Dallas, Texas

"JR?" looking to him, knowing he had a lot to say, Doctor Williams gave him the nudge he needed, then sat back to let he and Sue Ellen discuss their problems.

"Ok, I'll start", turning his attention away from Doctor Williams, he focused on Sue Ellen, "I find all of this back and forth difficult to deal with. One minute we're having a good time together and the next minute we're not, and I don't think that's because of my behaviour".

Laying out his feelings, he didn't see how she could deny what was happening, nor how she could blame him. He'd tried time and time again to engage her in meaningful discussion and she either hadn't listened to him or had misinterpreted what he was saying. If he told her she was too invested in what had happened and was making Bobby's problems her own problems she got upset, and if he didn't address Bobby's problems at all she accused him of moving on too quickly or not caring enough; on a day-to-day basis things fell somewhere in the middle, but it was unpredictable. He knew she was an emotional person, they'd been through a lot together and managed to salvage their marriage even when it looked like things were never going to improve, but this felt different, now it seemed that she'd regressed and could no longer understand that she couldn't change the past or control other people, only her own reactions. She'd learned a lot in therapy but on the subject of the loss of Pam and Will, she was blind.

"Are you saying it's my fault?" appearing hurt, she didn't address his concerns except for asking for confirmation that he thought she was the problem.

"I'm saying, I'm trying to be receptive to your needs but it's difficult when I can't predict where you're going to go next", giving her his honest assessment, he hoped she could see past her hurt and understand where he was coming from.

"Am I really that unpredictable?" seeming surprised, she surprised him by sounding that way. It was incredibly obvious to him how up and down she was and he couldn't believe she felt in her own mind that she'd been any way other than that.

"To be frank, yes. Sometimes I feel like you've grieved and moved on with your life and then other times it feels like you're right back in the thick of your emotions, making irrational decisions based on not much more than spur-of-the-moment feelings", sure he wasn't telling her anything new, he presented his feelings again anyway, hoping this time she truly understood him.

"You're talking about Sunday night", looking down as she whispered, her embarrassment was clear; she'd left him in an uncomfortable position, returned later feeling remorseful and obviously still felt that way which was positive.

"That, and the fact that sometimes it feels like you're trying to keep your distance from me, as if you're trying to protect yourself when in fact there's nothing you need to be concerned about", definitely still conscious of how she'd made him feel during their intimate encounter, he wanted to emphasise too that that wasn't all it was.

"I'm sorry", making eye contact with him, her voice cracked as she spoke.

"About what?" wanting to accept her apology, he still wasn't sure they were on the same page.

"Well, I already apologised for my behaviour on Sunday evening but I should probably say it again, I didn't pick a very appropriate time to discuss our family with you and I'm sorry for that", holding eye contact, she appeared sincere.

"No, you didn't", frowning, he knew he wasn't going to hold it against her forever and that she was sorry, but discussing it again he definitely remembered how he'd felt at the time. He'd been able to move forward alone, but it had hardly been the experience he'd been looking forward to, nor had the silence that had followed, he'd been stubborn and not chased after her, talking only when she'd returned to their bedroom later with her tail between her legs.

"We did agreed to try for another baby only when there was no pressure and to be quite honest I don't feel pressure, but I certainly I don't feel in the right mind to be pregnant again either", admitting quite clearly now how she felt, he had to wonder why such things had been so difficult to say previously. Having or not having another baby had never been the issue, the way she'd dealt with their entire relationship around the topic had been. Even before Pam and her son had left them Sue Ellen had been in a strange state; the miscarriage had affected her greatly and she'd taken a while to move past it and be able to think straight, now he felt that all the progress they'd made after that personal tragedy had been reversed.

"I understand that, I just wish you'd have approached the subject directly instead of passively. You were clearly having those thoughts weeks ago. Maybe I should have asked you more directly than I did, but perhaps if you were so uncertain about our future you should have broached the subject with me, we'd had plenty of opportunity before you chose to raise the subject, yet we spoke about it but never really got deep into it". Remembering how relieved she'd been to have nature tell her she was not pregnant, he remembered too how little logic she'd had in justifying why she felt the way she did; he'd done his best to reassure her and reduce her fears, but no matter what he did or said, she'd continued to think in an unhelpful way.

"I would have thought you'd have been able to guess from my general state of mind that perhaps another baby right now might not be the best thing for us. I'm scared of what might happen", admitting she knew her state of mind had been anything other than stable recently, she did little to make herself different now when she alluded again to her fear of dying, losing another baby, and doubts about his love for her lasting for long beyond her hypothetical untimely death.

"Sue Ellen", raising his voice slightly, he was frustrated by her return to completely unfounded worries as a reason not to do something. He could get behind the decision not to have another baby right now because perhaps it was inappropriate social timing, she didn't feel physically up to it, John Ross needed them more, or even them deciding they never wanted to have more children, anything but that she was sure she would die and he'd move on without a second thought.

"I'm sorry, it just makes me nervous, and your lack of concern about it doesn't help", telling him again she thought he wasn't concerned, her words bothered him. He loved her, but he didn't love her fixation on imaginary negative behaviours.

Glancing at Doctor Williams, he took the nod he gave him as a sign of encouragement to tell Sue Ellen what she needed to hear, "darlin', listen to me; you're in fine health and even if you weren't I'd still love you. I don't enjoy hearing about your fears of me leaving you any more than you enjoy having those feelings. I want you to be my wife and I want you to be happy to be my wife. If you want to wait to have another baby we'll wait, it doesn't bother me, you know that. What bothers me is you moping around feeling miserable about something that hasn't happened and hopefully will never happen".

Looking at him with watery eyes, she answered, "it's difficult to stop feeling the way I do".

Knowing she was right, he knew too that they'd come through worse things than this, "a lot of things are difficult, that doesn't mean we don't try".

"I know, I just…" starting to say something, she trailed off before she explained herself.

"Just nothing. What happened happened, it's awful but there's nothing we can do now except move on", sure of what he felt, he reiterated his thoughts again. She'd obviously been shaken by what had happened and that was something they had to be mindful of, however, it wasn't such a big thing that he truly believed it should impact how they lived their lives going forward. Nothing that had happened to Bobby or Pam was an indication of what was around the corner for their family and acting as if it were was pointless.

Blinking a few times, attempting to prevent herself from crying, Sue Ellen's actions had the opposite effect.

Well aware they were not alone, the watchful eye of Doctor Williams was the last thing on his mind when his wife was falling apart beside him. Not hesitating to reach out to comfort her, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him, whispering, "don't cry darlin', I love you and we'll work on this together". She probably had more work to do than he did, but he'd support her, it was the only way he saw to get their marriage back to where he wanted it.

To be continued…