Dallas, Texas

"So…" slowing as they neared the rear fence line of her and JR's property, Sue Ellen turned to Jenna as she broke the natural silence riding brought upon them, expecting her friend to mention something sentimental about the ranch land that used to belong to her family, but instead receiving a joking question. "The next time we're out and you tell me you can smell fish from across the room, will you believe me when I say I think you're pregnant?"

Giggling, she nodded, "yes, I will", admitting that although she'd not wanted to believe it at the time, Jenna had been correct in her assumption the last time she'd made it.

"I guess you're hoping that time comes again soon?" Digging deeper into the conversation they'd had earlier in the afternoon, Jenna's question bordered on obvious and meaningless, however there was something about the way she asked it that indicated she had an opinion she was inching her way closer to expressing, one she wanted to get a feel of the atmosphere between them for before she expressed it.

"Well, we're seeing what happens, it's meant to be an enjoyable experience, so I'm trying not to think too hard about it, but yes, I'd like another baby sooner rather than later", answering honestly, she assumed Jenna would understand what she was thinking. They'd had many cups of tea over the past couple of months where she'd explained her changing feelings and when she'd told her earlier in the day that JR had agreed to see how things developed, Jenna hadn't appeared surprised at all.

"Better you than me", sounding completely serious, Jenna's comments made her think.

"You don't want any more children?" curious, she didn't find it difficult to understand why a woman wouldn't want more children, she'd been there herself, but she did wonder what Jenna's reasons for feeling that way were.

"Well, I'll never say never but Charlie is enough for me at the moment", answering the question, Jenna didn't elaborate on why she felt the way she did.

"And Richard?" fishing for more information, she moved around the issue, enquiring about Jenna's relationship of convenience with Richard.

"If Richard wants children with me he's never said so", seemingly uninterested in what Richard thought at all, Jenna's nonchalance towards the subject no longer surprised her.

"It sounds like you two are suited to each other", assessing the situation, she thought that they were exactly suited to each other in that regard, Richard was a good twenty-five years older than Jenna and if he didn't have children yet, perhaps that was deliberate.

"It works", looking over at her, Jenna shrugged as best she could while maintaining optimal riding posture.

"Well enough that you think you'll ever get married?" really just being nosy now, she didn't see much harm in asking, Jenna was pretty open with her about things anyway.

"Well enough, but I don't see myself marrying anyone again soon, not unless Bobby suddenly becomes available again", reminding her that she'd already been married and divorced, it was the second part of Jenna's comment that really piqued her interest.

"You still love Bobby?" believing love was a very strong word to use, she questioned Jenna's true feelings. She'd personally thought she'd loved Clint but only after meeting JR had she realised what being in love felt like, and although she'd once left JR because of his infidelity, she couldn't imagine living a life away from him and she couldn't understand how if Jenna loved Bobby she could leave him and not return for years.

"I think I'll always love Bobby. He's is the best man I've ever had in my life and it was a mistake not to marry him, especially since I was married so soon after I left him anyway, to a man so unlike him and so much less worthy of my love and affection", speaking with the experience of a failed marriage, Jenna's regret was evident. What was less evident though was why she felt she should have married Bobby. It was hard to deny Bobby was a lovely man and a wonderful husband, but she couldn't tell whether Jenna loved him or loved the idea of him, especially in comparison to her ex-husband, a man who was clearly part of the reason why she was so disillusioned with the idea of marriage.

"Bobby isn't the only good man out there", having done her fair share of dating before she'd met JR, she had a fairly good idea of what men were out there and while they hadn't all been her type, they hadn't all been bad either.

"I know", agreeing, Jenna once again avoided elaborating on what she meant by what she said.

"So…?" confused, she prompted Jenna to continue.

"So, why are we talking about this? I'm happy with Richard", redirecting the discussion, Jenna sounded more hurt than annoyed, making her wonder whether perhaps she did truly still love him, despite everything that had happened between them.

"But if Bobby asked you, you'd say yes?" well aware that Bobby was happily married to Pam now and there was almost no chance that he'd be asking Jenna any such question, she entertained the idea anyway, just out of interest.

"Probably. I can admit when I made a mistake, and leaving Bobby was a mistake", honest, Jenna didn't pretend that it was about to happen, just that if it were to happen she'd not make the same mistake again.

"If you hadn't left Bobby you wouldn't have Charlie", reminding Jenna of the very real, very wonderful consequence of naively running away from a good relationship, she was incredibly surprised when Jenna didn't immediately smile, instead looking pensive and almost a little sad.

"No, I wouldn't, but seeing as Charlie is about the only good thing that came from my marriage, sometimes I have to wonder…" shaking her head, Jenna did eventually smile, though the sadness in her eyes remained as she trailed off.

"Wonder what?" truly intrigued now, she pressed Jenna for an answer. She couldn't fathom wishing she didn't have John Ross and she didn't think Jenna felt that way about Charlie either, but if that's not what she meant then she wasn't sure what she did mean.

Lifting her hand slightly but not too much as to lose control of her reins, Jenna physically and verbally brushed off her question, "oh nothing, you wouldn't understand".

"Try me", not willing to just let it go, she pushed again.

Smoothly turning the corner as they reached the rear fence, Jenna hesitated for a second before answering her persistent questioning, "well, you had JR, the family, a baby nurse, all the support you'd ever need or want, all the things I was supposed to have, but didn't. I did everything by myself and that took its toll on me".

Realising they'd had two very different experiences of motherhood thus far, she still didn't quite understand what Jenna was getting at. She felt for Jenna, being a mother was challenging for her and she was privileged in her circumstances, so she could imagine just how difficult it had to be for someone who had less resources than she did; what she couldn't get her head around was the idea that there was any question of whether it was all worth it.

"What are you saying?" hoping she was misunderstanding Jenna, she asked her again to explain her thoughts.

"Nothing new. I love Charlie and I'd hate to lose her, but I'm in no hurry to start over again, especially not alone", clarifying that she did indeed love and want her daughter, she reiterated that her experience had not been easy and that had coloured her view of the future.

"I understand, I would be lost without the support I have", understanding now what Jenna meant, that motherhood was difficult and facing the challenges without being in a strong socioeconomic situation didn't appeal to her, she also understood why Jenna thought Bobby was the man for her.

"You never have to worry about losing that support", saying few words, the words she did say said a lot. Jenna wasn't stupid, she knew what was what, she knew she was in a precarious position; where Richard was convenient and likely not permanent, Bobby was comfortable and she'd jump at the chance to make things permanent between them.

"No, I don't", considering herself very lucky, she agreed that even if things were to go south between her and JR, she'd always be taken care of. Jenna didn't have any guarantees in her life though, she was at the mercy of the men in her life and while Richard wasn't a bad choice, he was no Bobby. Whether or not she could actually have Bobby wasn't the point, in her mind he was the ideal man, the one she'd stupidly let go, the one who'd moved on too quickly for her, and the one she compared everyone else to. Pam had what she wanted and it was difficult to move forward and see a future with someone else when she was watching what she thought should have been her life unfolding in front of her.

"Count yourself lucky", shooting her a sly smile, Jenna's mood appeared to change in an instant, and when she muttered something about clearing her head and then picked up their pace again, it became quite clear that for now, she was sick of talking about their domestic and romantic lives and would be happier focusing on their present situation, riding.

To be continued…