Dallas, Texas
"Oh, believe me, it's a terrifying thought at first, being responsible for a whole new little life, but once you actually start, it's the most wonderful, rewarding experience. Isn't it Sue Ellen?" looking up from stirring her tea as she heard Miss Ellie say her name, Sue Ellen couldn't help but feel a little tinge of annoyance at her mother-in-law.
"Yes, it's all of that and more. I'd recommend it, one day, when you're ready". She was happy to be a wife and a mother but she'd had years to get used to her life, Pam on the other hand had only just married Bobby, surely it wasn't so difficult to understand that marriage was all she wanted at the moment, especially since she'd said as much. Why then they needed to continue talking about children was a mystery to her.
"I believe you, and you're right, now just isn't the time", answering her, Pam didn't elaborate on what she meant, but she knew from countless other discussions the family had had. Naturally, she loved John Ross, but she wasn't longing for another baby just yet and she could perfectly understand why Pam didn't feel that need either. The time would come one day, but there was no need to rush it, not for Bobby and Pam and not for the family, there was no pressure on Pam to produce the heir, John Ross Ewing III, and there was no great need to balance a grandson with a granddaughter, because they already had Lucy. More children would be nice, one day, but there was absolutely no need to insist that day came as soon as possible, and in turn, there was no need to continue raising the topic when it clearly made Pam uncomfortable.
"That's understandable, you're newlyweds, you should be away on honeymoon now", apparently taking the hint that Pam wasn't interested in talking about babies again, Miss Ellie changed the subject, this time eliciting a wistful smile from Pam, making a change from her neutral, unimpressed expression a few moments ago.
"That would be nice but I don't think it's going to happen", answering, her tone that said more than her words, she genuinely sounded as if she didn't believe it would be possible, though why exactly she felt that way, she didn't say.
"Would you like a honeymoon?" asking for clarification from Pam, this time Sue Ellen didn't have a problem with Miss Ellie's questions.
"Well, yes, but I think New Orleans counted as our honeymoon", shrugging, Pam's naivety about her new status showed. She didn't seem to grasp that she was a Ewing now, she could ask for what she wanted and have it. Someone would have to talk to Bobby about taking the initiative when it came to the big things like vacations, cars, houses and charge accounts but Pam had a few things to learn about her own abilities in her marriage.
"It doesn't have to be that way. I think Ewing Oil could manage without Bobby for a week. I'll talk to Jock", making a suggestion in good faith, Miss Ellie's comments unintentionally hit Sue Ellen hard. While she supported Bobby and Pam taking a honeymoon, it was the ease with which Miss Ellie commented Bobby could take time off that got her. It wasn't easy for JR to take time away from the office because he was the vice president, whereas Ewing Oil could do without Bobby ordinarily because he just wasn't that important to the day-to-day running of the business, however, it was going to annoy JR if he took off so close to his final day of work. She hadn't considered the timing before, Bobby might have even had a honeymoon planned for after he finished at Ewing Oil, she didn't know, none of them did, but organising one for right now perhaps wasn't as good an idea as it sounded.
"You don't have to", cautious in her response, it seemed clear to Sue Ellen that Pam wasn't sure about any interference from her in-laws in her marriage. Asking permission to do otherwise independent activities was completely foreign to her and she wasn't about to start now with Jock.
"Nonsense. You've repeatedly said your life has been completely turned upside down, why not get away from all of that for a few days. You're not working anymore, it's the perfect time", latching onto the idea, Miss Ellie was insistent, giving Pam little room for autonomy.
"Maybe", not elaborating, Pam's tone indicated to Sue Ellen she was still hesitant, though it didn't seem to faze her new mother-in-law.
"I'll mention it to Jock and make sure he understands", patting Pam on the hand, Miss Ellie closed the topic for discussion; Bobby and Pam would take a honeymoon, she'd make sure of it.
