A/N Thank you so much for your faves, follows and reviews for our crazy little Dixon world. As for me, I kind of like it here. I Hope you enjoy :-)
Okay, he knew the universe was out ta get him. It's not like he didn't know how ta go ta the market, hell he'd gone for years before he met his Beth, but every time he'd gone there with one a her lists he fucked up, guaranteed.
But she asked him so sweet and told him how much it meant ta her. D.J. was runnin' a little fever and Beth didn't wanna leave him. Daryl offered ta stay with the little guy, but Beth was all up in a panic, so he caved and said he'd go. Fuck.
He looked the list over, everythin' seemed plain as day, no problem. That right there scared the shit outta him. Why? Cuz he'd thought that every time he ever went ta the store for her, and every time he got sumthin' entirely fucked up.
But he was nuthin' if not brave, so he took the list an he went ta the fuckin' store and he prayed ta God Almighty hisself for the best. He was determined this time, he was gonna get it right, wasn't takin' no chances, he was checkin' things off as he set 'em in the cart, and he wasn't buyin' no off brands, or the goat cheese with the whatever-the-fuck that herb crap was in it, cuz he knew now she didn't like it when he did that shit.
Course, if he was goin' he was also gonna buy some a his favorite items, I mean shit, why not? A man can't survive just eatin' healthy, ya had ta have some good food too. Can I get a hell yeah?!
For her part, Beth had done everything she could to make the list as simple and clear as possible. She wrote everything down using her very best penmanship. On the things where it really mattered to her, she wrote down the brand name. She knew he'd probably mess up on one or two of the items, and he'd undoubtedly buy lots of things that weren't even on the list, but she was okay with all that, she knew he'd do his best and they could surely get by without whatever he might not find, plus she knew she could count on him to eat all of the extra things he would purchase. She never could understand how Daryl managed to digest half that awful stuff he ate.
Daryl was studyin' the list, and lookin' at the item on the shelf when he heard that unmistakable cackle, "Well Baby Brother, fancy meetin' ya here. Beth got ya doin' her shoppin'?"
"Fuck you Merle, what're you doin' here? Cindy got ya doin' her shoppin'?" Daryl was in no mood for his brother's shit.
Merle just gave him a big ol' dumbass Merle grin and said, "As a matter a fact, she did ask me ta come on over here and pick us up a couple a steaks and a case a beer for dinner. Cindy knows better'n ta ask ol' Merle ta buy all that health food shit."
"Yeah I'm sure a that Merle," Daryl snarled, "She knows yer too fuckin' dumb ta find yer ass with both hands, much less do the grocery shoppin'." But damn that Merle, how come he always got off so fuckin' easy?
"Now Baby Brother is that any way ta talk ta yer brother? Yer gonna hurt my delicate feelins, make me start ta cry and shit," Merle smiled, but then got serious, "Now listen, I heard my nephew ain't feelin' right, so if ya'll need anythin' ya call me, I'll do whatever I can ta help, ya hear?"
"Yeah Merle, thanks brother. I think it's just a little cold and fever, but ya know Beth, she's all manner a shook-up over that little runny nose. Ever since I calmed down about that shit, she fired up on it," And then he had ta smile, cuz damn, it was true, they was havin' one a them role reversals.
And he told Merle, "'Fore y'all get too drunk ta drive, stop on by an see us for a beer, might calm Beth down," Daryl actually smiled again.
"Sounds good, I'll talk ta the ball n chain when I get home. See ya Baby Brother," Merle slapped him on the back and off the big dumbass went.
He got home and carried in all the sacks a groceries, and there were a lot. She said she'd put the food away if he wanted to hold D.J., which he sure as hell did.
Plus he was as nervous as a whore in church, he thought he got everythin' right, but fuck, that never happened.
Sometimes when she saw the treats he bought for himself she worried about him, it couldn't possibly be good for him. There were the Flaming Hot Pork Cracklin's, and the Tapitio Doritos, The bag of Extra Crunchy Cheetos, and of course the three kinds of salsa and the 2lb bag of restaurant style tortilla chips. And the case of beer. And of course, there was the meat, the two racks of Baby Back Ribs, the Tri-Tip Roast, the breakfast sausage, the bacon and the brats, and the topper, the pig's feet. Dear Lord.
