A/N Thank you my lovers of all things Dixon! I'm sorry I haven't been here in a couple of weeks, I was seeking some inspiration. I got some from jamiesnowsmith which was good, and some from Abraham's bad behavior, not so good. But we'll throw it all together in a pot with some frosty ones, some Jack and a little Fireball, fear, angst, glitter and sack time and see what we brew up! YeeHaw!

I appreciate all of you reading this story which is always meant to be taken in fun, because fun is what life is all about.

Hey all y'all! Ya been missin' me? I missed ya like I'd miss frosty ones if the Mad Dawg went dry!

Where've I been? Been hangin' 'round the Mad Dawg, where the hell else would I be? Shit the place is like my second home. And I'll sure as hell be there tonight! Why? Yer kiddin' me, ain't ya? Ya ain't funny like ya think ya are. I don't know why ya always gotta try n start shit with me. Ya keep it up an I ain't gonna tell ya what went down.

Or…you could get it in gear n just come ahead on with me. I know ya know where it's at, yeah that's right, now ya got yer thinkin' cap on. Shit, I's startin' ta think ya lost the damn thing.

It's in that run down industrial park, right there next ta the plumbin' supply house.

You can smell the place a block away, I mean it's nasty. Smells like walkers are playin' with skunks in the backroom. Shit, maybe they are. And dirty? Pfft, hell yeah it's dirty – just stick ta drinkin' straight from the bottle, it's safer. Barkeep ain't got time ta be cleanin' the joint up ya know, hell it's all he can do ta keep ahead a everyone's drinkin'.

But don't panic, the clientele is topnotch. Yep, the place is inhabited by all manner a scoundrels, miscreants and lowlifes of varyin' degrees. Who the fuck else would ya wanna drink with, a buncha high class snobs?

Besides, we ain't goin' for the aesthetics or the lively banter with regard ta current affairs. We're goin' cuz the beers are as cold as a witches titty in a brass bra, n barkeep don't let no one go thirsty, him bein' a professional n all, he keeps 'em comin' just as fast as you can suck 'em down. Unless a course ya tell him ta hold up cuz if ya come home drunk one more time this week yer woman is runnin' off with the mailman, or ya open yer wallet n all that's in there is an ancient condom an a dust bunny. If that happens just hit the fuckin' road. There's another lowlife waitin' on yer stool!

What I need even more'n a frosty one is a look at Daryl Dixon's formidable arms, and Merle's too while I'm at it. Don't tell the Hub. The man don't like me gawkin' at other men. That's right, always tryin' ta begrudge me my fun. Sheesh Hubster I'm just lookin', ain't touchin' – you think I want Beth or Cindy kickin' my ass?

(Have ya noticed the high end words I been usin', like aesthetics and formidable? That's right, I'm all manner a classed up an whatnot.)

So speaking of asses, I'ma get mine right on down ta the Mad Dawg an I would strongly suggest all y'all do the same because YES! It's Wednesday night kids! Ah ha! Them Dixon boys will be down there any minute an I got ta get ta my stool 'fore some other lowlife tries ta claim it.

Merle walked in an Little Brother already had a brown bottle in front a him an he was lookin' mighty glum. Merle smiled, gonna be a good evenin'.

"Whatsa matter there Baby Brother? Little Ballbuster snap her purse shut on yer balls?"

"Fuck you Merle n the horse ya rode in on."

"Now Daryl yer s'pose ta be the sweet one, why ya wanna cuss yer brother that way?" An the dumbass took ta cacklin'. Y'all know how he is.

Plus, I don't think I gotta tell ya every lowlife a every varyin' degree was in supersonic hearin' mode. Cuz yeah, who doesn't wanna know why Daryl Dixon is sullen? Well especially if Sweet Baby is causing this particular state a misery.

"The hell of it is I ain't even sure yet what the fuck I done ta piss her off. I been givin' her my damn paycheck every week, making love ta her any time she lets me, keepin' the yard up n the trash took out, takin' a fuckin' shower every damn day, praisin' her cookin' n playin' trucks with D.J. I can't think of a fuckin' thing I done wrong."

As everyone pondered what in the world it could be, we all took a big ol' pull from our brown bottle. It helps us ta think.

