This tale began with a boom.

And another boom. This one, not nearly as dangerous. Only caused by a vault door falling flat on the floor, once the first boom had blown it off its hinges.

Wybie was the first to emerge from the smoke, caution cranked to eleven, peering down the opened doorway, a compact shield strapped around his left arm - a trusty aegis ready to be deployed with the press of a button.

"Huh." He cocked his head to one side. "No turrets, no drones, no cybernetically-enhanced rodents? This is going a lot smoother than I expected."

"Yes." Dipper joined his friend. His eyes, as they were wont to do in these situations, narrowed, forever critical, eternally analyzing. "Almost... suspiciously smooth."

"Lighten up, captain buzzkill." Raz walked, nay, strolled up to them. His stride was long, and confident, and would have you believe he's not breaking into the most secure facility in the sector. "Just means we planned this down to a T."

Eggs rushed to rejoin the others, skittish like a mice in a maze, palms growing sweaty from holding his electric rod a tad too tight. Being part of the away team wouldn't be his first choice, but the little tinkerer hated disappointing his friends. "And didn't you say the line about how this place is run by geniuses was complete bollocks?"

Norman coughed, waving away the smoke. With his constitution, it was ill-advised for him to join the excursion, but when the chance for answers presented itself, the temptation was too much, and no risk was too great. "Dipper will be Dipper." Norman smirked, but a moment later, as he met Dipper's eyes, something altogether more genuine shone through. "At the same time, Dipper is Dipper."

Dipper reciprocated. A moment of warmth, genuine and tender, in the midst of chaos, between close friends. Or so both parties insisted. "Thank you, Norman."

"I'm not saying we go full Rambo or anything." Raz shrugged. "Just gotta appreciate the small victories."

"There's some logic to that. Surprisingly." Dipper ate up the pointed look Raz shot him. And the delicious dance of one-upmanship continues. "But now is the time to think big. I'm sure Wybie would agree."

Wybie affirmed the notion with a snort. "Big. I get it."

The five pirates stared down the path granted to them by a few strategically-placed explosive charges. They still had a long night ahead of them.

But let's rewind a bit, shall we?

The location, the Extra Terrestrial Technology Investigative Institute. Referred by most as simply, ETTI Institute. A lunar base on the moon of Vadim VII, where the Federation's best, bravest, and brightest study excavated ancient alien technology. Or so the pamphlet would have you believe.

The time, ten minutes past midnight, Vadim VII Time. A time for rest, recuperation, and slumber. A time where many, many facilities are operated by only the minimum number of staff.

The quarry, the blueprint of an experimental engine reverse-engineered from alien technology, said to produce power on a scale hitherto undreamt of, dubbed the 'Ragna Drive'. Enough to fulfill the power requirements of, say, a giant humanoid robot.

The reason, to fulfill the boyhood dream of one Wybourne Lovat. Refer to the line above for a hint of said boyhood dream.

The plan, to separate into two teams. Team one - Wybie, Dipper, Raz, Eggs, and Norman - will infiltrate the vault of ETTI Institute and extract the Ragna Drive blueprint directly from their database. Team two - Coraline, Lili, Mabel, and Winnie - will take the staff hostage to prevent them from activating the automated defense, or worse, notifying the Federation. Neil will stay on the Lost Cipher; keep it running and ready for a rapid exit. Currently, the plan had unfolded much, much smoother than any of them had expected. Almost suspiciously smooth, to quite the Lost Cipher's intel officer.

"Why are we getting dragged into this again?" Raz placed his hands behind his head - a gesture one such as you would be familiar with. "It's Wybie's Valentine's gift. Dragging Coraline in, I get - she got you the coordinates in the first place - but far as I know, things between us are strictly platonic."

Eggs stared at him like he's stupid, which was only marginally true. "Because we're best friends?"

Raz laughed. Couldn't argue with cold, hard facts like that. "Alright, alright." He pointed a finger towards all the boys present. "Next Valentine's, you guys are getting roped into my plans."

A small shrug from Wybie hid the deviousness of his retort. "Fine. Then you don't get a turn on the giant robot."

The change was instantaneous.

"Kidding!"

The reaction, the look, the way Raz's voice rose by an octave at the last syllable - it was too much for Wybie and Eggs. Giggles were had, and they were joyous.

Dipper watched it unfold, purposefully placing himself a meter behind the group. His traitorous lips curved upwards, despite his best efforts. What a crew. What a family.

"Captain, we're in the vault. How's the situation on your end?"

"Under control. No joke."

Self-deprecation was not a good look for a captain, but Coraline couldn't seem to help herself. Not that anyone could blame her. One of the Federation's top institutes for xenotechnology, currently storing the only known blueprint of an extremely powerful experimental engine, no less. Infiltrating that would be next to impossible, even for the crew of the Lost Cipher. And yet, here they are.

"It's quiet here too." Dipper's voice came after a moment of dead air. "I don't like it."

Coraline could picture it clear in her head. The swivel-eyed manic of the intel officer. "You don't have to like it," she said, then waited. He knew how the phrase ends.

"You just gotta do it." A sigh. "I'll check in again in ten minutes."

A beep signaled the end of the transmission. The hand on her earpiece returned to the hilt of her cutlass. She leaned back against the desk, and finally met the expectant eyes that have been boring holes into her for the past minute.

"The boys are doing fine. Everything's going according to plan."

Lili made a hum, an affirming noise, heard from across the room. "First time for everything."

A jab at the boys would have usually followed, but the captain just didn't seem to have it in her tonight. Might have something to do with the way her gut's been sloshing worse than the typhoons of Endecalus. Repression had never been her strong suit.

"This doesn't feel right." And the truth was out there. "Federation's shitty - I know that, but holding a place of learning like this at gunpoint… I don't like it."

Lili looked ahead, and only then realized the distress on Coraline's face. She really had been too reliant on her powers. The signs were all there. Of course the good captain's conscience wouldn't sit well with this scenario, even if it was for the sake of her beloved.

