They got Ash safely onto a hospital bed in the casualty room she automatically bought her knees up and was trying to get comfortable Gordon and Jill were discussing what to do next they gave her some strong medication and then sent her for x-rays, when Ash was on her way back she heard them debating the next step as an operation to have a look at what was going on because all the tests kept coming back all the same inconclusive.
Ash was back on the bed the medication was starting to work she felt so tired she felt she could sleep for days she hadn't been able to sleep properly because of the pain or the nightmare or both she was just starting to nod off when sister Brigid came rushing in
"OHHH, what's wrong" said Sister
"We are just waiting for the test results" replied Gordon they still found after all this time she still listened to Gordon better
"Why did no one tell me" replied Sister clearly worried moving over towards Ash
"Because I don't want you here" replied Ash turning over so her back was now facing Sister
"Now why would you want such a thing as that" replied Sister trying to take Ash's hand
Ash got up from the bed, Jill and Gordon moved closer to try and get her back on the bed
"No not while she's here this is all her fault" stated Ash
"Well now how can that be" replied Sister
Ash went to say something but Jill got there first
"Maybe it would be best if you waited outside just until Ash has calmed down" said Jill
"No she needs me" replied Sister
Jill looked to Gordon for support
"We could do with a little space, I will come and get you as soon as possible" tried Gordon
"Well if you think it's for the best Doctor" replied Sister
With that she left
"Sorry" said Ash getting back on the bed
"It's not us you need to apologise too" replied Gordon
They were interrupted by a nurse
"Sorry doctor Ormerod there's an emergency and you're the doctor on call" the nurse said
"Yes, yes" replied Gordon looking at Jill
"Yes, go we'll be fine" replied Jill
With that Gordon grabbed his coat and left not noticing that Ash's diary had fallen out of his pocket in his rush.
Ash nodded off for about half an hour somewhere in that time matron had heard about her being here and had come to offer her assistance she could hear them chatting
"I don't know what else to do, she won't talk all I seem to be doing is pushing her away and Gordon's getting short tempered with her" said Jill
"Well don't forget she has to deal with this as well, she's probably blaming herself for everything that's going on and can't find a way out of it" replied Matron
"Well she did say something funny" replied Jill
"Yes" queried Matron
"That it would be better if she went away for a bit until it was more normal, and then earlier she said she was here she could talk for herself" replied Jill
"Have you been treating her differently" asked Matron
"I suppose I have been watching her more closely, there's always been someone close by and I've found it easier to detach from her being in pain if I treat her more like a patient, Ohh no what have I done" replied Jill
"Nothing none of us wouldn't have done in the same situation, but you need to try and explain to Ash who is probably terrified of her future and what is happening to her and lashing out because at least you she her then" replied Matron
"Mum" said Ash when she couldn't see her
"It's alright I'm here sweetheart and look who came to see you" replied Jill wiping away tears
"Hello Ash" said Matron
"Hello" replied Ash
"Right you'll be alright here if I just chase up something's" said Jill clearly upset
"Yeah I'll be fine" replied Ash
Jill left them and went straight to her office she didn't like letting anyone seeing her crying matron had helped her see what was going on and she was beating herself up for not noticing it before
Meanwhile back with Ash
"So what's been going on you haven't been giving them a hard time have you" Asked Matron
"Well maybe they treat me differently, and I think it might be best if I wasn't around for a while" replied Ash
"You must never think like that, they love you very much, this has been very hard on them too you know" replied Matron
"I know, can you do me a favour" asked Ash
"Yes, I'll try" replied Matron with a smile
"Can you talk to mum can you tell her she can read this but I want you to be there to support her" said Ash
"I don't understand read what" said Matron
"It's alright mum will" replied Ash giving matron the diary that had fallen out of Gordon's coat pocket and been put on the side by one of the nurses
"When" Asked Matron
Ash took a deep breath then said "No time like the present"
"Why don't I go and get her then you can help clarify any queries" replied Matron
"Because I don't think I could take the look of disappointment on her face" replied Ash truthfully
"You could never disappoint them, you know that don't you" replied Matron
Because it had been a long time and no-one had come to see her sister Brigid thought she would pop her head in and see how everything was going
"Ohh hello matron how are you" said Sister clearly annoyed that matron was aloud in here and that there was no sign of either Jill or Gordon
"I'm good and how are you" asked Matron
"I'm grand I was just wondering if I could speak to Aisling" replied Sister
Ash shook her head and then seeing the book in Matrons hand said "Actually there's something really important we have to do then I'll come and see you" replied Ash gingerly getting off the bed
"Stay here, I'll go and get her" said Matron clearly worried Ash was pushing herself too hard
"No, I'm fine, let's do this before I change my mind" replied Ash
They were walking down the corridor in silence Ash was starting to slow down and use the wall more and more for support
"Maybe we should get you back to bed" said Matron
"No" replied Ash stubbornly
"Matron's right" said Sister who had been following them
"I said no" replied Ash turning around to face Sister
She turned back to carry on and realised Matron had gone on without her she was already at Jill's door.
