It had been a long day, ending a long week and a shitty month in general.
The fire was cleansing and all evidence of the body was gone.
Bloody Rift.
I had left the scene of the clean up last, as always and knew I had clipped the bloody gate on the way out but it was too fucking cold and wet to get out and check.
My trembling subsides by the time I get home.
The engine rumbles as I get out assessing the damage, and I discover it's a headlight.
Relieved it's an easy fix I turn off the ignition and head toward my apartment.
The grocery bags are heavy in my arms and let myself in.
White vapour escapes my mouth when I get inside, and I drop my keys to take the five steps to check the heat pump.
I plop down on the couch. Somehow I have to replace my headlight before I leave for London tomorrow. Tears fill my eyes when I remember who always used to deal with things like this for me.
I pick up my cell phone to call Jack.
No.
I need to stay strong, so I get up for a hot drink instead.
Combining leftover coffee and sweet liqueur, I microwave something to warm me.
But when I finish it by the fire, I realize all I've done is diminish my willpower, and I call Jack.
A groggy voice answers, "Hello?"
"Hey." Soot from ashes is acidic in my mouth as I chew on my thumbnail.
"Ianto?" He sounds as unsure as I feel.
"Yeah," I say. "I need your help."
His voice is suddenly alert. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Uh-huh." I sniff and swallow to tamp down my loneliness. "I did something to my car.
I think it's only a headlight, but... would you come over?"
Yeah, I'm lame. It's not like this is an emergency, but now that I have him on the phone, I want more.
There's a long silence, and I'm about to tell him to forget it, when he says, "I have to go to London in the morning."
I jump in before he can say more. "You can start here. I'll make you coffee and breakfast."
I'm not above begging, and I hear myself whine. "We can travel together? Please? My car is damaged."
He doesn't reply, but there's rustling in the background. "Jack?"
He sighs, and his voice is resigned when he says, "I'm coming. Be there in a bit."
Pacing my apartment, I wait for him.
Not that there is much to pace. I count fifteen steps and turn around.
But it's all mine. The main floor is open, with a back room where I sleep. I placed my bed so that the loft's triangle-shaped window that frames a view of the bay. It allows me to gaze at the stars on a clear night, and it's not uncommon to see a shooting star. I've made my share of wishes, but unfortunately they aren't coming true.
My stomach grumbles, and I remember a banana, a few stolen French fries, and alcohol. A wave of nausea passes through me. I need food. Foil rustles as I grab a granola bar out of my packed box of dry goods, and I open the fridge to more glaring white than anything else.
Working in the hub feeds me well most days, so there isn't much need for food at home. I pop the top of a diet cola and let the cool fizz soothe my tongue as I hop up on my tiny counter.
I gulp down more soda and let the carbonation burn my throat. I need more alcohol. I reach around to the freezer and pull out the chilled vodka to pour a hefty amount in the can. I think I'll be hung-over tomorrow, but right now I don't care.
Jack will want to drive anyway, I can sleep it off on the way to the debrief with UNIT.
Snow from the storm beats against my kitchen window.
The storm is supposed to last through tomorrow, and I shiver.
Blustery wind and snow swirling make for low visibility. A blast of snow splats against the glass and makes me jump.
Maybe we won't leave tomorrow after all.
Neither of us can travel in a blizzard.
Lights flash, and a loud thud sounds before Jack come up my driveway. Peering out the window over the couch, I notice headlights shine on my car.
Jack gets out and bends down to inspect the damage I caused. His jeans are tight across his butt, and my body reacts with the familiar tingle of desire for him. I fidget with a button on my shirt as he walks toward the door. Cold air blows in when I open it before he can, and the chill seems to stoke my fire.
Icy wool is cold in my hand as I grab his coat and tug him inside.
Shoving the door shut, I push him up against it. Jack stiffens in surprise. Before he can speak, I pull his head down and kiss him.
Hard.
I thrust my tongue into his mouth as if I can't taste enough of him. His flannel shirt is soft on my palms as I slide my hands into his open jacket to strip it off his shoulders. Jack moans into my mouth as he relaxes.
When he darts his tongue into my mouth, I pull away.
"You're beautiful," Jack says. His eyes are heavy as he gazes at me, yet he doesn't reach for me. Suddenly it's awkward that I'm standing here he watches. I lean in and kiss him again. Finally, his hands move to my hips of his own accord as his kiss gets deeper.
