[YouTube]

We're All Cheaters, Every Last One of Us
ClarityIsClear
Posted 10 months from now

(The first images of the video are a wide panning shot of a group of people milling around a familiar industrial-type background. Eagle-eyed viewers easily recognize the white-painted brick as the Midnight Sun building, as well as many of the people being caught on camera as they work to set up a game on a table.

There's a lot of beer bottles around, including one in Leah Clearwater's hand as she briefly twists the camera around to face herself. "Hey, everyone. So, I'm drunk and super pleased about it. Summer was great. Life is great. Beer is really, really great. But you know what's also great? Watching these nerds get so worked up about board games."

Here, Leah rolls her eyes, then leans toward the camera, her dark eyes more than a little mirthful. She drops her voice only a smidge. "I mean, I get it with their little video games, but I just watched someone flip a game of Risk. Like. Who even does that?" Leah pauses, glances around, and then actually whispers this time. "I'll tell you who did it, guys. It was Al. My Al. Can you believe it? He actually had color in his face for, like, thirty seconds, too. It was so funny."

"I'm standing right here," a brusque British voice says dryly.

Leah pulls back from the frame and captures Alistair on camera where he stands behind her, sneering at the camera. "Oh, I know," Leah says slyly. "I thought I would be passive-aggressive for a bit, just to see how you like it."

Alistair pointedly looks away and Leah cackles. Then the camera turns around to catch the rest of the room, and she zeros the camera in on the poorly packed-away game of Risk, which has been kicked under a desk. Leah laughs louder.

Beside her, off-camera, Alistair can be heard snapping, "Masen cheated! I can be upset about that!"

Leah is quick to contradict him. "I was right there. I didn't see any cheating."

"Maybe you didn't see it," Alistair says darkly. "But it was there.

Meanwhile, a pair of bright eyes and a wide, animated grin steps into the camera. "Hey, hey! Are we talking about how Masen's a cheating cheater who absolutely cheats?" Peter asks, lifting his brows.

"Apparently," Leah says dryly.

Peter claps his hands and rubs them together. "Oh, boy. Ohhh, boy, then have I got the scoop for you! Masen has absolutely been a lying, hustling, cheating cheater since the day we met him," he declares loudly, and half the room looks around at the sound of his voice.

Leah's tone slips into one of amusement. "I suppose you have a story to prove your claim?"

"Totally do," Peter confirms.

Masen, who is overseeing the construction of a Battleship board, can be seen visibly sighing from just over Peter's shoulder.

"Listen," Peter starts, tossing his thumb over his shoulder. "You see that guy there? That guy is a hustler. Don't trust him. He looks all innocent and shit, but he isn't."

"Get on with the story," Leah heckles.

"I will!" Peter huffs. "Okay. So, the thing is, back when we all met as tender, stupid little freshmen, we had a little competition to see who would be rooming with who. We had a joint dorm the first year and there were two bedrooms with four guys. Obviously, we wanted to be democratic about it -"

"I seem to remember you trying to verbally deduce that Masen looks like he cleans his room so he would be a killjoy to room with, so you were refusing to room with him," Emmett calls out from behind him.

Peter sucks his teeth, then seems to ignore Emmett. "-and Masen proposed that we have a literal race over it. Winner gets to pick his roommate and the rest of us have to live with it. Only, Masen here neglected to mention that he ran track and played basketball all through high school. And of course, he won, because he's a crafty bastard and he definitely set it up to make me suffer."

"It was fair," Alistair drones off-screen.

Leah snorts from behind the camera. "Uh, how was that fair?"

Peter nods vigorously. "Yeah! It wasn't fair at all!"

"You only had to room with Emmett for one semester," Alistair reminds him.

"And it was the worst semester of my life!" Peter exclaims.

"Gee, thanks," Emmett grumbles, but the rest of the room is laughing.

When the laughter dies down, Leah is the first to make a comment, and although her face can't be seen, the viewers imagine how wry her expression might be. "So, if you know he cheats to win, why do you bother playing against him?"

Peter stomps his foot. "If Bella can win then so can we!"

This time, Leah laughs so hard the camera shakes, and the sound recording crackles from the volume. "You-you….!"

Peter and most everyone else looks a little baffled by her response, with the exception of Bella, who looks a little sheepish as she finishes setting up the Battleship game.

"I don't get the funny in all of this!" Peter whines.

"I'm sorry! It's just -" Leah laughs again. "It's just you think that Bella doesn't cheat!"

In the background, Bella crosses her arms and pout. "I don't cheat. I just...know that the game is in my favor."

"Yeah, okay," Leah says. "Tell that to my eight-year-old self losing that card game because someone used the reflection of my cards in the freaking toaster to beat me."

Bella blushes to the roots of her hair. "It was one game! Let it go!"

Peter is gaping. "Did...did Bella cheat a Go Fish?"

"Bella cheated at Go Fish," Leah confirms gleefully. "Actually, I don't know which one of them is worse, Bella or Masen?"

"They deserve each other," Peter says darkly.

Bella puffs out her cheeks, even as Masen's face seems to twitch into what might be a smile, according to viewers who will argue about it in the comments later. "Can we just play Battleship?"