Matron tapped lightly on Jill's door
"Come in" Jill said
Matron opened the door and said "She's as stubborn as you"
"What?" replied Jill
"Well she's trying to get here so you can read this" replied Matron waving the diary in the air
Jill got up from behind her desk and moved to the doorway
"Sorry doctor we tried to stop her" said Sister
"That's alright thank you" said Jill stepping up and taking Ash's arm
"Why are you so stubborn" Jill said to Ash
"I've no idea where she would get that from" said Matron with a chuckle even Jill had a little chuckle. Ash looked blankly from one to the other Matron must have seen this and decided to let her in on the little joke
"Your mother" replied Matron with a little nod of the head towards Jill to make her point even clearer. Ash gave a weak smile. They got Ash into one of the chairs, Matron sat next to her and Jill took her seat.
"Well what was all this for, what's so important it couldn't wait until I got back" asked Jill
"Well I was talking to Matron and well I realised a few things" said Ash
"She wanted me to give you this to read, and thought it best she was here to explain" stated Matron
"So why couldn't it wait, there's nothing more important than you, I don't want you pushing yourself too hard and making whatever this is even worse, do you understand me" said Jill
Ash nodded
"But this couldn't wait, I heard some of what you were talking about and when sister came in I realised this was more important because Katie was right" replied Ash
"Katie was right about what" Asked Jill
"She said nothing was more important than family" replied Ash
There was a knock at the door
"Come in" said Jill, It was Gordon back from the emergency
"Hello, what are you all doing in here" he queried
"And you should still be in bed" he said to Ash
"Yeah sorry this was more important" replied Ash
"What could be more important" asked Gordon
"I'll leave you three to this" said Matron
"No stay please" said Ash
Gordon pulled up a chair and Ash started to explain everything that was written down and for once things started to come together. Jill and Gordon were able to clear a few things up which helped some pages were not as easy to explain as others and she had to leave some bits out because it said what pictures she had drawn that day. It was a good job Matron was there for those bits as she could verify that what was written down was nothing for them to worry about, that was one of the reasons she didn't want them to read it she was just hoping Katie hadn't actually taken her at her word and thrown them away. Ash made a promise not to keep anything like this a secret again and Jill and Gordon said they would try to treat her, the same as the others but they couldn't promise anything. Ash knew that was the best she was going to get but now she understood why they had been treating her differently and talking the way they had it didn't seem as bad. They all promised to talk about anything that was worrying them with the others.
There was a knock at the door
"Come in" said Jill
"Here's the results you were waiting for" replied the Nurse handing them over
"Thank-you" replied Jill taking the results and placing them on her desk
"Right let's get you back to bed then we can have a look and see what's going on" said Gordon
"It's alright I can make my own way there" replied Ash
"I don't think so you could barely make it here" replied Jill
"I'll be fine I promise I feel a bit better" replied Ash getting up she stood as straight as she could which wasn't much but it was better than before
"Will you do as you are told for once" replied Gordon, both he and Jill getting up and moving to her side
"O.k. but can you let me try it on my own, if I need help I'll ask" replied Ash
"We'll be right behind you" replied Jill looking at Gordon telling him to let her try this
Matron made to get up
"Actually matron would you mind staying we would like to run something by you" Asked Jill
"No problem" said Matron sitting back down
Ash was about halfway back to her bed when they met Sister in the hallway Ash took Jill's hand
"I'm sorry about before I said something's that weren't nice, I'm so sorry" said Ash to Sister
"That's alright we all say things when were in pain" replied Sister
"Do we know what's wrong yet" Sister asked Gordon
"No we've just got the results back, we're getting this one back to bed then we can have a look at them" replied Gordon
They got Ash back onto the bed she automatically pulled her knees up
"Try and get some rest, we'll be back as soon as possible but if you need us just tell the nurse and they will come and get us" Said Jill placing a kiss on her forehead
"O.k." replied Ash
Turning on her side so her back was facing the door she closed her eyes and fell to sleep Sister had stayed with her and was watching her sleeping