A/N And I'm back! Let's see what our favorite lowlifes and miscreants are up to. And of course the Brothers. Because let's face it kids, we're all about those Dixon Boys!
Hey kids! Did ya miss me? I missed the shit right outta all y'all! Where ya been? I been at the same ol' place, doing the same ol same ol thing I always do. That's right, been hangin' out at the Mad Dawg with the other lowlifes and miscreants.
Well them guys, an then there's the two finest lookin' men in all the land, yep, the Dixon Brothers.
What? Now yer all pissed off on accounta I didn't bring ya with me? Didn't tell ya no stories? I'm sorry, I was busy gettin' my drink on kids. Real busy.
An anyways, I'm about ta make it all up to ya. Right here an right now.
Because I know all y'all know what night it is. That's right boys n girls, it's Wednesday! I'm thinkin' y'all still remember what that means.
Oh don't be teasin' and playin' hard ta get. Ya tried that last chapter. It didn't work then an it ain't gonna work now. So let's just all kiss an make up an get our buns on down ta the Mad Dawg.
You remember where it is, the dive ain't moved. Still over there in that industrial area, next to the plumbing supply. Yer nose can lead ya there, joint smells like a thousand mackerel died in the back room, 'bout three weeks ago, and it's been blazin' hot. Yep, the aroma has festered up.
But we don't worry about a little stench, do we kids? Hell no. Cuz the beers, well there as frosty as a snowman's ass, and cheap as Valentine candy on February 15th. And Barkeep, bein's he's a professional an all, why he just keeps settin' 'em down. Don't like no one goin' thirsty, man don't believe in it. It's kinda like a spiritual thing. 'Cept if ya tell him ya gotta rush out n get ta the kids' ball game, or ya run outta money. If that happens, well ya know the drill, get yer big dumb ass out the door. Some other big dumb ass is waitin' on yer stool!
Yeah that place.
Merle walked in that stinky little joint an he was all proud. Had him a new hat Cindy give him for bein' so damn brave.
He walked right over ta Baby Brother, right after Daryl had just took a big ol pull outta his brown bottle. Yeah well Daryl looked up, seen that hat an that beer come just a shootin' right back outta his mouth.
A waste a perfectly good beer that right there was.
But ya can't blame Young Dixon, ain't really his fault. Cuz that hat, well what it said was, "Kiss Me, I had a Vasectomy."
Once Daryl had recovered from his spit take, why both them brothers just got ta cacklin' like the big ol' lovable dumbasses that they are.
I tell ya ladies, well gents too I s'pose, ain't much I can think of that's cuter than Daryl Dixon laughing. Aw an it's a sweet sound. And them arms…*sigh* But I am deviatin' from the story.
And Little Brother, well he had ta ask, it was the question on every lowlife mind in the joint. So he asked Older Dixon, "Doc didn't slip n cut yer tallywhacker did she?"
And every lowlife ear in the joint, includin' mine, was on high alert, just waitin' ta hear the gruesome news. Kinda checkin' on the condition a their own packages, just for a minute, not doin' nuthin' lewd. 'Cept me, I ain't gotta worry 'bout that. Ain't got one a them packages. An we all took us a big ol' pull on our brown bottle.
Merle he just got that big ol shit eatin' grin on his face, y'all know the one I'm talkin' 'bout, and he said, "Nah, she just stroked it real nice, like she kinda liked the look an feel a the thing."
And Young Dixon punched him real hard right in the arm and he said, "Damn yer a dumb mutha fucker Merle. Axel hears ya talk like that about his Doc he's gonna kill yer ass."
And Merle he was still just a grinnin' an he said, "Yeah well I ain't worried 'bout skinny little Axel."
"Oh yeah ya dumbass? Well how 'bout skinny Axel's conceal carry permit? An how 'bout skinny Axel's .38 snub nose revolver? Ya got enough sense ta worry 'bout any a that?" And boys n girls, that question there, well it did give Merle pause ta consider the possibility that what Axel lacked in size he made up for in firepower.
And we all took a big ol' swallow from our frosty one as we considered the consequences a sayin' off color things 'bout Doc.
