Dallas, Texas

"Things have been tough, but I think they're getting better", listening to his wife answering the question put to them, JR knew he must have visibly reacted because Doctor Williams didn't hesitate to ask him for his perspective, "JR?"

"I agree, things have been tough, but I'm not sure whether they're getting better", admitting what he'd been holding in for days, he didn't feel any better having said it. He didn't want to think things weren't improving, but Sue Ellen's deception was difficult to ignore.

"Excuse me?" wide-eyed, Sue Ellen's shock at his statement was obvious.

"I don't know how we're supposed to have an open, honest relationship when my wife is hiding something from me", feeling deceived, he didn't hold back his feelings.

"JR, what are you talking about?" questioning his statement, this time she appeared more confused than shocked.

"When did you start taking your pills again?" asking her straight he wished for an equally straight answer, but of course, he didn't receive one.

Paling, she hesitantly asked, "how do you know about those?"

Glaring at her, he explained, "I didn't go snooping if that's what you're thinking; you practically threw the information at me. On Halloween night you handed me your purse to look for tissues and I found them, I also found your pills".

"Halloween was almost a week ago, we've been together plenty of times since then and you've said nothing", glaring back at him, she was obviously more than a little annoyed.

"Oh no you don't, don't make this about what I have and haven't said, we're talking about you hiding things", raising his voice, he didn't even try to hide his irritation that she was putting the issue back on him.

"I wasn't exactly hiding it", defensive, she attempted to deflect the blame from herself again, which was just wrong because in this case she was responsible for what was going on between them.

"You never put your hand out to stop me taking my own precautions, apparently needlessly", raising his voice, he felt particularly foolish about that situation. He'd stopped complaining about using his own protection when they were together because she'd made her feelings on the subject clear, but irritatingly, she'd not communicated the same amount when she'd changed her mind and had completely neglected to tell him that he could stop doing what he was doing.

"You're misunderstanding", telling him something, her words didn't even come close to taking responsibility or an apology.

"I am? Tell me then, tell me what the truth is", almost shouting at her, wanting answers, he felt it quite appropriate to speak loudly.

Maintaining her glare in his direction it appeared that she believed he was the one acting unreasonably, "I will, if you'll lose your bad attitude".

Sighing, he closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration, "I'm just trying to understand. You lied to me, whether or not directly or not, you omitted telling me something important and you are in the wrong".

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do", apologising to him, her demeanour softened, but still, she didn't really explain herself.

Sensing she was giving him the bare minimum she could, he didn't feel particularly empathetic towards her, "that's an excuse, and not a good one. If you wanted to take birth control again then fine, but to do it behind my back was wrong".

His feelings on the subject were clear and had always been clear, he wasn't desperate to be a father again, he was quite happy with John Ross. Sue Ellen was the emotional one, the one who changed her opinion depending on what was going on in their lives, and that was ok, she was allowed to feel conflicted or confused, but to maintain his ongoing support she had to be transparent with him about how she was feeling and what she was doing about her feelings.

Looking at Doctor Williams for support, Sue Ellen must have expected that the man would be fair, because he was, asking, "can you see JR's point?"

Nodding, she whispered, "yes".

Digging a little deeper, Doctor Williams asked, "did you intend to deceive him?"

Shaking her head, she was quiet in volume again as she answered, "deceive is the wrong word to use, I wanted to control my own life. I tried to discuss it with him but after he didn't understand where I was coming from about being relieved not to be pregnant again, it felt pointless".

Listening to her, he had to say something, she was bending the truth more than slightly and needed correcting, "we discussed that openly here in one of our appointments, you didn't think to mention it then?"

"It just never came up", either misremembering their earlier appointment or outright lying, she denied that they'd had the opportunity to talk about the subject.

"That's not true. However, for the sake of keeping the conversation flowing I'm prepared to ignore that and I'm ready to listen to whatever it is you have to say on the subject", taking the high road, even though he was still angry with her, he asked her again to explain herself. He wanted to understand what had been going through her head at the time because considering he'd known she wasn't keen on becoming pregnant so soon after what happened to Pam, the fact that she'd held back on completing the story was truly confusing and upsetting to him.

"You've already heard it all, but I can tell you again how I felt about a possible pregnancy at that point in time", smiling weakly, she seemed to appreciate his effort to talk rather than argue, but yet still continued to reveal very little additional information about what she'd been dealing with.

Knowing half the story, he could only assume there was more, but the way she spoke didn't really indicate that there was, so he asked the next best thing, "do you still feel the same way?"

"I don't know, I hadn't really put much thought into it lately, taking double precautions took away the need to", having the good sense to at least look embarrassed she admitted that the situation had been working in her favour.

Thinking about her words, he tried to be reasonable, however, he was still irritated, which came out in his response. "I want to say it's your decision, you're the one that has to physically deal with the whole process, but damn Sue Ellen, I'm angry at you for acting as if it's only your decision. I've tried to be reasonable, I'm not forcing you to do anything and we've made promise after promise to be honest with each other and you still can't be open with me about this".

Listening to him, her response was expectedly vague, "do you think it was pleasant for me?"

"I wouldn't know", assuming from her tone that it hadn't in fact been a pleasant experience for her, he was bitter that he had to assume anything, he was her husband, he should know.

"You do know. My emotional state has been all over the place and it's not just because of Pam or Miss Ellie. I worry about you and then I ask you what's wrong and get nothing in return. I probably went about it in the wrong way but I did what I did for us. We agreed that taking precautions was best for us right now and with you how you were I just didn't think it was something to bother you about. I'm sorry I didn't mention it after the fact, I understand now that appears deceptive but you have to believe that wasn't my intention", apologising, she reached out to take his hand.

She might have made a good point had he not have known when she'd made the decision. He hadn't been easy to speak to at times and she probably had felt alone and like if she could handle it herself without bothering him then that's what she should do. Unfortunately, he knew that her decision had come at a time before his mother's loss, it had come at a time that Sue Ellen was feeling upset, not him, and she'd misled him ever since.

"It would have been nice if I'd have been in on that, before, during or after", sighing, he reiterated that he was disappointed that she wasn't communicating with him how they'd agreed to. He wanted to trust her, he loved her, but she was behaving in a way that made it seem as if she wasn't sure that she could give him the same things he gave her.

"I'm sorry", apologising again, she seemed to see her error in judgement.

Quiet for a long while, he thought about what she'd said. He believed that she was sorry, she'd said it enough times and explained where her head was, however, he did still have questions. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"It wasn't easy, in fact, it was a most unpleasant experience for me. I really felt like I was doing what I had to but I see now I wasn't and I'm truly sorry that I proceeded the way I did", answering him, she repeated the same general opinion she had since they'd started talking, which although wasn't easy to hear was at least consistent.

Nodding, he pushed again for answers beyond the particular matter at hand, "besides this, is there anything else you're hiding from me?"

"No", looking him in the eye she confirmed she'd told him everything.

"Ok", still a little uneasy about the situation he chose to believe her. He didn't like being lied to or feeling like a fool when he found out about her lies but he did understand where she was coming from and could admit that he hadn't been perfect either. He wouldn't be happy at all if he found out there was more to the story but she assured him there wasn't and considering he didn't want to stay angry with her forever he would give her the benefit of the doubt and trust what she was telling him was the truth.

To be continued…