[YouTube Video]
Swan (and Bee) Says Pluto Is Still a Planet!
ClarityIsClear
138k Views / Posted 2 years ago
(The camera flickers on to a face-first view of Leah Clearwater. Like always, there is a mischievousness in her expression that spells nothing but good trouble, a controlled kind of chaos. She looks at the camera with fathomlessly dark, liquid chocolate eyes, an impish slant to her mouth. The camera view itself is kind of dark, the space around her dimly lit, but still somewhat familiar to the viewers who have followed her from high school to college.
Just over Leah's shoulder is the greater common area, where electric-blue lights fizzle from television onto the bare walls. A collection of sprawled limbs and bean bag chairs are vaguely recognizable as Leah swiftly fiddles with the camera settings, zooming out for a wider view of the room - and there it is, three girls lounging in front of a laptop in various lazy sprawls.
"Hey, everyone. It's Leah Clearwater here, with another riveting expose on the life of the Swan in college!"
In the background, Bella Swan can be clearly seen rolling her eyes. She is laying upside down on one of the bean bag chairs, head tilted back to view the laptop, legs stretched up to balance on the wall. Alice Brandon, a recent addition to these videos, rests her head on Bella's stomach and waves at the camera; Rose Hale, on the other hand, doesn't stop filing her nails.
"It's Thanksgiving break," Leah Clearwater informs the viewers. "And since we're freshmen who are too poor to go home-"
"We're saving our tickets for Christmas," Bella interjects with a sigh. "It's not because we're poor, it's because we're…fiscally responsible."
Leah pretends not to have heard Bella, still smiling at the camera's high angle. "- And we've decided to spend a week marathoning the most iconic feminist show from our childhood since it's literally the only thing we all have some knowledge about. That's right, viewers. We're binge-watching Sailor Moon."
"Not just the classic one, though," Bella says, even as Leah twists the camera to face the other three. Bella barely glances at the camera, her eyes trailing back to the laptop screen and the sparkling action happening there. "The new one too, Sailor Moon Crystal."
"To compare and contrast," Alice adds with a serious nod.
"Plus the movies," Rose chimes in. "All of them - R and S and Super S, because we all know the movies are the height of the franchise."
"We do not all know that," Bella disagrees immediately, a clear sign that this back and forth has been going on for a while.
Rose waves her nail file at Bella. "Are you really trying to tell me that Queen Beryl is a superior villain to Princess Snow Kaguya?"
Bella huffs. "Well, if we're talking about villains, then obviously we shouldn't be looking over Fiore-"
"There you go again, choosing the sympathetic bad guy!"
Bella sticks her tongue out smartly. Rose tsks and files her nails pointedly. Alice shrugs at the camera when Leah zooms in.
"Anyway!" Leah says loudly from behind the camera. "I don't know about you, viewers, but Bella and I spent, like, every afternoon watching Sailor Moon kick ass by moonlight, and apparently so did our new roommates. Hence, you know, bonding."
Bella shoots the camera a thumbs-up. On the laptop screen, a volley of battle cries ensues, and Leah spends a while zooming in on that, with some casual commentary about why it would be so much better if they would just whisper their attacks instead of yelling, you know, for the stealth of it, and one of the other girls arguing that stealth isn't the point.
"It's criminal they don't broadcast it anymore on cable," Rose says as the episode ends.
"I know, right?" Alice agrees, moving to roll onto her belly, elbows braced on the nearest bean bag chair, feet kicking behind her with excess energy.
"Kids these days are missing out," Bella laments, and the other girls laugh, telling her she sounds like an old woman. Bella huffs, and upside down her expression of annoyance is comical. "Well, they are! They don't even get to decide which Sailor Scout they would be, because they don't even know what a Sailor Scout it. I feel bad for them!"
"Who were you?" Alice asks curiously.
"Mercury," Leah says behind the screen. "But she really wanted to be Sailor Pluto."
"Pluto obviously has the coolest powers," Bella informs them. "Controlling time and space? That's so useful!"
"Yeah, but Sailor Saturn is the most powerful," Rose says.