Probably best we change the subject.
"So how 'bout you Baby Brother? Little Ballbuster lettin' ya wear them balls yerself this week."
"Don't ya worry yerself none about my balls or my Sweet Baby dumbass. The balls are hangin' just fine, and My Sweet Baby knows how ta keep me a happy man, an I know how ta keep my Sweet Baby a happy woman."
Everyone liked Young Dixon real well an all, 'cept when he was all rubbin' it in 'bout Sweet Baby. Makin' 'em all jealous an whatnot. Bastard.
"So ya in the baby makin' business again?" Now that set the ears on peak performance, cuz everyone a them lowlife's enjoyed hearin' about Sweet Baby. Even if they was pea soup green with envy.
And we all took a big gulp from our frosty one, hopin' for sumthin' rated XXX.
Ya know, everyone lives kinda vicariously (and yeah, I know some a them big words) through ol' Daryl there. If they couldn't have a taste, they wanted to at least hear more about how good it was.
Problem is he ain't never really told anythin'. Yep, he's a huge disappointment ta the rest a the clientele. Bastard.
"Nah, my Sweet Baby she wants ta wait 'til after the Valentine's Day party. Says she wants me ta get her sweet little ass drunk on champagne, wants ta dance, wants ta have all manner a good times an celebratin'. The public kind n the private kind.
I ain't one ta disappoint my Sweet Baby."
Bastard.
xxxx
He walked in the front door an there was little ol' D.J. just a playin' with them trucks there on the floor, an the train. Daddy had fixed that train up an it was chuggin' right along. Toot Toot!
Some crazy ass show was on the TV. Sumthin' called Doc McStuffin's. Apparently the kid in it is hallucinatin' that she's a doc. Whatever, D.J. seemed ta dig it.
"Hey there Little Man, Daddy's home, ain't that excitin'?"
And sweet little ol D.J. he got ta clappin' an a gigglin' an he said it, right then he did, "Daddy home."
Why Daddy he went right to his boy an he scooped him right up, an he told him, "Son, yer a damn genius, that's all there is to it boy. Don't tell Mama I said damn to ya, K? She don't like when I cuss in front a ya n shit."
He walked in that kitchen an there was his Sweet Baby standing there at that stove, fixin' him sumthin' real delicious for dinner.
An he walked right up there behind her, an he slid that open palm up the inside a her thigh, right over there ta that sweetest of all spots, his favorite destination. An he give that spot a real lovin' kind a rub, just showin' how much he cares n all. Because kids, it's important a man let his woman know how much he is desirin' of her affections.
An he got down and he nuzzled on that neck, took just a soft little nibble, then he kissed it, then he sucked on it, an then he licked it, well ya get the picture. An he said ta her, "I missed ya sumthin' fierce today Sweet Baby. Got me a bad hunger an it ain't for food."
An she turned right around there in his arms, an she looked up at him with those big ol' baby blues an her sweet little hand, well it had found it's very own way down south there. You know the area. And she told him, "I'm pretty darn hungry myself Big Man."
Damn it got hot in that kitchen. They was kissin' each other like that might ease their hunger, but nah, it was makin' matters more intense. An they was a pettin', an a rubbin, an shit kids, it was like they was gonna do it right there in the kitchen!
And that's when little ol D.J. come a walkin' in an he declared, "Hungee Mama."
An Daddy, well he bent right down an he tickled Little Man right there behind his knee, an he said ta the boy, "Now I realize the true extent a yer hate for me son. It ain't nice. Daddy don't try n ruin yer fun, now does he?"
An little ol' D.J. he got ta clappin' an gigglin' an he obviously did not give one single fuck whose good time he mighta ruined.
Children can be a selfish bunch.
At least she had made him one a his very best favorite dinners. Fried pork chops, homemade mac n cheese and cornbread. Well yeah, there was broccoli, but who eats that shit? Well besides Sweet Baby?
And he an D.J. they was just a scarfin' that grub down fast as they could get fork ta mouth, an he told her. "Sweet Baby yer the finest cook a goin', why me an D.J. is lucky ta have ya, ain't we son?"
