Dallas, Texas

"Doesn't it matter to you at all?" taking the glass of wine JR handed to her upon her return to the living room after settling John Ross again, a habit they'd fallen back into since returning from the lake house, Sue Ellen resumed the conversation they'd been having before she'd left the room.

John Ross was still young and couldn't really comprehend what had happened, but that hadn't stopped him from picking up on the body language and unspoken sadness that had enveloped the family, the disruption to the happy atmosphere noticeable in his own behaviour. It was John Ross' demeanour that made her wonder about JR, because if even their toddler son felt something, surely JR did too, it would be unnatural not to, wouldn't it?

"Of course it does, it's terrible what happened", guiding her to sit down beside him, JR said what she wanted him to, but as usual, his tone lacked the depth of emotion she knew he possessed for other things.

"Do you really feel that way? Because I never get that impression. I don't expect you to grieve for Pam, but have some empathy for Bobby, he's lost his son and his wife. Imagine if you lost John Ross or me, or worse, both of us", she knew she was the more emotional one in their relationship and she knew she had a tendency to overthink things, but this was different. She'd spent the last week and a half thinking about how she'd feel in Bobby's shoes, she had a lot of feelings, from overwhelming sadness to relief and then guilt about that relief and it completely confused her that JR wouldn't feel something similar. What had happened to Pam and her baby wasn't just an imaginary 'what if' scenario, it was real; just as quickly as Pam had come into their lives, she'd left it, she was human that way, all the Ewing money in the world hadn't been able to save her and that was a terrifying thought.

"I do empathise, you know that. I couldn't bear to lose you or John Ross the way Bobby has", saying all the right things again, JR was a little more convincing this time, but she was all too aware that he hadn't said it until she'd prompted him to.

"Thank you", accepting his words, she didn't think she was as transparent as he was, but apparently she was, because he looked at her and asked, "so, what's wrong now?"

"It's just, you don't show how you feel and that's upsetting", explaining it to him, it occurred to her that Doctor Williams really had helped her because she had no trouble telling him what she saw and how it made her feel.

"Would you prefer if I cried or went silent?" facetious, his continued lack of emotion or concern bothered her.

"JR", frustrated, she closed her eyes and shook her head. She was trying to have a serious conversation with him but his lack of cooperation didn't make it easy.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to upset you", apologising, his words still felt hollow; he knew she felt terrible but he was offering her very little support or comfort and apologising didn't really change that.

"You might not be trying to but it is upsetting. Sometimes I get the impression you'd rather move on than dwell on what happened, but it's still so recent that I don't understand how you can. John Ross will never know his cousin, Bobby will never hold his wife again, and family gatherings are always going to have a reminder of what could have been hanging over them", saying it aloud again, she felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She'd had her own loss with the miscarriage and that had been hard enough to cope with, but what Pam must have felt, and what Bobby was feeling now were on another level.

"Tell me, what do you want me to do? What would make you feel better?" sounding as if he honestly didn't know how to take care of her in this situation, she began to wonder if perhaps that was it. He could be incredibly kind and caring when her pain was centred around something that was happening to her directly, but the moment she needed more he seemed to fall apart.

Thinking maybe he needed help understanding how Bobby was hurting, she attempted to relate it back to their shared experience, asking him to open up a bit more, "I don't want to force you to do anything, I just ask that you let your human nature show. I know you know what it felt like when I had the miscarriage, remember that and multiply it, I'm sure that's how Bobby feels. Show him that next time you see him, offer him some of the support he offered me when I was unwell after the accident".

"Honey, I feel for Bobby, deeply, but…" starting his sentence well, the inclusion of the word but told her that they really weren't on the same page.

Setting her glass of wine down on the coffee table, she didn't interrupt him, just sat and listened, waiting to hear what he had to say, completely disappointed when he continued, "…but I know him. This is an awful, unthinkable tragedy but clearly he would prefer to deal with it on his own, that's why he left town without contacting anyone. We can feel for him but there's not much we can offer him outside of our sympathies".

"You barely even show your sympathies", hearing what he was saying, she understood where he was coming from in general, but there was definitely more he could do when he was around his brother.

"When he shows up again, I'll try to be more open, whether he wants my sympathies or not is another story", pleasing her with his commitment, his refusal to see that there was very little harm that could come from being nice upset her. Bobby had been very kind to her following her miscarriage and he deserved the same kindness in return, it was that simple in her mind.

"He needs all the familial support he can get", believing what she said, she reiterated her point.

"You have a good heart", patting her thigh, his opinion was clear, he didn't agree that her perception of Bobby's needs matched Bobby's actual needs, but it wasn't worth it to argue about.

Sighing, she felt drained; JR's agreement to be kinder wasn't much, but it was something, and for the moment she'd take it.

To be continued…