Jill, thought maybe they were right and went towards her office
Ash was pacing up and down, she was bored of being cooped up
"Ash" said Jill
"I'm, fine, please don't worry about me" replied Ash
"I, will always worry about all of you" replied Jill
"I, didn't mean that" replied Ash
"What, did you mean then" asked Jill, but she already knew
"stupid, stupid, stupid" muttered Ash, hitting her palm against her forehead
"Ash" said Jill warningly, she had heard her this time
Ash stopped and looked at Jill
"You, are not stupid" said Jill
"I am, I'm not explaining myself very clearly, I want to talk to you and dad and make it all better to stop you from worrying but the thing is, it's all a muddle and the more I try the more of a mess it gets and I can see how it is hurting you and there's nothing I can do" replied Ash
"Sweetheart, you can take all the time you need, we don't want you pushing yourself, because of us or anyone, and believe me you are doing so well" replied Jill
"So, why do I feel so useless" asked Ash
"Ohh, baby girl, I wish you had come to me earlier" replied Jill, taking Ash into her arms
"You, are not useless, you just need to let it come, in its own time, your dad and I will back off and give you some space if that is what you need" replied Jill
"No, I just don't want to disappoint you, what if I don't ever remember" asked Ash
"Then, you will have to come to terms with that, but it is still early days" replied Jill
"And you know you could never disappoint us" added Jill, knowing Ash was blaming herself
"All, I want is to make it better and I can't" sobbed Ash
"That's how we feel, you have to let us help you, but you have to be the one to tell us what you need from us, and we will have to listen better" replied Jill
"I'm sorry" replied Ash
"Ohh, baby girl" replied Jill
Just then there was a knock at the door
"Hold on" said Jill
"It's only me" replied Gordon
"Come in" replied Jill
Gordon entered
"Is everything alright" asked Gordon concerned
"Yes" replied Jill, wanting to talk to Gordon without Ash there
"Is Lizzie here yet" asked Ash, also not wanting to talk anymore
"Yes, she's just arrived" replied Gordon
"I'm just going to help her then" replied Ash
"Okay, sweetheart" replied Jill
Ash picked up her things and made her way to reception
"Hi, Lizzie, I'm here to help" said Ash
"Great, I've got a pile here, you can make a start on" replied Lizzie
Ash thought, that's strange how did she have it ready, unless they had it all planned, she hung her coat and bag and then sat at the table and set to
Meanwhile Jill was filling Gordon in, on what had just happened
"Well, that's good, when she's ready she will talk" said Gordon
"How is it good, she is feeling guilty about everything and worrying about everyone else, but herself" replied Jill
"Well, who else is like that" replied Gordon
"Not, helpful Gordon" replied Jill
"No, but it means, she is more like her old self, so it won't be long before she's ready, we probably need more nights like last night, it will be easier in a minute with the others gone, we can settle back into some sort of routine" replied Gordon
"I, hope you are right" replied Jill
"We, just have to listen more" replied Gordon
"But it's the things that aren't being said that are the most important" replied Jill
"Right, let's get on then you can go and see Harold" replied Gordon
Jill looked at Gordon and nodded
"She, will ask for help when she needs it, I promise, she will be fine" said Gordon before giving Jill a peck on the cheek
Jill wished she could believe; she had this feeling Ash was keeping something from them
Ash was indeed keeping things from them, she had finally remembered everything that had happened, and the other thing was, that the pain was now stronger and more persistent, she had booked to see another doctor without her parents, she thought she would tell them afterwards, but now she had the feeling that she wanted her mum with her, maybe she could ask her later if she was free if she would go with her,
"Right Lizzie, I'm ready for my first patient" said Gordon
"So, am I" added Jill looking at Ash, who was keeping busy
"Yes, doctors" replied Lizzie
Ash had seen her parents pop in and out for the rest of the afternoon, and every now and again they would check she was okay, she would nod, then get back on with what it was she was doing
"Lizzie, that's all done" said Ash, when Lizzie was free
"Well, that's all the paperwork done, thank you very much for your help" replied Lizzie
"So, what else do you need done" asked Ash
"Nothing" replied Lizzie
There must be something thought Ash, just then Jill came through with her last patient of the day
"Lizzie can book you an appointment" said Jill, she looked at Ash, something didn't seem right, so she walked towards her
"Ash, sweetheart" said Jill
"Mum, is there anything I can do for you" asked Ash
"Are, you feeling alright" asked Jill
"Yeah, I just had this twinge, but I'm fine promise, so I have finished the stuff for Lizzie, can I do anything for you" replied Ash
"Yes, you can rest, in my office, while I do my ward round, then we can go" replied Jill
"Okay" replied Ash, getting up
Jill grabbed her coat and bag and followed her down the corridor
"Right, if you want to stretch out on the bed you can, I won't be long" said Jill concerned
"I'm fine honestly, don't worry" replied Ash
Jill didn't want to push it so picked up her paperwork from the desk and left Ash to it
Ash was bored of waiting so made her way back to reception and seeing it empty started talking to Lizzie, but then the phone rang, so Ash who was feeling restless went back towards Jill's office
