[the tale of the fuck-up]

Jasper knows he fucked up. God, does he know he fucked up. He hadn't meant to - but he had, and he had done so royally. He deserves an ass-whooping.

He hadn't -

How can he reconcile it? He'd fixated on Bella Swan, he knows, and that was dumb, which he also knows. He'd seen a pretty girl and hadn't had much else in his brain about it, and that had made him blind. Maybe that kind of single-minded focus is good for studying, but it isn't anything that will serve him well anywhere else in life.

The fact that he'd found Foresight in Dawn of Warcraft, the fact that he'd enjoyed spending time with her and getting to know her had been something he'd promptly forgotten about in the heat of a single stupid moment. And then he'd doubled the injury by blowing up at the girl who was actually Foresight in real life - something he shouldn't have done and something she didn't deserve.

He can't close his eyes without thinking of the way Alice Brandon's pretty face had crumpled right in front of him. He aches, feels almost nauseous about it.

He'd fucked up. He'd offended - hurt the feelings of - a girl who was his friend both online and offline. And he'd done it for no other reason than he wasn't thinking about the words coming out of his fool mouth or who he was talking to.

Because maybe it wasn't obvious, but maybe he also should have known. There's no difference between the Alice he knows in real life and the Foresight he knows online. Both are kind and honest, almost to a fault, and kind of thoughtless, but cheerful and positive all the same. Both are the kind of girl Jasper's grandfather would want him to bring home -

And the awful thing about it is that, before he'd fucked it all up, Jasper had been thinking about Alice - Alice specifically - in those terms. He doesn't know when it happened, but he does know that he started to look forward to their shared class and that he wanted to listen to her ramble on and that he thinks she might have the prettiest everything, twice as pretty as Bella Swan, even.

Jasper likes this girl.

Jasper also knows that he broke this girl's heart.

How can he make up for it? Sorry, Alice, my brain finally took control back from my dick, but my mouth hadn't caught up yet so I said things I didn't really mean because, actually, I've been liking you lately and I had almost forgotten about Bella Swan entirely until I saw that stupid blog post. Somehow, he doesn't think that explanation is going to fly, and he wouldn't want to use it anyway. It's a cop-out.

He fucked up. He said what he said. He can't take it back. But - but he would like to apologize.

The problem is that Alice Brandon is hard to pin down when she doesn't want to be found. Oh, sure, he sees in their last few classes, but she's in and out the door, twice as fast as Jasper can ever hope to be, and even if he races out of the lecture hall after her, she disappears in a flash. He doesn't know where she goes. He does know, however, that she looks wan and sallow and sad during their last few classes. He thinks maybe she's lost weight or she's not sleeping or something is wrong - and the guilt nearly swallows him whole, thinking and knowing that he's probably caused a significant portion of that sadness.

He fucked up - just, so badly.

At one point, right before finals, Jasper grows desperate and briefly considers hunting Bella Swan down instead, and then asking for her help to just get even a chance of talking to Alice. But, no. That's not the right way to go about it, either.

So he perseveres because if there's anything his dumb ass is good at, it's tenacity. Stanford might be a big campus, but Alice is only one girl and he knows he'll find her and talk to her eventually.

And he's right.

Right before the start of the new semester, Jasper is heading off campus to go to an office supply store that's cheaper than the campus store, and he just so happens to come across Alice Brandon struggling with a bolt of fabric and two bulging bags just outside the western campus entrance.

Jasper doesn't even think about it. He crosses the sidewalk and swoops the bolt of fabric right out of her arms.

Alice blinks up at him, stunned, and then cycles through a series of emotions that settles somewhere between annoyed and angry.

"Let me carry this for you," Jasper says quickly. "Please."

Alice turns her nose up at him. "No. Give it back and go away."

"It's too much for you by yourself," he argues.

"I don't want your help!"

That stings. He deserves it. "Please," he tries again.

Alice frowns up at him, face all scrunched in consternation, and huffs. "Fine. It's the least you can do, I guess."

It really is. It's the literal least Jasper could do to make up for how badly he's fucked up and he's glad to do it, really, because this here is an opportunity. Alice leads the way and Jasper trails along by her side. "I'm sorry," he starts. "About last time. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I didn't-"

"You know, I understand Bella's appeal," Alice cuts in, somehow both brisk and thoughtful. She doesn't look at him, like she can't stand the sight of him, and that stings, too. "She's beautiful and humble. She's perfect in almost every way, so I can understand her appeal. But Bella is one of my best friends."

