"Holy shit, James," Harper breathed, closing the door behind him.
"Harper, it's okay," Bucky tried to reassure. "As far as we know, this is all confined to Sokovia. For now, we should assume Bucharest is safe."
"Well, the whole fucking city is flying. C'mon," she urged, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the couch.
"Holy shit," he echoed numbly. On the television, the news coverage had gotten even more unbelievable. Novi Grad, capital of Sokovia, now stood as a massive floating island, drifting continually upward.
"They're saying if the city drops, we're talking some kind of extinction event. I'm talking like dinosaurs and shit," she gabbed, her anxiety clearly manifesting as word vomit. A couple tears fell from her eyes. "And even if it drops soon and the effects aren't worldwide, we're in the splash zone. Remember when I said I was freaking out? Well that doesn't hold a candle to my current level of freaking out."
"What of the people fighting?"
"Well, they're the goddamned Avengers, so you know this shit is serious," she sniffled. "The cameras haven't been able to follow their progress since the city fucking jetted into the sky. There are some crews on the ground and it looks like there's a big aircraft of some kind working evacuation, but…"
Bucky's stomach churned with concern. He had complete faith in Steve's abilities, even if he couldn't see how his friend could stop a city-turned-meteor. After all, Steve and his comrades had stopped an alien invasion just a few years prior. He was confident they would succeed again. What was more worrisome was the unknown price of that victory. Bucky knew Steve would always trade his life for another's, and this was potentially millions of others.
The former soldier gently wrapped his arm around Harper's shoulders, tucking her into his side. His hand passed up and down her upper arm comfortingly as he muttered reassurances. His gloved hand brushed a stray tear from the cheek nearest him.
"I want to tell you something, just in case we do end up like the dinosaurs," she said seriously, turning to look at him. "But you need to understand that this hasn't developed in the past half hour; this is something I had already been considering telling you. And if we don't end up like dinosaurs, and this changes how you think of me, I can accept that. I just don't want to possibly die with this unsaid."
"What is it, Harper?" he asked, brows knit with concern.
She pulled away, and he let his arm drop. A shaky breath parted her lips. Firmly, she managed, "I am so genuinely thankful that I've gotten to know you. You saved my cat, you became a friendly face in a city of intimidating locals, you became the closest friend and confidant I've had in years, you gave me so many reasons to smile and just keeping trudging through with the hope that things will get better, and somewhere along the way, I developed feelings for you. I was really fucked up after my last and only non-relationship, I didn't let myself feel that way about anyone for years. But I couldn't help but fall for you. And I get it if this ruins our friendship, but I needed to say this, to put it out there just how much you mean to me, how much you've helped me and healed me. I'm probably not even articulating this well, I just… possible end of life panic, ya know? And-"
"Harper," Bucky interrupted gently. With a soft smile, he urged, "Breathe."
She nodded vigorously before heaving a sigh through her nose. The young brunette began to fidget slightly, and Bucky couldn't help but find her nervousness endearing. Turning more serious, he confessed, "I don't think I deserve you. Especially not in a romantic capacity. You're so good, so strong, so innocent in a way I haven't been in a long, long time. I feel like I stain whatever I touch with the blood on my hands, and I don't want to stain you. And I feel like I've been selfish for allowing myself your closeness, for leaning into your support, and for falling for you."
Her cheeks flushed brightly, and he admired the pretty hue before continuing, "I'm a man who has done terrible, terrible things. I can't guarantee what the future holds, because if those things ever catch up to me, I will run, cut all ties here, to ensure you are not touched by my karma. But I am also selfish, and knowing how you feel, I don't think I could ever turn you away."
"Assuming we aren't squashed like dinosaurs, I hope you don't turn me away. An uncertain future isn't new to me, and it's no longer going to stop me from living in the present."
Bucky reached for her, cupping her cheek in his hand. His thumb brushed across her flushed skin, passing over the cute pink reverently. Meeting her bright brown eyes, he asked, "Can I kiss you?"
She chuckled and a grin turned her lips. "Definitely."
He leaned in, body tight with anticipation. With his hand still at her cheek, he gingerly angled her lips to meet his. It was a kiss unlike any other he had ever experienced. It was chaste, and sweet, but sent a swarm of elated butterflies loose in his stomach. His heart was pounding, and his chest tightened painfully with an emotion he couldn't name when her lips quivered beneath his. Her hand found his flesh forearm, squeezing lightly. He pulled away slightly before brushing his lips across hers. She leaned forward, reconnecting their lips in an equally blissful, innocent caress.
Bucky leaned back, gazing down at the young woman fondly. He tucked a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear before reaching to entwine their fingers. Bright brown eyes glanced at the television screen, before she met his gaze again. A smile formed on her lips. "Looks like we're not going to wind up like the dinosaurs."