"And once again, the folks at the bottom are the ones getting hit, when the problem's all the way upstairs." Coraline sighed. Chose to stare at a random dot on the wall. "These poor folks didn't do anything wrong."

Lili smacked her lips. "Well." The ever-present dilemma reared its head once more. Lili had no answer for it, long term, but for the current situation, she had one that might suffice. "That's why we brought Mabel."

Coraline hummed - it sufficed. In the room adjacent to this one, Mabel was fulfilling her duty, and to an extent, Neil's duty. The unfortunate staff of the Institute - mostly researchers who stayed overnight and night shift guards - sat on the floor, pensive and bewildered, watching the notorious space pirate holding them hostage laying down what was essentially a picnic basket before their very eyes.

"Sorry again for this whole hostage situation thing, it's nothing personal. My friend just has this thing he wants to build, but to do it he needs a thing that you have, and this thing isn't something you'll hand over ever, even if we asked pretty please with a cherry on top, so. I'm gonna make this the best dang hostage situation of your life." Mabel clapped her hands together and rubbed them. The fine spread she laid out watered even her mouth. "Our chef is a god at what he does, and I'm not saying this just because I'm his BFF forever and ever and ever. And don't be afraid to ask for seconds! He went all. Out."

And off she went, going from one befuddled hostage to the next, handing out packets of cookies, bagels, cupcakes, pretzels, stuffed bread, and small containers of water, milk, tea, fruit juices, all the while maintaining a big, toothy, silly smile. A smile unfitting for an average Federation civilian's perspective of a space pirate.

The scene, bizarre as it was, was oddly touching. A reminder of where their true allegiance lies. And Lili's heart grew warmer that night. Coraline's didn't, but only because she was paying attention to the other half of the room.

"Maybe we shouldn't have paired her with Winnie."

Indeed. Any goodwill Mabel gained through snacks and niceties was understandably mitigated by the fact that Winnie stood tall behind her, glaring, clad in full combat armor, and wielding a heavy machine gun half her size.

Lili expanded her perspective. When the moment struck, she cringed. "To be fair, we were expecting something a little more… intense."

"Eh. It's a standard 'good pirate, bad pirate' play." Coraline wanted to continue, but paused. A thought just clicked in her mind. A thought that she should've had long before this juncture. "They… do know that's what they're doing, right?"

Indeed, they are not. There was no coordination. No communication. Mabel's intent when she entered the room was to serve, to ease the predicament of the unfortunate staff in whatever way she could. Winnie's intent when she entered the room was to intimidate, to make clear the consequence should any funny business arise. Their very different goals clashed, and it showed.

Case in point. A fresh, baby-faced night guard tore his bread in half, made a face upon seeing the contents, put the pieces back together, and placed the bread beside him. Winnie, who caught half of the act, promptly marched over to him and shoved the business end of her machine gun against his chest.

"You trying to be cheeky, mate?" Winnie shoved the gun harder, just to emphasize. Not that it was necessary. The baby-faced night guard could only sputter and stammer, because a massive machine gun was being pressed against his chest.

This only provoked the beast. "No, no, don't act dumb now. I saw you putting that bread together." A nod of her head pointed towards the discarded bread. "What'd you do? Turned a tracker on and hid it in there? Started a call with someone? Am I right or am I right?"

The night guard gulped, hard. Thankfully, his mushy, fried brain finally, finally strung together a coherent sentence, and sent the message to his tongue.

"I- I'm… vegan?"

Winnie blinked.

"Well, why didn't you say so? Silly!" Mabel rushed over, open basket in hand. "Our chef also made some vegan alternatives. Like I said, he is. The best."

Winnie pulled away, but the glare on her face sent a clear message: he's on thin ice, and she's watching him. The dark stain on his pants grew in diameter.

Another case.

"E-excuse me?"

Winnie whipped around, gun raised, aimed center mass at a cowering researcher with a container of chocolate milk in her hand.

"Don't shoot me, I'm just lactose intolerant!"

Mabel was by her side in record time. "Soy milk, then? Or maybe you want something else. Tea? Orange juice?"

Coraline and Lili watched the scenario unfold in silence. Both had their arms crossed. Both silently agreed even they couldn't hope to cope with that kind of emotional whiplash. At one point, Coraline sniffed.

"They are going to need extensive therapy after this. And you just know the insurance won't cover that." Lili's eyes narrowed, memories of a different life returning to her. "Wait, I worked for the Federation. I know the insurance doesn't cover that."

Coraline glanced at the clock. The ten minutes were almost up. Strangely captivating shows sure helped pass the time.

"Dipper, it's been ten. What's the sitch?"

"Pop quiz," Dipper asked back. "If I'm the human equivalent of bland oatmeal, what kind of method would I use to discourage people from going into my vault?"

There was barely a beat. "A… hallway of lasers."

"And the captain goes home with a hundred points."

An amused snort. "Score." A shift in tone. Dipper could practically see the good captain towering over him. "Now make sure you score that blueprint."

"Will do. See you in ten."

The transmission went cold. Dipper rejoined his friends ahead. A winding criss-cross of red lines stretched in the hallway before them, making an admirable attempt at mimicking the walls of Dipper's cabin. The only thing missing were the pictures and color-coded pins.

"Didn't even make it invisible." Condescending tuts left Raz's lips. Add in a slow head-shake, and he looked the spitting image of that one teacher you had. You know the one. "Amateurs."

Norman, ever the realist, had just the thing to say. "Doesn't make it any easier to cross."

Raz, ever the smug bastard, had just the smirk to wear. "For you."

The non-ace pilot reached high, dropped low, limbered up, and stretched out. Muscle decay was a very real issue even for an adept athlete such as Raz. Stretching would never stop being important until the end of his days. After all, if one wanted a performance to be perfect, a perfect amount of practice was required.

Dipper, ever the pain in Raz's backside, had already donned his pointed glasses and fiber gloves while Raz was still loosening his triceps. No self-respecting hacker would leave his den without a mobile cyber warfare suite. His self-loathing wasn't that strong.

