Yes, there are literally overlapping themes/lines with the last thing I wrote but I will not apologise. I write what I write lol. I also thought of the quote from the Christmas movie in here when it was Christmas time, so it's fine.

Also, it's been awhile since I've seen the movie now so if anything's wrong sorry, I'm going off memory. I genuinely cannot remember like anything about the general fleet after the lightning happened?

I would follow you anywhere…

The noise of the party continues to pound in my ears like a drumbeat. I don't move. A moment passes, and then another. I try to find the words to describe the flurry that is going on in my mind. Poe saves me the trouble.

"I shouldn't have said that."

I can't take my eyes from his face. Poe's expression is tight with tension and his eyes are troubled.

He speaks again, "I shouldn't-I shouldn't have put you in this position, I'm-I'm sorry."

My mind finally catches up to the situation as he pulls away from my touch. The absence of Poe's warmth at my side spurs me to action. As he takes a step away, my hand darts out to grab his arm. As Poe turns around, my hand slides down his forearm until our fingers are touching.

"Poe, I don't understand."

"I know, I shouldn'-"

"No, I don't understand why you're leaving."

I intertwine our fingers and then use my grip to pull him closer. Poe's face is conflicted, but he doesn't fight me.

The words come out as a whisper, "I never said that you couldn't come with me."

His breath catches slightly before Poe turns away and pulls his hand from mine to distractedly push his hair away from his face. His rejection stings but I don't let it stop me; for once, when it comes to Poe, I am feeling brave. I step towards him so that we're almost touching and place my hand in the middle of Poe's chest. He looks at me in surprise and then down at my hand. I can feel the quick thump-thump of his heart beneath my fingers and all I want to do is sink into his warmth.

"Poe." He doesn't meet my eyes.

I speak again, "Poe."

His gaze finally finds mine, and everything that I've been dying to tell him tumbles out in the form of a single, breathy sentence.

"Poe, I never said that I didn't want follow you too."

He closes his eyes for a moment, like he's fortifying himself, before gently taking my hand from its place on his chest. Then, steadily like he might startle me, Poe adjusts it so that my palm faces the ground. He raises my hand upwards and places my knuckles against his mouth for a moment.

He murmurs against my fingers, "Kess, it's not that I don't want this."

Slowly, always slowly, Poe cradles my hand against his chest.

He speaks softly, "In fact, all I want to do most days is grab you and get on the next freighter out of here…The thought of you being mine but getting hurt anyway- I- I-" He trails off.

I can almost sense what he's about to say next before he even starts speaking; mainly because the same thought is playing in my head.

"And that's exactly why this can't happen. I can't give myself the choice between you and the Resistance."

With a quiet exhale, he lets go of my hand.

"Because if I'm honest…I need to be here but I'm always going to want to choose you."

I want to fight him. I want to say he's wrong. I want to be selfish and demand that he stays right here in front of me. Most of all, I want to say fuck the Resistance if it means that I lose you. But that's exactly it, that's the problem. What's more, I gave up the right to be selfish the day I signed my name on the dotted line and became a soldier. So, I say the only thing that there's really left to say; the one thing that my thumping heart is telling me not to do.

"I understand."

Poe closes his eyes and nods slightly, like he's in pain.

"But I just need to you to know one thing."

He opens his eyes and for a second, I can't say it because it feels too much like goodbye. I want to forget my responsibilities and just want to drown in the warmth of his eyes and mouth and hands and-

"Given the chance, I'd follow you to the end of the universe and back ten times over," my tone is steady despite the fact that I feel lost at sea.

Poe's sad smile is like a stab to the stomach, but I force myself to keep my hands at my side as much as I want to pull him closer.

"We can't do this again, can we…I don't think that I'd be able to resist your charms twice," his tone attempts to be playful but just sounds ragged.

Poe's gaze doesn't leave my face as he takes one small step backwards, and then another. Every step feels like another mile between us that I don't think we're ever going to be able to cross. I want to say but I can't lose you completely, that some days the thought of your smile is the only thing that keeps me going.