Maybe I should have turned her down. But then again, I've been telling myself different iterations of this since I met her. Maybe I should run again, nip my feelings in the bud before they affect her. Maybe I should draw the line at just acquaintances. Maybe I should stop going to the coffee shop she frequents so that we never come in contact again. Maybe I should run and leave this odd, crying woman here alone to avoid making any civilian connections. I didn't heed any of my other maybes, and couldn't find it in myself to heed this one, either.
Ultimately, I told her the truth. I know I don't deserve her, but I've become disgustingly selfish where she's concerned. She's the brightest part of my life, and I don't want that to change. I want to continue to enjoy her company, her intellect, her knowledge of pain. I want to taste her, hold her, love her. If only a little, I think I can continue to redeem myself through her, with her support. Surely, a monster couldn't keep her company? Surely something meant only for murder couldn't touch her without causing harm? She isn't afraid of my arm, she isn't afraid of me, even after seeing me come undone by a flashback. I still may never tell her about my past. But I don't think she cares. She has feelings for James, and that's who I've become since moving here. If James is who she wants, James is who I'll continue to be. I've remade myself before, and I've been doing it again. This time, I think I might actually succeed.
Bucky closed his journal and capped his pen. This really was his happiest notebook yet.
"Have you been reading the papers?" Harper asked without looking up from her laptop.
Bucky set down his maple brew and his book. "Skimming. You've provided me with another interesting read which has admittedly been monopolizing my free time."
"There's a lot of controversy brewing about the Avengers," she explained.
"Really?" he asked, genuinely surprised. It had been about a month since the events in Sokovia. Summer was at its peak, and things seemed to be settling down after the terrifying incident with the entity now known as Ultron. "How so?"
"Most people are grateful for them saving so many people again, but there's a pretty vocal subset that blames them for a lot of other deaths. They're saying they dropped alien carcasses on New Yorkers and meteor fragments on the Sokovian countryside. People are also angry that they seem to disappear right after the fight, leaving the mess and tending to the dead to the disenfranchised, traumatized locals."
"That's naïve," he frowned. "In any battle, any war, there's no way to completely prevent the loss of innocent life. They saved humanity from the very real possibility of extinction."
"I agree," she nodded, taking a sip from her tea. "And honestly, after fighting aliens and robots and shit on such a massive scale, I hope they all went home and slept for days. It seems like allied governments and worldwide health and relief organizations should fill in any gaps they leave after waging such battles."
"Why haven't they done more of that?"
"Call me cynical, but it's easier to scapegoat a group of people who rarely come out into the public eye than to shell out that kind of money and man power," Harper sighed. She closed her laptop and lifted her cup to her lips, draining it. "I can't stay for lunch today. I had to push an appointment up to accommodate a last minute, mandatory meeting back at the office."
"Make sure you eat something along the way," he advised with concern.
"Don't worry," she admonished with a smile. He watched her pack her things quickly into her bag before standing. "See you Saturday?"
"Of course," he nodded. "Have a good day."
"You, too," Harper replied, leaning down to place a quick peck on his lips. Bucky couldn't help but smile, watching her rush out the door.
"Hey, doll," Bucky greeted, pressing a brief kiss to Harper's lips as she passed through the door.
"Hey," she greeted with a smile. Gesturing at the canvas bag on her shoulder, she informed, "I come bearing dessert since it's so late."
"I was admittedly surprised when you said you were in the neighborhood," he replied, closing the door and locking it. "What has you out and about still?"
"It's not so much 'still' as it is 'again,'" she sighed, falling onto the couch. "I got a call from my insurance company today. I've been fighting them to get at least partial coverage of oxygen treatments for the cluster headaches through a provider here pretty much for the past year, and they basically told me today that they're still not going to approve any sort of coverage for it, and that I've exhausted the appeals process at this point. So I called my dad, pretty upset, and I know he was trying to make me feel better about it, but he just pissed me off by trying to give me advice. Turning off all the lights and getting noise cancelling headphones won't help. I don't have migraines; this is a whole other breed of headache and pain. I kinda blew up at him, and decided to go on a walk to blow off steam. The more I cooled down, the more like shit I felt, because I'm mad at the insurance company, and took it out on him. Then I noticed I had found myself by the river and figured you always make me feel better and here I am. Intruding on your Tuesday night."
"You're not intruding," he assured. "Just call your dad back and apologize. I'm sure he'll understand."
"Easier said than done," she groaned, drawing her knees to her chest.
Bucky watched her fiddle with the phone in her hand and sat down beside her. "Harper, you won't even have to talk long. He knows it's late here. But you'll feel a lot better once you've done it."
"I know," she sighed. She lifted her phone, thumb skimming over the screen, before balancing it on her knee. The sound of the other line ringing echoed through the device's speakers.
"Hello?" asked a man's voice.
"Hi, dad," Harper greeted in a tone that spoke of her trepidation.
"Hi, Harper," her father replied. "How're you doing?"
"I'm a little better now," she answered. "Listen, I just wanted to apologize. I know you were trying to help earlier."