Display, opened. Disabling program, running. Energy pulse, charged. A hand raised and pointed, and. Release.

The red lines blipped out of existence in a wave, rapidly, one after another. Like a master magician, Dipper transformed the hallway ahead to be just like the hallway behind. The act earned a glowing reception from Norman, Wybie, and Eggs, but just like a reactionary critic, Raz's response was a bit more mixed.

Dipper pushed the glasses further up the bridge of his nose, the light reflecting from his display obscuring his eyes. "All according to plan."

Wybie and Eggs marched ahead, a spring in their step, because why wouldn't they? They were one step closer to a giant robot. Raz would be counted among that group, usually, but in this occasion, he stayed behind. Locked in a duel of eyes with the insufferable intel officer.

"Showoff."

"Hypocrite.

Norman walked past between them. "And... kiss."

Norman was quick to leave soon after. He knew when his job was done. The duel continued, though it now carried a different heat than before.

"I had that."

"There was still room for human error." Concern through a mask of hard facts. As Dipper as could be. "Unless you want more scars on your pretty face?"

Raz grinned and, he would insist, didn't blush. "I reject your sarcasm and will take that as a genuine compliment."

"I spy with my little eye… something round."

"That mug over there?"

Coraline took a moment to imitate a doe-eyed guppy. "Shit. You sure you're not psychic anymore?"

Lili laughed, but it was bitter and hollow. How she wished the answer to that question was anything other than a yes.

She breathed the bitterness away. "My turn." Her eyes swept the room, searching for a most unlikely object that would surely befuddle the cunning captain. Playing I Spy was a lot easier than dealing with the moral conundrums of their actions.

"I spy with my little eye… something blue."

Blue. An easy, general start. Coraline already spotted some likely candidates. A monitor glowing light blue. A pair of gloves, faded but still blue. A decorative action figure, dressed primarily in blue. Hell, the captain herself could count, with her blue hair.

"Something unique."

An adjective. Always guaranteed to make things difficult. Uniqueness is relative to each person. How could Lili expect Coraline to know her definition of unique? If it came to it, the good captain wasn't above considering her own self as unique.

"Something… beautiful."

Coraline paused. Glanced at Lili and studied her face. Blue, unique, and beautiful. An attempt at flirting from the weapons officer, at long last? She could take that risk, assume it to be that way, at the risk of looking like a complete idiot if she assumed wrong. But what's life without taking risks?

"Me?"

It was a shame Lili wasn't drinking anything, because that would have been one hell of a spit take.

"Wow. Your ego is finally big enough for that hat." Lili pointed, and Coraline followed, at a potted plant sitting pretty by a sink. The leaves were blue, sparkled with a certain beauty to it, unlike any plant Coraline had seen before. "Lappidis sapphirini. Only grows on Vadim VII."

Coraline's lips thinned into a line as straight as she was not. An embarrassing setback, but now she's in the mood. No way was she going to drop it now. "Sure is convenient that plant's there to cover for you."

"Believe what you want. The truth doesn't change." Lili crossed her arms. A scoff and an aversion of sight completed the routine. Highly presumptuous of the captain to think she would want to perform this song and dance in such a critical mission.

But for Coraline, the present danger only enhanced it, elevated the song and dance. Made it all the more enticing. And as the imagined tune in her head slowed, the dance had no choice but to obey. She moved closer, standing in front of Lili, one hand on the wall behind the fiery flower, using her height to her advantage. Doth the good captain has borrowed too much of the engineer's secret stash of mature literature.

A fellow connoisseur of such literature would recognize the action as a 'kabedon'.

"Look me in the eyes, and just try saying that again." Coraline leaned closer, the gap closing millimeter by precious millimeter, until Lili could feel the captain's breath against her skin, and Lili squirmed in that way that Coraline simply adored.

"Coraline…" Oh, the way Lili's voice trembled saying her name? Heavenly. Sent her heart galloping like a wild stallion. The urge to close the gap between them had never been so strong. "What about Wybie? And Raz?"

"Wybie doesn't care as long as I listen to him do his dumb, cute rants about machines and kiss him just right once in a while." Coraline saw how Lili bit her lip at the mention of kissing. She liked it. "And your boyfriend wants us to be an item more than we do."

The poor, precious flower hadn't the strength to lift her petals to bloom, instead choosing to wilt towards her roots, so Coraline gently, tenderly moved to rectify that. Calloused fingers placed itself under a soft chin, urging it to rise, further and further, until finally, scarlet met hazel.

"C'mon. Let's try."

For a moment, Coraline allowed herself to hope. The gap grew smaller. Lili's hot breath tickled her skin, just like her own breath must tickle hers. But alas, it seemed it was too much. Lili withdrew, wilting, eyes losing contact. Coraline swallowed a sigh. If Lili wasn't ready, then she wouldn't push it. Coraline pulled away, withdrawing.

Until a hand shot up to grab her collar.

"Sure."

Oh, poor captain. So focused on the flower that she forgot about the flames. So utterly unprepared to find herself suddenly on her knees.

"Let's."

A harsh tug of the collar forced Coraline to look up. A performance worthy of a Space Oscar had been shed away, and bursting from that cocoon, was a looming, smirking deity, shining and burning, beautiful and dangerous, like the brightest star in the astral sea.

"Hmm. Quite the view." It really was. Her poor and precious flower act completely fooled Coraline. If her reward for the lie was an image of the great pirate captain Coraline Jones on her knees, jaw hanging open, a pretty shade of red on her cheeks, Lili would've done it more often. "Maybe I can learn to like this."

But the captain wasn't one to stay down. The initial surprise might have given Lili an edge, but once Coraline regained her bearings, there was little Lili could do to stop her from rising back to her full height. "I won't let you learn much."

"You think you wear the pants in this mess?" Lili refused to back down. Who gives a damn about height anyway?

"I mean, I can still look kick-ass in a dress." Coraline relished the challenge. This was so much more fun than a delicate flower. A flower wouldn't be able to handle Coraline capturing her chin in her hands, or pressing her against the wall, or moving one leg between hers. "But I'm always on top."

