Dallas, Texas

"I still can't believe it", taping the final box of baby items shut, Sue Ellen broke the silence between her and Miss Ellie.

It hadn't yet been a week, but things were moving forward without Pam. She'd experienced a miscarriage of her own and that had been absolutely devastating, but what had happened to Pam and Will was on another level of heartbreak. She hadn't just lost a friend, Pam hadn't moved away or lost contact with her, she'd died, and her son had gone with her.

She was hurting, but she was sure her pain paled in comparison to those who had been even closer to Pam, the funerals had been evidence of that. While she'd spoken only a few words to Pam's father, brother, aunt and nephew, their grief and pain had been palpable, as had Bobby's, justifiably.

"Neither can I. They were far too young", looking around the now empty room, Miss Ellie sounded distant. They hadn't had to pack up the new nursery, Teresa could have done it, but it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time and Bobby had sounded appreciative of their offer, however, now that they were finished, the emptiness surrounding them brought little comfort or closure.

"It's difficult to understand how we got here, everything was fine, then there was chaos, and now there's just silence", staring out the window at the ranch, she reflected on how quickly things could change. Just over two weeks earlier she and Pam had been shopping for the very items now packed away in boxes, and just under a week ago they'd enjoyed a family dinner together at the lake house; on neither occasion had either of them known they'd be their last, and thinking about it now, it was still hard to process.

"I'm sure it doesn't feel like it, but the silence will pass", speaking softly, Miss Ellie's demeanour changed from distant to comforting, her attempt to soothe her when she was upset herself appreciated. She'd had her problems with her mother-in-law's parenting at times, she and Jock had treated JR in a way she'd vowed never to treat her own children, but for all her faults, Miss Ellie did have a warm, maternal side to her and it helped a lot in times like this.

"I know. I just feel so awful for Bobby. I understand why he didn't want us to touch anything in their bedroom, but it must be very difficult to live with constant reminders of everything he's lost", sympathising, she could only imagine how she'd feel if she were left in the same position as Bobby was. She didn't want to think about losing JR or John Ross, but Bobby's losses had spurred those thoughts. She'd lost her father when she was just a girl, but he'd left them before that had happened so she'd been removed from the vast emptiness a death created; now that she was experiencing it first hand, she couldn't help but overthink the situation, constantly relating it to her own life.

"Yes, I'm sure it is. When you get to my age you start to prepare yourself for one day having to face the worst, but you still hope it never happens. To have to live with it now, at such a young age, is just terrible", veering away from the maternal, comforting tone she'd been using, Miss Ellie's humanity showed; she could be the support everyone needed, but she had feelings and vulnerabilities of her own too.

"Perhaps he should get away from Dallas for a while, go somewhere where he's not haunted by memories", thinking again about how she'd cope with the situation Bobby was in, she wondered whether perhaps the urge to run away from reality might actually help. She'd faced hardships before, and running away hadn't fixed them in the long run, but temporarily distance had helped.

"I don't think so, not right now, maybe in a few weeks or months but I think he wants to be able to visit the cemetery for the moment", reminding her of how fresh things still were, Miss Ellie made a good point. Running away might be tempting, but presently there was more keeping him in Dallas than driving him away.

Sighing, she smiled weakly at her mother-in-law, "you're right. I'm trying to help, to offer solutions, but I suppose nothing will lessen the pain quickly. I feel completely despondent, I can't even begin to truly understand how Bobby, or Pam's family feel".

"You're doing the best you can; we all are", touching her hand, her mother-in-law's words brought her comfort again. She was doing her best, but just like everyone else, she was human and she didn't have all the answers, nor was she able to change what had happened to make things better, as much as she might want to.

Nodding, she smiled appreciatively, then hearing the unmistakable sound of her son crying, she looked towards the door, "he knows something's wrong". There was no way to explain to a child of John Ross' age what death meant, he had little concept of anything outside his day-to-day routine, but it wasn't difficult to see that he was affected by the sombre mood everyone had been in since leaving the lake house.

"I think he needs his mama", smiling, Miss Ellie offered her a little encouragement to break the routine they'd set before the tragedy, they didn't tend to intervene anymore when John Ross stirred, usually letting him soothe himself back to sleep, but this was different.

Leaving one nursery to walk down the hallway to the other, John Ross' nursery, she scooped him into her arms and held him close to her, whispering to him as she sat down in the comfortable armchair in the corner of the room. Feeling her son's warm breath on her chest begin to steady, the same thoughts she'd been having all week ran through her head; she was alive, her son was alive, they were happy, healthy, and very lucky to be that way. Not everyone had the same luck she and her family did, Pam's final days illustrated that, and as grateful as she was to have the good fortune she did, in the back of her mind she did wonder whether it could all end in tragedy for her too.

To be continued…