"Well what the fuck did she say exactly little brother?" Merle was anticipatin' sumthin' real juicy, hell we all was. Everyone felt it was important ta take another big swallow of their adult beverage, just in case it was so monumental they wouldn't be able ta swallow after they heard it. (monumental is a four cylinder word kids)

Everyone was lookin' like they had Spock ears.

"Well it happened this mornin', everythin' was goin' real good, or anyway that's what I thought. She fixed me n my man D.J. bacon n eggs n grits n homemade biscuits for breakfast, ya know, the usual. Nuthin' seemed wrong. So I's eatin' it like we was a happy family n she loved my ass. I even told her she outdone herself n how delicious it was. I give D.J. a kiss g'bye right on the top a his head, then I give her a big one, tongue n all, ta see me through 'til I get home tonight. An I say, 'Gonna miss ya while I'm gone Sweet Baby.' Then I kissed her one more time. I's just about ta turn around n head out the door when she says ta me, 'Daryl tonight after we put D.J. ta bed, we need ta talk.'"

Every male heart in the Mad Dawg Tavern froze. Are there any more frightenin' words a man can hear from his woman than "we need ta talk"? I think not.

We all took a big pull from our brown bottle an barkeep was like a well-oiled machine settin' lowlifes up with more frosty ones.

Older Dixon he had a look a great concern ta his face, "Little Brother, fuck man, are ya sure ya can't remember nuthin' ya mighta done ta upset her? Shit, I'm sorry. If ya need a place ta stay or sumthin' ya just come right over, me n Cindy we'll take ya in."

Ya know shit's serious when Older Dixon starts bein' all nice ta Young Dixon. Damn, I's leadin' the charge on taking a big gulp a the frosty one.

He walked in the door n D.J., well he looked happy enough, playin' with the trucks n the train, an looky there, a dinosaur. The Berenstain Bears was on the tube, Daryl actually kinda liked them. "Daddy's home ain't that excitin?" And he roughed the little fella's hair an he did feel a lot better when the boy clapped them little chubby hands n he giggled n said, "Daddy home."

"Yer my boy D.J., always remember that, no matter what son."

He took him a real deep breath n he walked ta that kitchen. She was standin' there at the stove, stirrin' what very well may be his last supper.

He hesitated, but damn, he couldn't help hisself, he had ta try. He got up close behind her n he run an open palm slowly up the inside a her thigh, right over there ta that sweet spot. The one he hoped was still his after tonight. He give it a hopeful rub while he nuzzled her neck an said in a sad voice, "Sweet Baby I'm sorry for whatever I done. Please don't run me off. I love ya girl, can't make it without ya."

She turned right around in his arms an she put her hands ta his face n she looked concerned an she asked him, "Big Man what's wrong? Why are you thinking I'm going to run you off? Did you do something we're both going to regret?"

"That's just it Sweet Baby, I don't know. Ya said we need ta talk, n I don't know what I done wrong."

She stifled that laugh that wanted out so bad, cuz she could see the big man was hurtin'. "Daryl I'm not mad at you, not even a little bit, I promise. I just wanted to talk to you about something."

And just ta show the man she was not angry she slid a hand down inside the front a his britches there an she give a real lovin' kind a squeeze to what she found there an she told the him, "You're my heart Daryl, I love you."

And he was feelin' a little better. Better enough that he mighta slid a hand up inside that little tank top, ya know, just curious ta see what might be under there n all. His other hand mighta found it's way down ta that tight little ass, just checkin' ta make sure it was still where he thought it was n whatnot.

The kitchen was gettin' hotter than a three peckered billy goat when in walks little ol' D.J., "Hungee Mama."

And Daddy he just leaned right over n tickled the little fella in the ribs n said, "Boy, Daddy was just near ta havin' a nervous breakdown, can't ya let Mama give a man a little comfort? Ya hate Daddy, I know ya do."

An little man he just laughed n clapped those tiny hands cuz seriously, he just thinks about his own self.

She'd made a big ol' pot a venison stew and a pan a corn bread n Daddy n D.J. was just a smilin' an shovelin' that good food right down. Sweet Baby seemed ta be enjoyin' her big bowl a leaves. Although it baffled the shit outta him how the hell she could.