As if he can hear me, Poe throws one last line over his shoulder with a soft chuckle as he turns away, "Call it self-preservation."

I only find something to say once his figure has melted back into the party that I had all but forgotten. It doesn't mean anything now that he's gone, but I say it anyway.

"Goodbye, Poe. Maybe in a better life."

"I'm hit! I repeat, Black Eight is hit! One wing is compromised. I am losing altitude!"

Radio silence is all that responds.

Forks of lightning are everywhere, and the world feels wrong; this choking, paralytic intensity is clawing its way through my chest. I'm battling the controls but it's useless. A laser cannon blast tore through my left wing not a minute ago, causing me to dive, and these unnatural bolts of lightning have robbed me of any remaining ability to steer. The ground is getting closer and closer and the goddamn parachute is increasingly seeming like the only option left. I'll be a great big target for First Order guns, and I have a better chance of being hit by an errant X-wing than hitting the ground, but what's my choice? Definitely burning to a crisp in this earth-bound hunk of metal or only maybe being shot to pieces? I'll take a small chance over none any day.

I try the comms again, "Can anyone hear me? Black Eight has lost control and is diving! I'm going to bail!"

Again, only silence.

All Resistance ships are dropping, but thanks to my damaged wing the black earth is coming up on me fast. Fuck, I have to go now or I'm gonna be hitting the ground hard either way.

"I don't know if anyone can hear me but I'm bailing. Any assistance is welcome!"

…

I'm alone.

"Fuck!"

With that, I pull on the oxy mask and pull the eject lever. I'm violently thrown from my fighter and the world spins beyond my control as the chute struggles to open. My sight alternates feverishly fast between streaks of purple light and black earth, and all I can hear the screaming rush of the air around me.

Why isn't my goddamn shoot opening?!

Then suddenly the light stops and my sight is swallowed by black.

The lightning suddenly disappears, and I wrestle back control of my X-wing.

"What the hell was that?! Command, what's the situation?! Black Squadron, report!"

Quickly, a few names (heart-sickeningly too few) sound off but there is one particular absence that stops my heart.

"Anyone got eyes on Kess?"

It's Jess who responds finally responds, her tone tight, "Poe…her fighter took damage before the lightning…it didn't look good."

In an instant, I can't breathe. This cockpit is too constricting as I desperately try to spot her X-wing in this mess of a battlefield. The general in me continues barking out orders and the pilot keeps shooting down Final Order freighters, but the simple man in me is distraught. My eyes keep darting from ship to ship, trying to spot her. It's only when I dive steeply to avoid the debris of a freighter do I finally see Kess's ship. The flicker of relief in seeing her airborne is quickly swallowed by dismay as I notice how quickly she's plummeting. Automatically, I push my controls in a deep dive towards her.

"KESS!"

The two-way channel just hisses a static that sets my nerves on fire.

"Kessandra! Kess, answer me!"

It's like I'm watching in slow-motion as the scene unfolds: I'm gaining speed on her, thinking maybe I can help or do something when suddenly there's a massive explosion in the nose of her fighter. Within a moment, the entire X-wing has blown apart and is raining debris on a fleet of grounded ships. My world has gone absolutely silent but I can feel Kess's name ripping out my throat. It burns with all the things I never told her and now will never have the chance. I repeatedly beat the console in front of me and beg someone to help her, to help me, but there's no one who can change things and now there's nothing left to do. She's gone, she's gone, oh Maker she's dead. I vaguely hear someone through the comms, but their words are hazy and I can't understand them. For a second, all I want to do is let go, to plummet downwards to stop the heavy ache in my chest that is threatening to consume me. Then through all the grief, the blazing and white-hot fury of everything that I have lost sweeps over me like a tsunami. I clench my hands around my controls and fly back into the battle. I steel my voice despite the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Let's burn these fuckers to the ground!"