An D.J. he just shoveled in a big ol' mouthful a that mac n cheese while he was noddin' his little head.
Sweet Baby she was just a smilin' an munchin' on her big ol' bowl a leafs.
An then he remembered ta tell her about Merle's hat an she nearly choked on a leaf. And she said, "Oh my gosh I can't believe Cindy really did that. I mean she said she was going to but I thought she was kidding! You'd better believe I wouldn't let you wear a hat that said that Mister Dixon."
"Yeah well I wouldn't anyway, and I ain't never lettin' no one but you touch my tallywhacker." And she was gonna get after him about sayin' tallywhacker in front a D.J., but gosh, her Big Man was just so sweet.
She was cleanin' up the mess in the kitchen and talkin' ta Cindy on the phone.
Daddy an D.J. was a playin' with the trucks, an Daddy showed little man how ya make the train go backwards. An they had that show on about Building Alaska an he an D.J. they agreed, Alaska was too damn cold for the likes a them.
That's when Sweet Baby come in the room there an she said those dreaded words, yeah those, "Its bath time boys."
Now Daryl he made a valiant attempt, he really did, "Sweet Baby I didn't even work hard enough today ta stink, really, I'm serious Baby."
But then she said sumthin' that motivated her man, "Don't forget Big Man, Mama's hungee." She was always pullin' that shit right there on him. But he was brave.
An shit our boy was in that shower so fast why it'd make yer head spin.
And he made it quick cuz ya know he don't wanna be late for storytime. An D.J. picked out The Little Engine That Could, which Mama had read 9,999,999 times. Which was okay cuz they all loved it, a lot.
D.J. he only made it about a third a the way through, an Mama she laid her sleepy boy down in that bed. An her an Daddy were outta there an in their own bed so fast, why I'm pretty fuckin' certain they broke the land speed record.
He'd pulled them damn sleep pants off somewhere in the hall, she pulled his t-shirt off as soon as they hit the bedroom.
Which is when he pulled her britches down an he said, "Sweet Baby ya ain't wearing no panties!" He kinda liked it. She just giggled a naughty little giggle an if it's possible, well that made him even more horny.
And he got that little tank top off, an holy mole kids, she wasn't wearin' a bra neither. An I'm tellin' ya them Dixons was so hot they was about ta spontaneously combust!
And they was touchin', an they was feelin', an they was suckin', an they was nibblin', an they was investigatin' crevices, an they was pinchin' – just soft like. An he suggested that maybe she needed a spankin' on accounta she'd been naughty an didn't wear no underwear an she said, yeah maybe she did, an then he pretended ta spank her sweet little ass, an then they both had a real good time when he went ta kissin' it better.
An some way or another, damn if they didn't slide right offa the end a the bed. Well then Young Dixon he was real busy kissin' every part on her better, leavin' no part unkissed. It was a big job, but Big Man he persevered. He's one brave soldier that man is.
Once he had her all kissed over real good, which had already made her get overcome with happiness, twice, an neither one a them could take it not one more minute, that's when he said, "Just cuz I love ya Sweet Baby, an I don't ever want ya ta forget yer lessons, I'ma show ya again how ya make a baby."
An that's just what he done. An she was more than pleased to receive the instruction. An she got overcome with happiness again, and then he got overcome with his own happiness. And he wondered if someday they was gonna die a happiness.
Shit that'd be the way ta go.
xxxx
He was pretty sure that fancy hotel put 'em in the same room every time. Not that he was complainin'.
She wanted ta take a nice bubble bath before they got dressed for the party.
Now that was the only time Young Dixon didn't mind takin' a shower or a bath, was when Sweet Baby was right there with him. He opened that bottle a Champagne, just in case all that bathin' was ta make 'em thirsty, which it undoubtedly would.
Especially the part where they wash each other real good, makin' sure every part is sparklin' clean.
An they done a wonderful an thorough job, cuz I know y'all know kids, good hygiene why it's real important. True fact.
She was wearin' a little dress that was so tight he could practically count her ribs. An her nipples was on high beam. "Sweet Baby did ya forget yer bra again?" He was a might concerned. He liked lookin' at them things, he just didn't particularly care for any other man lookin' at 'em.