She was cleanin' the kitchen n talkin' ta Cindy on the phone n he could hear her say, "No, I'm not mad at him, not even a little."

And he felt relieved all over again.

He an his man D.J. was playin' with that dinosaur an watching some "Ax Men" on the TV there when Sweet Baby come in an announced, "It's bath time!" Why Daryl Dixon did not even hesitate for a second, or try ta come up with even one single reason why he couldn't get his ass in the shower. He was takin' no chances a pissin' her off now. Course he made it fast, no need ta overdo these things.

He got them sleep pants on an made it to D.J.'s room in time for story time, yay! Tonight's Tale was more Berenstain Bears, D.J. musta got obsessed, anyway, the story was called "Home Sweet Tree" n it was a good un. D.J. was out like a light halfway through.

Big Man tried his best at that point, thought maybe if he right away started lovin' on her she'd forget they needed ta talk. His plan failed.

He got hisself a beer before he set in his big ol' chair, still tryin' ta calm his nerves. She set her pretty little ass down on the edge a that coffee table, right there across from him an she started, "Daryl you know I love you more than anything, why you're the love of my life. And you gave me D.J., the most precious little boy in the world." Okay, this was worse than he thought. Why the fuck was she bein' so mushy with him? On she went, "And I know I keep saying I want to have another baby, and then I keep putting it off for one reason or another. And you probably think I'm crazy." He was so fucking confused now he wished he had a shot a Jack ta go with that beer.

"And well, I've been trying to be honest with myself about a few things, I've given it a lot of thought. Why I even got out my old journal and started writing in it. It's just that I love our life the way it is Daryl. It's perfect, we have everything, fun, friends, family, plenty of action in the bedroom. I'm just afraid somehow things won't be the same if we have another baby." He thought he remembered her tellin' him all that before, but oh well, she wasn't done an he sure as fuck wasn't interruptin' her.

"Well and to be honest, then I started thinking about the actual childbirth. Oh I just don't know about going through all that again. Big Man, do you have any idea of the very first thing a woman does when she goes into labor? Why, she raises up a window and just flings every ounce of dignity and shame right out. A good handful of pride and just a little of her self respect go right on out behind it. Then she shuts that window up tight, because she isn't going to be needing those things for the next little while. She's got so many people hovering and prodding and poking and tending, why she feels like she's in her very own National Geographic documentary."

At this point Daryl didn't know whether to laugh, barf, comfort her or just shut the fuck up. He took his chances, "Sweet Baby, that's why I always tell ya it's up ta you. When all that's happenin' I can't do nuthin' but stand there like the fuckin' asshole that caused ya all the trouble from the start. So ya know, when I tell ya it's yer decision an I'm happy whatever ya decide, I ain't just sayin' it, I'm meanin' it."

And damn, he musta said sumthin' right cuz she crawled right over there in his lap n she said, "You're the best husband ever Daryl Dixon and I love you so much."

And again, he threw caution ta the wind, "Sweet Baby can I still give ya some lessons on how it is that ya make babies?"

And didn't she just smile that great big ol' beautiful smile at him an say, "I wish you would because I've kind of forgotten since this morning."

And Big Man never did want ta disappoint Sweet Baby in any way, so faster than a New York minute he had her shirt off an he was just a touchin' an a feelin' an a kissin' an a nibblin' an a pinchin' an a suckin' an a lickin' on what he found there. Why pretty soon he just picked her an his own self right up offa that chair an they was layin' down there on that soft throw rug an he got her pants off in no time flat, an his pants off in even less time than that, an they was rollin' around that livin' room n they was a lickin' an a suckin' an a nibblin' an a pinchin' an a kissin' an touchin' an feelin' every part a each other. Why they was gettin' a regular aerobic workout I tell ya, an hell, it was a fun one.

An he was payin' some real special attention ta her sweet spot with his tongue when she had a glorious moment and then he felt like he oughta cause that ta happen for her a couple more times, an then he said ta her, "Sweet Baby, get ready for yer lesson." And she was more than happy ta learn that lesson. Although she was pretty sure she'd forget it by mornin' an he'd have ta teach her again.

Well he was teachin' her with everythin' he had an she was receiving all the instruction he was givin' when yep, they shared one more glorious moment.

