A/N- "Speech" 'thoughts' 'telepathy'
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Chapter Five
May walked slowly down the dark hallway in her home, sighing.
It was no mystery as to why she was so sad. Even though she's gotten better, May still had episodes where her depression came back, in full force. There was no set date as to when they would crop up, but it did present a pattern. She usually became this way around the anniversary of her beloved's death.
Tears pricked at the edges of May's eyes as she found herself in the kitchen. She searched around, looking for something for a few minutes, and when she didn't find it, she left the room. She went back to her bedroom and cried, for not being able to perform the one thing, that she thought, was constant.
You might not be able to notice it, but you could just barely make out some lines on her upper arm. They weren't completely visible, as she hid them by not wearing sleeveless clothes anymore, but the ends still stuck out sometimes.
Each scar represented another year gone by without Ash. And in May's opinion, they were years not worth living, but since her family put her under something equal to house arrest, suicide was no longer an option. However, May would always find a way to give herself a the next cut.
The first year, she used a simple kitchen knife. Her family found her on the floor, clutching her bleeding arm, and had gotten rid of or locked up all the sharp objects after treating her arm. But May always found a way. She broke glass objects, and used the shards, she chewed her fingernails to razor sharpness, and the most horrifying way she obtained the gashes, was with her Pokemon. But after that, her Father found out and he was forced to take her Pokemon away from her, taking away her last method.
Without what felt like her only friends and ventilation, May took a small dip in her recovery.
Her actions, however, continued to confuse her parents. She was recovered, so, why did she have these relapses? She was finally off her medication, and she acted normally for most of the year, minus these episodes. So the question was, what is the problem? Why did she have this tendency of self mutilation, when the psychiatrists told her family she should've been past it, and that it kept her from fully recovering?
What they didn't realize, was that her scars were what had kept her sane.
Back when she was in the earliest stages of mental recuperation, she had so much pain, anger, and sadness, and after her attempt on her own life, she only felt emptiness. So she searched. She searched for a way to feel again.
So she tried alcohol.
She drank secretly, hiding it from her family, usually at night in her bedroom. But it failed to bring any new emotion out, and on the first year anniversary of Ash's death, she gave up. She flew into a rage, smashing the bottle she held in her hand on her bed frame.
That's when she found her way out of the spiral of nothingness.
As the bottle broke, glass pieces flew everywhere, one hit her on the arm, and embedded itself into her skin, causing her to yelp in pain, feeling something before it quickly disappeared again.
'Pain,' she had thought. 'I.. I felt something.'
She took the glass out of her arm and stared at it.
Rolling up the sleeve on her nightshirt, she slowly took it and dragged it across her upper arm, cutting a gash in it. She yelled out again, and dropped the glass as searing hot pain coursed throughout her body. But she didn't care. Through the tears and pain, May still managed to smile an emotionless smile. She had found a way to feel again.
So May sat on her bed crying, wondering what she would do without her security blankets.
After watching her search for a way to cut her herself, Caroline snuck into her room, and sat next to her, comforting her girl. She, like everyone else, was horribly worried for her. But she ruefully knew that she could do little more than try to comfort her when she got like this. May grabbed her mother, and clung onto her, and Caroline hugged her back.
When May's sobs slowly turned into light breaths, indicating she was asleep, she looked at her scars, and lovingly rubbed her daughter's arm. Caroline sighed, wiping her own tears off before standing up and walking to the door.
"Trust me May," Caroline whispered as she cut the lights off "it will get better. I promise."
The group walked down the path from Littleroot, talking quietly to each other about a topic that was very sensitive. They all knew that May would be in a poor state, she always was this time of year. So every year, they all would meet up and travel to Petalburg to keep her company and help cheer her up.
The group consisted of some of Ash's old pals and traveling buddies, Gary, Dawn, Misty, Brock, and May's little brother, Max. They were a big part of May's initial recovery, and the reason she was still alive.
"She's going to be even worse this year you guys." Max told the group "Mom has and will be watching her like a hawk, and we all know how she is when this time of year rolls around."
"It's okay Max," Brock said "that's why we visit, to help her when she's at her worst."
"Yeah," Gary reassured the worried boy "not only do we want to help, but we need to help, for Ash."
A collective sigh rose from the group and a depressed feeling set in. They all missed the young Pokemon master wannabe, but they knew May had it the worst.
"I know it sucks guys," Misty sighed "but we have to strong for May. Without her friends and family, she would crumble."
"She's right," Brock said "we have to be strong, for May, and we already have the tickets ready to go."
"No need to worry guys." Dawn held onto Gary's arm for support "This is exactly what May needs."
After the rest agreed, the walk to the Petalburg gym was silent, everyone contemplating how this visit would turn out.
*ding dong*, Brock rang the doorbell.
The door opened, revealing Norman Maple, the Petalburg gym leader.
"Come in, come in!" He hurried them inside "It's great to see you all. May really needs the extra support right now."
The group went inside and sat down around the family room
"That's why we're here Mr. Maple," Dawn beamed "And we have the perfect way to cheer her up!"