My hands slide up the smooth skin of his back, and goose bumps rise under my fingers. He sinks down on top of me with a moan and starts to kiss my neck. His hardness presses against my thigh. Anticipation twitches through me as I wait for him to move lower, but he doesn't. Instead, he rises up to kiss my mouth again.
Sweet Jesus, this is frustrating.
I yank at his shirt and the button pop as I tear open the buttons. I peel it off him and pull him close. The sensation of skin against skin sends a shiver through me.
His desire presses against me, but it's waning?
I lift my thigh to press against it, and I'm sure. I'm about to explode, and he's losing steam.
His voice is husky. "Ianto?"
Putting my finger to my lips, I say, "Sh. Don't talk."
I grab the waistband of his jeans, and the floor is cold and hard under my knees when I drop down. His erection strains against denim, making me grin when I glance up at him.
The zipper made a ripping noise when I pull it down, and I return my gaze to discover he's not wearing underwear.
Hot.
Silky skin is smooth under my fingers when I grip his cock for a quick stroke before I yank his jeans down to drag my tongue up his hardness.
A groan rumbles through Jack's body.
I grab his hips and pull him deep into my mouth. My senses are intoxicated with the musky woodland scent of him, and I place my hands in the hollows of his butt to grip hard so I can suck him the way he likes.
Desire makes me tremble for this man, and he sways a little as I give him pleasure.
I push away and stand up.
Jack opens his mouth to speak, and I shake my head as I lick my lips. Plastic buttons are slippery in my fingers as I work on removing my shirt. It has the effect I was going for, because Jack scrambles to take off his boots as he watches me.
Stepping back, I fling the shirt onto the couch. His eyes are full of lust, and I quickly add my singlet to the pile.
It lands with a soft huff of air.
The carpet is cool under my feet as I move toward the bedroom.
I strip off my jeans as I walk.
I turn toward him.
Jack's eyes are big, and I guess he noticed I'm not wearing undies either. A deep, throaty sound escapes as he shakes his head.
When he pulls off his shirt, I gaze at the hard planes of his chest that are emphasized by the dim light. I motion at him to follow me, and his breath is warm on my neck.
Then Jack is on the bed, crawling over me. As he rises up on his knees, I push his head between my legs, and his hair tickles my tender skin.
His mouth is right at home, and I let out a small noise of appreciation. Ripples of pleasure spread through my core, and it isn't long before I'm about to climax.
Trembling, I grab a condom from the top of my bureau and lie back on the bed.
Jack gazes down at me with a smouldering look I know well.
The foil package rips, and I order, "Hard and fast."
Jack doesn't break my gaze as he thrusts into me, and I cry out at the abrupt pleasure.
He pumps quickly, bringing us both to the edge. Waves of ecstasy course through me as he drives deep, as if he wants more. But I don't have more to give. His body tenses, and I know he's almost there. The muscles in his groin are hard on my hand as I push him away.
Jack shudders and lifts up to his elbows as he frowns at me.
I reach out and whisper, "Slow now."
He slides back in, and I sit up to taste the salty moisture on his chest as I flick my tongue up to his neck. I touch his lips with my fingers to make sure he doesn't say the words that will shatter me into pieces.
But I know how he feels, and tears burn in my eyes as my heart breaks anyway. Burying my head in his chest, I wish he could be inside me forever.
I wrap my legs around his waist and settle back so he'll take over.
Soon we are rocking as if we are in a storm inside the room, the bed is our lifeboat and Jack's breathy cries spur me onto my climax, his own filling me with heat as I spill between us.
"Lie beside me?"
I lie down next to Jack, and he turns me away. His body radiates warmth behind me as he wraps his arm around my waist and buries his head in my hair. Hot breath tickles my ear as he murmurs, "I want to hold you like this forever. Gods I love you."
I'm exhausted from the last few days of being upset, and I let myself relax in his arms, close my eyes, and drift off into a peaceful sleep.
Soft snoring awakens me. I sit up and look down at Jack's slack jaw. There's a little bit of drool in the corner.
I wish this could be forever too.
The scent of sex permeates the cool air that is still warming as the ancient thermostat slowly creeps up.
He loves me.
The thought warms my heart as I fall asleep.