But she wasn't going to say anything about it; he didn't tease her about her Kale Salads and Hummus, even though she knew he thought they were disgusting.
It seemed ta take her a long time ta unpack them groceries, and he heard her in there tryin' ta stifle a laugh a couple times. Fuck. He didn't even wanna know what he screwed up this time, but when she came in the room, sat down by him, and said, "Thanks for doing the shopping Daryl, I really appreciate your help and letting me stay with D.J.," he couldn't hold it in.
"Just tell me Baby, what did I screw up this time?" And he braced himself.
"Daryl you did great, really great, and I can make everything work, so please don't get upset, it's nothing wrong, I promise. But, you know on the list it said 'Flour Tortillas'? I was going to try a new recipe for dinner, it calls for tortillas made from flour. Anyway, I was a little confused when I saw the 10 lb. bag of flour, and the package of corn tortillas, but it's okay, I'm sure the recipe will be just fine with corn tortillas, and I can make some loaves of French bread and share with Mama, Maggie, and Merle and Cindy," she just gave him that sweet little smile, but fuck.
"Damn, I thought it meant ya wanted some flour and some tortillas. I can go on back ta the store and get ya what ya need, I don't wanna screw up yer recipe," he was scratchin' his head.
"Oh no, it's fine Daryl, but there was something else I wondered about. You bought a 2 lb. bag of Cheetos, and a gigantic clear plastic jar full of cheese ball things that seem like they would be the same thing as Cheetos, are you having some sort of weird Cheetos craving?" She smiled more broadly this time, just to try and prove she wasn't mad.
"Look Beth, look at yer list, it's right here in my pocket," He pulled it out and pointed to the item on her list, "Right there Beth, it says 'Puffs'." He had a big ol' 'I'm right' smile on his face now.
"Oh, I wondered why you didn't get the Puffs. I meant the facial tissue Puffs, I thought they'd be softer on D.J.'s skin, but don't worry, we have Kleenex," she tried to give him a reassuring smile.
And before he could catch himself he said it out loud, "Well fuck."
That's when they heard Merle's bike pull up in the yard.
Daryl said, "Hey Cindy, hey Merle let's all sit outside and have a beer, I'll set-up D.J.'s pack n play, the fresh warm air'll dry him right up."
To his surprise, Beth agreed.
After he set it up, and she'd handed everyone a beer, and D.J. a bottle with apple juice, Daryl went in and got the two foot tall jar of puffs and handed it to his dumbass brother, and said, "Here, let's have us a little snack with our beer," cuz he knows Merle'd eat anythin'.
Then to his surprise, Beth went in and came out with a bowl of the tortilla chips and a bowl a salsa. Everyone, except D.J., was eatin' snacks and drinkin' beers. Daryl suggested, "I got a Tri-Tip at the store and some brats, how 'bout I cook us up some?"
Everyone, even his Beth, said that sounded mighty fine, so that's what he did. And damn if Beth didn't eat a brat, he never thought he'd see the day.
Then Merle caused him ta nearly drop dead from heart failure cuz he said, "Me n Cindy, we have us an announcement. I ask her ta marry me and she done said she would so we're gonna do that next Friday afternoon at the courthouse, want you two ta stand up for us, ain't askin' no one else ta the ceremony."
And fuck a duck his Beth got up and was jumpin' up n down and squealin' and she ran ta Cindy and said, "Oh my gosh I'm so happy and so excited, this is just the best news!"
And then she did sumthin' he never did think he'd ever see, she went right on over ta that dumbass Merle and gave him a kiss right on the FUCKIN' LIPS, and said, "Congratulations Merle, I'm so happy for you."
All Daryl asked Merle was, "Ya ain't got Cindy in the family way do ya?"
And the big dumbass said, "Nah, I ain't like you Baby Brother, I make little Merle wear a raincoat."
