Spencer's Secret

Part 1

AN: Takes place during season 7 after Emily and Spencer find the flash drive in Noel Kahn's cabin.

Spencer stared angrily at her alarm clock. The red digits mocked her as they slowly changed from one number to the next. She had been tossing and turning for what seemed like forever. The few times she would nod off mere minutes would pass before her eyes popped open, her chest heaving, and a phantom sound of a buzzer echoing not in her ears but from a memory of her capture 5 years ago. The stolen USB drive from Noel's cabin was to blame.

He had been there the whole time. He was a part of it. And while Noel had been one of their first suspects as the identity of A, they had no idea that he was a conspirator in the Dollhouse. Spencer could feel the tears creeping to the surface again at the memory of watching him pour blood all over her while she was unconscious. Even after all this time, it was effortless to conjure and relive the terror she felt when she had woken up all covered in blood. For so long after she couldn't decide if it was worse that she had hurt someone or she had imagined the whole thing because she had been so delirious from hunger and sleep deprivation. Deep in her heart, she knew Hannah had been wrong. She knew the blood had been real. The fact that it was gone the next day was the only thing that made her second guess herself.

Spencer jerked into a sitting position. The blood was gone the next day. But how? Reliving what happened in the Dollhouse was on her top 5 list of least favorite things to do but now that she knew without a shadow of a doubt that the blood had been real, it only begged more questions. It was a lot of blood. It covered her hands, her clothes, it was smeared across the rug, and then on the door when she banged on it. But after screaming at the camera, banging on the door some more, and eventually sinking into a corner to cry her eyes out, her next memory was waking up blood free. There wasn't a trace of it anywhere. How was that possible? Just forget about it. It was a long time ago. Leave it in the past where it belongs. But Spencer knew she would spend every night tossing and turning because she won't be able to let it go. She was never one to let a mystery go unsolved and the solution to this one was way more simple than the puzzles she dealt with thanks to A. The answer to this conundrum was on the laptop. All she had to do was click on more files.

It was a mistake. She shouldn't have looked. Her arms squeezed her body tighter in an effort to find more warmth. She was freezing. The cold tiles beneath her, the hard wall behind her, and the cold toilet next to her certainly didn't help as she shivered in the tight space into which she shrank. No, no, no repeated on a loop but her mouth couldn't form the words. Instead her head just shook to convey the litany. Unbidden another image from the video attacked her conscious causing her stomach to lurch again. Spencer turned back to the toilet and wretched some more.

Her first instinct had been to rip the USB out of the laptop and toss it in the fire. She couldn't stand the thought that those horrible moments in the dollhouse were preserved and ready for anyone to see. How often had he seen them? But as she grabbed it, that part of her stopped her again. The part that opened up Pandora's box in the first place. That god awful stubborn spencer hastings need to know everything and not let one question go unanswered. And this question was a doozy. It changed everything for her. It would do the same for them. But she had to know. She had to know if she was the only one. So she opened another folder. And even though that folder gave her the answer. She opened another. And then another.

She needed to tell someone. Unbidden an image of Toby popped in her head. But no. Not now. She couldn't drag him back into her problems when he now had the chance to be happy with someone else.

One of the girls? But how could she do that to them? Aria made it clear earlier that she wanted no part in seeing the footage on that drive. Remembering anything about the dollhouse was too painful but how much worse to know there was more that happened to them that they couldn't remember because they didn't know. It was 5 years of them getting on with their lives oblivious of what all had happened to them in that place. And they still weren't over the parts they knew about. How could she burden them with this? And that meant she couldn't tell Caleb. Things were already complicated with them and now that he was undoubtedly back with Hannah for him to learn what Noel did to them...no she couldn't tell Caleb either.

But Noel was still out there. He could be A.D. She had to tell the police and what then? Surely, they would all be pulled back in for questioning. Possibly shown those images that were now burned in her brain. Wouldn't it be better for her to just tell them and protect them from having to see it? Decision made. Spencer stood on shaken legs. Just as she was about to leave the bathroom to find her phone and send an S.O.S., the sound of floorboards creaking shook her to her core. Someone was in the house.

Spencer was petrified. She knew fear. She had lived with it most of her teenage years because of A. But this was a new level of fear. Her blood felt like ice and the sound of her heartbeat was painfully loud in her ears. It was him. It was Noel. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was who was in her house. Knowing what he was capable of prompted her into action. She turned off the bathroom light and locked the door before crouching back down.

She was prepared to remain there for days if there was any chance that he was still in her house. But then she heard her name being called. It was a male voice but it wasn't Noel's.

"Spencer? Spencer, are you here? Your door is wide open. Spencer!"

Marco? Spencer made herself count to 20 to try and calm her breathing. It was something she learned in therapy and did from time to time to help with her panic attacks. It didn't always work or at least she would have to count to a higher number before it did. But this time when she got to 20 she was able to stand back up.

"Marco, is that you?" She called out, still not feeling safe enough to unlock the bathroom door.

"Spencer, where are you? Yeah, it's me Marco."

Taking a deep breath she unlocked the door and slowly made her way to the living room where Marco was standing with his back to her.

"Marco?"

"Spencer, hey." He greeted. "Your door was wide open. You okay?" He finished after taking in her fearful expression.

"Marco, I have to tell you something. Actually, I have to show it to you. I'm not sure what to do or what you will do but I do need some reassurances. If I show you, you don't have to let them see it too right? You all can do your investigation and arrest him and charge him without involving…

"Whoa whoa, Spencer, please slow down."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She put her face in her hands then shook her head to try and get a grip on herself. "I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Let's just take a deep breath." Marco soothed. "Does this have to do with why your door was open? Did someone break in?" Marco questioned.

"No...well yes...yes and no."

"Spencer?"

"I"m sor-" At Marco's look, Spencer stopped her apology midword and took another shaky breath. "Look, I just found something out...something horrible...and it's hard to think about let alone talk about. But I have to...I have to." The last words said in a whisper as her throat started closing up with the onset of more tears.

"Hey hey...shhh." Marco said as he moved towards her and gently led her to sit down next to him on the couch.

"What happened?"

Spencer shook her head. She knew it was still too hard to say. She'd have to just show him. Decision made she reached for the laptop in front of her only to see that the port with the cursed flash drive was empty. Someone had been in her house. That someone most likely was Noel and he had taken the flash drive back.

Now what?

end part 1