"I know," Jasper says quietly. He knows that, now. It only makes him feel more blind. All this time looking at Bella and he'd completely missed Alice. It's shameful.

"I have no interest in competing against her for anything because she's as close to me as my own sister," Alice continues, speaking more firmly than he's ever heard. "But because of you, I was jealous of her and I held a grudge that she didn't deserve. I hurt her because of you."

A tiny ember of hope sparks inside - because, well, because if Alice was jealous of Bella, then doesn't that mean she likes him? But he knows - he knows - that it's not appropriate to be happy about this. It's not a good thing, even though it's kind of a good sign.

"I don't want to have envy in my heart because of something like this," Alice says. "You like someone I love, and that's fine. Apology accepted, but I really don't want to see you ag-"

"Wait!" Jasper says, heart thumping. He can already hear the end of that sentence and he doesn't want the words to actually be spoken. Not now. Not when he's finally found an opportunity to apologize and make things right. He physically stops in his tracks and waits, heart aching, for Alice to do the same. "Wait. Before you finish, I have something to say. Yes, I admit I was originally playing the game to find Swanning, but I never did. I gave up after the first few weeks playing with you - playing with Foresight - because I was having fun. I liked talking to you in class and I liked being with you in the game.

"And when I found out Bella had a boyfriend…I won't lie, I was initially disappointed," Jasper confesses ruefully. "But I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be. I had a crush on a pretty girl, but only because she was pretty, and -"

"That's pretty shallow!" Alice interrupts hotly. "Bella is way more than a pretty face!"

Privately, Jasper isn't sure this is true. He doesn't really know Bella and he honestly doesn't have a desire to know her, not anymore. He probably hasn't wanted to know her for months, he just…hadn't realized it, because he's an idiot.

"Can I finish?" Jasper asks. "The rest of what I have to say is important."

Alice crosses her arms and looks away. "Go on."

Jasper steels his courage, feeling very young and very foolish. "After it all happened, after you stormed out of class…I realized that I was more upset about you leaving than I was about Bella Swan and Masen Cullen. And when Foresight disappeared, too…Alice, do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"No," she says uncharitably. "You're a jumbled mess."

He deserves that.

He forges on anyway. "You make me a jumbled mess," he tells her, and then at her look of shock, he continues earnestly. "Alice. I like you and I've liked you for a while. I've liked playing with Foresight. I've liked failing those quests with you and trying again. I've also liked talking to you in class and saving your seat and sharing my notes. I like how quick you are to laugh and smile. You…you have the prettiest smile. I like how creative you are and the crazy way you dress-"

"I don't dress crazy," she cuts in, narrowing her eyes at him in challenge.

Jasper isn't discouraged, because she hasn't told him to stop his rambling confession. He continues. "I like everything about you. I like you so much I'm stupid with it, and as you so kindly pointed out, I'm already slow to begin with. But even if I'm clumsy with my feelings, I want to be honest with them, so that's why I'm here, telling you plainly and hoping you'll hear me. I like you, Alice Brandon."

Alice breathes out and looks away. "Are you done?"

She…doesn't sound pleased. Jasper pretends that doesn't gut him.

"Yes. Do you believe me?" he pleads. "Can you forgive me for being so damn blind?"

Alice is real quiet for a long moment, her eyes falling on the bolt of fabric in his arms. "I don't know," she says haltingly. "It's all…really raw right now. I think I need time."

"I have all the time in the world to wait for you," he says plainly, meaning every word of it and knowing that it's not really enough, not now, not yet.

Alice daintily clears her throat. "I should go," she says and takes the fabric from him. She turns away without meeting his eyes and Jasper feels like a complete failure - not just as a man, but as a friend.

"Wait!" he calls, and Alice does, her feet halting her departure. "Can, uh, can I still text you? It's - it's fine if you don't want me to, or if you don't want to reply…"

Alice is quiet.

"I've just missed talking to you," he finishes quietly. He doesn't add that not talking to Alice is like missing a limb, but he thinks she can hear it all the same. He hopes she can.

"You can text me," she says.