"It's okay. Your mother pointed out that I wasn't tactful, per usual, so I'm sorry, too."
"You really don't have to be," she assured.
"Well, do you want me to try calling those idiots to see if I can make them budge on anything?"
"They made it pretty abundantly clear that they aren't willing to move on this."
"That's what they all say. You know I'm pretty persuasive."
"Yeah, I know," Harper chuckled lightly. "But this time I don't think even you could get your way."
"Well, let me know if you do want me to try," her father offered.
"I will. Thank you."
"Now get to bed; you have work in the morning," he teased.
"Sure, dad," she smiled. "Talk to you later. Love you."
"Love you, too. Bye."
Harper ended the call and tossed her phone to the side. "Well, that went way better than expected."
"Feel better?" Bucky asked.
"I won't stroke your ego by admitting you were right," the brunette laughed. She leaned down to reach into her bag and extracted a sizable brownie. She offered it to him, saying, "For putting up with me."
The former soldier scoffed. "There's nothing to put up with. I do rather enjoy your company."
"Well, all the same. What were you up to before I crashed your evening?"
"Journaling," he answered, peeling back the plastic wrapping from the rich, fudgy confection. He broke it in half and offered her a piece. Harper accepted the half, separating it in half again, before handing him back a piece. She took a bite from her quarter and hummed her approval.
"I hope you got to a good stopping point before I interrupted, then."
"Yeah," he nodded, taking a large bite of the piece of brownie she had returned to him. "This is really fucking good."
"It is," she agreed. "I got it from a convenience store, so I'm pretty surprised."
"Yeah, I guess nowhere else must be open at this point. Well, don't tell me which convenience store, because I'll end up blowing too much money there on these."
"How have things been at the docks?" Harper asked. "It's really hot during the day now; I can't imagine working outside like you do. It's bad enough walking between appointments."
"Heat doesn't bother me," he shrugged. Around another mouthful of brownie, he said, "Just cold."
"Still. Make sure you drink a lot of water, okay?"
His lips couldn't help but twitch upward at her concern. "I do." Offering her the last chunk of the chocolatey treat, he asked, "You sure you don't want anymore?"
"I'm sure," she nodded. "Gotta limit the chocolate intake. You like it more anyway, I think."
"There's never a good reason to curb chocolate intake," Bucky disagreed, still trying to hand her the brownie.
"Wanting to tend to one's pant size isn't a good reason?" she asked, lifting a brow at him.
Bucky took one last bite, effectively halving the last piece, and handed it toward her insistently. "Harper, there's nothing to tend to."
"I disagree, but I'd like to get off this subject," she frowned, taking the piece and popping it in her mouth.
The former soldier frowned. Drawing from his old charm and ability to be honestly flattering with women, he asserted, "There really isn't anything to tend to. You're a really attractive woman. I think you're beautiful."
"I know you think that; I just don't see myself that way. I've had issues with my body, related particularly to weight, pretty much my entire life. So it's hard for me to imagine that someone like you, who is so physically fit and attractive, can find someone like me attractive. It's sort of… exacerbating preexisting insecurities."
Bucky wasn't naïve enough about the condition of his own body to argue with her. He had literally been scientifically engineered and trained to be in peak physical condition. Lamely, he replied, "It probably doesn't help, but I'm being entirely sincere when I say that I have always found curvy women especially attractive. Particularly ones with dark hair."
"You have a type, then," she chuckled.
"I might," he allowed with a smile. "All this attention to how attractive I find you… I'm struck by the strong urge to kiss you."
"You're exceedingly polite and charming," Harper laughed.
"Charming enough that you'll indulge me?"
"This time," she teased coyly.
Bucky leaned forward and covered her lips with his own in a chaste kiss. He pulled away, lingering as he debated deepening the kiss. He settled for another quick peck before backing off, deciding not to push things further for the moment. The old Bucky would've seen how far he could get with a pretty dame, feel her out and figure out the pace at which he would have to charm her. But he didn't want to be that way anymore. His relationship with Harper wasn't a game; he wasn't just out for some fun.
"I should get going," Harper said reluctantly. She added a brief kiss of her own, before standing up.
"Can I walk you home?"
"You really don't have to, James," she shook her head.
"I'd like to."
"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that."
With a fond smile, Bucky stood as well. "Good."
A/N: Thank you so much for the continued support, reviews, favorites, follows, and views. I'm really glad that this story has been well received thus far. And we finally have a confession! Nothing like near catastrophe to draw out the truth, right? If you have a moment, I'd love to hear any feedback you may have. I try to reply to reviews via PM and sincerely appreciate them all.
Speaking of, since I can't reply through PMs, I'll reply here. Thank you to the Guest who has left a couple of reviews. I'm super appreciative of your feedback and am relieved to hear that Bucky and Harper feel realistic. I can't connect to relationships that don't seem natural or truly plausible, so I always aim for that in my own writing. I hope that this continues to be true! Thank you again!