Dallas, Texas

Finishing buttoning John Ross' pyjamas, Pam lifted him from the changing table and attempted to carry him over to the rocking chair, though with how squirmy he was it wasn't easy for her. Hearing John Ross begin to whimper, she panicked and called out to Sue Ellen for support.

"You're tense and it's making him nervous, just relax", offering her an explanation from her spot by the door to the Southfork nursery, Sue Ellen's words did nothing to comfort her, nor her son.

Holding John Ross tightly as he fought to escape from her arms, she felt defeated, "I'm tense because he's wriggling and upset".

Approaching them, Sue Ellen relieved her of her task, scooping her son into her arms, bouncing him a couple of times and then kissing the top of his head, seemingly instantly calming him.

"What…?" shocked by the change, she was mostly just confused as to how her sister-in-law had silenced her son. Naturally the boy loved his mother and was used to her, so he preferred her, but surely the way she had handled him hadn't been so bad, had it?

"Go out, take a breath and come back in", smiling friendlily, Sue Ellen made what sounded to her like a logical suggestion; stepping outside might not actually calm her, but she could try to make it work.

Walking out into the hall, she closed the nursery door behind her quietly, leaned back against the cool wood and closed her eyes. Thus far, the most difficult part of being pregnant was definitely the range of emotions that came with her condition; physically she was doing just fine and couldn't complain, but emotionally she felt like everything was heightened. Logically it seemed like a good idea to start learning how to perform basic parenting tasks, things like changing, dressing, feeding and soothing a real, live child, but emotionally the lack of success she had had with looking after any of John Ross' needs was beginning to get to her.

Standing in the hall, she knew she couldn't avoid the present situation forever though, so after a few moments to herself, she returned to the nursery, opening her arms to receive John Ross again and clarifying with Sue Ellen that the last thing to do before putting him down to sleep was read him a bedtime story.

Holding onto her nephew, this time without strong resistance, she sat down in the rocking chair and pulled a book from the basket on the floor, opening it to reveal the colourful drawings of fish and other sea creatures. Repositioning John Ross on her lap so he could see the pictures, she turned the pages and read the story aloud to him, noting his warm body relaxing into hers, his little chest rising and falling with each breath as she spoke. Finishing the story, she put the book back in the basket and delicately picked him up to carry him over to his crib, laying him down and backing toward the door. Surprised that he tracked her movements with his eyes, she hesitated at the door, wondering whether there was something she had missed, because he wasn't asleep, but she couldn't think of anything and he didn't seem distressed, so she left things as they were.

"Ok?" stepping into the hallway, she met Sue Ellen's eye as she closed the door behind her, feeling more confident about the question than she has previously.

"I think so, he liked the book", unsure whether he'd just been calmer or whether her effort to remain calmer was what had ensured there was less fuss the second time she'd held him, she purposely didn't take credit for settling John Ross.

Smiling, Sue Ellen nodded and agreed with her assessment, "it's one of his favourites; he'll even try to talk along with you when he's not so tired".

Curious about how tired he actually was considering he wasn't asleep, she showed her inexperience in her question to her sister-in-law, "he did look tired, but he's not asleep. I just laid him down, I wasn't supposed to rock him to sleep or give him a bottle before bed was I?"

Shaking her head, Sue Ellen reassured her that she hadn't done anything wrong, "no, we only rocked him to sleep when he was much younger, after a while the baby nurse recommended we leave him to put himself to sleep, which he does. As for taking a bottle, he's weaned which means he doesn't take a bottle at all anymore".

Laughing awkwardly, she confessed how little she felt like she knew, "I feel so naïve, I thought you always gave babies a bottle and rocked them to sleep". Having only old memories of her cousin Jimmy as a baby to go by, she had known that in joining Sue Ellen to help care for John Ross she was in for a learning experience, but she hadn't quite expected it to be as great as it was.

"Don't feel naïve, I don't think any of us are really ready for children, I certainly wasn't. I wanted one, desperately, but I had to learn everything, and you will too", sounding sincere, Sue Ellen's experience was encouraging because from what she had observed she was a good mother to her son; as far as her comments about desperately wanting a baby though, that was where they differed.

"There's a lot to learn", more worried about feeling emotionally ready to become a mother than her ability to physically perform the tasks required of her, she didn't go as far as to explain those thoughts. Considering the way she'd panicked just a few minutes ago trying to settle John Ross, she wasn't sure Sue Ellen would have believed her anyway.

"You'll have a lot of help, but some of it also comes naturally and you develop as you go along. John Ross didn't come out able to walk, talk or eat the way he does now, he grew into those things. You have time, you get a newborn before you get a toddler, remember that", making sense, Sue Ellen's words reassured her that at the very least she wasn't alone.

"I'll try, thank you", still uneasy about becoming a mother, she did at least feel a little better after talking to Sue Ellen and for now, at this point in her pregnancy, that was all she could ask for.

"Did you feel anything when you held John Ross?" changing the topic slightly, Sue Ellen asked a question that felt like it assumed a lot about her. Her sister-in-law knew she hadn't wanted a baby so soon after getting married, but she sounded like she expected the answer to be different now, now that she was pregnant and now that she could see some of her future in the little boy sleeping behind the closed door.

"You know, I did. It was overwhelming, but it was nice, sort of like holding a puppy", telling her only the most positive of her feelings, because she did have some, she made a comparison that made sense in her head but she didn't realise sounded a little off until Sue Ellen laughed aloud in response.

"I'll just ignore that you compared my son to a dog and assume you meant because they're cute and a little bit restless", raising an eyebrow, Sue Ellen gave her the benefit of the doubt that she hadn't meant it in a derogatory manner.

"I'm sorry, yes, that's what I meant", embarrassed about how her comments had sounded, she apologised. John Ross was a hot, wriggly little thing but he was also very cute and that did endear him to her, much like a puppy, but she thought the less explaining she did of the comparison now, the better.

"Sure. Come on, let's go back downstairs", smirking, Sue Ellen waved her down the hall, indicating that she was less offended and more amused.

"Back to another family gathering", making an off-the-cuff remark, she let her true feelings show again, because as far as understanding what she was experiencing being a new Ewing wife, Sue Ellen was exactly the person who could relate to her.

"You mean you don't enjoy the abundance of Ewing time?" playing it straight, Sue Ellen shook her head in disbelief, which for a second threw her, making her wonder whether she'd been wrong about them sharing an experience, that is, until her smirk broke through again.

Giving her sister-in-law a look, she said nothing, only following the direction she had indicated; Sue Ellen understood her perfectly, they didn't need to discuss it at length.

To be continued…