That's when Daryl noticed that fuckin' dinosaur had been watchin' them the whole damn time. That there was some creepy shit.

But that ain't what I come ta tell ya about.

I come ta tell ya 'bout Tyrese an Prudence's weddin' reception.

Yeah well it seems they didn't see no reason ta spend a lotta money on some big weddin' so the plan was, they's goin' ta the courthouse Friday afternoon, make the relationship all manner of official, an then the party was on at – you guessed it boys n girls – HARD TIMES BAR & GRILL. Can I get a HELL YEAH!

Course I know I ain't tellin' ya nuthin' ya ain't figured already when I say, everyone felt it best ta just take Friday afternoon off.

So Little Boss had him a talk with Big Boss and Big Boss saw things Little Bosses way.

And I know y'all are surely aware that D.J. was spendin' the night with Grandma and Grandpa, an there is no doubt in anyone's mind that Grandpa and D.J. was gonna be havin' a big ol' bowl a vanilla ice cream after supper.

Ruby's Mama would a course be stayin' over there at Merle n Cindy's house tendin' ta Earl. She did enjoy sittin' with that feisty little fella.

And naturally they'd be stayin' at that nice hotel that Merle resented the fuck outta payin' for, and where Daryl was sure they give him an Sweet Baby the same damn room every time. Not that it mattered, he couldn't give a shit less, it was just kinda curious is all. 'Sides he'd sleep anywhere if Sweet Baby would sleep there with him.

So they got all dolled up. Now big Man, he always just wore whatever Sweet Baby told him he was wearin', that was the easiest thing ta do, just go along.

So he put on the Levis, and the black shirt, but damn if she didn't have a black tie out for him too, when he asked her why she just smiled n said, "Because I think you look hot in it." So he put it on right quick cuz like I told ya three hundred an forty five billion times, Daryl Dixon ain't an idiot. An it was all topped with a Levi jacket.

She had on a black lace number, little short pants it was, showin' off damn near every inch a her pretty white legs, tight at the waist with a little belt, an the top was kinda tight an the lace there on her arms an top a her chest was see through. And she had on some high heel sandal things, damn. Well the whole thing was gettin' Young Dixon every manner a hot n bothered.

All he could say was, "Sweet Baby these new Levis just got too tight in the crotch."

She just laughed and said, "Oh Daryl you're so funny."

And he said, "Ain't tryin' ta be funny, tryin' ta get ya in the sack."

"Oh you're going to get your sack time Big Man, after you buy me a few drinks."

"Okay but suck 'em down fast."

They met up with Merle and Cindy down there in the lobby, same as always. Cindy would not a disappointed ya boys n girls. Yep, skirt was plumb up ta her ass cheeks, heels ta the sky, titties fightin' their way outta her shirt. Now what ya may not expect was Cindy had glitter all over them titties. I know, I know, she may have been just a hair too old for that shit, an maybe a couple a years too late, but Merle thought she was the hottest thing breathin' air, so I doubt she gives a fuck what y'all think.

They moseyed on into Hard Times just about the same time the whole dang crew did. Everyone was all manner of excited an proud ta help Tyrese an Prudence celebrate their nuptials.

Speakin' a the newlyweds, Tyrese was sittin' at a table over there in the corner, an tiny little Prudence was perched there on his lap, an damn if his hand wasn't up the back a her skirt. But its' okay now kids, they're married. It's legal.

But that isn't what had everyone's attention, ain't like they never had seen a man with his hand up his woman's skirt before, although they did enjoy watchin' the fun unfold, but sumthin' else no one had seen comin' was unfoldin'. What that was it was Rosita was not behind the bar with Big Abe, no sir she was not. The woman that was, well it was Sasha who everyone remembered was goin' with Bob, but when they saw Abraham grab a handful of her butt cheek give it a squeeze an her neck a nuzzle, well they figured Bob was outta the picture. But where the fuck was Rosita?

They was all figurin' that hot Latina would be walkin' in any minute an she'd kill Abe n Sasha both, 'cept for then they noticed Rosita over in the far corner, an she was settin' on the lap a that handsome young man from the bank where they all kept their dough, yeah, it was the Vice President, Spencer.