Lili grabbed onto Coraline's shoulders and pulled her closer, deeper, darker. No room for any god here. "Only because you never danced with me before."

A battle of dominants. A war of contrasts. Blue and red. Sea and sun. A captain of the astral sea and a goddess of fire. Equally enchanting. Equally menacing. Equally unwilling to let the other emerge victorious. What force in this universe could possibly break this stalemate?

The answer was five rapid raps against the window.

Coraline and Lili jumped, like toddlers being caught eating cookies before dinner. They turned to the source, and saw Winnie through the glass, making a scarily fine impression of a disappointed mother. And Mabel was also there, making an exaggerated impression of a crazed sports fan. At least the hostages had the decency to avert their eyes.

Oh yes, to freshen the memory, the hostage situation never stopped being a thing.

The cheeks of both Coraline and Lili achieved a shade of red never before seen in human history.

"You better hope no one buggered off while you were busy shacking up," Winnie's voice came through the earpiece, "or those fraternization policies might be back on the table."

A lot of scoffs and denials poured forth from both flustered teens. Too many, to be perfectly frank.

Winnie rolled her eyes and walked away from the window. She still had other things to worry about. Mabel practically shot stars from her eyes and pressed her face against the window.

With cheeks still burning red, Lili nudged Coraline, whispering, "You paid attention, right? No one got out?"

"Nah, definitely not." A pause. A moment to reconsider a more fitting word. "Well. Probably not."

'Probably' was the correct choice of word. It was not an absolute. It left the possibility open that someone did manage to slip away while they were otherwise, ahem, distracted.

Because someone did.

Jonathan Teletha Estarossa, local rich idiot who got a job at the institute mostly due to the aforementioned richness, took advantage of the heated moment between passionate comrades to sneak out of the room he was held in and into the hallway, out of sight.

He paused, held a hand against his chest, feeling his heart beat like they were about to burst from his chest. That was the most excitement he ever had in his sad, sad life. Not that being unnoticed by women was ever particularly difficult for him. This idiot was, and always will be, a living woman repellant.

After an embarrassing amount of time gasping and heaving, he stood straight, eyes dead set on his goal. Unfortunately, for our brave space pirates, this idiot's goal was not a simple, selfish escape.

"Those damn femoids will pay."

That should tell you everything there was to know about him.

The barrier of blast-proof glass slowly lowered with a hiss. The searing web of plasma beyond deactivated line by line. A coveted data drive, hovering and rotating in place, shot out of its metal hollow by way of electromagnetic manipulation. Its destination, the metal-gloved hands of the Lost Cipher's chief engineer, much to the delight of the eternal ten year old boy within.

"Ragna Drive blueprint," Wybie raised the drive in his hands to the heavens, victorious, "get!"

He turned his burning gaze to his friends, his compatriots, his brothers-in-arms. The family that got him this far. It was the least he could do to flash them a grin of boiling blood.

"Giant robot, here we come!"

Eggs hollered, because damn was Wybie's dream infectious. He'd converted Eggs to have the same dream after only a few short months of living together. Raz copied the slasher smile Wybie wore, because damn did he want to pilot a giant robot. One more reason why deserting the Federation was the best decision of his life. Dipper smirked, because damn his friends were cute when they get all giddy about something.

But he couldn't get distracted by the adorably bloodthirsty now. Not when his fingers were dancing away at a separate terminal, planting a bug directly into the Institute's central database.

The dance didn't go unnoticed for long. Raz, still riding the high of success, thought it had been too long since he'd last annoyed the resident mad scientist. "And how's your plot for world domination going?"

"You joke, but I will take that as a prompt to explain this for the sixteenth time today." Dipper didn't give Raz a chance to regret his decision. He'd take a chance to run his mouth anytime. "This bug will create a backdoor to their database that I can access anytime, anywhere. And, once I upload this function to the extranet, so does everyone else in the known universe. Every book, every journal, every article, every paper they have ever made, accessible by anyone, anywhere, for absolutely zero credits."

Usually, Raz would have rolled his eyes, but the passion behind those words was… alluring. For once, Raz listened, and frankly, felt uneasy. "That… can be kinda dangerous, you know."

Dipper spun, and Raz suddenly found himself lost in the eyes of one of the most determined beings in the universe.

"Everyone has a right to know everything."

Raz had to step back, lest he be overwhelmed, consumed, by the black hole made flesh standing before him. From a safe distance, though, the sight brought a smile to his lips.

"That's why you're the mad scientist."

Dipper returned to his work, only a few clicks away from completion. He savored the final click that put everything into place, like the last bite of a meal. A deep, throaty chuckle escaped him - one worthy of any mad scientist. "Let's see how long until these 'academics' figure it out."

Raz glanced over his shoulder at the opposite side of the chamber. "Norman?"

Fittingly enough, the opposite side of the chamber fit the descriptor in every sense of the word. Uncertainty, anxiety, and defeat hung over that corner like a thick cloud, invisible yet tangible. At the center of it was a poor soul, bearing the name Norman Babcock.

He was at his wit's end. He'd tried entering every word he could think of into the terminal in front of him - medium, spirit, ghost, afterlife, heaven, hell - and every single result he got was irrelevant. Unhelpful. He's standing in the center of one of the Federation's top institutes, granted unlimited access to their database, and he's still no closer to anything resembling an answer.

Norman stared at the cruel screen, fingers clawing at his rigid hair. Desperation had sunk its teeth deep. He scrambled to type in two more words.

Norman Babcock.

A red X. No results. Norman gritted his teeth, and typed again.

Agatha Prenderghast.

No results.

Norman closed his eyes. The air darkened. The cold despair swirled, shifted, rising, burning. The black turned red. His eyes flared open. He raised a clenched fist and reared back - his target, the softly glowing terminal screen. Would he finally give in?

No. The red in his eyes fizzled. His clenched fist loosened, and dropped to his side. Such an act was simply not in his nature. His gaze fell, but a comforting hand on his shoulder stopped him from succumbing further.