"Thank you," Jasper says emphatically, breathing just a little easier. That's a good sign, right? It must be. Seeing that she is starting to leave again, he calls out, "Wait! Don't you want me to - I mean, let me carry those back for you!"

"I think it's best if I do it myself," Alice tells him, turning just enough to glance at him over her shoulder, rooting him in place. "Goodbye, Jasper."

"Bye, Alice," he says, a beat too late and a shade too quiet. He watches her slender back disappear into the crowd and tries to feel like he isn't just letting his heart walk away from him. But.

Well. At least he apologized. At least she seemed to listen. At least she knows how he feels, as plainly and openly as he can tell her.

Jasper lets himself bask in that tiny ember of hope because it's all he has left.

He prays it's enough.

And it seems like maybe that little bit of hope is enough because when he texts her later, she actually responds.

Jasper
Did you get home safe?

Alice
Yes
Thank you for helping me

Jasper
Thank you for replying
I'll give you some space now

Jasper watches as a text bubble appears and disappears under Alice's name for several minutes. Eventually, the ellipses disappear completely without any message following. But he takes it as some encouragement that she at least thought about replying one last time.

He lets that thought carry him through.

Little does he know that, somewhere across campus, Alice Brandon has once again changed his contact name - and now he is no longer Jerkface, but once again Jasper. And that, more than anything, is a sign of good changes to come.

A/N: Update 4 of 4. Ahhh! Arc 3 is now finished and we're moving into Arc 4! Already this story is several times longer than I originally planned, so as of yet, I do not know where this puts the endgame, other than we are inevitably looming closer. But there are a few plots that need to be tied up, so the story is far from over!

Anyway! Jasper apologized. His head is now officially out of his ass. And it looks like both Alice and Jasper did a lot of growing. Nothing like a monumental mistake to teach a lesson, right?

As always, be brutally honest. I can take it. Stay safe, stay smart, and stay aware. Now is not the time to let your guard drop about anything! Wear your mask and keep moving forward. Be part of the solution, because now more than ever we need a cohesive willingness in society to do the right thing, even if the right thing is hard or inconvenient or shakes our world views. Help each other learn - and be open to learning. Remember that forming new opinions based on additional information is a sign of intelligence and maturity. And for the love of whatever higher power you believe in, please stop thinking that issues of moral and social justice are political - they aren't.

I'm about to rant. Feel free to skip over if you are incapable of seeing different points of view.

Political things are issues like how much should we tax people, not do these people deserve to be treated with equity and equality. Don't lose sight of the fact that we are all human and that we are all entitled to the same freedoms, from access to healthcare and the ability to make choices about our own bodies, to the right to marry and adopt children, to the right to legally express our gender orientation without discrimination, to be able to walk around without fear of being targeted for our religious beliefs or skin color. I don't have the patience for anyone who thinks that Christianity is being oppressed by the current progression of social liberties in our country, because honestly religion doesn't belong in politics period and it's grossly hypocritical that those who use religion in politics are, in fact, the most blasphemous of all - and those who support them are, in my experience, very un-Christ like. By the same token, my eyes cannot roll further back in my head to hear about how Blue Lives Matter. Of course, the lives of our law enforcement matter, but that doesn't give them a free pass to use racial profiling and deadly force when it isn't necessary, because that's equivalent to an abusive partner blaming the victim for being in the same room. The police aren't under attack. There is, in fact, a difference between saying we should hold the police accountable for behavior that is illegal and saying down with the pigs. Accountability is the point. The fact that police budgets are disgustingly inflated and perpetuate a cycle of socio-economic imbalance when really many of those funds should be used for the basic social welfare programs our taxes are supposed to pay for is the point. The bottom line is that change in all things is important. We should strive for change because we should, as a country that claims to be the greatest, strive to be better. And the truth is that our country is only great when we are all equal. You can assess the greatness of a country based on how its poorest and marginalized people are treated - and right now, we are missing the mark. So, yeah, I want things to be better and I want to use whatever platform I have to spread that message. And I will, regardless of who it offends because the time for politeness and letting people keep this dysfunctional status quo is over. And as has been pointed out to me previously, the majority of my stories have underlying themes that are "political", so if my views are any surprise to anyone, I'm genuinely shocked.

Rant over. Peace out.

~Rae