"In light of this cheating scandal," Emmett starts with raised brows. "I'm not sure you or Masen should be allowed to play. Masen did just cheat at Risk and you, apparently, have a history."

Bella rears back in shock. "Seriously?"

"I think that's the way it is, babe," Leah calls from behind the camera.

"Unbelievable," Bella mutters, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Sorry, Bella," Alice says apologetically, her tinkling voice heard somewhere just off-screen.

Bella sighs. "It's fine. Let's get on with the game, then."

And so the players start, this time Jasper playing against the seldom-seen K.O., who manages to play an incredibly vicious game even with Peter hanging off his back like a spider monkey. As the players change out, this time Peter playing against Alice, the camera zooms in on an inexplicable huddle in the corner of the room. Rose And Bella have their heads bent together, and although their faces can't be seen, Leah does manage to zoom in on what looks like a covert fist-bump.

"Interesting," Leah mutters behind the camera as Rose and Bella separate, each of them swanning around the room.

There is a low sound, another voice muttering What are you talking about, and then Leah can be heard, "Shh, I want to know what they're scheming."

And indeed, at least to viewers, there does seem to be some amount of scheming. Rose Hale has approached her boyfriend, Emmett, and is challenging him to a game of battleship, while Bella loiters over the current game. By now, most of the people in the video are visibly hazy and flushed from the beer, including Rose and Emmett, who settle down at the Battleship game and spend several minutes moving pieces around. Bella, meanwhile, casually circles the table. The view of the camera is wide enough that viewers can see the careful way Masen is watching her, and the way he subtly shifts to stand behind Rose even as Bella moves to stand behind Emmett.

And then the game starts, and by the third time Rose manages to make an inexplicably correct call - much to Emmett's drunken confusion - it becomes clear that Bella and Rose are somehow communicating. Leah is trying to stifle her laugher behind the camera, the video bouncing up and down as she shakes in amusement. Alistair, who must be still standing beside her, lets out a mystified, Bloody hell that sends her off into loud titters.

"You sunk my Battleship!" Emmett cries out, scowling at his board. "Damn it!"

Bella bites her lip, keeping a straight face.

Rose takes a languid sip of beer. "You still have, what, three ships left? Don't be a baby."

"How are you so good at this all of the sudden?" Emmett demands. "The last time we played, you lost! By a lot!"

"Maybe it's the beer," Rose says.

"Or maybe Bella is throwing signs at you behind his back," Leah mutters, and the camera zooms in on Bella's hands, which make the shape of an L and then a 3. Rose calls out the correct places on the board and Emmett huffs, admitting that another one of his fleet has sunk.

Masen, who was watching all of this calmly, merely raises a brow at Bella, and Bella shrugs, apparently unapologetic as she helps Rose win the game.

"We're all cheaters," Leah says. "Or at least they are."

Alistair's voice is heavy with judgment, even faint as it is. "Every last one of them."

Later, the video will catch Bella and Masen talking about it, and Bella will say it was a "matter of feminine pride", her chin lifted in a challenge. The video will turn away in just enough time to catch the clear way Masen leans down into her space with obvious intent - and then the video will go dark.)

View Comments

Tennnnnnent
I can't believe what I saw with my own two eyes! Who cheats over Battleship?

LuveMeDue
You heard the woman, it was a matter of pride. Feminine pride.

V_VeryGood
The fact that these wackos are actually cheating at children's boardgames is giving me life

J24U
Okay but that was definitely a smile at 4:32, right? That was a smile! His face does move! Whoever owes me money, you can send it directly to my Venmo rn thanks

EdWinWinners
This chaotic gang is better than therapy

A/N: This is update 1 of 2 I have planned for this holiday weekend. And speaking of which - Happy Holidays, everyone! Hopefully, everyone is having a healthy, safe, and cautious holiday season. I know it's weird and it's hard, but we're all better off staying vigilant! It's my hope that we can all stay healthy as we start the new year. 2020 was like neverending whiplash - like, remember when Australia was on fire, or when last January we almost had a third world war? It's been nuts. But some good things have come out of the year, like Dolly Parton being the best person in the world and Miley Cyrus bringing 80s rock back into mainstream and K-Pop finally becoming accessible and accepted to global audiences on a large scale. Other cool things that happened this year include critters who have survived wildfires, baby elephant booms, some truly great television, and the comforts we have found through social media and other online platforms, including this one.

At the risk of sounding like an optimist, I'm going to go ahead and say it: We got this far, so we can keep going. Keep looking for stars when it's dark, folks. There's always something to find joy or hope in.

Now, at the risk of sounding like a basic horoscope bitch (which I am - I'm a Taurus, an earth sign, my moon is in Virgo, and I'm Sagittarius ascending, and I'm damn proud of it), but maybe the Saturn-Jupiter thing will, like, reset the world? I'm just saying, the last time this happened was 800 years ago and it genuinely seems like humanity has been, you know, going downhill kind of? With the exception of the internet? Maybe now things will be looking up? Who knows?

If you want to learn more about your horoscope (and why wouldn't you?) you can find your natal birth chart at CafeAstrology dot com. That's my Christmas gift to you, so you're welcome!

As always, be honest. I can take it.

~Rae