But she assured him, "Oh Big Man, they're just that way because when you're around, well, I'm just always, you know, in the mood." Yes boys n girls, I know. Sweet Baby was shovelin' the shit. And Big man well he knew it too. But goddamn she was cute, so he let it slide. After all, it was Valentine's Day.
But he did have an important question, "What about panties, did ya remember them?" An just that fast his hand was up between her legs, and he scolded her, "Sweet Baby just what the hell has come over ya lately?"
An she just give him a real coy smile n she said, "I guess I need another spanking."
An Big Man well he said, real stern like, an he pointed a finger, "Well yer gonna get one young lady. Gonna be real fierce too. Now go put yer panties on 'fore I just say the hell with goin' out an we stay here an commence ta punishin'!"
They met up with Cindy an Merle down there in the lobby and Cindy's dress was every bit as tight as Sweet Baby's. She wasn't one bit ashamed of any lump, bump or roll she may have, an Merle well he loved the shit outta every one a them lumps, bumps an rolls. So they was both happy.
An it was hard not ta notice, it wasn't like Young Dixon wanted to, but the damn things were gigantic, an Cindy she was sportin' high beams too.
An her skirt was so fuckin' short he was prayin' ta God an anyone else who might listen, that Cindy was wearin' her panties.
This Valentine's Day was startin' off in a big way!
They got ta the Hard Times an Abe had socked in cases n cases a cheap champagne. Abe was a smart business man, he knew what his customers wanted. The good stuff. An they wasn't gonna be drinkin' it out a none a them cheap plastic two-piece champagne glasses neither. No fuckin' way.
Abe had got sumthin' more festive than that. They was drinkin' cheap champagne outta red solo cups.
First Class that was what that was.
An he motioned ta Big Man an Sweet Baby an he told 'em, "Ya know I love ya guys, an tonight, I want ya to remember, Valentine's Day is all about luvin', let's not have no fightin', k?" An he give 'em each a red solo cup full a cheap champagne, on the house, ta make up for havin' ta give 'em a lecture n all.
Daryl just shrugged, after all, he wasn't gonna start no fights that didn't need startin'. Sweet Baby she was a little embarrassed, but she wasn't promisin' nuthin'. If any woman lay a hand on Big Man, she was gonna do her very best ta kill that woman.
Who can blame her?
Otherwise, yeah sure, love reigns supreme. An whatnot.
An boys n girls, y'all are gonna be happy ta know, that by golly, the evenin' was full a love.
Why the whole gang was there, Axel n Doc – Merle made sure he bought them each big a ol' red solo cup a cheap champagne. An there was Oscar n Ruby, Daryl had taken Oscar ta school yet again when Oscar showed him the new Ipod he'd gotten Ruby for Valentine's Day. Oscar ain't pickin' up on this present buyin' stuff real good.
Ruby ended up with an Ipod an a lovely pair a shiny earrings.
Heath he was showing so much lip love for Giselle we was all gettin' a little worried one of 'em might suffocate if they didn't come up for air real soon.
An there was more feels copped that night than a person could count, why there was so much touchin n feelin', n pokin', n rubbin' goin' on, it's a wonder the fire alarm didn't go off from the heat in the joint.
Now Merle n Cindy they was in a serious game a pool. Well it wasn't exactly the pool playin' that was serious. It was more like the peripheral adventures that was serious.
Now the fellas, it's not like they'd stray from their own woman, well fuck no, none of 'em would ever do that. But still, ya know Cindy, well she was leanin' over that pool table, tryin' ta shoot the 5 ball in the corner pocket, an they was all watchin' with a serious amount a anticipation, just waitin' for one a them titties ta pop itself right outta the top a that tight dress. Coulda been the tightness holdin' 'em in. I can't really say. Shit, it ain't like I'm a damn physicist or sumthin'.
So now here's where it's gets real fun, or real embarrassin', or real horrifyin', it's all in how ya take these things kids. Happy n good naturedly, like the vast majority a our boys that was populatin' Hard Times that night, or like one a our boys, perhaps he may just be yer favorite boy, yeah him, Young Dixon. He didn't take it real well.