"Oh really?" Norman sat down in the couch "May I ask what it is? Caroline, Max, and I have tried everything we could think of to make her happy here, but nothing's worked."
"Well," Gary put his arm around Dawn "we think that's the problem. We think that May doesn't want to be cooped up here, so forcing her to stay is only making her worse."
"So," Brock continued "we bought tickets to a new resort kind of thing, and the stay is surprisingly long. The tickets allot us all a one month stay, so, we're going to take May with us, and hopefully a month in luxury will help her."
"Plus," Max sighed as her rubbed his eyes "we all know that she loves to travel and see new places, and hates having to stay home for long periods of time. After all, that's why she became a trainer in the first place."
Norman and Caroline were surprised. They hadn't thought of that, they were only thinking of keeping May safe from herself.
"Hmm… I don't know." Norman told them thoughtfully "Can you all promise to keep a close eye on her?"
"Especially you Maxwell." Caroline added.
"Don't worry Mom," Max got up and gave his parents a hug "we've got this. And the resort has a ton of Pokemon, so May will be occupied with them, or relaxing."
"A ton of Pokemon?" Norman raised an eyebrow "How many?"
"More than I would care to count." Gary told them, and that was saying a lot, considering a Pokemon professor (even in training) deals with a lot of number.
"I don't know about this." Caroline was a weary of sending her daughter away without her, even if it was with friends and Max. "May just tried to do it again."
The room rang out with gasps.
"Are you serious?" Misty was shocked.
"I thought she was be over that!" Dawn whispered.
"I did too, but she's obviously not." Caroline said with a frown.
"Did she manage to… uh, you know?" Max asked.
"No," Caroline said, relieving everyone "luckily, all the sharp objects are still locked up and her Pokemon are still with Norman's, so she couldn't. After she searched she went back to her room, and cried herself to sleep."
"That's good." Max sighed in relief.
"Honey," Norman rubbed his wife on the back "she isn't getting any better here. This could be what she needs to fully recover and get over Ash."
"...I suppose," Caroline leaned her head on his shoulder "but I can't help but feel worried for my baby girl."
"That's perfectly natural Mrs. Maple." Brock said "I had trouble myself when I started journeying with Ash. I had to leave my siblings who I've been caring for, for what seemed like forever, to a father who had abandoned us."
"I know, but," Caroline was cut off by her husband.
"No buts dear, she needs to get better, and this could help her."
"Oh, okay." Caroline gave a weak smile.
Everyone cheered at that, happy for the opportunity to help their downtrodden friend.
"Now that that's taken care of," Gary said "when do you think we should leave? Our stay starts in two days, and it's roughly a ten hour sail to Kanto, and a two hour magnet train ride to the resort."
"Kanto?" Norman asked "Where in Kanto?"
"In a town to the northeast called Rota." Misty told him "May went their on her journey with Ash, Brock, and Max."
"She went their with Ash?" Caroline was skeptical now "Wouldn't being there remind her of Ash, and make her worse, not better?"
"Maybe," Misty said "but whenever something reminds her of Ash, she just cries it off for an hour or two. So if she does get sad, she'll be fine soon enough."
Caroline nodded, acknowledging her reasoning, but still not wanting to put her daughter through any more pain than necessary.
"I'll wake her up now and tell her the good news!" Dawn squealed.
"Be gentle." Caroline warned the coordinator "She might still be emotional."
"No need to worry!" Dawn responded as she skipped up the stairs.
Dawn made her way to the top of the stairs, then walked over to May's room. She opened up her door, revealing a sleeping May. Dawn quietly walked over to her, and gently woke the girl up.
"Maaay," She said "wake up"
May groaned before she stirred a little. "Go away mom."
"It's not your mom silly." Dawn giggled "Now wake up. I have a surprise for you!"
Dawn said the last part louder than necessary, effectively waking up May.
"Ah!" *Thump* "What the heck!"
May was woken up by Dawn's shouting, and in her surprise, she fell off the bed, taking Dawn with her.
"Ow," May groaned "why did you wake me up Dawn? And why are you here?"
"Funny you ask," Dawn got up and helped May to her feet "because the answer's the same for both. We're all here to take you to a great new resort in Kanto to relax."
"That sounds great." May sat on her bed "But why'd you have to wake me up to tell me? You could've waited."
"Because I couldn't wait! This is too exciting!"
"Fine," May rubbed her eyes "but I can't go."
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"Because my parents won't let me out of their sight, much less the region."
"Oh, that's not a problem." Dawn told her "We already convinced them to let you go, so there's no excuse to not come. Yay!"
May flopped down on her bed with a sigh "I don't know Dawn. I don't really feel like doing anything."
"Come on May," Dawn sat down next to May and put an arm around her "you need to just relax and have fun. You can't just sit around here for the rest of your life."
"I don't see why not." May grumbled.
"Please," Dawn said "you know you can't, and this will be good for you. Think about it, a whole month of relaxation and playing with cute Pokemon."