Sensing the finality of Miss Ellie's comments, Pam gave in, nodding and answering, "thank you", leaving it at that.
Seeing the sliding door opening, Sue Ellen turned her attention away from the conversation and toward Teresa as she approached their table by the pool, her sister-in-law and mother-in-law following as they heard the footsteps and noticed her inattention.
"Mrs Ewing, a phone call", acknowledging the three of them with a polite smile, Teresa's words were unlikely deliberately vague, however, as they were all Ewing wives, vague was exactly what her comments were.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Ellie", catching her mistake, Teresa quickly corrected herself.
Thanking Teresa, Miss Ellie nodded and excused herself, leaving Sue Ellen alone with Pam.
Sipping her tea, Pam didn't speak for a short while after Miss Ellie's departure, but when she did finally break the silence, it wasn't to fill the space between them with small talk. "Is it always like this? Constant talk about what you should and shouldn't be doing?"
Considering Pam's question, Sue Ellen answered honestly, even if that answer wasn't particularly helpful, "yes and no". Being married to a Ewing came with strings attached, over time though she and JR had managed to lengthen the strings to gain some independence.
Setting her teacup down, Pam was honest in her answer too, "it's exhausting. I've gone from thinking about how what I do and say affects four other people to how it affects half of Dallas it seems".
"That's marriage to a Ewing for you, everyone has an opinion. You'll get used to it and figure out who really matters soon enough", empathising, Sue Ellen understood where Pam was coming from, though she was realistic too. Any marriage involved listening to a new set of opinions, it was generally unavoidable, that knowledge probably didn't make the transition any easier though.
"It's before that that worries me. I already feel stretched as it is. Between worrying about my daddy, worrying about myself, trying to maintain my relationship with Bobby, and keeping Jock and Miss Ellie out of every aspect of my personal life, I'm at my limit", spilling her feelings, Pam appeared more worried than she ought to be as far as Sue Ellen was concerned. She had stressors in her life, but she wasn't completely powerless.
"Which is exactly why you should take the honeymoon Miss Ellie is suggesting. Bobby's finishing at Ewing Oil soon, take some time away, it sounds like you need it", encouraging Pam, she subtly included her opinion as to when they should take their honeymoon but consciously stayed away from telling her what to do with her life beyond that.
"Where did you and JR honeymoon?" sounding like she was coming around to the idea that her own honeymoon was possible, Pam asked a question Sue Ellen had no problem answering with honesty and enthusiasm.
"The Virgin Islands, it was wonderful, truly wonderful, the time alone together time together allowed us to do things we would have never been able to here in Dallas, and we returned with a depth of knowledge that we didn't have before". Reminiscing, a wave of nostalgia washed over her; she didn't dislike where she was now, not at all, but the early days of her marriage held a special place in her heart.
"It sounds lovely", meeting her eye, Pam's expression indicated they were on the same page when it came to getting to know their husbands and the importance of building a relationship that could stand on its own.
"It was. The worst part was definitely the trip home, back to real life", looking away, suddenly her nostalgia wasn't all positive.
"Your life isn't bad", reversing their roles, this time it was Pam who offered a realistic, undramatic perspective.
"No, it's really not, but a vacation is something else. Time away from the office, from family obligations, your side and his, and from the atmosphere here, it's worth a lot", clarifying her comments, Sue Ellen meant what she said, everything was less complicated when she and JR were alone, away from everyone and everything and she was sure it was the same for most couples. Family, work and general adult responsibilities were frequent distractions in the routine of daily life and sometimes a difference in scenery was really a welcome change.
"You're right, I don't know why I'm fighting the idea", admitting nothing about a honeymoon sounded bad, Pam seemed to realise that there were some things worth keeping her distance from but every once in a while it was just fine to embrace the perks of her new situation.
"Neither do I", concurring, Sue Ellen smirked causing Pam to laugh, likely having realised she was getting herself worked up about nothing. There were plenty of things to complain about but a honeymoon was not one of them.
