Dallas, Texas

Setting her coffee cup down on the table in Liz Craig's office, Pam levelled with her former co-worker and if all went well, new boss. "The way I see it, I have three options. I can stay home and play house, bored to tears by the social isolation being a young Mrs Ewing seems to bring with it; I can have a baby for the sake of giving me something to occupy the long days; or I can do what I really want to do, what I'm really good at, I can work". Explaining herself, she imagined Liz would understand; they'd started out on the shop floor together and Liz had managed to climb the ladder and make a career for herself, one that had yet to be slowed down by social responsibilities or a man's wishes.

"Who'd have thought marrying rich was such a drag? Make sure you remind the rest of us working girls of that next time one of us says yes to an eligible bachelor. A date's all good fun, but settling down is out of the question", smirking, Liz made light of her situation, reminding her of where she'd been not long ago, accepting dates with men of all types, some wealthy, others less so, but never with the intention of more than a good time. Things with Bobby had happened so quickly that it was hard to believe sometimes it had even happened, but it had, and she was Mrs Ewing now, but she didn't intend to let that stop her from doing what she wanted to do.

"I know you're joking, but I have to say, marriage is not a drag, Bobby is wonderful and if it was just the two of us it would be an amazing life, but it's not and the lifestyle itself is not something I think I'll ever get used to. Once you've lived with real responsibilities and consequences it's hard to adapt to a much slower pace where the good things are so abundant that it all seems a bit pointless and wasteful", defending her choice to marry Bobby, she was also critical of the lifestyle he was so happy for them to participate in.

Her perspective was potentially distorted by her upbringing, knowing that everything the Ewing family had was built on Jock Ewing's betrayal of her daddy, but she didn't think it was just that; working for her money had taught her a lot that Bobby would never understand and one of those things was the value of a dollar, a single dollar. When dinner meant a full three-course meal, shopping meant charging everything to a bottomless account, and a tropical vacation could be planned in a day, it was probably hard for anyone in her new life to comprehend just how little most people got by on comparatively and she wasn't ready to join them in that sheltered world.

"That I can understand, capability and productivity are assets, not liabilities in our lives", agreeing with her, Liz confirmed what she already knew, which was nice to hear after considering she might not belong anywhere anymore.

"I'm glad I'm not completely alone in feeling that way", laughing, it felt good to be able to say what she wanted to say without thinking too much about how they'd react, because she surely couldn't say what she really felt to Sue Ellen, Bobby, Miss Ellie or even Cliff, without somebody correcting her on her own perspective.

"The job doesn't pay the same as being Mrs Ewing does", warning her not to expect too much, Liz's comments were unnecessary, she remembered exactly what retail was like and wasn't expecting anything more than what she'd settled for previously.

"That's perfect. Mrs Ewing has the same amount of money either way", brushing the salary off as unimportant as it really was now that she and Bobby were married and he insisted on being the provider in their relationship, she assumed he couldn't get upset about her working if her income made little difference to their joint account balance.

"It's fulltime, that's not going to cause problems is it?" pushing her to think about what she would be getting herself into if she was to return to work, Liz had reason to ask, but no reason to worry.

"Liz, I either work forty hours a week or I sit around Southfork looking for things to do. There are only so many cups of tea I can have with Sue Ellen or DOA meetings I can pretend to be interested in before it sends me over the edge, I can feel it already and I've only been married a few weeks. I am desperate for something to do, something productive to fill my time with". Confessing how she felt, her feelings were completely valid as far as she was concerned, she had been to a DOA meeting earlier and had no interest in going back, and as much as she liked Sue Ellen, she couldn't do as she did and entertain herself with lunches, shopping and her son, not all day, every day.

It was all so empty when she looked closer at it, she could only buy and wear so many clothes, there were only so many decent restaurants to try out, only so many times she could make small talk, and as much as everyone else seemed to think otherwise, only so much time she could spend cooing over John Ross. Everything was nice in moderation but too much of a good thing meant nothing was special anymore and nothing really mattered and she didn't want to get to that point with things she enjoyed doing. She wanted to feel like her personal time was valuable, like her days were productive, and like she was more than just Mrs Ewing.

