Dallas, Texas
"You don't even like Pamela and you're happy for them, why can't I feel that same happiness?" looking and sounding like she was on the verge of tears, Sue Ellen's mood didn't surprise JR much but that didn't mean he wasn't concerned. The evening had started well, she'd almost seemed like she was enjoying being with the family again, that is, until his little brother and new sister-in-law had made their announcement, then she'd become silent and withdrawn. Now that they were home, safely alone in their own living room, it had taken a little bit of coaxing but she was finally ready to talk, not that it seemed to be helping much.
"Darlin'…" empathetic to her position, he was cautious about saying too much, he didn't want to upset her any more than she already was.
"I know, that makes me sound incredibly selfish", misinterpreting him, Sue Ellen assumed he'd been reprimanding her for thinking about her own feelings rather than Bobby and Pam's, which he most certainly hadn't been. It probably wasn't proper to feel less than excited about a new baby in the family, he certainly wouldn't have been happy to hear Bobby or Pam had felt that way had he and Sue Ellen gotten to the point where they could announce the same news, however, in the present circumstances, he understood where his wife was coming from.
"It makes you human; you're allowed to find it upsetting that they're happy about something that so recently had a tragic ending for you", doing his best to reassure her, he couldn't honestly say talking about their situation again didn't weigh on his mind. Everything had happened so quickly with her accident and miscarriage that his concern had been mostly for her, not for the baby he'd found out about and lost all in the same breath, but constantly dwelling on the situation the way she did did make him think and at times did make him sad. For that reason, he could empathise with her feelings about Bobby and Pam's news. He would have preferred Bobby had children with someone other than that Barnes woman, but even if it hadn't been Pam and had been someone more suitable for Bobby, someone like Jenna, the timing of the announcement wasn't great.
"I want to be happy for them, but it's not fair, Pam was like me, she didn't even want children anytime soon, but she's having one now and she seems happy and she's healthy and everything's going fine. I wish I had her luck, so much I wish I was still pregnant, that I was happy with the outcome of events and that everything was just fine, but that's not how things are and it upsets me", appearing drained, she physically leaned on him as she reflected on her emotions. Acknowledging again that she couldn't be sure that she would have been happy with the news of a pregnancy at the time she was recently pregnant, she made it clear that she no longer felt that way, and it wasn't very hard to infer that she was in fact a little bit envious of her sister-in-law.
"I know, and I know it's going to hurt for a while, but you know that pain will lessen, don't you?" leading her to sit down with him on the couch, he did his best to comfort her, listening to her and reassuring her that things would improve. Her feelings weren't surprising to him, he'd been even more attentive to her than usual over the past month and he knew how her mind was perceiving things, however, he hadn't been prepared for the news Bobby and his wife had announced suddenly earlier and clearly neither had Sue Ellen, so her regression, though not predictable, was understandable.
"I do, when we have another baby", shaking, she returned to a position he thought they'd moved on from weeks ago, one he simply couldn't get behind. If she wanted to have another baby in the future then that was fine by him, it was also fine by him if they never had any more children, they had John Ross and he was very happy being his daddy. He'd been happy with how things had been before the accident and he knew Sue Ellen had been too, so in his mind it was just her heartache talking when she insisted that a second child would fix things and it was dangerous to make such a life changing decision based on that heartache.
"Or just with time, whichever comes first", aware that this was not the first painful event she'd experienced in her life, he was sure she would eventually move past it the way she had other things. She'd managed to feel happy and fulfilled after her father left, after she lost the Miss America pageant, after struggling with conceiving, after struggling with her place in her new life and their marriage, and after finding out about his infidelity, so as painful as the miscarriage was now, it was not the end of the world.
"In the meantime, how do I cope?" looking at him through tear-filled eyes, she really sounded as if she was struggling to cope, which was worrying. It had been a month since her accident, he didn't expect her to feel as if everything was back to normal, but he had assumed the pain was a little less raw than in the days following but it sounded like it wasn't.
"You just keep moving forward. You hold onto John Ross tightly, offer a hand of friendship to Pam when you feel comfortable, and confide in me or the doc, or even Jenna, when you don't feel comfortable", really trying to sound reassuring, he wasn't sure how he sounded anymore. Sue Ellen was the only person he'd ever been this emotionally close with and he really felt it at times; he could only say what he thought would help but he had no prior experience to pull that advice from so he was sure at times he missed the mark completely.
"I hope Pam doesn't feel uncomfortable around me", murmuring a comment about their sister-in-law, he wasn't sure what she was getting at, or why. The timing of Pam's announcement was terrible, she still had weeks before anything became even remotely noticeable, so she could have waited until Sue Ellen felt better to tell everyone the news, but what was done was done and Pam was not someone he cared to spend more time than necessary discussing and he didn't think Sue Ellen should either.
"Don't worry about Pam", completely unconcerned about Bobby's wife's feelings, he willed Sue Ellen to care a little less too. It was nice of her to think of someone else in the situation for a change, but right now, worrying about someone else's wellbeing when her own was on such shaky ground was not helpful.
Nodding as she listened to him, she blinked back tears a few more times before eventually succumbing to her emotions. Pulling her into him, holding her close and stroking her hair, he hated to see her cry, but at least he knew how to comfort her when she was.
To be continued…