Enjoying the lighter moment, Sue Ellen thought things were changing, moving towards a more positive path, however, when Pam opened her mouth again a few moments later, it was clear that they weren't over the hurdle of serious discussion just yet.
"So, what's the worst part of being a Ewing?" it was a simple question to ask, but one she had to consider. She liked being a Ewing, she had chosen JR, knew his family well before any engagement and knew what she was getting into as far as being a Ewing when she married him, that didn't mean everything was easy to stomach as it came at her though.
"You're experiencing it. The expectation of compliance. I'm used to it, I was raised to be compliant, especially where my husband is concerned, I think you might have a little more trouble than I did. I pushed back on little issues and one bigger issue, you're pushing back on the entire lifestyle", considering Pam's conflicts so far, she didn't think her assessment was unfair. She didn't have a problem with being a wealthy housewife, void of housewifely duties, free to do whatever she wanted within reason, however, Pam didn't seem to want to be a wife outside of being in a relationship with Bobby.
"I think you're right, I am, but can you blame me? For one, I have no plans to keep doing this for the rest of my life", agreeing with her comments, Pam didn't stay on her side for too long after that, instead waving her hand from the tea and platter of light refreshments toward the house, making a comment that seemed to indicate their mid-afternoon relaxation was frivolous and boring.
Frowning, she found it hard to not be personally offended, they had skipped the DOA meeting because it hadn't sounded like Pam really wanted to go, however, it didn't sound like she really appreciated what they were spending their time doing either. She did try hard to consider it from Pam's perspective too though, tea on the patio was a perfectly fine way to spend an afternoon, but when she was used to doing a whole lot more with her time perhaps it seemed lazy, wasteful and boring.
"You know, there is a balance to be found. I wouldn't want to do what you're proposing, finding a job and losing the freedom I have now, however, I can understand your wanting to do something with your time. I've only just reached a point where I don't wake up and wonder what I'm going to do all day". Trying her best to answer Pam diplomatically, she avoided arguing that it was disrespectful to insinuate what she did was superficial or worthless and instead focused on showing she understood their difference in opinion.
"It makes me happy to hear that, it's a change from where you were not too long ago if I'm remembering correctly", answering, Pam either didn't notice or ignored her disappointment in her earlier judgement, instead complimenting her on her achievement, no matter how minor it was in the grand scheme of things, or even in relation to her situation.
"It is. I'm not exactly pushing the boundaries with what I do and where I go like you suggested, but I'm not nearly as lonely as I once was either". Admitting she hadn't really changed all that much about her life, she didn't have a job like Pam had suggested and she was still involved in the same activities she'd always been, regardless of whether she clicked with the other women there, she also alluded to her blossoming friendship with Jenna, without actually saying as much. Jenna wasn't a secret, she just didn't think it was her place to try and explain who Jenna was and how it had come to be that they now knew each other.
"Good", smiling, Pam accepted her answer, offering no further comment on the situation.
Taking a drink, Sue Ellen embraced the silence between them for a few moments before her thoughts got the better of her and she spoke aloud again because just had to say something. "Can I offer you some advice?"
"Go ahead", nodding, Pam waited for her to continue.
"I know I just mentioned that the expectation of compliance was unpleasant to deal with, however, I've always found it's more difficult to deal with the consequences when you appear to be completely noncompliant. If you really plan on doing what you feel is right for you, whether that's getting another job or avoiding the possibility of a baby for now, just do it silently, it'll make your life a lot easier. Learn to smile and nod, make vague comments about the future without any timeline, act as if you're doing whatever you're doing now as something of a hobby, even if it's not". Recommending a few things to make Pam's life easier, she knew it would also make her own life easier if everyone was content at Southfork.
"So, lie?" taking from her comment that her real self wasn't the right self and she should hide that version of herself, Pam seemed sceptical.