Gordon was sat in his office with his door open and saw Ash
"Ash" said Gordon as he saw her walk past
"Yes" said Ash poking her head back around the doorway
"Are you alright" asked Gordon, worried she seemed out of sorts
"I'm fine" Started Ash
"Actually, are you busy" continued Ash
"I always have time for you, come on in" replied Gordon
Ash walked in and took a seat, just then Jill turned the corner and saw Ash enter Gordons office
"So, what is it" asked Gordon
"I was wondering if you or mum would be free on Wednesday morning" replied Ash
"Why, what's wrong" replied Gordon
"Nothing's wrong" started Ash before looking down at the desk
Gordon didn't say anything he just gave Ash sometime to think
"I, just really wanted one of you to go with me" stated Ash
"Go where" asked Gordon, seeing Jill stood in the doorway
Why am I finding this so hard, thought Ash
"Well the pain has been getting more persistent and stronger so I booked an appointment, I was going to go on my own, but now I think I would like you there" said Ash
"Well, I will make sure we are both free to go with you" replied Gordon
"Thanks Dad, sorry to be a bother" replied Ash
"It's no bother, and Ash thank you for being honest with us" replied Gordon
Ash looked round and saw Jill
"Ohh, baby girl, why didn't you tell us earlier" asked Jill
"I thought it was just aches and pains with the accident, but they don't seem to be getting better so I thought I would just check it out to be on the safe side, and I didn't want to worry you, but I don't think I can go through it on my own" replied Ash
"While we are all here, I want to talk about earlier" said Gordon
Jill made her way in and shut the door, she then picked up the empty seat and sat down near Ash
"Right" said Gordon not knowing where to start, but knowing something had to be said
"Why, do you feel everything is your fault" asked Jill
"I don't know, I guess it's just how I feel and what with the others saying that yesterday, I guess I just thought it must be what everyone else was thinking too" replied Ash
"You know, we don't feel like that, don't you" replied Jill
"Ash" said Gordon when she hadn't answered
Ash nodded
"Ash, listen to me, we always push you for the truth so we can help you, because we love you and only want the best for you" said Jill
"Yes, and we can only help you if you tell us everything" replied Gordon
"But, what if I'm not telling you for your own good" replied Ash
Jill and Gordon looked at each other
"There is nothing you can't tell us, if you need to talk we are here" replied Jill concerned
Just then there was a knock at the door Gordon got up and went to open it
"Stupid, stupid, stupid" mumbled Ash
Jill noticed this, just as Gordon opened the door
"Sorry, doctor, Sister was just wondering if you were ready to do your ward round" said the nurse
"I'll, be there in five minutes" replied Gordon, shutting the door and standing behind Jill
"Ash, you are not stupid" said Jill
"Yes, I am all I do is make you more worried about me and all I'm trying to do is help take a weight off your minds" replied Ash
"Believe me, talking like this is helping us understand" replied Gordon
"Sweetheart, it is not your fault, what weren't you saying last night" said Jill, knowing Ash was beating herself up
Ash starting fiddling with her sleeve
"If I tell you, you promise you won't shout" said Ash
Jill, looked at Gordon who put his hands on Jill's shoulders
"Promise" replied Jill, clearly worried
"Well, I wouldn't blame you if you hate me" started Ash, but before Jill or Gordon could say anything she continued
"I thought, If I could force myself to remember, then you wouldn't blame yourself, but I couldn't even do that, and then I thought, if I kept things to myself it would stop you from worrying about me and I hoped with the others being here it would be easier, but then they started to accuse me of having things planned, and that made me hate myself even more, they blame me for taking you away from them when all I've tried to do is stay out the way" said Ash
"Ash, you are not to blame, and they haven't been around to spend time with us and that is their fault no-one else's" replied Gordon
"Ash, we Love you" said Jill
"How, can you after all of this" asked Ash, looking at her parents for the first time, she saw the hurt on their faces
"What, I mean is how can you love me, if even I hate myself for causing all this pain, worry and upset" said Ash
"You, wouldn't be feeling that way if you didn't love us, I should know, I hate myself for putting you in that situation where you got hurt" replied Jill
"It wasn't your fault, it was an accident, you would never put us in danger" replied Ash
"I know, but it doesn't stop me thinking these things, just like you" replied Jill
"You, both have to learn to forgive yourselves, and talking about it helps, so you both have to promise not to bottle things up and talk" replied Gordon
"Promise" said Jill
"Ash" said Gordon
"Promise" replied Ash
"Right, you two had better be going, I've got a ward round to do" said Gordon
"Thank you" replied Ash, getting up
"Can you get our things and lock my office up" asked Jill handing Ash the keys, Ash nodded
"Gordon" said Jill
"I know, but that was a big step for all of us" said Gordon
"Don't say it" said Jill
"What I told you so" said Gordon
"Yes, I guess you were right, she just needed time and space" replied Jill
"Right, well give Harold my love and I will see him tomorrow, see you both at home" replied Gordon hearing Ash locking Jill's door
"Right, young lady, let's get going" said Jill
Ash handed Jill her coat, bag and keys
"Bye, dad" said Ash
"See you later" replied Gordon