Well I don't think I gotta explain ta ya that all this excitement called for continued drinkin'. Ah his Beth cooled it a little, cuz someone had ta be responsible enough ta take care a D.J., but as for everyone else, well damn, that big bottle a Jack came outta the cabinet and they commenced ta celebratin' big time!
A course, Merle and Cindy ended up stayin' the on the fold out sofa. The next mornin' Daryl got up and fixed everyone coffee, sausage and eggs and fried potatoes. Shit, his Beth surprised him again when she actually ate a sausage link.
He poured a little shot a sumthin' extra in his, Merle's and Cindy's coffee, just a little hair a the dog. Beth didn't need ta know.
Daryl did shake his brother's hand and congratulate him, to his own surprise he even gave Cindy a little hug and told her best wishes.
After they left and Beth and Daryl were done cleanin' up the house Beth said to him, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe all the foods I ate this weekend. It's terrible. I ate that brat, and that breakfast sausage, and golly, those puffs and chips and salsa. Now I have to get myself back on track. I have to detox all that bad stuff, I have to be ready for the wedding Friday. I'm going to do a three day juice cleanse starting first thing in the morning."
Daryl was afraid, but dammit, he had to know, so he gathered up his courage and he asked, "What the hell is a juice cleanse?"
"Oh, well, I'm not going to eat any food at all for three days, I'll just be drinking juices. That will get my body to detox all the terrible things I've put in it this weekend and I can get my weight right, I've probably gained five pounds," she was shakin' her head like she was disgusted.
"I love ya Baby, ya know I do, but that is the dumbest fuckin' thing I ever heard. First off, God gave ya them teeth ta chew yer food. Ya gotta have food, and second of all, you're thin as a rail, ain't no way ya gained any weight, it was probably good for ya ta eat real food for a change. I don't know where ya come up with these off the wall ideas a yours," he was shakin' his head in wonder, but it all became crystal clear when she said…
"Well Maggie says it's just the greatest thing, she and Glenn did it and she said it was awesome," She was smilin' that pretty smile he loved.
"I shoulda known it was yer crazy ass sister, damn her, she's always fillin' yer head with some kinda ridiculous notion, and that Glenn, he's so damn afraid of her he'll agree ta anythin'!" He was just gettin' pissy now.
She smiled at him and said, "Daryl I don't expect you to do this, it's just going to be me. I'll still cook for you, I know you need your energy. I'll be just fine, it's only three days and it's over. And I'm going to feel so much better."
He was till kinda shook up that night when they went ta bed, but then she made a grab for him, and ya know, he's powerless over her desires, so he started kissin' her all over like she likes, and she started kissin' and rubbin and doin' a little suckin' here and there on him, like he likes, and then his mouth was on her sweet spot and she was comin' for him, then he was in her and they was both comin' and he was tellin' her "I fuckin' love every fuckin' thing about ya Baby," and she was tellin' him, "I love you so much Daryl, you're the best." So even though he was unhappy about this dumb fuckin' juice thing, he still got a good night's sleep.
In the mornin' she served him up a plate a eggs, bacon and cheesy grits, and she drank the most disgustin' lookin' green drink ya ever saw.
That night at dinner she fixed him a hamburger steak with mashed potatoes, peas and mushroom gravy. Her dinner was some kinda thick white drink. He didn't ask, and thank God almighty she didn't tell.
The next mornin' he was havin' pancakes and bacon, she was have some kinda purple lookin' drink.
He left for work and he realized he'd left one his drill bit he liked for work in the shed, cuz he'd been fixin' somethin' out there. He went back in the house ta tell her and D.J. g'bye again, and damn if she wasn't eatin' a pancake and a egg.
She hadn't heard him, and he didn't say nuthin', he just slipped back out the door, he was happy ta see her eatin'. Damn he loved his Beth.
A/N And there you have it. If you've ever sent a husband to the store, and yes I have, you know things are going to get interesting. Thank you so much for reading, I welcome your prompts. Please review xo