(I am a fuckin' master of the run on sentence, an I'm proud kids.)

So now everyone did the only thing a person can do when they find themselves caught in a situation such as this, that's right, they begin to drink a lot, an fast. Okay yeah, fine, they'd a done that anyway, but now they had another reason 'sides celebratin' the fact that what Tyrese an Prudence was doin' now had the seal of approval of the Great State of Georgia.

And the jukebox played an Tyrese did dance a slow one with his bride, an Young Dixon n Sweet Baby got a little down n dirty durin' that one. And Spencer n Rosita was doin' a pretty damn fine job a rubbin' their nether regions all over one another while they was dancin', so a course Abe had ta cop a feel a Sasha so the universe stayed in balance an all.

Y'all know how it goes.

So now that's how the evenin' went. Plenty a drinkin', plenty a sneaky touchin' n feelin', plenty a right in yer face we ain't shy touchin' n feelin' an all manner a great good times at the Hard Times.

Yeah, like that. Well, until an over-served Rosita moseyed up ta the bar, looked right at Sasha an said, "Give me a fuckin' Tequila and put it on Big Red's tab, Puta." Holy Mother of us all, that's right boys n girls, the fight was on.

Sasha she was over that bar an on Rosita faster than a speedin' bullet, an they wasn't screwin' around kids, they was throwin' blows! An damn, Spencer apparently was not well versed in the etiquette of barroom chick fights, cuz damn if he didn't try ta intervene an try n pull Sasha offa Rosita, which meant then a course, Abe he had ta pull Spencer offa Sasha who had hold a Rosita's hair.

Now all a this particular mayhem, well yeah it caused the most gentle giant in all the Great State of Georgia ta rise up from his chair, set his sweet new wife Prudence down real careful like, an go over and grab a hunk a the back a Abe's shirt an a hunk a the back a Spencer's shirt an declare, "Listen ya dumb asses, this here is my weddin' day ain't gonna have it be spoiled by no dumb fuckers like y'all."

Now that was fine an everythin' but in the meantime the women was still goin' at it. Wasn't no way Tyrese was breakin' that shit up. So Young Dixon, he got his ass over the the bar so he could flip the switch n start the Star Spangled Banner playin', ya know, ta break this muther up. But in his haste he hit the wrong switch an Dixie started up. Well hell, down here in the Great State a Georgia Dixie works every bit as good as the National Anthem ta get everyone's attention.

Spencer he picked Rosita up an threw her right over his shoulder an walked right outta Hard Times with her. Abe went back ta his rightful location behind the bar. Sasha excused herself ta the ladies room, an Older Dixon, Young Dixon, Cindy and Sweet Baby all did two fast shots a fireball each, just ta calm their nerves, strictly medicinal. An they headed on back ta the fancy hotel.

Daryl carried her over the threshold a their room, just cuz he could an he thought it was kinda sexy an she did too, he slammed that door shut behind him with the back a his foot, an he got her clothes off like he was goin' for the world record an she had his belt off an his pants down in no time t'all, and before ya know it kids, they was a touchin' an a feelin' an a kissin' an a lickin' an a suckin' an a nibblin' an a pinchin', an they was sliddin' offa the bed an Daryl was not one bit worried about how much that lamp n that clock radio was gonna cost him.

And at least as far as the Dixon's was concerned, the evenin' ended with a couple a glorious moments.

Yep.

But that ain't what I come ta tell ya. What I come ta say is if ya decide ya don't wanna be with someone no more, well that's how it goes, sometimes ya just ain't feelin' it n whatnot. But shit, try n not be an asshole about it. Sheesh Abe, ya was a real dickhead ta Rosita.

A/N Kids, we need to talk. Don't panic. First, if you follow me, you know I have four other fics I'm doing right now, all of which update weekly. So, we're not abandoning Diet, but since it's not a plot-based fic, and requires the narrator be in a particular frame of mind and three sheets to the wind, please don't expect it updated weekly. I won't abandon these Dixons, they're too much fun, we'll be back at least once a month.

I want to give a special shout out to my friend jamiesnowsmith for providing all of us with a very accurate and damned funny description of childbirth.

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Ya know I love all y'all! Thanks so much and please comment xo