Dallas, Texas

"…it's hard to say, because I feel like we had come a long way, but I'm having a hard time being intimate with him lately", comfortable alone with Doctor Williams, Sue Ellen confessed to him her present internal conflict. JR had told her he was concerned about her, but despite that she found it difficult to open up to him, they had such differing perspectives on what had happened to Pam and her baby that sometimes it felt pointless showing him her vulnerabilities and seeking comfort, because he couldn't give her what she wanted the way she wanted it.

Nodding, Doctor Williams indicated he was listening, so she continued, "it's not physical, or at least, it's not all physical, it's mostly emotional, but you know, emotional leads to physical. I feel like we're in different places right now, he's accepted what happened and moved on, and I'm still living day-to-day with the horrific reality of what happened, and that makes things very difficult".

Explaining herself, she detailed a little of how things were between her and JR. She truly felt they'd spent a lot of time and energy building a strong marriage together, so it was even more upsetting to now encounter a problem that was dividing them rather than bringing them together. She liked going to bed with him, she didn't do it out of duty the way her mother had made it sound as if she would need to, however, she certainly found it easier to be with him when things were harmonious between them. They'd had their fair share of passionate anger fuelled intimacy, but this was completely different, she wasn't angry with him, she was sad and disappointed, and neither of those naturally led to working things out in the bedroom.

"Which part exactly is weighing on your mind?" breaking his silence, Doctor Williams asked an important question. There were a lot of sides to grief and he needed to know which she was taking the hardest.

She missed Pam of course, and she felt a deep sense of sadness for all that would happen going forward that neither Pam nor Will would get to experience and that Bobby would have to experience alone, but mostly her thoughts revolved around something more personal to her, "if it happened to Pamela it could happen to me".

"I was led to believe Pamela had several health conditions which made her pregnancy a high risk?" stating facts gleaned from previous discussions with her and JR, facts she'd learned at the hospital but she suspected JR had already had an idea of, Doctor Williams challenged her to compare her situation to Pam's.

"Yes, but she didn't know about any of that before she became pregnant", sure that during the times she and Pam had spent together with John Ross Pam hadn't suspected she'd never have use for the things she was learning, she couldn't help but wonder whether she was just as blind as Pam had been to potential tragedy.

"Are you forgetting you've already delivered a healthy baby without complications? From what you tell me John Ross is a happy, healthy child", very quick to remind her of what she had, Doctor Williams conveniently brushed over what she'd lost.

"I've also miscarried once", unable to forget how helpless and vulnerable miscarrying had made her feel, she expressed her fear of the unknown. She'd had two pregnancies in her life but she'd only carried one to term, in her own experience the odds were fifty-fifty and although she'd thought she'd managed to get her head around that and get her emotions under control, now she wasn't so sure she actually had.

"You're stepping into dangerous territory with talk like that. You were hit by a car and the impact caused you to miscarry, it had nothing to do with your general health", completing the picture, Doctor Williams refused to play into the narrative in her head.

"You're so logical, it's annoying", snapping at him, she knew he was right, but that didn't automatically make her feel better.

"It's supposed to be reassuring", speaking softly and slowly, his tone supported the words he was saying.

"I'm sorry, I that was rude of me. I need reassurance. I need reassurance that if I died JR wouldn't be so indifferent about losing me the way he is about Bobby's loss", apologising for her outburst, she addressed the other painful thought she couldn't get out of her mind.

"You know I can't guarantee anything in the hypothetical future. What I can do is ask you to look at the situation and focus on what realistically may happen instead of what you're worried may happen, based on what you know of your life", sidestepping her direct request he did what he did best and made her think.

"I understand, you're saying I'm healthy and have no history of health issues, so to convince myself that something terrible is about to happen is unnecessary and unhelpful, and the same goes for my relationship with JR. It's not fair to assume that just because JR feels one way about what happened to Pam that he'd also feel that way if it happened to me. He had a completely different relationship with Pam to he has with me, there's no good reason to assume he'd be as detached from my death as he is Pam's. My question now is, where do I go from here?" acknowledging he had a point, she asked for his input, because as they'd just concluded, her mind didn't always choose the most reasonable path to follow.

"You've assessed the situation very well. Now I want you to take those thoughts and talk about them with JR. He is entitled to react emotionally how he pleases, as are you, but you need to be able to find a way to accept that those reactions are different and not let it consume you. I want you to talk and I want you to listen, and if you still can't see eye to eye then come back and we'll all talk about it together", outlining steps to moving forward, his advice could be summarised in one word: communication.

Sure she'd told him how difficult talking with JR had been recently, she genuinely had to ask, "you think I haven't talked or listened?"

"I think your head might have been clouded", answering her, he offered no yes or no answer.

"Maybe", sighing, she agreed; she did need to speak to JR again and this time she needed to listen and try to believe him when he said she couldn't take his reaction to Pam's loss as indication of anything more to do with their relationship.

To be continued…