"Your sister-in-law doesn't feel the same way?" picking up on her mention of Sue Ellen, Liz enquired about their differences, having previously been told that Sue Ellen was the closest thing to someone with a shared experience that she had.

"Let's just say she deals with it better than I might, but focusing solely on being Mrs Ewing does no one any favours". Thinking about everything Sue Ellen had told her about her life and everything she had observed herself it seemed that Sue Ellen could benefit from having more to do with her time and more of an identity than being JR Ewing's wife and John Ross' mother. The sad thing was, Sue Ellen seemed to know that about herself and seemed to be trying to build a life for herself, but everything she did was planned and controlled, she wasn't a risk-taker, she stayed firmly in the areas she was most comfortable in and made JR most comfortable.

"Out of interest, what does she do all day?" probing further, Liz asked the question many women in their position likely had about women like Sue Ellen.

"I hate to say it, but not a lot, which is why I need to find something for myself before I get into any sort of empty routine. She has a baby, but she also has a baby nurse, she volunteers, but she isn't friends with anyone she volunteers with, she admits she has no interest in the DOA, but she hasn't got her own social group to fall back on instead, and who she does have is no one I wish to associate myself with. Sue Ellen is lovely, but she's desperately lonely and is terrified of stepping out of her privileged lifestyle to try something new and potentially more interesting and fulfilling. I can't live like her; I can't spend all day waiting for Bobby to come home, hoping that one day soon I'll have a baby to occupy a little of my time and take away some of the boredom that takes over when he's not around. I have friends and I intend to keep them, and being spontaneously available at 2.00pm on a Tuesday is not a requirement for those friendships. I want to work, I want to feel useful and like I'm doing something productive with my time". Saying it all out loud, she felt a bit bad criticising Sue Ellen because she really did like her, but the fact was, she couldn't be like her, she wasn't made to be a wife, a mother, and nothing else, she'd established her own identity a long time ago and wasn't going to give that up without a fight.

Listening to her thoughts, Liz nodded sympathetically throughout, seemingly understanding of her plight, though when she spoke she addressed the one thing she hadn't touched on, "how does Bobby feel about this?"

"He doesn't like it, but it's not his time we're talking about here, it's mine", shrugging off Bobby's opinion, she knew it probably sounded cold and unfeeling, but she also knew he'd eventually get over it. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do with his life, right to the point of ignoring her protests about his upcoming enrolment in grad school in the fall; the very least he could do was allow her to spend her time away from him doing something she actually wanted to do. She loved him, but she couldn't and didn't want to wake up every morning having only her love for him to hold onto, to get her through the day.

"Why am I not surprised he doesn't like the idea", looking at her with mock scepticism, Liz's comments reminded her that Bobby's perspective wasn't unique, nor was her own, they just didn't necessarily match up with each other. Bobby, like many men, wanted to provide, and she, like many women, didn't need him to; they could disagree and still love each other, and they did.

"It's just so unexpected isn't it?" laughing at her own sarcasm, she paused for a moment as she thought about it a little deeper and then responded with a more serious comment. "To be honest he'd rather I worked on becoming a mother, but I know that's not what's right for us yet, everything is so new and so unsettled right now, a baby is the last thing we need. I need stability, I want stability, and a job is the perfect place to start to put down roots to create stability".

"Pam, the job is yours if you want it", nodding sympathetically, Liz seemed to understand the depth of her desperation and waited no longer to tell her what she wanted to hear.

"Oh I do, thank you", thrilled, her mood immediately improved. No longer was she directionless, now she had purpose and that felt wonderful.

"I don't want it to come between you and Bobby", cautiously reminding her that a job was not worth her marriage, Liz's concerns were nothing she was too worried about; Bobby was hesitant but he wasn't repressive.

"I handle Bobby", smiling encouragingly, she said nothing more. Soon enough Bobby would be able to see things the way she did, that this was the right thing for her and for them.

"Well then, welcome aboard", accepting her word, Liz did the only thing left to do, stood, smiled and held her hand out to shake to seal the deal.

To be continued…