"I just want some answers. Is that really so much to ask?" Norman exhaled, tired, desperate for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Raz gave Norman a squeeze and a shake. A smile that goes a long way. "And you'll get them. We'll make sure of that. Plus, we still have plenty of time."

And that was the alarm's cue to go right the fuck off.

Raz groaned. "Great. Now it's my fault. Thanks, universe."

The blaring sirens grew louder, as if responding to Raz's definitely sincere gratitude.

"Something tells me you're not at fault." Dipper smirked. He had some choice words picked already, and he couldn't wait until he could share them with a certain captain.

Wybie held the data drive in his hands with all the tenderness reserved for a newborn baby. "No worries, baby." He gave the hunk of metal a big ol' smooch, before shoving it inside his coat. "I'm gonna protect you with my life."

"We've got drones. Six of 'em." The display on Dipper's cyber suite laid it out plainly. Six red dots making their way to the vault - their current location. "Fifteen seconds out and counting."

Not a second to lose. Wybie moved to the vault door and prepared the compact shield strapped to his left arm. A press of a button, and the metal unfolded, forming a sturdy, if temporary, cover. Raz, Eggs, Norman, and Dipper were quick to fall in. The onslaught would soon begin.

"Impact in three… two…"

Eggs leaned back against the metal shield. "This always happens."

"…one."

First, came the faint hum of airborne drones approaching. Then, the whirr of energy, of weapons charging their load. Last, the whizz of lasers, of projectiles crashing against the temporary aegis. Wybie gritted his teeth - the initial impact was always the hardest to handle - but kept his left arm and the cover steady. Time for a counterattack.

Dipper was already on it, no prompt necessary. Accessing a nearby security feed, Dipper identified the make and model of the drones; their strengths, weaknesses, and especially, vulnerabilities to cyber attacks. Creating the necessary code was child's play. He stuck a hand out from cover, and released.

The energy surge struck two of the drones. They shuddered, ceased firing, turned to face their fellow drones, and resumed firing. The other four turned from state-of-the-art defensive machinery to smoking piles of scrap in no time flat. Their task complete, they flew towards the group, towards Dipper - their new master - hovering close to his shoulders.

"Should we move out?" Wybie's shield shrunk to its compact size - a surprisingly smooth process for one of his contraptions.

Norman stole a glance towards the terminals, despite the failures fresh in his memories. "How bad is it?"

"The entire facility is alive," Dipper replied, eyes glued to his display. "The Federation can't be far behind."

Raz came to a quick decision - an ability continuously honed over the last few months. "We have to leave. Now." As executive officer, he had to be harsh and precise, but as a friend, he had more than enough apologetic smiles to go around. "Sorry, Norman."

Norman wanted to smile back, but the corners of his lips simply wouldn't budge. "It's fine," he said. The catchphrase of people who are definitely fine.

No psychic power was necessary to see through the façade, but even Raz knew this was not an ideal circumstance for a heart to heart. "None of us are dying in nerd nirvana on my watch. Let's move!"

The group wasted nary a moment to follow the order, except for Dipper, who had strong opinions on this shoddy institution being referred to as 'nerd nirvana', and was ready to voice them. It was a real shame the vault was empty before he could say a single word. He sighed, gave chase, and put a finger on his earpiece.

"So. Who are we shaming?"

"Nobody!"

Coraline ducked, the laser shot of a drone from behind flying past mere centimeters away from her hair. Lili spun, firing two charged pistol shots, while Winnie responded with a spray of machinegun fire. Coraline dove to a different hallway, following Mabel's lead, and hugged the wall like her life depended on it. Which it is.

"Awfully quick on the draw there, cap."

"It's an adrenaline-fueled situation. Don't read into it." Coraline mentally screamed at herself to not imagine a shit-eating grin on that smug face, but that was a bad idea, because now all she could think about was a shit-eating grin on that smug face. "Just get your pale behind to the exfil point, stat."

"I'll be there faster than you can say 'teenaged horndog'."

And then the line died. The devious intel officer didn't give her a millisecond to retort. It was a real shame his sister just happened to be standing right next to her.

"Mabel, I'm sorry, but your brother just died."

Mabel pouted. "Awww. Time of death?"

"As soon as we regroup."

A drone sped around the corner in front of Coraline and Mabel, lasers primed and ready. Its artificial intelligence expected such a blitz would catch the pirates unaware, but they weren't unprepared simply because they engage in idle chatter. A lesson learned the hard way, when the sharp end of a grappling hook pierced the drone's onboard camera. Mabel reeled the steel salmon in, straight into the path of Coraline's cutlass. Glowing like a blue giant and nearly half as hot, the blade cut through the drone like a plague through a second-rate colony.

Winnie caught up to them, jumping over the drone's remains as it rolled away. Her poker face fooled the captain, who sensed no mischief until it was too late. "So. About those fraternization policies-"

"Not now!"

To use the patronizing tone so often used by her father felt strangely cathartic for Winnie. "It's really becoming a problem."

"Not to me!" Mabel's grin was bold and shameless - a perfect declaration of who she was.

Coraline groaned long and loud into the palm of her hand. The sheer audacity of her friends, she thought, to continue this onslaught even with a weapon that has slaughtered dozens firmly gripped in her hand. Clearly, the captain was not privy to the title of this tale.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Cory." Mabel patted the good captain on the back. "Nothing wrong with being horny on main."

It was at this moment that Winnie, unfortunately, was instantly struck down and passed on from this mortal plane. Cause of death: excessive laughter.

Lili let loose two quick shots behind her, caught up to the group, and was thoroughly confused to see Winnie laughing her guts out on the floor.

"You!" Her confusion only increased when she saw a red-faced Coraline pointing a finger at her. "She was there too! Come on, chew her out!"

The situation suddenly became clear to Lili. "Sure, just casually add victim-blaming to your list of sins."

"Oh, you do not get to pull that card." Coraline advanced, making her height known.

"Are you denying that you're the one who started it?"

"You pulled me. By the collar. To. My. Knees."

