Dallas, Texas

"So, we'll have a barbecue here at Southfork, with a petting zoo, horses and a magician for the children", sitting outside on the patio, Sue Ellen listened as Miss Ellie reiterated the plan for John Ross' birthday party. They were running a little behind schedule thanks to the events of the last few weeks, but she finally felt up to planning a celebration and with Miss Ellie's help the nine days they had until the party would be plenty of time to organise everything, and if not, they'd have to deal with it, they'd already posted the invitations.

"I think that sounds good, John Ross will love it", knowing her son, she believed what she said, he liked animals, he liked attention, he had a few little friends from the play group they sporadically attended together, and if nothing else, she knew he liked cake.

"Yes, unlike his daddy he loves horses", making a joke, Miss Ellie referred to JR's aversion to ranching.

Unable to argue that JR actually enjoyed being around animals, but still defensive of her husband, she was quick to argue a different point, one that no could disagree with; "I think even JR is excited, after all, everyone around town knows I'm his wife, but it's not every day that he gets to show off his son".

"Ewing men are proud", stating a fact, Miss Ellie sounded proud herself.

"With reason too, it's the most amazing feeling holding a child in your arms and knowing they're literally part you. For a man like JR, showing his son to all of his associates is a special moment", knowing her husband, she knew herself too and what it meant to her to have a child of her own, especially now.

"I understand, I have three sons", touching her hand, Miss Ellie's comment was one of a mother.

There were times when she was less than complimentary about her mother-in-law's parenting choices, but at the heart of it, Miss Ellie was human, she loved and was loved, she gave her sons what she could, not equally, but she tried. As far as understanding what it meant to hold a baby of her own, to show off her child to friends and acquaintances with pride, she could relate, she'd done it not once but three times, four if they counted Lucy.

"I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that I have one child, because I do have one child and he's everything", attempting to think more positively about the recent changes in her life, she was finding it easier to do with every day that passed.

"I'm happy to hear you say that. How are you coping?" sounding pleasantly surprised that she'd approached the subject at all, Miss Ellie used the opportunity to ask her how she was. They'd spoken at length about her feelings in the early days of her recovery and then eased off as time passed, slowly dwindling to not mentioning her miscarriage at all until she brought it up, which she just had.

"It's difficult, but I'm getting there; like I said, John Ross really does help. I think it took me a while to realise that I longed to hold a baby of my own in my arms for a very long time and now I have John Ross, so whatever sadness I felt before, I need to put that in perspective. I'll never get to hold the baby of my second pregnancy, but I'm not emptyhanded". Reflecting on the situation, she answered Miss Ellie. It was painful, but it was becoming less painful. John Ross was here with her now; she had never neglected to love him and had been content with having just him. The thoughts of needing the love of a second baby to complete her had been very real, but they were also a consequence of her miscarriage and a lot of what had happened in the days and weeks following that had been the result of grief. She could and did go back and forth on whether she wanted a second child but one thing that was always constant was her love for John Ross, she wanted him, she had him, and that wasn't going to change.

"That's a very honest perspective", squeezing her hand, Miss Ellie offered no opinion of her own, just a friendly ear, which she appreciated.

"I didn't believe that it would get easier with time, but it does", admitting that her emotions had clouded her judgement; she was glad that she had come out the other side and could see them for what they were now.

"I know", offering her a sympathetic smile, Miss Ellie's comments surprised her. In all the conversations they'd had after her miscarriage she'd never gotten the impression that her mother-in-law had personal experience with what she was going through, until now.

"Miss Ellie, did you…?" curious, she approached the subject without thinking through whether her mother-in-law would actually want to discuss her experience with loss and without thinking through the consequences of her question if she didn't want to discuss it.

"Not in the same way you did, but Gary…" shaking her head no, Miss Ellie sounded distant as she answered the question.

"Oh, I'm sorry", having never met Gary but knowing of the general reason for his absence from Southfork, she didn't know what to say other than offering her sympathies.

"Thank you. Like you said, it gets easier, plus, we have Lucy", smiling weakly, Miss Ellie appeared saddened by the discussion, though her words attempted to improve the mood between the two of them.

"Sometimes Lucy has enough spirit for two people", going along with her mother-in-law's comments, she offered one of her own, telling the truth. Lucy was young and excitable and while she understood social cues and acted accordingly when she needed to, most of the time her enthusiasm for life was evident and sometimes it was exactly what was needed around Southfork.

"That she does. She might have some competition soon though", letting out a genuine laugh, Miss Ellie concurred, though she surprised her with her additional thoughts.

"Competition?" confused, she asked what she meant. The only thing running through her mind was that Miss Ellie was referring to Pamela's pregnancy in that Lucy had the spirit of two people but with a younger cousin and another one on the way, she might soon be outnumbered, though surely she didn't intend for the cousins to compete the way their fathers had.

"Yes. John Ross is a quiet little thing, so was JR when he was younger, but look at him now", chuckling, Miss Ellie clarified her thoughts, indicating that she meant competition in a less serious sense.

"Mm, like father, like son", nodding, she smiled weakly, uneasy about the word 'competition' being used in relation to parenting considering how she and JR had been raised, though she didn't verbally object because she understood that intentions mattered and in this case, Miss Ellie didn't seem to have bad intentions.

"Exactly", smiling warmly, Miss Ellie appeared to associate only good things with the phrase, which she could get behind when it came to JR and John Ross, but as far as Jock and JR went, she wasn't so sure about. That was a discussion for another day though, as was any potential competition between cousins, especially the young cousins. She and Miss Ellie had barely discussed Pam's condition since the announcement and she wished for it to stay that way for a little longer too, because although she was feeling better about her own circumstances, her brother-in-law and sister-in-law's circumstances were still a bit of a sore spot for her.

To be continued…