"No, don't lie as such, just don't be so forthcoming with the truth in circumstances where the truth is more likely to cause long discussions you want no part of than it is to put a stop to them". Explaining herself, she didn't think it was that difficult to understand, women often told men what they wanted to hear without meaning it, her advice just extended that behaviour to everyone.
"Is that your expert opinion?" smirking, Pam no longer looked sceptical and instead seemed fascinated by her instructions.
"Yes, based on personal experience. I'll let you in on a little secret, as far as the rest of the family is concerned, JR and I could announce a second pregnancy any day now, but as far as JR and I are concerned, the topic of a second pregnancy isn't even really on our minds and it won't be until after John Ross' birthday. My point is, it would be a big discussion if we let the family know what our every thought was and since we value our peace and quiet, we just keep things on a need to know basis. Occasionally I'll use it to my advantage with Jock, it's hard to get him to approve JR's leave sometimes, but other than in those instances, I don't bring it up and if anyone else does it's a polite but very brief conversation". Giving a real example of her own personal struggles with outside expectations not matching her own wishes, she hoped Pam would see she wasn't alone in her experience thus far and that there was an easier way to go about living her life than defending herself all the time.
"So I should just nod and smile when Jock or Miss Ellie mention my future as the mother of a future Ewing grandchild?" repeating her point back to her, Pam seemed to get what she was saying, though whether she agreed was still questionable.
"Yes. Nod, smile, enjoy your marriage and keep the details about your future family between you and Bobby. Miss Ellie is fairly receptive to delays, Jock is a little more pushy, but if he does push, make it his problem, not yours; remind him that his hovering is time taken away from the alone time you and Bobby could otherwise be enjoying". Understanding exactly how it could be, she detailed how to deal with that, or at least how she dealt with it.
Listening, Pam didn't say anything in response for a few moments, but when she did, it wasn't what Sue Ellen had expected to hear. "If only it was that simple. A baby is the last thing I need right now, but it's not the only problem in my life and the rest of the problems are bigger than a nod and a smile can fix. Bobby and I have so much to find out about each other, my relationship with my daddy is a mess, I feel like I still have more to give with my days than shopping and lunches, and I can't even be sure we'll be in Dallas long enough to get any of it done".
Hearing Pam's confession, she didn't know what to think; on one level she felt bad for her sister-in-law, but on another level it was as if she was making a big deal out of nothing. She didn't have to get a job and she didn't have to spend her time doing what anyone else wanted her to do, she had the freedom to go and get whatever she needed to done and still be home in time for dinner with the family and retiring early to their bedroom with Bobby. Thinking it, she decided to tell Pam how she felt, to bring some perspective to the situation; it wasn't hopeless, even if she felt it was.
"You know Pam, I think it's much simpler than you make it out to be. Really, what you have is too many tasks you've given yourself, not a shortage of time. Believe me, you're Mrs Ewing now, all you have is time. You don't need to work for a living, you want to, which is fine I suppose, but if it's that stressful to think about finding the time to do that and have time for Bobby then perhaps wait a while. As for your relationship with your father, it might sound harsh, but if he can't deal with your choices then maybe it's time to stop making it your problem. I did it with my mother and I've never been happier". Telling Pam how she felt, she could tell she had her attention until she made her final point, criticising her relationship with her daddy wasn't something Pam appreciated if her facial expression was any indication.
"Sue Ellen, I mean this respectfully, but I don't think you really understand. You might have grown up with less than this, but you were raised to do everything you're doing now and you're happy with it, that's where we differ. I'm not saying your devotion to being JR's wife and John Ross' mother is a bad thing, it's just not something I plan to emulate. I love Bobby, but he's not my entire life and I don't want to lose my family because I got married, I don't want to lose my identity either. I might be Pamela Ewing now, but that doesn't erase my life as Pamela Barnes". Answering her comments defensively, Pam pointed out a flaw that would always plague her as long as she kept thinking that way. She couldn't have marriage both ways, she couldn't only partially commit to Bobby and desperately trying to maintain everything about her old life, she had to learn to adapt and that was something she was going to have to learn on her own, because she certainly wasn't ready to hear that advice from anyone else.