"Self-defense."

"Oh my- you're into me! Just admit it!"

A red streak whizzed between the ever-decreasing gap between Coraline and Lili's faces. They turned, and saw a squad of five drones rapidly approaching. A reminder that time was not a luxury they could afford.

"To be continued." Mabel helped Winnie to her feet and rushed ahead, her grin never faltering.

Coraline's cutlass lost its blue glow as she slid it into its sheath. "Please, god, no."

Their exfiltration plan was simplicity itself. Using a relatively unguarded back entrance usually reserved for the janitorial staff, plus a few ingenious disguises, the girls were able to infiltrate the facility, and now they intend to use that same route to escape. A more direct path from the hostage room to their designated exit existed, but they elected to take a more circuitous path. Less heat on the boys that way. Divide, and conquer.

But more than enough time had passed for the boys reach their exfiltration point. Time to cut to the chase. All they had to do was take a right turn here and-

Oh, did you really think they would escape that easily?

Four pairs of legs skidded to a halt.

Ahead, a swarm of two dozen metal disks, each weaponized with a pair of laser shooters, filled the air. Lining the walls, ten state-of-the-art turrets fitted with gatling guns loaded to the brim with kinetic rounds. And the pièce de résistance, a pair of iron men, the pinnacle of Federation-backed studies conducted in the Institute, armed with every weapon known to man and more. A veritable army of unfeeling metal, and at their center was their controller - the unpleasant construct of flesh, skin, and bone calling itself Jonathan Teletha Estarossa.

"End of the line, pirates," the jackass know-it-all boasted. "You might have evaded the clutches of the Federation all this time, but only because you have never faced the might, the cunning, the brilliance of a member of the Estarossa family."

"Alright, no one likes a tryhard." Mabel's tongue struck with pinpoint precision. The waste of oxygen choked on his own spit.

Coraline raised an eyebrow at Lili. "Estarossa?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," Lili lied. The name rang so many bells. Estarossa is a big name in the Federation. But the idiot before her was so readable; she didn't need psychic powers to know all of his buttons. Pushing buttons is such a fun pastime.

And pushed it was. The worthless excuse of a man's cheeks bulged and reddened, like a toddler. He composed himself, yes, but the moment would forever be marked in the annals of history. "I was considering apprehending you all peacefully if you begged me for mercy, but your wanted posters did say 'dead or alive'."

The pathetic threat was accompanied with the inching forward of the robot army. It would have made the threat less pathetic, if the filthy bag of meat wasn't wearing the most insufferable, most disgusting grin in recorded history.

"You know what," Coraline glared, her fingers wrapping around the hilt of her cutlass, "I deserve to treat myself."

The blade was halfway out before Lili's hand halted its journey. Coraline's stern eyes demanded an explanation.

"The Federation is bearing down on us. If they get to the Lost Cipher while it's unmanned, we're dead," Lili explained simply. "It's killing me to say this, but we can't waste time with him."

Coraline's attention shifted towards Mabel and Winnie. They had their weapons out, provoked, ready to give the insult to the legacy of humankind what he so rightfully deserved, but they held back, looking at their captain, awaiting her judgement. With a heavy heart, and a heavy breath, Coraline slid the cutlass back in its sheath.

"Fall back. Find an alternate route."

The verdict was disappointing, but the crew had nothing but utmost faith in their captain. Turning on their heels, they fled the scene, stalked close by a shower of projectiles.

"After them! Don't let the femoids escape!"

Four pairs of legs skidded to a halt.

Four pairs of eyes shared a look.

"Did he just-?"

"Yep."

"So, he's a-?"

"Definitely."

A new clip. An escalating charge. An unloading coil. A cutlass unsheathed and glowing blue. Four grinning girls.

Death to all incels.

A drone's barrage of lasers ended as its weapon began to overheat, and that was the opening Raz needed. He darted out of cover, four throwing knives leaving his hands, and meeting their mark. A worthless hunk of metal dropped to the ground, sputtered and sparked once, and lost all semblance of power. Raz strolled towards his fallen foe, grinning, completely unaware of a second drone behind him, lasers charging to full power.

But the pilot was never alone. An electric rod swung at full strength. The drone crashed hard against the wall. Eggs rushed in with a second swing of electrified iron. The gleaming plating yielded under the force of ramshackle scrap and junk. One final surge of sparks completely fried the machinery within, and the drone was no more.

"That's the last of 'em." Eggs blew a breath. Backed away. Wasn't everyday he got to do that.

Raz shot a pointed look at a sheet of dented metal near the corner, though not without an amused smile. "It's safe for your baby to come out now."

The dented sheet shrunk to its compact form, and a rare, smirking Wybie rose to his full height. "It's almost like you actually don't want a turn on the giant robot."

"You keep pulling that card, I'm telling on Coraline."

Wybie laughed. "Touché."

Norman rose too, from behind Wybie, slowly, leaning on the wall to steady himself. All this running and hiding was too much physical strain on the poor boy, and the complete lack of answers was a double gut punch he didn't need nor deserve. If anyone were to ask him, this heist had been a complete bust. He couldn't wait to be back behind the navigator's seat.

Lucky him, Wybie was well on his way to make that wish a reality. In a small alcove in this extensive underground lunar tunnel, lie his beloved hoverbike. A simple cloaking device had hidden it from sight as an extra precaution, so cherished this vehicle was by the engineer. He mounted it, the engine roaring to life soon after, the noise echoing beautifully.

And not a second too soon, as footsteps from a distance signaled the rejoining of Dipper with the group. "All the locks on the girls' path have been disabled." He glanced behind, at the path he had just taken. "Waiting game starts now."

A most miserable game, in Norman's opinion. Especially so when the seconds ticked past the promised mark. The opinion was rapidly growing in popularity, as the seconds ticked and ticked and ticked, with none of them able to do anything about it.

"The girls haven't checked in yet," he finally voiced. "Should we double back and help them?"

"You kidding me? They're the girls!" Raz's easy grin exuded the confidence he had in his friends. "I betcha they're kickin' ass."