Young Mister Dixon was more like the horrified one. Poor fella, had ta turn away, sucked down his whole glass a champagne in one swallow, then went ta Abe got a double jack an sucked it all down too. He asked for another one, but Abe, he told him, "Just settle down there kid, slow up a bit, it ain't the end a the world for gawd sake. Just a little Valentine's Day peekaboo show. Hell, we're all family here. No harm, no foul."
An Daryl, well God bless his ever lovin' an precious heart, he was tryin' ta be brave.
Oh yeah, shit, I get ta ramblin' on about this n that an I forget ta tell ya the goddamn story a what happened, which is what yer here for. Sorry kids.
Shit, maybe I drink too much. Nah, that can't be it.
So anyway, what happened was Cindy's tittie did not escape from the top a that dress, that dress appeared ta have them titties on lockdown.
But here's the thing, ah an kids, all y'all know I love me some Merle Dixon, can't hardly help myself, oh shit, there I go again. Strayin'. But damn, he is one fine hunk a man.
Oh yeah, so Merle, bein' Merle n all, well Cindy was goin' for the 9 ball in the other corner, an it was a helluva stretch cuz the cue ball well it was about three quarter way down the felt, an it was dead ass center.
So Cindy, she's a leanin' right over there, an she's strainin' ta get her shot, an Merle, well Merle he sticks his had up her skirt, ya know, ta give her a little goose. Just havin' him a little fun n all. But Cindy's personal self, well it gets all manner a exposed, an no, she ain't wearin' no panties.
Sweet Baby let out a little shriek n she turned right around n chugged down her glass a cheap champagne.
Now Merle, he don't get embarrassed, or upset, or mortified, or horrified none a that shit, he just laughs n gives Cindy a couple more gooses, an maybe a friendly rub or two until she turns around an starts ta kissin' on him an his hands is wanderin', an I had ta quit lookin' kids. I know, I wimped right out. Sorry.
Okay, so I'm not really sorry.
Now in the meantime, Tyrese, y'all remember Tyrese an Prudence. Well anyway, for some reason that shall forever remain known only ta him, Tyrese decides it's time ta do what he came to do!
Oh, that's right, ya don't know what he came ta do, do ya?
Okay, I'ma tell ya. He says, real, real loud, "I have somethin' ta say here."
An Abe, well he's in on the deal, and he turns the juke box down, and Tyrese looks ta Prudence sittin' right there in the chair, lookin' all itty bitty n whatnot, n he gets down on one knee, an Holy Fuck if he don't pop the question right there in the Hard Time Bar n Grill, on Valentine's Day, everyone half baked, Merle's hands a wanderin', Daryl about ta puke, Sweet Baby in a state a shock that requires a helluva a lot a champagne ta try n recover from, n everyone else just a wonderin' if Merle n Cindy's gonna get down ta business right there on that pool table.
I do think I just broke my own record for run-on sentences. I'm good at that shit there.
But again, I digress.
An Big Ol' Tyrese don't he say ta his Sweet Little Prudence, "Darlin' girl, will ya marry me n lemme love on ya the rest a my life?" An ain't he holdin' up a real nice little diamond ring, an don't Prudence squeal an say, "Oh yes Pumpkin." An she goes ta kissin' on that giant of a man.
Pumpkin?
An everyone took a big ol' swallow a champagne n give 'em a round of applause.
Now Sweet Baby, she sees her own Big Man, well he's at the end a his tolerance for the evenin'. He done seen too much, got kinda traumatized n all. She better get him on outta here.
An she gets up close, n she cuddles right up, n her hand might a wandered, just a bit, she was just followin' his happy trail n all, an she says ta him, "Big Man, let's go back to the room so you can give me my punishment."
An don't he look at her with a deep an abidin' love an he says, "Sweet Baby, ya always know how ta make me feel better. I love ya so much."
An that's how it came down. I ain't lyin', I mean seriously, who could make this crazy ass shit up? You'd have to be a real sick-o.
A/N Thanks so much for reading along. And Happy Valentine's Day kids! I sure would appreciate reviews/comments, n whatnot xo