"Oh, that goes without saying," Bella agrees. "I wouldn't want her powers, though."
"The Outer Scouts do have a lot more power," Alice admits. "But I think Sailor Uranus was the most physically strong?"
"Well, yeah, but is physical strength-"
"Wait, wait!" Leah says behind the camera. "Shouldn't you only be picking from Scouts that are actually still planets? Pluto doesn't count at this point, right?"
Bella slips from her upside down recline, a graceless tumble of limbs and grey sweatpants and gapes at the camera for a moment before irritation settles in the tension of her jaw. "Are you being serious right now?" she demands.
"Leah! How could you say something like that?" Alice cries.
"To say that Sailor Pluto doesn't count just because NASA did Pluto dirty!" Bella tacks on with a shake of her head.
Rose has no input, though she does sit back and settle in to watch with a smirk.
"I don't think it was NASA," Leah argues behind the camera. "Wasn't it, like, international NASA, or something?"
"That is so not the point, Leah!"
"The nerve of it all - who gives them the right to declare what is and isn't a planet? And then to call Pluto a dwarf planet, after years of saying it's not a planet at all?"
"It's totally heartless."
"It's unbelievable. Look at the world now," Bella prompts with raised brows. "We went and offended the planet representing the god of the underworld and now-"
Alice nods rapidly. "Yeah! Bella's right! See, this is what we get for our - our hubris! Thinking we could take away Pluto's status-"
"An entire generation will never forget this," Bella says, truthfully according to many viewers. "We'll never forget this thing about Pluto, this - this planetary erasure, and that's why-"
"And that's why Sailor Pluto will always be legit," Alice finishes cannily.
"Well," Leah says at length from behind the camera. "Alright then. I stand corrected."
Alice and Bella high-five each other. Rose nods sagely.
Leah turns the camera back around, eyebrows hiked high as she stares down the lens. "You heard it here first," she says to the viewers. "Pluto is still a planet and Sailor Pluto is the most powerful. Do you agree? Hit the comments so we can see how well the Swan and the Bee's assessment holds up!"
With that command, the screen turns dark.)
Comments
Yaheard
Yeah I'm still salty af about the pluto thing, it's still a planet no question
ZomZomZombies
Sailor Pluto's power though. Amazing. Even after all these years, she has all the fangirls.
HeartsAPlenty
It really is dumb that Sailor Moon isn't on cable anymore! Like! It needs to be! Can we say positive female role model?
Twiiilit
I don't disagree, but the censorship was an issue. NO WAY Uranus and Saturn were "cousins" like lol nice try but no
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A/N: This is update 1 of 3 this weekend! Why 3? Why not! Also, because I really want to twist the knife :) What knife? Oh, you'll find out! :) :) :)
Now, to the subject of this interlude - Pluto (and Sailor Pluto). My generation - that is, Millenials and Gen Z - have feelings about Pluto being reclassified as first not a planet and then as a dwarf planet. It's a collective outrage type of thing. Just go with it! As to Sailor Moon - well, I've been dropping in all kinds of references for the whole story and Sailor Moon was a huge part of my childhood. Sailor Moon being awesome is the hill I'll die on, believe me. As a note, the original seasons of Sailor Moon are currently (summer 2020) free on YouTube until further notice, because what else are you going to do during quarantine? There's also supposed to be a movie released this summer in the same style of Sailor Moon Crystal (on Hulu), but who knows if it'll be postponed? You can also find all the volumes of the original Sailor Moon manga online at Miss Dream (just Google sailor moon miss dream); you can download entire books and read them online in PDF format, which is by far the easiest option.
Just for kicks, if you're familiar with Sailor Moon, then who do you think is the strongest scout? And then also who is your favorite? I think the physically strongest is between Jupiter and Uranus, but obviously the most powerful is a toss-up between Moon and Saturn (creation vs destruction is one hell of a debate, tbh). As to my favorite...I like the romance of Sailor Moon herself, which shouldn't be surprising at all, because look at what I write!
As always, be brutally honest. I can take it. Stay safe, stay smart, and stay healthy - even if you are protesting. Just wear a mask when you take down the fascists!
~Rae