Unbeknownst to the executive officer, he had just placed the winning bet.

To set the scene; on one side was a fearsome army of robots and their undesirable controller, and on the other, was the itchiest trigger finger this side of the universe armed with a machinegun powerful enough to be considered a war crime, the manic mischief made manifest wielding a grappling hook capable of delivering a veritable storm through its cables, the uncaring goddess of fire with a brokenly powerful plasma pistol in her grasp, and the captain, the knight, the angel with a sword of light, hell-bent on striking down every wicked being in the known universe.

Music, maestro.

The kinetic rounds of the turrets were peashooters compared to the storm of bullets and fire raining from Winnie's machinegun. The pristine halls of the Institute were swiftly transformed into a lead-riddled warzone, like a terrible miracle. The turrets were rendered unrecognizable, loaded with more metal than they were built with. Some survived the onslaught, but not for long, not when Lili's pistol hit full charge. The pistol roared, and two turrets were reduced to ashen imprints upon the wall. Another roar, another pair of turrets turned to atom dust by plasma fire. And just like that, the turrets were eliminated.

The metal man, the humanoid drone, dove into the fray. An onslaught of kinetic and energy rounds from its wrists and shoulders broke Lili and Winnie apart, forced them on the defensive. Dodging, weaving, taking cover in whatever cover was available, biding their time, plotting their revenge. This machine's demise will be swift and painful.

A chance! The drone paid too much attention to Lili, chipping away at her cover. Winnie saw, and took it, unloading a hail of blind fire upon its back. The drone pivoted, the storm shifting towards Winnie, and that was the break Lili needed. Lili rose, aimed, and released. The drone's left arm was vaporized in a flash of red. In a brilliant display of poor decision-making, the drone turned to face Lili again, but it was too little too late. Another blinding flash, another arm reduced to a smoking stump.

And that was Winnie's cue to strike. With a fresh clip, Winnie leapt, shoved the business end of her machinegun up the drone's ass, belted out a scream to end all screams, and squeezed the trigger. The sheer amount of bullets pierced the drone through and through. She trailed the nozzle up and up and up, to its torso, to its chest, to its head, rending the metal man apart into two messy halves, as if she wielded a blade of fire and metal.

The two halves dropped to the ground with a clang, followed by a tink, as Winnie ejected an empty clip, and loaded a fresh one into her gun.

And what about Coraline and Mabel, you ask?

The good captain had just sliced a drone clean in half, pierced a second through and through, and crushed a third to the curb with her gravity boots. The metal man's programming did not take kindly to its allies' termination, so it lunged into the fray, electrified titanium blades extending from each wrist. Sparks flew as steel clashed against steel, as Coraline parried the strike, as the drone dove for another, as Coraline blocked it dead in its tracks. The drone reared back, raising both its blades to the stars - an overhead strike that would surely mean the end for our good captain. Fortunately for our heroes, artificial intelligence could never understand the power of friendship.

A hook grappled the back of Coraline's jacket, and Mabel pulled her captain out of harm's way, the blade piercing through the floor. Coraline slid to a halt next to the manic medical officer, and a thumbs up of gratitude was exchanged.

No further pleasantries could be exchanged however, not when a dozen drones swarmed to surround them like moths to a flame. And like moths, they will burn.

"Skullheart Special?"

"Skullheart Special."

Coraline gave the cutlass a little twirl, and tossed it, past all the drones, towards the metal man with its blades still stuck to the floor. Her aim struck true, the cutlass lodging itself into its chest. The metal man staggered, and recovered, but the AI could have never prepared itself for a pirate captain to soar through the air towards it, boot first. The modified gravity boots were really proving their worth in this incursion.

The boots' impact completely collapsed the plating of the metal man's chest armor, and lodged the cutlass even deeper, breaking through its back. Coraline leapt away with a flip, granting Mabel a clear shot. The hook connected with the hilt of the cutlass. The cable was within Coraline's reach. Coraline pointed her feet at the ceiling. She flicked the boots on, grabbed the cable, and pulled.

No steel could resist a blade that carried the heat of a blue giant. And like a sun, the blade rose at dawn. The drone's torso and head were cut into two perfect halves - the final nail in the coffin for the iron men. Coraline, smirking, allowed the cable to slip out of her fingers. Her part in the dance was done. The hook reeled back to its source, cutlass still attached. Time for a star to shine.

And shine she did. The sword of light made such a goal that much easier to attain. Graceful and fearsome like a queen, Mabel danced through the barrage of lasers - courtesy of the drones circling her - with nary a lock of hair scathed. Her hand completed the routine, spinning the cable above her head, and with the cutlass still merged with the hook, it wasn't hard to picture the result. Drones dropped like flies, cut into a million tiny pieces by a whirlwind of superheated steel, spinning at the speed of light.

Mabel released the cutlass and reeled the hook. Coraline touched down beside Mabel. The cutlass returned to the hands of its rightful owner. The captain, sheathing her deadly blade, and the star, striking a pose with her trusted grappling hook, stood with their backs to each other, basking in victory.

"This is…!"

"…how pirates do it!"

Another struggle against impossible odds, another victory under their belt.

But did you truly think the outcome could be any different?

The four girls converged once more in the middle of the hallway, sweaty and drained, but smiling and satisfied.

"Boy, that was a workout!" Mabel chuckled between labored breaths. "What were we doing again? Oh, right, escaping!"

"Hold it!"

Unfortunately, for everyone involved, the cowardly cockroach had the sense to run away and duck behind a pillar as soon as the fighting started, and as such he managed to survive. Now, he has returned, pointing a puny pistol at the girls with trembling hands.

"As long as I'm still standing, n-none of you are going anywhere!"

The way his voice cracked really convinced the girls what a threat he truly was.

"Right," Winnie sighed, "we still have Billy No Mates over here."

Mabel pouted. "Aw dang, he's still alive? Thought some stray bullets would get him."