"Perhaps you're right, maybe I don't understand. I love being a wife, I love being a mother, and I love the life I'm afforded as a Ewing. I can think of one and only one thing I would have liked to retain from my life before marriage and that's my social life, but that has nothing to do with my personal identity", retorting, she kept her comments applicable to her own life rather than Pam's, further emphasising the differences in their perspectives. She could complain about things as much as the next person, but Pam took things to another level, criticising certain things about her life simply because they were too Ewing for her Barnes taste, neglecting the fact that she was a Ewing now too.
"Exactly, which is part of the reason why I say you don't understand, you want all of what you have, I just want Bobby and for everything to be as it was before", confirming her unrealistic expectations, Pam's tone indicated she really believed she could have what she wanted, if only everyone would just leave her and Bobby to it.
"It's not as it was before though and it never will be again", not going into detail, Sue Ellen was sure Pam had to acknowledge that things couldn't return to how they were simply because everyone knew of their relationship now and that meant everyone had an opinion.
"No", looking down at the table, Pam finally seemed to acknowledge the sad truth. Unfortunately, before they had a chance to discuss it further that part of their conversation came to a close as Miss Ellie walked out of the house back toward their table, John Ross toddling at her side, awake from his nap and ready to be out in the world again.
Standing, Sue Ellen met her mother-in-law and son by the pool, scooping John Ross up and returning to the table as Miss Ellie explained the phone call she'd been pulled away for. "Ladies, that was Linda Bradley, she was calling to say they missed us at the DOA meeting today, they were especially looking forward to meeting you Pamela. I hope you don't mind, but I've reassured her you'll show your face in the future. I know you'll be looking forward to your honeymoon now and after that you'll be looking for another job, but I'm sure you'll be able to spare an afternoon to attend a meeting".
Making eye contact with Pam as they listened to Miss Ellie, Sue Ellen noted that she seemed to have no problem implementing the smile, nod and answer politely, without argument, approach when it came to smaller things when she said, "I'm sure I can make something work", despite having made it clear earlier she wasn't particularly interested in joining.
"Good, everyone's very much looking forward to meeting Bobby's wife, there's a lot of curiosity surrounding your addition to our family", genuinely pleased by the news, Miss Ellie was oblivious to any ongoing issues between her daughters-in-law and as far as they were concerned it would stay that way.
"I imagine there is, the DOA isn't a group I was aware of before I married Bobby", reminding Miss Ellie that she was equally as clueless about the DOA as they were her, Pam continued to smile, playing the obliging daughter-in-law even if she didn't feel like it.
"Oh, you'll enjoy it, it's a social club just as much as a charitable group, isn't it Sue Ellen?" looking for her support, Miss Ellie's comments didn't quite ring true to Sue Ellen, though she didn't say that. In her experience, the DOA was a nice idea in principle but in reality what meetings often felt like were social gatherings for kind older ladies like Miss Ellie and snarky mean-spirited women like Marilee Stone without much in between.
"Mm, yes, you won't be short of ladies to talk to", smiling diplomatically, she shot Pam a look as if to say they'd talk later.
"No, it doesn't sound like I will", answering, Pam's eye contact told her they would certainly talk later. She would let Pam decide how she felt about the group when she'd been to a meeting, but she could already tell that if she wasn't keen on being a Ewing wife, being a DOA lady wasn't going to be her thing either. Miss Ellie didn't have to know any of that though. They would go, Pam would meet everyone and then she would politely excuse herself from further meetings, the same way she did most of the time. There were certain sacrifices one had to make for the sake of politeness and Pam was just going to have to learn that.
To be continued…