May seemed to go into deep thought after that. A month of doing nothing with cute Pokemon to play with? It sounded like it could be fun after all.
"Mm.. okay." May nodded with a small smile.
"Yay yay yay!" Dawn and jumped up, pulling May up with her, and danced around the room.
"D-dawn," May laughed "stop it!"
"But I'm so happy!" Dawn spun around some more before slowing down, then stopping. "This is great, I'll go tell everyone!"
She ran out of the room and barreled down the steps, accidentally knocking Gary down the stairs along the way.
(The next morning)
May put the last of her clothes into her suitcase before shutting it, and taking it downstairs. She was all packed and ready to go to the resort, and hopefully, it would provide a peaceful place to recover.
However, May was still skeptical about the whole thing. She still just wanted to just sit in her room and cry, but she was tired of making her family and friends sad. So, she decided to suck it up and make the most of the trip.
"Hey guys," May greeted the people waiting for her in the family room "when do we leave? I'm ready to go."
They all smiled at her enthusiasm, and felt relieved that she was still willing to go, and seemed to be her normal self again.
"Not too long May." Misty told the girl "Gary's pulling his car around as we speak, and the drive to the port is only about twenty minutes."
"Now we're all gonna go put our stuff in the car." Max picked up his bags "Mom and Dad will want to say goodbye."
"Okay, great!" May smiled.
She walked over to her mother and gave her a hug, and Caroline began to make sure that she was ready.
"Do you have everything you need honey? Do you have your pajamas and toothbrush?"
"Yes mom."
"Are you sure you have everything?"
"Seriously mom, I'm twenty years old! I can pack for myself." May groaned.
"Okay, okay," Caroline smiled "is it so wrong for me to worry about my baby?"
"I suppose not mom." May sighed. *honk honk* "Gary's here! I love you mom."
"I love you too honey." Caroline gave her one last hug "Goodbye, and be safe dear."
"Yes ma'am, I will."
"Thank you." Caroline took May's luggage as Norman walked up to her "Now let me take your bags to the car while you say goodbye to your father."
"Goodbye sweetie," the gym leader gave his daughter a hug "be good."
May giggled and hugged him back "Okay daddy."
*honk*
Norman rolled his eyes and let go of May "I think Gary wants you out there."
"Well, that's Gary." May told him "Always a little impatient."
"Then you'd better get going," Norman led her out of the house "we don't want to keep Gary waiting now do we?"
May laughed, then got into the car, sitting next to Dawn.
"Let's gooo!" Gary yelled as he gunned it, shooting the car away.
May barely had time to get a final goodbye to her parents. "Bye mom, bye dad! I love you guys!" May waved goodbye from the window of the car.
May watched the harbor get smaller and smaller as the ferry pulled away from Hoenn.
As she sat there, her thoughts wandered to her first and only love. She had already decided that she would force herself out of her depression, but she knew that she would never get over the man who stole her heart. He had always been there for her, and he had even saved her life multiple times. Looking back, she wondered how she hadn't realized her love for him earlier. From people mistaking them for a couple, or swimming together with a school of Luvdisc, the signs were everywhere, and May only wished that she had more time to have been together with Ash. He had impacted her life so much, but was taken from her before they had any real time to enjoy their relationship.
"Ash," May said, clutching the Terracotta ribbon over her chest, with a tear rolling down her cheek "I love you, now, and forever. I only hope you knew that I will forever be yours.
She stood there in silence for a few moments before someone interrupted her thoughts.
"May?" a voice from behind her said.
She quickly turned around and wiped the tear away. "Oh," She said quietly "it's just you Brock."
She turned back around and leaned on the railing, holding her head up with her arm.
Brock stood next to her and put an arm around her. "Listen, I know this will be hard for you. It's hard on all of us, especially Gary. In fact, he's holed up in his cabin right now, crying his eyes out. Dawn's trying to get to him, but he won't let her in."
"R-really?" May sniffed "But why?"
"Well, how long did we know Ash? I knew him for six, and you knew him for three, but Gary knew him for sixteen years. Even though they were rivals, they were inseparable friends. And, since they both lacked a parent, or parents in Gary's case, their friendship was extremely important to them. We both know that they have some separation issues."
May sniffed again in response.
"So don't feel alone May." Brock said "We all know what you're going through, and some have it almost as bad as you.
"I-I suppose so." May rubbed her eyes before starting inside "Thank you Brock, I needed some support. But now, I just need some sleep.
May made her way to her cabin after one last glance at the receding coastline.
Brock watched her go, then turned back to the sea, ready for some rest.
"Ash," Brock sighed before heading to his cabin to lie down "if only you were still here. This much pain May carries, shouldn't be carried by a girl her age. We still need you."
A/N- Well, that chapter was awful! It started and ended well, but the middle stuff was horrid. I'm good at writing the action parts, or parts with a lot of emotion, but I stink at writing ordinary conversations. Bleh. Sorry I'm so corny.
See y'all later
DarkLucario98