged. "It'll be fine. It just hurts because I fell. And because I wasn't using my cane today."

"You should use it tomorrow," Sirius told him.

"I should, but I probably won't," James laughed.

"Did you tell Lily that you weren't involved with the fight?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. I told her that I had only pulled out my wand to cast a Shield Charm because Avery attempted to use the Cruciatus Curse."

"What did she say to that?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Said that if Avery didn't get expelled, she'd murder him herself."

The other boys laughed. "I have a half-mind to myself," Sirius muttered. James raised an eyebrow at him, causing Sirius to lift his hands in surrender. "I know, I know. I won't actually, but Merlin, would I love to."

"Surely something is going to happen to him?" Peter asked anxiously.

"McGonagall said they're going to have a 'serious talk about his future at the school'," James replied, "which I seriously hope means he gets expelled, but..." he trailed off, shrugging.

"He better," Sirius said darkly.

"Will you get my cane from my trunk, one of you?" James asked from his bed, "I'm too lazy to get up." That wasn't the real reason, of course, but no one mentioned that as Peter dug through James's trunk to pull it out. "Thanks Pete, you're a star," James said, sitting up. Using the cane, he pulled himself up off the bed. James hauled himself into the bathroom for a quick shower to ease his muscles. He brushed his teeth and changed into his pyjamas, staring down at his scars for a few seconds. He then exited the bathroom and did his physio stretches, while the others dutifully ignored him.

James then threw himself onto his bed, and burrowed under the covers, in an attempt to trick his mind into falling asleep. It didn't work. Often, he found his body to be worn out and his mind racing at a million miles an hour, and it seemed like this night would follow that pattern.

He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Avery had used the Cruciatus Curse. James wasn't naive- he knew they were at the beginning of a war. He had been at Diagon Alley, he had gotten injured at Diagon Alley, by a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake. But Avery was only James's age; he was still in school. And he had used, or attempted to use, the Cruciatus Curse. Instead of falling asleep, James's mind repeated this in various different ways, and tones, and words.

James rolled over again, sure that if he got comfortable, he would eventually fall asleep, while also knowing that it never worked like that. His right leg felt so worn out it ached, and his backside was also kind of sore from when he had fallen, and his eyes were straining to stay open, and yet his mind ran in circles.

That night, his brain replayed scenes from the attack in Diagon Alley, and James saw that silver flash of light on loop. He finally fell into a fitful sleep, waking sporadically during the night, one time from a flare of pain so bad, he bit the end of his tongue to stop from screaming and waking the others. But he was safe.