Coraline stepped forward, unamused. The human cesspool flinched. "Listen, dude, I personally would love to lop your head off, blend it to mush and flush it down the toilet, but we really have to go. Just put the gun down and you'll live," she offered, far too generously, considering what she's talking to.

"No, no, no! You are all beneath me! You can't possibly win!" The man-baby shook his head and stomped his feet. Calling his behavior toddler-like would be an insult to toddlers. "I'll bring all you femoids to heel, or my name isn't Johnny T. Est-!"

The roar of a plasma pistol echoed through the halls, followed by a thump of metal as a lifeless, worthless, crotchless body of an incel hit the floor.

"Yeowch." Mabel inched closer to the corpse and gave it a light kick. Not even a twitch. "I mean, he totally deserved it, but ouch."

Lili slid her pistol back in her belt. She spared the correct amount of attention such a creature deserved - none. "Like he's ever going to use it." She glanced down. The palm of her hand was turning black from how much she had to use the pistol today.

She closed her palm and hid it from view. No one saw. Good. Let's keep it that way.

Winnie surveyed her surroundings, taking in the carnage they caused for the first time. "Damn, how much time did that took?"

"Coraline!"

Dipper's voice ringing through her earpiece was all the answer Coraline needed. "Too much."

"Coraline, where the hell are you?! We already have Euclid-class Federation ships inbound!"

Coraline flinched. That was, indeed, bad. A Plan C was rushed to production in her mind. "Change of plans. Go ahead and take off now," she ordered.

"How will we find you?"

Coraline smirked. "Just look to the stars."

Coraline unclipped a grenade from her belt. A glance at Lili conveyed all the required information for her next action.

"Mask on!"

Coraline tossed the grenade to the ceiling. Lili released a shot with impeccable aim.

Explosives and plasma mixes together to make one hell of a bang. One enough to blow a clean hole in the ceiling above, giving way to the cold vacuum of space. If the girls hadn't already donned their oxygen masks, that would've been a terrible and anticlimactic end to this tale.

The vacuum did its work and the girls offered no resistance. They were jettisoned out, along with all the dented metal and burnt scraps and one crotchless carcass, into the starlit sea. Mabel fired her grappling hook before they could drift apart. Coraline caught the hook in her grip easily; Lili and Winnie latching onto the cable. Even from here, they could already spot their beloved vessel, partially obscured by an asteroid belt - the glorious vision of mismatched black and white and deep purple, the Lost Cipher.

"Need a lift?"

Opposite of where the Lost Cipher waited on standby, a different vehicle was rapidly approaching. Much smaller, much more mundane, but no less significant. Wybie's hoverbike - easily recognizable by its multitude of extra thrusters - bore the burden of carrying Wybie, Raz, Dipper, Norman, and Eggs, and did so with no complaint. Dipper lowered himself on the hoverbike's right, extending a hand downwards. Mabel saw, grinned, and held her hand out to the stars. Their hands met, reuniting, clasping tight around the other, their grip as unbreakable as their bond. The chain of teenaged outlaws sped off towards the cosmos, leaving the ETTI Institute and Vadim VII far behind.

"At least the chauffeurs here are decent." Lili smirked up at her lover.

Raz tipped an imaginary hat. "Happy to be of service, ma'am."

Coraline did the same to her own lover, but the curve of her lips slowly reversed when she noticed that there seemed to be a worrying lack of a particular data drive on his person.

"If you didn't get that blueprint, I will kill a man."

Wybie chuckled - because hey, that's kinda hot - then reached into his coat and produced the coveted data drive in his hand, holding it up in triumph. "Best Valentine's gift ever!"

"How was your night, Dipdop?" Mabel asked, bursting with cheer.

Dipper shrugged, the insufferable and lovable humble brag. "Oh, it's nothing too exciting. I simply ushered in a new age of free information and marked the beginning of true liberation of knowledge. You?"

"We killed an incel!"

"Nice."

"How's the electric rod treating you?" Winnie's eyes narrowed, expressing a concern seldom seen from her. "Is it too big? Too long? Too thick?"

"The rod's treating me fine. The size fits me just right." Eggs smiled at his dear friend, a display of amusement and genuine gratitude. You can stop giggling now.

The energy of cheer and merriment was contagious, infecting even Norman, though one could easily tell his smile was hollow, his laugh melancholic. "At least you all had a good night."

Wybie twisted the throttle hard. The thrusters doubled in strength, as the vehicle entered the nearby asteroid belt. The full majesty of the Lost Cipher was now theirs to behold. Coraline put a finger to her earpiece.

"Neil, start the warp sequence. We're getting the fuck out of dodge."

"Aye aye, captain!"

The lights on the ship flicked on one section at a time. The hum of sheer power was palpable even in the vacuum of space. The hangar door slid open, a sign of welcome to home sweet home. Wybie tilted the hoverbike to match his new destination.

"Crew, we're not quite out of it yet. We'll warp a couple dozen systems away, go dark for a day, keep everything on high alert." Coraline's grin stretched so wide it must hurt. "Then we break open the Smile Dip cabinet."

"Woo!"

"Hell yeah!"

"We're gonna get high!"

Johnny test fans don't me.

Second chapter in and already I can't contain the word count from ballooning to ridiculous numbers. It's a bad habit. Also, this makes the first chapter feel more like a prologue? And this is the proper first chapter? Since it's got everything the first chapter had, just more. More story, more violence, more flirting, more Smugness. Though I guess that is also an escalating thing that just comes naturally with a story. The point is, this got a lot longer than I thought it would be.

This fic continues to be a place for me to vent my- well, I was about to say controversial views, but hating incels is basically common sense, isn't it? Continuing the escalating thing, it's a lot more blatant in this one too. Fun fact, he was originally supposed to die by getting his head shot clean off. Kudos to one of my pals for suggesting that it'll be a lot funnier if he got shot in the dick instead. Join me next chapter where the MK executes a bunch of flat-earthers.

By the way, I have a poll open over on Tumblr about which fic I should work on this month. If you want more chapters of this sooner rather than later, go vote for it!

Next chapter coming as soon as it is finished. Until then!

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